These NDE accounts were submitted to our website and are published here anonymously. Minor edits have been made to protect the identity of the experiencer and others who may have been involved with the experience. Note to researchers and authors: IANDS cannot grant permission to publish quotations from these NDE accounts because we have not received permission from the NDE authors to do so. However, we advise authors who wish to use quotations from these accounts to follow the Fair Use Doctrine. See our Copyright Policy for more information. We recommend adopting this practice for quotations from our web site before you have written your book or article.
I was 10 years old in 1981. My parents had just gotten a divorce and now mom was trying to pick up the pieces. Being the adventurous type, she liked to take my six year old brother and I on hikes in the mountains and day trips to the beach, when she could get the time off work.
On this day, it was one of those in early autumn. We drove up the scenic coastal Highway 101 from Los Angeles to Malibu in her “Vega Beast,” although the car didn’t seem to embarrass her in the least. She even brought along a first time date to join the fun. I remember he had wavy blonde hair and a strong chin, although he wasn’t very tall. It is strange to remember a perfect stranger on a day like this.
It was nearing sunset when we arrived at Zuma Beach. A slight breeze blew off the ocean as wispy clouds idled by in the milky blue sky. The beach didn’t have any other visitors for miles around, it seemed. We played some games in the sand. Before long I decided to put my feet in the water. The Pacific felt surprisingly like bathwater in contrast to the slight chill from the breeze against my skin. But the surf didn’t crash and roll onto the sand as usual. Oddly enough, there wasn’t any real white water to speak of. I recall it being soupier, like tipping a soup bowl back and forth and swishing it around.
Our little group stayed reasonably close as we frolicked in the shallows, up to our knees in water. It really felt good and I wanted to go in deeper, even if I didn’t have any extra clothes to change into. I was about six or seven feet farther out than the others, now up to my thighs, when I felt an undertow of current pull on me. I didn’t resist and stepped forward, only to find that there wasn’t any ocean floor to steady me! Suddenly, I was swallowed up and sucked down into a vacuum of swirling water where I couldn’t touch the bottom anymore. I rolled upside down, round and round as if I were trapped in a washing machine, before being slammed against the sea bottom face-first. To my utter shock and surprise, Zuma Beach had zoom zoomed, IE crash-landed me into an unseen sandbar! Before I could react, the unimaginable happened.
In a blink of an eye, my whole point of view distinctly changed. As abruptly as I became a dizzy, unfocussed mess of chaos underwater, now I found myself floating calmly above my body, invisible and in a state of hyper-awareness. I was positioned about one story high above my body with remarkable and instantaneous ability to see panoramic, 360 views of the surrounding areas and the horizon. I could see everything all at once, like an all-seeing eye with only the desire needed to focus on any one specific thing. It was as though I could see through dozens of eyes wrapped around my head like a crown. But I had no form, no shape, and no color. I saw through myself like I was just air.
I focused on the body below as it continued to be pummeled by the water rather turbulently, and I realized it was mine. I felt like I owned it as a child owns a novelty toy; to be played with and easily discarded. However, I didn’t remember who the people were standing around the perimeter of the body. And it didn’t matter to me at all. I could care less who they were. In fact, there was no emotional connection to my body, or to my mom and brother. I doubt I would have cared about them even if I had remembered who they were at that moment. I remember feeling such acute amusement towards my body, watching it flap around like a piece of meat being ripped apart by some hungry animal.
I had total and complete amnesia about my 10 years of mortal life lived on earth. I couldn’t even recall the language I spoke, nor did I need it to form intelligent thoughts and opinions about what I perceived. I could reason and think using concepts and abstract ideas.
To explain the emotional state I was experiencing outside of my body is most difficult. There was such a “disconnect” from the memories of my life; but truth be known, I felt more alive and energized than ever before. Not only did I exist outside of earth’s gravitational pull, but the freedom from gravity and the emotional buoyancy, the carefree weightlessness of soul was almost indescribable.
It was weightless in more than one way. I was acutely aware of being weightless from all the cares and concerns that living within a linear dimension produces. I was literally “off the grid.” There were no ties to other people, no promises to be kept, no guilt from “sin” or failing to live up to some standard, no pressure to perform or learn how to conform to a society, no need to go to school or work, no need for acceptance, food or basic human needs for survival. I cannot adequately describe how being separated from those burdens made me feel. Without being yoked to those unspoken worldly weights, my reality was profoundly affected. It brought me such…ELATION!!! I was inflated with elation and wanted to fly away like a balloon up to the clouds. That was my last thought before being slammed back into the body 25 seconds later (time according to mom).
All the colors of the sky--the sunlight as it bathed the Malibu hillside, the clouds reflecting twilight oranges, reds, pinks and purples, gold and dusty browns, the color of the sea in all its wondrous hues of blues and greens, the sand on the beach, the cars on the highway, even the colors of the bushes, palms and trees---were all magnified, more crisply acute to me during those timeless moments, more than ever before and even ever since. The audio sensation was a part of the experience, but in a much less dramatic way. It seemed much less important to hear what was going on around me rather than to see it all.
With a child-like playfulness of spirit, I made the decision to depart the scene and go upwards. I didn’t see any “tunnel,” nor were there angels beckoning my soul to heaven. In fact there were no other spirits to witness, but then again I hadn’t left this dimension yet either. In the split millisecond before I zoomed away, I heard a terrible shrill scream erupt from my mom. She screamed my name out. And in an instant, I found myself back inside my drowning body.
My lungs were on fire. My head pounded against the sandbar’s shelf and my body felt like dead weight, anchored to the ocean floor. Instinctively, I dug my fingers into the sand and crawled blindly in the swirling, wet chaos. Then the water seemed to recede enough for my head to surface. My mom screamed again as she saw my head come up and she waded over to help me up. Five minutes later, as I laid on the sand trying to compose myself, I began to weep uncontrollably.
At 10 years old, I experienced an epiphany. Now I knew it as a fact that there is life after death. I had already learned and heard about the human spirit through my parents’ religion, Scientology. What a wonder! There is part of humanity that can live independently of, dare I say thrive outside of the flesh, outside of time, and never die. I made an oath to myself there on that twilit beach. I would never come back and live inside a body again, “IF” I had any choice in the matter.
Now I am 40 and my life has never been the same. That experience confirmed my eternity. However, it also opened up a “Pandora’s Box” to so many other unanswered questions that I now look to my faith for. I cannot be satisfied with the religious status quo. A belief system, a world-view acquired solely through people, society and literature does not satisfy me. There is too much at stake. My eternity and where I will spend it is just as important to me as my present life here on earth. Or perhaps even more so now that I intimately KNOW my consciousness does not just fade away or black out after physical death.
I experienced total 100% blockage of a main artery, resulting in cardiac arrest while in the ER and while actually talking to the doctor and describing the symptoms to him. While unconscious and dead, I had the sensation of being in a car hurling down the road, out of control, unable to stop and unable to move. It felt like my arms were pinned at my sides and I could not move or otherwise stop or slow down the car. All around me was white. There were no trees, houses or people, just nothingness. I wasn't passing anything and there wasn't anything to pass. It was just white all around me. It was like I was hurling forward out of control on a vast road that had no boundaries on either side. There was no other traffic; there was nothing else but me and the only sensation was the hurling forward. And then suddenly I was awake and I was looking up at my wife and I said that I thought I had passed out. (I thought I had had some sort of weird dream.) She told me that I had died in the ER, my heart had stopped, and that the doctor had brought me back.
I was not a religious person, but this experience opened my eyes to a world of possibilities. Later, when I returned to the emergency room to thank those who had saved my life, I felt like a ghost returning to the scene of his death. They did a write-up of the event in the local hospital newsletter and I felt sort of like one who was reading his own obituary. Now I know there is much about this world that I do not understand; there are answers far beyond my ability to even fathom the questions.
On a summer day while my father was on vacation, he announced that he was going to go fishing in the Brazos River. I begged to go along so I could play in the water while he fished. I had four neighborhood friends and asked if they could go with us. We all piled into the car and dad drove us to the river.
Upon arriving at the river, we moved 30 or 40 yards away from where dad was fishing and ran into the water. After playing in the water for about an hour, my dad announced that he was going to move upstream, and told us to go with him. We began wading upstream as he walked along the bank. Out of the five boys, only one friend of mine and I didn’t know how to swim. As we were wading upstream, I was following about 10 yards behind everyone else. Suddenly I stepped into a hole and went under. It happened so quickly that I didn't have time to get a breath of air before going under.
I started fighting to get up to the surface, and was swallowing water. When I broke through the surface, I began spitting out water, but didn't get a breath of air before going under again. I again struggled to the surface and started spitting water, but went under again before getting a breath of air. This struggle repeated several times, and I was getting desperate for air. I was also getting very tired from the struggle. As I struggled in the water, I became very angry at myself because I could not make myself take the necessary breaths of air during the many short times I was above water. Finally I became so doggedly tired that I quit struggling and gave up.
Immediately everything went into slow motion, and my movements seemed to be so agonizingly slow, just as we see on TV or in movies. I became aware of my arms and legs moving at an agonizingly slow pace to the point of being insignificantly effective. At this point I was aware of rising up out of my body. I looked at my body as it was struggling, and I was unconcerned about being in two places at the same time. Actually I wasn't in two places. I was up here, and my body was down there. I was looking at my body as it struggled in the water, but I was up here and didn't feel any struggle or water on me at all. I then began rising further and when I rose to about 10 feet above the water I stopped and sort of hovered there. I was amazed that I was here above the water, and also that I was no longer in pain from struggling and swallowing too much water, nor was I exhausted from the previous struggle below.
As I pondered my situation, I became aware of a sphere of light about 20 feet away. It was suspended at my height and was very, very bright. It was about the size of a basketball and the light seemed to swirl around within its confines, similar to smoke swirling in air, yet it emitted very bright rays of light.
Suddenly, in the very center of the light, I saw a small pure black speck. For some reason, I was intensely concentrating on that speck. As I stared at it, it moved toward me and zoomed out bigger until it was the same size as I was, and Jesus appeared from it and stood before me. I immediately raised my hands as if to shield myself from Him, and told Him to get away from me.
He was a pure, holy being, and I was not worthy of being in His presence. I was a mere mortal person and contaminated with the sinful nature of this physical world. He extended his hand toward me, and my sense of guilt or unworthiness evaporated. He stood before me in all his majestic glory. He appeared to have a rich golden complexion and he radiated golden light in every direction. Light travels at slightly more than 186,000 miles per second and we cannot see its' speed with our physical eyes, but I could see this glorious light radiating outward from him in all its majestic glory. My grasp of the English language cannot do justice to the beautiful radiance that emanated from him. Not only could I see this light, but I seemed to receive spiritual energy from it. This light that carried Jesus' love, wisdom, and grace, radiated outward in every direction, and seemed to penetrate my soul. I looked down at my body, and I was as purely white as the freshly driven snow. He stood before me with his long hair and beard, and wore the clothes that we see in paintings and drawings of him, those worn in his time here on earth 2000 years ago.
Although I don't remember the exact words, he spoke to me. He in effect said, "Fear not. Be at peace." His voice was moderately loud and very melodious. I have been very hard of hearing since infant-hood, and have always struggled with hearing and speech. I struggled to attend school and pass my classes. My poor hearing affected my association with teachers and classmates, and I barely passed my exams and advancement to the next grade levels. But, when Jesus spoke to me, I heard him very succinctly and clearly. His voice was very melodious and sounded like music to my ears.When He spoke to me, his lips did not move. When I spoke to him, my lips did not move. It's like we spoke through Extra Sensory Perception (ESP). Another strange experience was when I wanted to speak to him. As soon as I thought of what I wanted to say, he heard me before I could even speak out to him. It was as if he was reading my mind. All of our communicating was done in this manner.
At this point a large gigantic screen appeared before us. This screen was so large that I compare it to the size of the old drive in theater screens that are no longer around these days. He and I were situated close to the screen, so it was very large. On this screen were many scenes being played out, that were experiences of what had happened during my short life here on earth. There were so many scenes being played on the screen that it was as if my whole life was recorded there. The scenes were in random order, and no two consecutive scenes were in any way related to each other. It has been said many times that when we die, our whole life flashes before our eyes. This was what was happening to me. When Jesus brought my attention to a scene, it zoomed out until it almost filled the screen, but I was aware of some other scenes still active around the fringes of the scene that was now the center of our conversation.
As we watched the main scene that was active before us, He asked me questions about what had happened. He asked me why I had lied to my mother. He asked me why I had pulled my sister's hair. He asked me why I threw rocks at my dog. He asked me why I pulled my neighbor's cats' tail. We viewed many scenes where I had told someone a lie. I saw many scenes, including scenes where I was bullying someone, scenes where I had been at fault in insulting someone, and scenes where I had torn someone's clothes just for the spite of it. In every scene that we reviewed, he reiterated to me that I had seriously done something that was wrong, or that I had done an extraordinarily good thing.
As we discussed each scene, I had to answer to him and explain why I had acted as I did at that time. In explaining my actions in all the scenes, I was aware that I had done something very wrong, and when I tried to put a little spin in my answer to lessen the seriousness of my actions, he immediately stopped and corrected me. In scenes where I had done something good, he praised me profoundly. Jesus has a great sense of humor. In scenes where something funny happened, he laughed heartily and happily. In totality, the number of scenes that involved good actions on my part was significantly smaller than the ones where I had done something wrong. I knew I was in trouble with him. In fact, I was now really terrified that I would be condemned to hell.
Suddenly the screen went away and He took my hand and we began gravitating at a tremendous speed through a tunnel. The walls, ceiling and floor of this tunnel seemed to be actively churning, the same way you see smoke churning in the air above an open fire, except this was denser. As one travels down a road at high speed, the trees, power line poles, and anything else that is stationary along the road, seem to flash by in a blur as you go past them. In this tunnel, there was no sense of blur. It was as if the walls, ceiling and floor was actually moving with me at high speed, yet I had no sense that the tunnel itself was moving. I cannot describe the walls, ceiling and floor except to say that the word "Firmament" as used in the book of Genesis is the best description. As I took in these observations about the tunnel, I became aware that much time was elapsing as we sped along so quickly. I then looked ahead and saw a light far ahead of me. I thought, "Aha! We're getting there finally!" But Suddenly, I wasn't there anymore!
One of my friends swam under me and in reaching for me, had brushed my foot with his hand. At that instant, I was back in my body in the water. I was again fighting for air and struggling desperately to the surface of the water. My friend swam under me and came up between my legs and raised me to the surface and started swimming toward shore. As I gasped for breaths of air, it was the sweetest tasting air I had ever breathed. As he swam a short distance with me on his back, I realized that he was now starting to struggle too. I realized that I was going to drown him if I continued to weigh him down, so I slid one leg over him and slid off into the water. As my feet touched the river bottom, he came up gasping for air. We both struggled to shore and collapsed on the bank. I immediately began vomiting up the river water I had swallowed in the struggle. I had swallowed so much water that my stomach was stretched to the limit and it was causing me to vomit, over and over again. I must have vomited water 15 times or more, and then began dry heaving another 10 or 15 times. I was in truly agonizing pain all over my body. My muscles were dog-tired from the struggle, my stomach, from the stretching by the excess water, and the long bout of vomiting and heaving. I remained sore for two weeks afterward. My father decided we had been through too much for the day and took us all home.
As I reflected on the experience in the next days and weeks, I never once remembered the scenes with Jesus, or the traveling through the tunnel. The only thing I could remember was that my whole life had flashed before my eyes. About thirty years later I was reading about someone in a newspaper article who had a near-death experience, and some of the scenes he described seemed to jog my memory. After some reflection, I realized that I had suffered so much shock at the time that I had suffered Post Traumatic Stress syndrome, and could not recall the scenes. Only after searching my mind over many weeks and months did it slowly come back to me.
Recently I purchased a book by P.M.H. Atwater on near-death experiences as it sounded intriguing. While reading through the book, particularly the characteristics of near-death experiencers, I was perplexed. Most of the characteristics sounded like a description of my life. I even commented to my best friend, "Isn't it strange that my life experiences are so closely aligned with those who’ve had near-death experiences, yet I've never had one?"
Over the weeks as I made my way through the book, my fascination grew. One day, while reading the story of a child experience, I felt like a thunderbolt hit me: I remembered an incident from my childhood that I had forgotten all about!
I was fully awake when my heart stopped beating and my last breath passed my lips.
In the spring of 2003, a genetic time bomb went off and my body’s time came to an end. The moment of death was upon me at age 53 and I found it a curious thing indeed. People around me grew quite excited but an untroubled calm came over me, carrying me further and further away from the scene, as if moving me to an invisible but familiar place just sideways to where my body lay. The sirens of the ambulance were soft and melodic, the questions of the emergency room doctors sounded like a different language.
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