My parents had extremely high expectations of me.  They considered me to be a genius and expected me to bring my abilities to some kind of fruition without any emotional or other kind of support.  At the same time, I was constantly humiliated, criticized, not taken seriously or ignored as I was growing up.  At the time of my NDE I felt that I wasn’t adjusting to college life and just couldn’t go on anymore.

Someone had given me some Valium, and I was aware that if it’s taken with alcohol, it could be deadly. I didn’t know how much Valium or how much alcohol it would take, and I didn’t intend to kill myself, but I took them both and simply didn’t care whether I lived or died. 

I put on a record of depressing music on replay and laid down on my bed to go to sleep, not knowing if I would ever wake up.   Some voices came into my head, voices that were familiar and that I had an ongoing relationship with throughout my life.  They were always there when I called on them, giving me advice, guidance, answering questions, etc.  Now they came to me and did something I wasn’t expecting.  Usually I would ask them for what I needed, I would initiate the interaction, but this time they took the initiative.  

I started to see scenes from my childhood, scenes of the suffering I had been through.  I was aware of their presence as I witnessed the events, and I was aware of their sympathy and compassion for my suffering.   Afterwards, I told them, "This is too hard. I just can’t do this any more."  I could feel their compassion and concern.  But they told me, "You have things to do."  "What do I have to do?"  I asked them.  They said, "You’ll see."  I asked them again to tell me what I had to do but they wouldn’t say.  They also showed me other scenes.  I remember seeing my brother as crippled.  I don’t remember what the other scenes were.  

Eventually I woke up and turned off the music.  The next day I saw my therapist and told her what had happened.  She was actually very open and accepting of what I told her.  It seemed as though she had some frame of reference for it. She even asked me if I had seen the pearly gates! (I hadn’t.)  Although she realized I was close to death, I didn’t realize myself until many years later that this was an NDE.