These NDE accounts were submitted to our website and are published here anonymously. Minor edits have been made to protect the identity of the experiencer and others who may have been involved with the experience. Note to researchers and authors: IANDS cannot grant permission to publish quotations from these NDE accounts because we have not received permission from the NDE authors to do so. However, we advise authors who wish to use quotations from these accounts to follow the Fair Use Doctrine. See our Copyright PolicyPolicy for more information. We recommend adopting this practice for quotations from our web site before you have written your book or article.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:29 pm:
My mother was recuperating from a hysterectomy. While she was in the hospital for a week, I took care of my siblings. I did not eat properly, nor sleep like I should have while Mom was in the hospital; I was always anemic as a child. I believe this lead to my NDE. In 1967, I got up at 4 A. M. to help my mother prepare breakfast for my father who worked in the oil fields. Just as I was getting ready to put water into the coffee pot, I was suddenly overcome by extreme nausea that made me want to go lay down. Just as I was exiting the kitchen, my Mom was entering the kitchen.
I told her I was feeling very sick and then suddenly everything turned black. I was still conscious (I think) and I knew I was dying. I started calling for Jesus to not let me die. I was very frightened. Suddenly a small, bright light appeared far off and then it got closer to me until I was enveloped in this light. I felt so much love and peace. The light spoke to me and told me I was not going to die; that I just needed to go to sleep for a little while. I then started feeling extremely cold; I felt my soul or life leave my body. It floated from my feet, out the top of my head. I felt like I was floating upwards through the universe. It was very dark and I looked around to see if there was anyone else around me. I did not see anyone and I thought to myself "am I dead.”
Then suddenly I was back in my body. My father was holding me in his arms as I lay on the couch and was crying. My siblings were also standing around me. At the moment my soul was back in my body there was a yellow veil (that is the best way I can describe it) around my family. The yellow veil disappeared after a minute or two and I felt fine. That morning when the sun rose I went outside to sit and contemplate what had happened to me. Soon as I stepped outside I noticed immediately that the sky was so blue and more vivid than I had ever seen it, and the trees were so beautiful, and the green was also more vivid than I had ever seen. It felt like I was seeing the world for the first time. This experience left me happy and scared. Happy because I knew that Jesus was the light I saw, but yet I felt insecure about my life. I wondered if I would die again and there was so much life I wanted to experience. I also felt something extraordinary had happened to me. I was scared to tell anyone about this experience for fear they would think I was crazy. I could hardly believe what happened myself. I have always known somehow that my NDE was God's answer to a prayer that I had said a few months before. In my prayer I asked God to give me a sign that he was real and the Bible was the truth, otherwise I was going to commit suicide. I have had so many supernatural things happen to me since then. I feel like I am filled with love and compassion like Jesus and God is, and I also learned from my NDE that God is compassionate, and that Love is the most important thing in this life.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:28 pm:
When I was 7 ½, I experienced a trauma in my family and reacted by sitting in a chair and going into a deep state of letting go and had an out of body experience, I remember wondering “If this was an okay thing to do?” and then I just knew it was. Then I looked at the door of the room I was in to “see” if anyone was coming into the roo,m and I “knew” there was not. The experience lasted for a period of time which I cannot determine how long. Then I returned to my body. This became a habitual past time for me and I enjoyed the experienced very much and generally stayed in the room that I was in. Eventually, I decided to go out of the house and down the street to “see” what my friends were doing. I did not know how to do this except that I knew that I had to set my intention and then let go of my wants with regards to “going” any where.
Then I went into a deep meditation (which I did not know this word when I was young). Then I “went” farther and I cannot describe any thing about it except that it was darkish grayish and I thought that it went on forever, and I was going far far far and fast fast fast. I forgot about where I was going and just went along for the ride. I was aware of my form. Then I stopped because “I knew” someone knew I was there. I opened up really big and put all my instincts on edge, and then I saw something which I did not know what it was. I was not afraid, but incredible attracted to it. It was moving and undulating and flowing and powerful, incredibly powerful. When I grew up, I thought about how this looked very much like a nebula I saw pictures of, only with movement. I was incredibly attracted to it. I was breathless and drawing as near to it as I could. It was coming closer and closer to me and getting more and more powerful. I felt that I would go into it and it would consume me; I was not afraid, I wanted with all my being this to happen. Then I heard a woman’s voice say in the most gentle voice I have ever heard, “Far enough child!” Then a Light came from where I perceived the voice came from and it got between me and the “Thing.” I could still see the “Thing” and then the Light got thicker and thicker and covered the space between me and the “Thing.” Then I was in and surrounded by a pure white starlight bright Light. Before I could get my bearing, I saw a woman come out of the Light and then I asked, “Who are you?” and she said gently, “God.” I thought about how it was that Jesus was supposed to be God and this was a woman! So I said, “Naaahhhh”. She said, in an incredibly gentle voice, “Uh huh”. And I just knew she was. Then she asked me if I would like to sit on her lap and I thought, ”Golly, I better do it because I might never get another chance like this.” And so I did and we talked about a bunch of stuff, and that is when she asked me where I was going. I told her and then she said that it was okay to do what I was trying to do, but that it was “indiscreet” to do that without other people knowing you were doing it (going to see them when you were out of your body). I knew she meant that spying was impolite. And I thought, “Well, heck if you can’t be the invisible girl and go around peeking at what people were up to, what good was it?”
So I never had any out of body experiences again, because I thought they were useless. But I did go back to “Heaven” a number of times over the next year. It was always the same. I would sit in my favorite chair, a big overstuffed red mohair easy chair, and go into deep meditation and go see “Her”. After these experiences, I would cry and laugh and cry and laugh, because I was so happy to see her and be there and then cry because I was so sad to leave “Heaven”. Eventually she told me she would put me to sleep so I would forget her and not be there because “Many would follow the path to God and I was not to do this, I was to live life fully”. And I cried and cried and she comforted me and gave to me some “gifts.” I told her, “She could make me go to sleep if she wanted (I knew she could do anything!) but She could never never never make me forget her”, and I never did. I also knew that I would become very sick when I was in my early fifties and that I would rely on God to get through it and when that happened, I did. I had a series of near death experiences which are quite difficult to express. I also “grew up spiritually”, that is to say that prior to my fifties, I clung to a child’s interpretation of my experiences with absolute faith. Which I still have, but it is a much much more expansive understanding of "That which is.” And this is very tiring to write about and express and I cannot continue today, but if you are interested in more of my experiences I can try later.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:27 pm:
I must first tell you neither am I an experienced drug user, nor have ever used drugs in my life until recently - an experimental period, if you will. At any rate, I was drunk and decided to try the drug, ecstasy. That was a mistake. It must have a been an hour after the drug took effect that I had my experience. If I try to discuss it with my friends, they would tell me that I was hallucinating. I can tell you, I wasn't. I was sitting in my hallway trying to fight what was about to happen - I even managed to get a pad of paper and a pen to write down my experiences so I wouldn't forget them - I wanted to remember every emotion, every vision, every feeling I had. I was unable to write until after.
Darkness and silence filled my head and I could actually feel my heart stop. Cardiac arrest? I've never experienced utter fear and the possibility of total peace in one breath. If I could draw a picture - it would have to be illuminated - even the dark had an iridescent glow to it. In the middle of my view was a very bright, golden light - it was tall and narrow. To the right of the light stood four people. I couldn't see their faces; I just knew one of them was my Grandmother who recently passed away. She was the communicator. I get the feeling that another was a man and the other two were children. My Grandmother's voice was distorted, but peaceful and inviting. I was torn between going with them (the peaceful feeling) and the terrifying feeling of leaving my immediate family behind. Once I thought of my family, I panicked right away. I saw my Mother screaming and my sisters crying. Fantastic depression, even devastation, aren't strong enough words to describe how they felt - and I actually shared their grief. I felt so guilty, mortified, and ashamed of myself for dying. How could I leave my family like that? How could I leave them from doing a stupid drug? I refused to let them down. I started ignoring the light and saying, "No, no, no I am not ready to die. I am too young. I want to have a family. I want to live. Please, heart, start beating. I do not want to die.” I was begging God to let me live for a very long time. I remember breathing so hard to make my heart beat again. (I actually woke someone up out of a sleep.) Next thing you know, the light faded and it felt like something "sucked" me back into my body like a vacuum. All the sound came back. My surroundings were visible.
I just thanked God that I was alive and immediately started writing things down. Reviewing what I wrote - it scares me. I wonder if it was a life lesson - or a near death lesson. I did something stupid and irresponsible and it was God's way of showing me how my actions would affect my family. This is not a confession, but a true experience. My emotional status has changed. I seem to cry more than usual. I certainly think about this all the time. I'm just glad I'm alive and that other people have experience this too.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:26 pm:
When I was 28, I had just divorced an extremely abusive husband. He was abusive mentally and physically. My marriage had been a nine year nightmare. But he still wouldn't leave me alone. He would come around and force himself on me and I became pregnant. I already had three daughters to take care of and although I loved them dearly, I didn't want still another child to raise by myself. A friend had told me that if I took a certain substance it would make me miscarry. Not knowing how much to take, I had been taking strong doses of it all during the day. By bedtime, nothing had happened, so I took what was left and went to bed.
I woke up sometime in the middle of the night sitting straight up in bed. A huge, round, white light was moving away from me until it became just a pinpoint in the distance. I got up and walked around a little bit thinking about the light, knowing I had not miscarried and was not going to, and feeling strangely happy. I went back to bed and slept until morning. Just the light is all I can remember of the experience, but I think I was told to have this child, or I decided to have the child on my own, or it was simply meant to be. But I began to look forward to the birth and felt a peace about it from that morning on.
I had a son and I can't imagine my life without him. I love him dearly. My whole perspective on life had changed. I had a deeper understanding of EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. I had never heard of NDEs or the light until years later when I began to read on the subject. As soon as I read about the light, I remembered that experience and was thankful that someone stopped me from doing what I had set out to do.
Another experience I had was in 1995. I had remarried and my husband became ill. His illness was fatal. He was a wonderful, kind and caring husband. During his illness, we became so close it was as if we were one. One week to the day after he died, I had gone to bed. When I was in that stage between waking and sleeping, I felt him put his arms around me from behind. I knew it was him; I knew I was lying in my bed in my bedroom. and I knew what was happening. I told him (in my mind) that I loved him so much and I was going to miss him so much. I felt him start to leave and I told him not to go yet, that I wasn't scared. And then I woke up. I lay there trying not to move. hoping he would come back. I knew what had just happened and I was so happy to know he still existed and I was more at peace about his death. I slept the rest of the night. I can remember every detail and will never forget it.
I hope this post isn't too long because I just remembered another experience. My younger sister (12 years younger) was having a baby at the age of 14. My mother was at the hospital with her and I was at work. I would call the hospital on my breaks to see how things were going. Having children of my own, I knew what she was going through and it was killing me. She was so young. The last time I called, my mom said it would be hours yet, so I went back to work. As I was sitting there, I felt a sense of relief and it was as if the sun had come out on a dark, cloudy day. I thought, "She has had the baby and it's over" and wrote down the time. And that was the exact time my nephew was born.
Thank you for letting me share my experiences with you.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:25 pm:
I was struggling with drug addiction. On this particular night I was in bed on my back experiencing the worst emotional and physical pain that I had ever known. I was a member of American Atheists and never prayed in my life. I called out "I can't take it anymore, I want to die.” At that moment, I felt something enter me and I began to be lifted out of my body. I realized that I was getting my wish and was dying. I panicked and spoke in my mind "Wait, I want another chance.” I was placed back in my body and the presence left, taking away all my pain, and leaving me with a sense of peace and comfort beyond words or experience. There was a flash of intense multicolored light in the corner of my room. I then drifted off into a peaceful sleep and woke up the next day knowing that there was a god.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:23 pm:
I had an accident involving head trauma led to an out of body/nde in 1989. During this experience, I believe that I experienced who I truly am - my higher self and its purpose. I felt connected to a powerful source - a oneness which is spiritual and more real than this bodily existence. I felt loved, understood, powerful and meaningful. I felt connected to all knowledge and had a sense of knowing about all life - past and future. I felt a most important purpose to my being both here and "there". I experienced a moment of clarity, which is living without fear or judgment, and how important it is to find this in ourselves - to be who we truly are. Following this experience my whole life changed - a wake up call - to get back on track. I formed a nonprofit organization, changed the direction of my life. I only want to experience, to learn, to teach, to love and to help. All other pursuits and details in life are hard to tolerate since this experience. I am concerned now about whether I am truly living up to my purpose and true self. I find myself wishing desperately for another connection to this experience. I have no fear of death - only of not living. Life in all form is the most precious and meaningful thing. I wish I could be more sure that I am doing all that I can to fulfill my purpose and to be helpful to all others. Hard to live in society as it is. Wish I were back in this experience.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:22 pm:
In 1998, I had a massive gastrointestinal hemorrhage due to acute liver failure. After 24 units of blood and near death, I walked out of the hospital. The 1st of April I was back in the hospital, with hepato-renal failure, sepsis, pulmonary hypertension, bilateral pleural effusions, hypoxemia, right heart failure with tricuspid valve regurgitation, on a ventilator, tubes in and out of my heart, liver, kidneys, stomach, and lungs. The doctors took me to the OR where a last ditch effort was attempted for a liver transplant. But the donor liver was found to be full of a fungal infection, so I was taken back to the ICU, in a coma, and given no hope for survival.
All of my family was called in; I was given last rites. While my brother prayed over my body I saw the most awesome and beautiful sight ever. I saw 100's of smiling faces, which were not man, nor woman, nor child. They had no facial hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, and did not open their mouths. They spoke to me, as in telepathy. They wore free-flowing, multihued, iridescent robes, and each one floated to and fro in the space surrounding me. Each one was engulfed in a phosphorescent blue-green, shimmering aura. I saw no wings as depicted in Angel pictures. One face I focused on, told me I must go back, for the world still needed me. I remember these words, "Go back, and do not be afraid. Peace you will have, and Faith you will know. Remember the feeling of this moment, and of the Love between you and God. You will have the Wisdom from God, so go forth and live and tell this to all who will listen, for there are many souls who need to hear your words." Then the darkness descended and the Angels faded away into a brilliant white light.
As I opened my eyes, I remembered what I had seen and felt. I cried from the overwhelming feelings of Love, Peace, Joy, Hope, and Wisdom I had just encountered. I am no longer afraid of Death. Each day I look to God and "My Angels" for their guidance. I face each day with strength, determination, and the will to go on living. And I can always see that bright light at the end and smile: I AM ALIVE!! My family has filled me in on the time when I was comatose and had slipped away into death for a few seconds. My brother who was praying over me, knew I had "passed on", but immediately felt a tremendous power come through him just before I opened my eyes after my experience. It has brought our family closer together. I still have thoughts racing through my mind, visions I do not understand, and coincidences that are uncanny. I am not afraid of anything, I was [afraid] before this happened to me. My years of being a nurse had given me an insight to near-death and actual death, and I have many stories of those that I can share also. I cared for my father and my stepfather at the times of their deaths, so I have seen it on every level, but none so profound as my own.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:21 pm:
It was a weekend and I went to a club with my friends. In this club, we got MDMA-Pills (XTC) and I took two of them. After a short time, my trip started and I felt very good because it was a good trip. I felt happy and a strong feeling of love and being loved. After a short while a friend of mine and I decided to leave the club to smoke a joint in his car.
After smoking, some kind of "supernatural" force pushed me into the seat. As I opened my eyes, the surrounding out of the car had turned into a thick brown mass or slime. Then the interior of the car vanished and many voices seem to talk to me, but I could not understand anything. My mind, by the way was all clear. Suddenly I felt something strange, something like a warm flux in the near of my solar plexus. I left my body for a short while just to return into the body of a soldier lying in hole on a battle field. I felt a strong pain in my right leg. The first time I was really frightened because it seemed so real to me. Everywhere were dead bodies, explosions and shots of automatic guns. After a short while, I left this body to return to my own. My friend sat the whole time besides me and he told me that I explained every detail to him during this experience. Since that experience, I got visions of the future sometimes, which proved themselves to be real.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:19 pm:
It was a few months after my boyfriend had killed himself. I was devastated and suicidal myself. He had brainwashed me into believing that we should both kill ourselves to be in a better place together. When he left me to be alone, I felt I had nowhere to go but to where he was. I bought a package of sleeping pills from a drugstore, thinking that it would be enough to kill me. I suppose if I was "meant" to die or that I subconsciously wanted to, I would have cleaned out the entire aisle. I drove my car to the top of a parking deck and swallowed the pills with some soda. I leaned the seat back and stared out of my window at the sky above. It was a beautiful afternoon, and the sky was filled with big, puffy clouds. I must have laid that way for some time. My fingernails had turned yellow underneath. I don't know what this meant.
Soon after that, I began to feel very heavy and could not move. The only thing that I could do was move my eyes and continue staring at those clouds. After a while, I felt my mind drifting away and it was as if I was among those clouds. It wasn't an out-of-body experience because I could still feel myself in my car and surroundings. I just kept drifting higher and higher past the clouds. It seemed as if there was an entire society of clouds up there. I felt presences, though not familiar ones. They were many of them and they seemed just beyond reach, past more clouds. I couldn't see them and they were communicating to me that I wasn't allowed to see them. I had to go back because that was where I belonged. I didn't feel any overwhelming emotions of any sort. It was very matter of fact, like someone telling you something tactfully. These presences sent me back to my car and I felt like I was "waking up".
I became very desperate to get out of this emaciated state. I looked towards a door in the parking deck, hoping that someone would emerge to help me. I tried to scream but couldn't. What felt like an eternity had passed. I just lay there and tried like hell to gain strength to move again. I don't know how on earth I did it, but I drove home. I slept off the rest of the pills and woke up a new person.
That was my last suicide attempt. It truly changed my life. Even if I'm depressed at times, I have so much comfort knowing that I am not supposed to die now. In the black void of feeling that terrible, something tells me that it is my job to stay alive, no matter how crappy I feel sometimes. Before this experience, I believed that suicide was an easy way out and OK. Now I have instincts that I never had before, telling me that it is NOT OK and that my life is full of other choices. The trick is finding the right one to bring myself out of a depressed funk. There is so much comfort knowing that I am not supposed to die and that I seal my own fate. That makes me feel incredibly full of worth and gives me an enormous sense of hope.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:18 pm:
When I was a young boy, me and some friends were sliding down a muddy bank, racing each other. Unfortunately, the end of bank ran into a back road. On one of these burn ups, I overshot the slide straight into the road into the path of an oncoming car. The car was travelling at about 30 to 35 mph. The outcome was, as you can imagine, not a good day out. I sustained two broken legs, one upper and lower, two broken ankles, and a bad back injury. I forget now the extent of that. Anyway, I remember bits and pieces of the journey to hospital and initially at the hospital.
I have no idea of the time scale. but at some point during or after my operation, I had what I can only describe as a major happening. I was in total light, absolute light I had no body just my mind <me>. I felt totally at peace. Then it wasn’t a voice as such, but it was communication in my head that asked me if I wanted to move on from this place. I was in another place same as this but better. Or if I wanted, I could go back. I did not hesitate. I wanted to stay with this place whatever it was; wild horses wouldn’t make me go back. For some reason or another, that wasn’t the answer they wanted. To cut a long story short, I was shown things about my future people. I would meet people that weren’t even born (it’s very hard to express this in written form) and what I had in store if I went back. So never being one to miss out on anything, I came back over the years. I’ve had an inner feeling that I was going to be all right, no matter how bad things got, or whatever scrapes I got myself into. They would sort themselves out. I was going to have a good life, and up to now that’s been spot on.
I’ll just tell you of one thing that’s happened since the accident. That’s proof to me. About four years afterward, I was about 17, me and some of my mates were at a youth disco. We sat at this table and there were two rather tasty girls dancing in front of us. One of my mates wanted me to come with him and chat them up. I declined. For some unknown reason, I knew, I just knew, that one of the girls would be my wife, but now wasn’t the time. Not just a girlfriend, but without question, destiny said “wife.” I had seen her before and after many times. We were married 11 years later and have a beautiful 4 year old girl. What happened to me is not something I shout about. I’ve only told three people, but it happened. I don’t feel blessed or religious either. It was at the time and to me now, a totally natural experience
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:17 pm:
I was at the local sauna with my wife, when about three to four minutes into it I began to feel real funny. My left arm became numb, and I kind of knew that if I didn't get out of there immediately that I would pass out. We had been doing the sauna thing for about a year and I was used to going in. My wife got me out and started applying cold wet towels to my head. I had trouble standing so I sat down in a deck chair. It was at this moment that things really started to go. I remember trying to keep conscious with all my will, but I was slipping. At that moment according to my wife, I let out the last breath of air, what she described as the death rattle.
What I experienced at the same time was, one there was no tunnel, at least of what I remember. I suddenly found myself in a waiting area, it was like a room with no dimensions, but filled with the beautiful light that has no source. I knew immediately that I was in place that I knew from a before. It was like going home. I remember the vibration was at a much higher rate, and it felt as though for the first time in a long time that I was completely free. I distinctly remember looking at my right hand, which was almost like an outline of a hand, but with almost a sparkle type of cast to it. I guess it wasn't a hand in the traditional sense, but something more beautiful. I also remember saying, or more like thinking, "What the hell happened? I must have died." I did not want to leave this place; I wanted to stay even though I had been married only a short while. I did not meet any deceased loved ones, but I felt they were coming to greet me. I cannot put into words the joy that I felt in my brief stay, but I will surely try to paint it. When I came back, it was painful. I felt the gravity, the wet coldness of the tile floor, the slowdown of the vibration, all of the things that this plane has to offer. My experience is as vivid today as it was over nine years ago.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:15 pm:
I never could describe it, but from 1993 -1996, I created an 18"x24" collage that's about as representative. (That was before I discovered computers; I have now reworked it a bit digitally from the original, though it's relatively the same as before.) I don't seem to follow the typical NDE pattern which explains the (?) above. I had a seizure of some sort related to medication and was in intensive care unconscious for a couple days. They released me on the third day, with no DX, and that evening I had this epiphany or whatever. If anyone's curious I will email it via jpg format, but the telling of it leaves me speechless. I can only say I emerged with a total understanding of the machinations of the universe and the phrase, "love is the answer, communication is the key."
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:12 pm:
In 1971, I was in an accident that left me clinically dead on the operating table. Prior to this experience, I had no belief in God or an afterlife. I was the mother of three sons, one that had died after being hit by a car. My son died one month prior to my accident.
I remember going into surgery. All of a sudden I was unable to breath. I fought to bring air into my lungs, then I felt a burning through the middle of my body, like a huge rope being pulled through me at a hundred miles an hour. A loud piercing noise was in my ears, and all of a sudden I felt myself passing into another realm and feeling peace. I didn't need to breathe. I saw myself pass by my husband and two sons, they were crying because I had died. I didn't want to leave them, then I felt peace again. They would be alright. I passed by four people that looked very somber. I felt they knew something was wrong. I was moving down a dark tunnel past these people who I did not know. I saw a door with extremely bright light beyond it. As I got close to the door, I felt an overwhelming peace. Such Joy and the thought that "There is no God.” All of a sudden the rope tore through the middle of my body again and the loud noise. Then all at once I knew, there is a God. I knew! it more than just understanding, I knew it with all that I was, in a way I really can not describe. I just knew it. The word peace really doesn't describe how I felt, but is as close as I can get. Perfect peace. Joy, perfect joy. A desire to pass beyond the door. Then like the floor falling out beneath you, I fell. I felt my heart stop, like it does when you know you are falling. I fell into total darkness. As I was falling, I felt the pain of burning all over my body. I was falling and burning and I knew I had fallen into hell. I knew I had a lifetime to believe in God and that I had chosen not to. I knew it was too late to do that now. I would fall and burn forever. I could hear others screaming, as I was. Falling, burning. I knew that no one knew we were there. We were lost forever. There was no escape and this was for eternity. Forever and ever and ever. Falling, burning. I screamed for God.,”I believe in you God", but no one could hear my cries.
Then it stopped. I felt breath come back into my lungs. I woke up in the ICU with nurses and doctors feverishly working on me. I heard myself scream, and I wanted to go back to the peace. Back to God. Why had I come back here? I felt God speak to me. ”Bring as many people to me as you can.” Later, my husband came in the room and I was still crying out. I died, I died and there is a God. My faith in God was renewed that day and has grown ever stronger each day. I know there is a hell and I know that God does exist. I also know that mankind doesn't want to admit that God allows people to go to hell. He doesn't, we do. We have a choice, and as I see people everyday wasting precious time, I just ask. Please find out. Don't be fooled by the notion that all is goodness and light. Search for the truth, don't be lazy. Your eternity is in your hands. If you ask God, he will save you. But you have to ask. Cry out today and I know that God will answer you. That's called prayer.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:10 pm:
I was under anesthesia, surgery on my neck. I was in black, real black. Then I was at the end of the black space. Mother Mary was there. I didn't see her, just knew it was her. I said I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Then I was in front of Jesus. I could almost see him but he became so, so bright. He was sitting next to Mary; I felt was standing. Jesus said, “Would you die to work for me?” I said “ye, I would die to work for you.” Then Jesus said, “You would die to work for me?” I said “yes, I would die to work for you.” Then I was told I had to go back. I said “no.” They said I had to. I said no again. They said Joe and Alice needed me. I said “I don't care I’m not going.” Then I was being pulled backwards from my back. I passed my dad and nephew. I started to laugh and said “that's all it was it's so simple.” Laughing and crying because I had to leave the ultimate love [that] no words can describe. I knew I was home then and had to leave.
By Anonymous on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 02:41 pm:
I don't remember seeing the light, the other side, or a tunnel. I remember feeling a tunnel inside my lower belly while at the same time I could not move my body. I remember compassionate voices always trying to help me understand the rage of the mother.
These compassionate voices became my parents when no other being here on earth would listen to me. I remember being hated by everyone, so I think that I must have talked about hearing voices. I don't remember.
I remember someone wanting to move me to fourth grade from the second grade, but that did not happen. I remember drawing exceptionally well, but being hated for it. The strangest thing is that I don't remember why everyone hated me so much. This caused me to be alone all the time. I cried all the time. The first time I remember wishing for suicide was at the age of 12. A compassionate voice said to me that "there is something better ahead," so I did not kill myself, but that did not stop me from wanting to. My childhood was hell.
At the age of 26, a voice told me to go talk to a man walking down the street. He led me to my first metaphysical book--Living the Infinite Way by Joel Goldsmith. After gaining goosebump after goosebump from this, I expanded to Edgar Cayce and the Seth books. I have read about 150-200 books on the new physics, channeling, angels, philosophy, and the mind/body effect.
After reading several books on instantaneous healings, I decided to practice prayer myself. I wished for it over and over, wondering what it would take to see an instantaneous healing, until one day I felt one. I saw a coworker fall down in agony holding his side. I called out to him to see if he wanted help. Then all of the sudden, I felt a huge quickening of my body. I must have been vibrating faster. I don't know what to call this, but I was different. I moved over to the man and put my hand on his side for a couple of seconds or minutes. Then the man jumped up, not in pain anymore. I was thrilled.
Your belief will heal you. The point of power is in the present. The Seth books are my favorite. I have tried healing myself, imagining wholeness several times since then with success. I have practiced with my son, Laughing, with success. I want him to know there is no such thing as a germ.
I want to go to the Hands of Light school in Florida because I want to be a professional. I want to teach everybody that we are all connected in a huge web of light and energy. I have read The Holographic Universe and Parallel Universes. Nobody has to talk me into believing in many levels of reality within this space right here and right now. Now is all there is. The spacious present.
Once I felt a light being enter my body and then say something inspirational. Twice I have felt small light beings close to me, like a child when I wake up; with the other one, I felt small foot prints walking away from me on my bed. I have never felt the temperature differences that people talk about.
I and my son live in section 8 housing with food stamps and TANF. I feel totally at a loss about how to get funding for an expensive school like the Hands of Light school. I have felt energy many times, in many ways. I feel like I am wasting away. I am overwhelmed at the energy I feel. I was not socialized as a child, so who am I going to talk to? Nobody understands NDEs or EHEs. There is not a support group in Austin. I have talked to many counselors. I have not found anyone that will even begin to understand.
I wish I was on the other side where there is unconditional love 100% of the time. I know I chose to be here, but I am stuck. I could go around wishing the best for everybody all the time, but I want someone to talk to, to be thrilled with. I need to share. I cannot find anyone to be thrilled with. Even people with Reiki certificates do not understand my thrill, the depth of the energy I have felt.
Help me not to feel so suicidal. I just want to go back home, or a Transpersonal school. I am so bored with Marketing classes at the local community college.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 09:14 pm:
In 1996, I was assaulted and left in critical condition. I don't remember any of this. It was just a normal Friday afternoon, and then I was on a gurney being held upside down, vomiting blood. I lost consciousness shortly after being put in the ambulance.
That's when I had my Death Experience. I purposely avoid referring to it as a Near Death Experience, because I have done much research on the matter. NDE's are most commonly characterized feeling the soul disconnect with the body, a tunnel of light, and seeing heaven, God, lost loved ones, etc. These sensations are easily explained both medically and psychologically. The soul leaving the body is a result of the combined effects of vivi-mortis and muscle relaxation, which occur when the function of the heart and lungs cease. Blood, like any liquid, naturally flows to the lowest possible point because of the pull of gravity, unless it is moved against gravity by a pump (the heart). When the heart stops, blood flows downward. This is vivi-mortis. People who have NDE's are commonly lying on their back receiving medical assistance, which is why they live to tell about their experience. Thus, the blood flows toward their back, creating a sensation of the flesh or body moving backwards. As the lungs cease functioning and the diaphragm relaxes one exhale, creating the sensation of an inner force moving forward. The combined sensations (the body moving backward and an inner force moving forward) result in the feeling that the soul is leaving the body. The tunnel of light effect is caused when the muscles relax and the eyes open and the pupils dilate. One sees a blackness or fogginess surrounding a bright point of light, which grows as the irises relax and the pupils dilate further. At this point, one is aware of one's own demise. We learn though experience and the only way we know of death, beyond the idea of death, is through our experiences of death, i.e. those that we have been close to that have died, and our religious beliefs of what happens when one dies. Hence we see lost loved ones and heaven (or hell), and possibly God.
I experienced none of these things. I was alive one moment and the next I was not. I knew this because I was no longer in my body, though I wasn't floating above it or traveling through a tunnel of light to heaven either. It is impossible to describe what I did experience because there are no words or concepts in the real world that match. The best I can do is say what I know about it and what it felt like. I was in a place that is no place. It was the center of all places, at once outside the known universe (or our understanding of it) and encompassing the entire universe. There was no time in this place. Every moment of history and the present and the future were unfolded before me as one monumental event starting with the creation of the universe and ending, well that has since been blocked from me in such a way that it hurts to try to remember. I experienced something entirely impossible and indescribable, sensation without perception, or awareness without sensation. There was no hot or cold, or light or dark, or movement or lack thereof. There was only awareness. Of everything. I knew every thought and every idea that every person had ever had or would ever have. These were like voices (though there was no sound, so how could they be voices) overheard in a crowded restaurant, but I could distinctly hear and follow each conversation all at once without any one distracting me from another. Then all of that faded away, and there was one emotion, the only one I experienced through the whole event: peace. Complete and permeating peace. The total lack of all emotion, sensation, and thought. All things exist in contrast with their opposites; without darkness, there can be no light and vice-versa. No hot without cold, no pleasure without pain, no love without hate. This is the way we experience the world, through perception of varying degrees of opposites. This is the curse of man, that we enjoy the summer only because we know the winter is coming, we love and are loved because we hate and are hated. And because all thing are known only though contrast, we never know peace unless all these things have been erased, which is only possible through the death of or bodies and the end of our perception and experience and knowledge.
This event (for it wasn't an experience) lasted the smallest fraction of a second and also the entire existence of the universe. I drifted in eternal peace. Then I heard the voice or VOICE of God, at once as relaxing as sleeping late on a Saturday morning and waking to the sound of birds chirping outside the window and the soft scent of lilacs and roses carried on a gentle early summer breeze and the warm sun shining on your naked body and as powerful and frightening as lighting striking the very foundation of the building in which you are standing.
"It is not your time to be here, but you may stay if you chose. I have work for you if you choose to return." I didn't want to leave, but when the VOICE speaks, you obey. I know I was given a choice, and I chose the pain and misery of earthly life over the absence of all but peace. I sometimes wonder about that choice, but I think I made that choice long before it was put in front of me. I know I have work to do, that's why I came back. I just hope I am ready when the time comes.
I woke up on a gurney in the hospital where doctors were explaining to my mother that I would probably die in the coma I was in. They didn't know how I could still be alive. I sat up and was pushed back down because they thought I was having a seizure until I spoke. I was asked a barrage of questions like "Do you know what day it is?" and "Do you know who the president is?" and asked to count to ten numerous times which I did in four different languages. The questions stopped. My skull had been fractured and my head resembled a large misshapen pumpkin. I had three broken ribs, bruised kidneys, spleen, and liver. I was bleeding internally and the doctors didn't know where yet. I said I was going to go to sleep but not to worry I would walk out of the hospital in less than twenty four hours. I then closed my eyes and consciously healed myself. I could feel what was wrong with my body and where. I could redirect blood flow and nutrients to areas that needed it and away from areas that were bleeding. I could will my flesh and bones to grow back together. When I had a CT scan ran the technicians ran another because the readings were so strange. There was no brain damage whatsoever, which was considered impossible given the extent of my injuries and how long my brain had been without oxygen while I was clinically dead. Also there was a never before seen high delta wave reading that could only be explained if I had experienced REM sleep (and even that was a stretch) even though I was conscious and talking the whole time. That night I woke up at one point to see my doctor sitting in a chair in my room. I told him he could go tend to someone else if he needed, that I was going to be fine. He said, "I know, but what’s happening to you is unbelievable. You should be dead. I can't turn my back on a miracle. God is allowing me the opportunity to witness this and I just can't walk away." I later found out that his daughter had been in a car accident and had similar injuries. He had been questioning God and he thought what was happening to me before his eyes was God's answer that He was still here. I was admitted to the hospital at 2:17 PM and released at 1:44 PM the next day. They said there was no explanation for my recovery, but there was no reason to keep me any longer. I was supposed to see my doctor every two weeks for the following six months to track any long term effects of my injuries. After the first physical and the tests, the doctor sat down in the exam room and sighed. I asked him, timidly, what was wrong and he said "Nothing. Just that, nothing. There is nothing in my medical training or experience that can account for your recovery." He explained to me how bones heal. That the immune system goes crazy making new bone and there is a large knot of bone where there was a break. This is eventually dissolved over time, but the process takes months and sometimes there is a permanent enlargement of a bone that has been broken. He said after two weeks he couldn't tell that I had even had one broken bone, let alone three ribs and two in my skull. "All I can say is 'Do you believe in God?'"
The event drove me crazy. I really believe that. I experienced things completely outside the realm of human understanding. I heard the voice of God, which believe me, human beings weren't made to hear. I looked everywhere for the peace I had experienced. I tried drugs, different religions. I started to study physics and biology to try to find a logical explanation for the things that happened to me. I believed that it was all just some grand hallucination. You see I was raised in a Pentecostal church, very fundamentalist and very strict. When I began to ask questions, I was turned away, told my faith was weak, just because I couldn’t accept everything I was told, even when I knew these things were untrue, such as the earth being only six thousand years old and Buddhists being evil. I was told that it was a medical fact that males had one less rib than females because Adam's rib was used to create Eve, and I was told this by a nurse of all things. There is a story in the bible of God making the sun stand still in the sky for a whole day. I was told that scientists had calculated all the days since the beginning of time and there was one less than there should be. And so rather than accepting lies as medical, mathematical, scientific and historical facts, I had turned to atheism. I had found no truth in religion and now all my beliefs had been put in dispute.
I eventually accepted what happened to me as a medical and psychological phenomenon that just had yet to be explained. Until September 11, 2001, that belief held. Around six that morning a friend of mine made a remark about how beautiful the sky was. Surprising him and myself both, I remarked, "Yeah. It's a pity so much death will come out of it. Then I went home and watched death come out of the sky on CNN. In the Bible, when a prophet or wise man heard a message from God, he never gets right to work. He goes "into the wilderness" for "forty days and forty nights." In other words, "we don't know what happened to him or how long he was gone." Maybe my forty days and nights are over. Maybe sharing my experience and the revelations I have had, and the conclusions it has brought me, is the work I am supposed to do. Or maybe not. Either way, I have retuned from the wilderness and have brought back a message.
There is a way we can know peace in this life. It cannot be found in and religion being practiced today, for they are all to far from the truth. The truth in all religion, the foundations of all religions, the message we choose to ignore no matter how religious we think we are, is that there is one sin that is the root of all sin and three virtues that are the root of all virtues, are in fact the only virtues. Pride is sin and all sin is pride. It is the root of all suffering and ills of mankind. Through pride we reduce others to serve our will. Through pride we divide humanity. Though pride we conquer, destroy and subjugate people and nature. Through pride we kill each other, and through pride we die.
Patience, humility and compassion are how we know and spread peace. Jesus said "I am the way, the truth, and the light." Patience is the way through which all things come to pass. Humility is the truth that we each are no greater than any of God's works, no matter how small. Compassion is the light of peace shining through us, illuminating the world around us.
God created us all in his own image, and that means we likewise have the ability to create. We have created murder and suffering and pain. We have created hell. We can continue this trend or we can abandon pride and learn to act with patience, humility and compassion and create heaven on earth, experience peace in this life and in the next, rather than subjugate ourselves to an eternity of rebirths in this hell we have made for ourselves. This is our choice. We make it each day. Just as a recovered alcoholic chooses each day not to drink or to become a practicing alcoholic again, we can choose patience, humility, and compassion, or death destruction, and pain.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 09:01 pm:
I remember being in the top right hand corner of a large room in a hospital. I was up near the ceiling, looking down. My vision was very sharp, I could "hear" people in my thoughts, almost intuitively. I had no other senses, only this eyesight and thought-communication TO me (I did not feel that I could "talk" to the people standing around below me.)
I felt totally calm as if "this was meant to be" . I had no concerns or worries or thoughts of the "me that was before" or "my family left behind". I felt wonderfully at peace and happy. I had no sense of a body, I never felt the urge to look at my hand, for instance. I had no yearning to be anything than what I was, up by the ceiling.
Looking down, I could observe about 5 people in hospital gowns and masks, they were working on someone on a table or stretcher or some such. I knew instinctively that it was "me", but I did not see myself, only the doctors. It was all in color, they wore blue.
Suddenly, I was in TOTAL darkness, going upwards, a gliding feeling, at an angle similar to the steepness of an escalator, perhaps a bit steeper. I felt calm, at no time was I afraid. I had no sense of sound. Only darkness and a feeling of peace.
Then, high up, directly in front of me, as I was gliding upwards, a "door" opened, or rather, a rectangle of light "opened". No light spilled out from this "door" into the darkness that I was gliding through. The light stayed inside. It was VERY bright, but it did not hurt my eyes, I had no sense of blinking or being blinded by coming from total darkness to seeing this light. There was no sense of heat coming from the light.
In the light, there was a "person”, because no light escaped from the "doorway". This body was in shadow, so I could not make out any features, other than the shape. It was human, as it had a head, arms and legs, but I did not see the outline of a hairstyle, so I have no idea if it were male or female.
I was SO blissfully happy to see the light, I felt pulled to it. I was TOTALLY at peace and overjoyed. I was still gliding upwards towards this door of light, but still far away, I would estimate 200 feet away, when the person moved its arm and began to close the door, the light was then just a strip of light with the arm of the person outlined (the door swung inwards toward the person as it closed it).
I felt extreme sadness ...but just for a split second. Then I felt total acceptance with this "door closing decision" that was not my decision. I do not remember anything more. I do not remember being back in my body. I always have this "inner peace" that is part of me now. This is the first time I have recounted this experience. I thought people would think I was nuts! I don't mind sharing this with your researchers, as I think it's important that we as people should learn from one another and help each other.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 09:00 pm:
This is the very short version. The major experience(s) lasted close to eight hours. I put this into a NDE category for lack of a better classification.
The experience itself appears to be drug (biochemical) induced from a degraded antibiotic (found later) combined with exposure to certain substances that I was working with in the lab.
The initial effect of taking the antibiotic was memory enhancement and "clarity of thought". For example, after taking the antibiotic for about a week, I did some math problems from an old college math book and had no difficulty doing the problems, seemed to be so simple, and even remembered which problem had the wrong answer in the back. This from being away from the subject for more than twenty years.
Mind processing speed increased dramatically but I didn't feel like I was bouncing off walls, but rather it seemed like it took substantially less time to find an answer to a problem. A good estimate was that my brain was operating at about the speed of a ten year old. I didn't notice any difference in my maturity level.
I also noticed that I would at times have a totally different perspective on certain issues which don't have clear cut answers. For example, I was watching a hockey game on TV when a fight broke out. I felt this was totally unacceptable behavior and something should be done to eliminate the level of violence in the sport. On the other hand, I've played and coached the sport so I am familiar with what precipitates those events.
Prior to the near death type experience I had a momentary auditory flashback of an event which apparently doesn't seem to fit anywhere. It was about two seconds in length. At this point I decided to lay down and find out what may be going on.
After a minute of being relaxed in bed, I'm seemed to be able to enter an altered state of consciousness. I was cautious but also curious as this was something new. I found that after a few tries that I could slip in and out of this state.
When in this altered state I found that this appears to be the "tunnel" and I had started to explore this structure. What I found interesting is that this tunnel appeared to have some sort of walls or barriers and that it only seemed to be something that I could move through, forward or backward.
Moving forward I was able to see this "light" but never was able to approach it. The color of the light was on the order of a yellow/white which also illuminates that part of the tunnel, but the entrance to the tunnel was dimly lit and had more of a self-illuminated blue/gray color.
I had played with this for a while because it seemed to be some area that I could maneuver around in. I was totally aware and awake during this whole experience. In this tunnel I also found some structures which appeared to be memory files. This is difficult to explain and the best description is that they appeared to be structured in the form of bar graphs one placed behind the other throughout the entire length of the tunnel. These bar graph type memory files also seemed to have unusual properties and definite boundaries.
I wasn't very sure initially what these structures were because they seemed to be existent without function. But I had this ability to move up and down the tunnel ,and had noticed that one of these thin bar graph structures was enhanced or excited in some fashion. On examination, I found that this apparently consisted of a memory file which had a certain amount of information which contained events on the order of three to five minutes in length. The best description in reading the file was that somehow I had the ability to slip between one of the bar graph files and another. I had done a little experimentation in this area and was able to get other files to highlight and view the contents of those files. This then appeared to me as awake "memory" where all experienced events are stored.
From my experience at this point, this appears to be the "tunnel" of the NDE and why some people see their life pass before their eyes, because the awake memory files are stored within such tunnel.
This exploration of the tunnel lasted about two hours at which point I took a break and then went back into this altered state because I felt that I may have missed something. I did re-explore the tunnel and found an "opening" on one of the walls. This seemed to go into a void, and with some cautious entering and exiting, felt comfortable to look into this further. When in this void, I found another structure in the distance.
This structure had the appearance of a curved knobby horn, and it took a while to find the access points. There appeared to be various areas on this horn which seemed to be highlighted similar to those of the awake memory files, and also seemed to have been structured in a similar fashion. The only difference being that the memory files appeared to be in a mirror image compared to the other files. On examination of the files, they appear to be past-life memory files which contain events of past lives. I didn't have access to all the files which were quite numerous because only certain files where in this enhanced state. Details spared for brevity.
After exploring this I then took a look around and found another interesting structure near the horn like past life memory files. This appeared to be something like a stack of cubes, one on top of another, in a fashion to that of an elevator shaft. I had found access to the top cube which also has this layered structure, but didn't notice anything except "me". I then tried to access the cube underneath this and found it to be highly repulsive in nature as it seemed to be full of hate and anger or some state that was very unpleasing to be in. Only by partially accessing this state was I able to determine that the top cube state was "me". I'm not sure if this state is normal or this may be some implanted entity or could be the "original sin". It could also be a defense mechanism. I got the feeling that the other "cubes" were related to the past life history files in some way. And this might be the answer to the multiple personality syndrome.
All of this occurred in the evening and it was bed time. I laid down and very quickly found myself in this altered state of consciousness, but at some different level as the void in this case seemed to be diffusely lit in the yellow/white coloration. And I had noticed in the far distance a point of light which approached very quickly and manifested itself as a "human" being. He seemed to be about 5-11, slightly heavy build, shoulder length dirty blonde hair, beard, moustache, a little self-illuminated, and dressed in a very phosphorescent sky-blue robe. I had asked him his name and he told me it was Mogarth, and I had asked him what he wanted, and he said that he was to show me the "secrets of the universe", if I wanted to.
I didn't feel threatened at any time, but I also wasn't sure I was going to die either. I agreed to his offer and immediately lost consciousness. I do remember traveling to some place because this took time and certain things were pointed out to me as we traveled. I think there were times that I had regained some partial "awakeness". I do remember meeting other spiritual beings like him, but I don't remember their names. I had spent about two hours in this state and got quite a tour, but I remember very little of it. I was told to do a few things when I came back, of which [some] have been accomplished. I was also told about this "End of the World" scenario, and this seemed to hinge upon the inability of the human race to continue itself because of some disaster (nuclear) which puts all the souls destined to be reincarnated in a state of limbo. This also had something to do with this unusual personality state which I was told is the cause of all the world's problems.
After going through this experience I found myself to be less materially aggressive, maybe a little more spiritual and a little less religious, and more understanding of other people's point of view.
One very interesting thing is that last year I found a book, Golden Game by Kosslowski de Rola, in which I found my "spiritual being" and probably a good picture of a portion of this tunnel, along with such memory files, and a few other tidbits. Coincidence? Or maybe all this has been experienced in the past.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:57 pm:
I remember before I went to sleep that night before I experienced NDE, all I did was clean the house ‘til early hours and told my Mum how much I loved her before I went to bed.
I felt this power lift me from my bed while I was in a deep sleep, and remember a man dressed in black saying it was my time. I couldn't make out what he was trying to point at. Next thing I know, I was rushed into a black tunnel, and I was traveling with the speed of light in darkness. I remember there was a tiny light; at the end of the tunnel, I reached this light. It was a feeling I can’t explain: love warm, a feeling that I have never felt before; the light was so bright it was white love. Before I knew it, St Virgin Mary was there holding a baby who I believe is Jesus. I then realized where I was and made sense of where I was. Peace, love: I will never forget is feeling the radiation of His love. I asked her why I was here; she replied it’s your time; you have finished your goal and its time to come through.
No matter how much I loved being there, I thought of my mother and how I couldn't leave her to cope with my death with her heart problems. I asked St Mary if I could go back, she replied 'no'. I told her I couldn't stay here and that it was best for me to go back. I remember I was waiting for her reply for ages; it was like she was thinking. Next thing I know, I felt the speed of light coming back to my body, and I woke up with a pounce. I opened my eyes and couldn't believe I was back home. I ran to my mother’s room and held her so tight, and told her I will never leave before she does. She didn't know what I was talking about, so I told her my experience.
Since this experience, I can’t believe how much my life has changed. I have looked at life in a different light, and that we are all here for a test. I have also found my destiny, have found a good job, and I am coping with problems much easier.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:54 pm:
I had a Death Experience in August of l993, when I successfully committed suicide at the age of 36. So this is why I don't call it a NDE. I had grown up in a very verbally, psychologically, physically, and sexually abusive household in spite of the fact that my father was an ordained, licensed minister of the Christian faith. I was sexually assaulted in the U.S. Army by a superior during my tour of duty as a nurse. I also was assigned to work under his supervision, after the fact, for over two years. There was a great deal going on in my life at the time, being a newly divorced single mother of two beautiful children, and being militarily trained as a combat medic and then a combat practice nurse. My children's father was a policeman and was abusive to us all, during and after the marriage broke up. It was a very difficult time for us all.
I psychologically "blocked out" most of the events of the "rape" due to all of the other incredulous responsibilities I carried at the time. When I was finally finished with my obligation, I returned to the civilian sector and worked in gainful employment as a nurse. Approximately l9 months after my discharge, I later found out this was clinical textbook PTSD, I killed myself by a drug overdose. I went about my house and ingested every type of pill I could get my hands on. I guesstimate the quantity to have been close to l l/2 cups. I remember thinking to myself how I was astonished that they all went down so easily. That was around 0800 hours. I then went about the house to tidy it up and then tidied myself up with a shower. I shaved my legs, washed my hair, curled my hair, put on make-up, ironed some clothes, put them on, wrote a note, and then lay down on my bed to die. I recall that I knew my husband of one month was coming home at his lunchtime at give me my truck so I could go to work later that afternoon: at the Dept. of Corrections … Facility for the criminally insane. It gave me the bee-gee-bees working there with all the murders and child molesters.
Anyway, I recall thinking to myself that I would "hang on" until he came home and then I would "give up the ghost." (I have such incredible amends to make to him and my children and my parents for my actions.) The last thing I remember is hearing the truck pull up in the driveway out in front of the house, and then hearing the front door open and close as he entered. I thought to myself, "Now I can give up the ghost." And so I did. My spirit exited my body in the region of my upper chest/head and there was a gray type of fog/smoke surrounding my new spirit body. I began ascending through the bedroom ceiling and out above the roof top. I was so absorbed in this new world. I remember thinking to myself, "I'm dead. I'm in the world/existence that follows the physical one on Earth." I felt weightless, not just in the physical sense, but also in an emotional sense. I was aware that I was no longer in the emotional pain that had overtaken my life. I was in such a state of peace. I recall looking at my lifeless body that lay on the bed as my spirit ascended. I felt no regret. I did feel empathy for the pain that she/I had been in and then felt relief from that pain and peaceful as I "floated" upward and around the ten acres that our house rested on. The beauty of the natural settings: the wooded areas, the fields and the neighbor’s livestock. I felt "one" with them all. I "heard" them talk to me and I "talked" right back: a telepathy. Even the trees and blades of grass spoke to me. "See how beautiful and perfect we are. All we have to do is grow and exist and BE. We are all 'one'.” I "knew” that this way the way life was meant to be: perfect, flawless, complete and in harmony.
I "floated" about for some time and then I recall thinking that I wanted to go see what was going on in our house below. My husband had dragged my lifeless body onto the living room floor and was performing CPR to it. I felt no sadness; just "matter of fact.” Then his best friend arrived, relieved my husband, and began CPR on my body while my husband rushed through the house trying to find the empty bottles of what I had ingested. (My husband and his best friend were active duty … combat medic and nursing instructors.) I had returned all the empty bottles of medicines to their original places so it would be difficult for them to figure out what I had taken. I did not think about the pain I was bringing to others. I only wanted to end mine. This was not a cry for help. By being a nurse, I knew exactly what I was doing: I intended to succeed. And so I did. I recall the ambulance arriving at the house: I watched from above as I "floated" about in the sky and followed the ambulance that carried my lifeless body to the nearest hospital E.R. I watched as they arrived at the hospital and took my body inside to the E.R. staff, as the police cars came, talked to my husband and his friend: it was chaos. I felt THEIR frustration, fear, and pain and I remember wishing that I could convey to them all that they didn't have to feel all those horrible emotions: I didn't feel them in MY spirit any more; only PEACE and RELEASE FROM ALL PAIN. I wanted my loved ones to feel this same FREEDOM that I was now a part of. I continued to "hover" over the scene and I recall the doctor, after getting the report from the EMTs wanted to "call it" but my husband stepped in, refusing that diagnosis/prognosis and took charge of the "core.” The staff just stood around watching him, and then looked to the doctor in charge to say/do something. The E.R. doctor then took over agreeing to keep working to bring me back.
The next thing I recall was leaving the hospital and "flying" upward (kind of like Sally Fields in The Flying Nun) over the trees, rivers, valleys and mountain tops. I went higher and higher, all encompassing the entire Earth. I then was aware that I was being "drawn" or "pulled" to beyond the realm of Earth. I passed the clouds. The Earth was so beautiful below. (Even the most colorful photos of the Earth, that have been taken from outer space and then sent back, could not compare.) It was wondrous, this new world. I had a "new body,” so to speak. I had a head with large dark eyes, no ears, nose or mouth to speak of. I had a body with arms and legs resembling the physical body on Earth, but yet somehow very different. This new spiritual body was translucently white, but then again, it wasn't. It's so hard to describe. It "glowed" or "radiated" such light. It was not subject to gravity of the laws of physics that I had known while on Earth. If I wanted to go somewhere, I didn't use my legs to get there. I simply thought of where I wanted to go, and there I was. I could not "speak" or "hear" like the physical body, but I could "speak" and "hear" just the same. It was like telepathy. I could "hear" everything "speak" and I could do the same. I "knew what the people on Earth below were thinking and feeling without even being near to them. I automatically "knew" things and accepted this without fear or hesitation: it was normal for this new dimension I was now in. I felt myself being "drawn" upwards and left the Earthly realm. I "flew" past the moon, the other planets and the sun. It was awesome. I continued upwards into outer space where the sky was very black and stars were everywhere.
Then I found myself approaching this dark tunnel, which I can equate with what I think a black hole would look like. I was drawn to it. There was a definite entrance, yet the boundaries of this tunnel seemed to just blend in with space that surrounded it. I entered this black tunnel and continued to fly through it. There were many small colored lights twinkling in the "interior walls.” I "knew" these were "spirits" of some sort observing my arrival. I felt no emotion, just the same "matter of fact" acceptance of all this new world that I was experiencing. I flew through this tunnel for a bit and then I was aware that I was approaching this tunnels "exit.” It was the same as the entrance: there was a definite finish to it, but the borders at the exit just seemed to blend into space. It sounds like a contradiction, but it was, once again like a black hole. Upon exiting the tunnel, I found myself "floating" in space once again. But this space was different. It was the darkest black I'd ever seen and there were no stars or other planets or sun: nothingness. No warmth, no cold. No other presence; total aloneness and void. I was without any stimulus whatsoever. I was alone with myself and my own thoughts. I remember asking myself, "What is this place? It's the absence of everything that originates or that's related to GOD: no light, no nothing."
I then became "aware" of the unseen presence of a "guide" for lack of a better explanation, but there was no communication between us. I then saw to my right at a slight distance, a light which was orangish-yellowish-reddish. It was surrounded by the shape of a doorless archway and the colors I could now see were the illumination of flames. There was this shadowy figure standing there in front of the flames in the doorless archway. There was also a type of "table" which led into this place of flames. (I would describe this table as not burnable, but cold and hard. It acted as a type of "conveyor belt" for "bodies" that were to be delivered into the flames. I equate it with the rolling table in the refrigerated compartments in the morgues that dead bodies are placed into awaiting disposition.) I still felt no fear or danger or dread. It was all just a matter of fact. I still had PEACE. I "knew" this place to be the Gateway of Hell: the absence of God and the torment of one's own consequences. It was at this point that the "guide" that I "knew" was there (but had been without any communication with "him”) "spoke" to me. He told me that this is a place of fear: a place without the presence of GOD: hell. He told me that because I had no fear, even in the very act of killing myself and going onto the unknown next dimension, that this place was not where I would go. I was only to be shown it as a "warning or know ledge" to those who live in fear.
The next thing I recall is "floating" below the white ceiling tiles of the E.R. and observed the medical staff still working on my lifeless body. The doctor in charge was giving orders to the other staff: I.V.s were put in, CORE drugs administered, my clothing had been cut away, and electric cardiac shock treatments were being readied to deliver to my chest. It was after the doctor yelled "clear" and the moment the shock was administered, I was back inside of my body. I felt the incredibly powerful surge of electricity radiate through every part of my physical body, from the tips of every toe to the tips of every finger, and to the very ends of each strand of hair on my head. It was not painful, just so powerful. I remember hearing with my physical ears, the doctor, the other medical staff and my husband at my side. I began having tonic and clonic seizures. I recall thinking to myself, "I'm posturing which is indicative of major brain damage. But I can still hear everyone." I could not feel any physical sensations, however. I recall the doctor yelling at me. Apparently, he was trying to intubate me, but I was very combative and would not hold still. I heard my husband tell the doctor to instruct me to hold still so he could put in the trach tube, and do it like a superior in the Army giving me a direct order. The doctor did so, I heard his order, held still and he was then able to get the trach tube in.
That's the last thing I remember in my physical body at that point. I apparently, "coded" on them once again. I remember rising out of my body for the second time, and saw my body laying on a gurney all hooked up to life support equipment. They said that they didn't know where to put me. I was being kept alive by the life support equipment, but they supposed I was "brain dead" and were going to do EEGs to find out for sure whether or not there was any brain activity left. I heard them talking as I floated around the room where I was. They, the doctors and my husband had agreed to placing me in the SICU, do tests, and keep me alive long enough for my daughter to fly in to see me, and say goodbye, should the EEGs come back with a flat line as they anticipated. (I have so much to make amends for to my loved ones somehow, someway.)
My husband and I, my daughter and I, have never discussed this series of events: I had no memory of my DE or all that had happened until just recently, and my daughter, to this day refuses to discuss it. In fact, she will not even speak to me to this day. I am paying the consequences of my actions here in this life. I pray that someday she will forgive me. It has taken my living ten years in hell on Earth, a hell of my own making, and another suicide attempt, another conversation with God after my second suicide, to make me "see" the TRUTH. My husband and I broke up and divorced. It was too much for him, as well. I pray that he will someday forgive me, too. Not for my sake so much, as for his sake and my daughter and son, for their sakes. "Forgiveness is the best gift that we can give to ourselves.” Lack of Forgiveness, I've realized, just poisons those who refuse to "let it go,” and continues to affect our lives in a negative way until we do forgive. Forgiving sets US free. If others choose to hang on to the hurts and resentments, they sentence themselves to an existence based on fear not only in this life, but also in the next life you are given, and the next, until they learn. I'm learning, finally, to Forgive others. It matters not whether or not they receive this gift that we offer. What matters is that we choose to free ourselves from the bondage that goes with the lack of Forgiveness, or the lack of LOVE, or the lack or Mercy, or Compassion, or whatever act of fear that we hang on to. (I've gotten off my story line. OOPS.)
The next thing I remember is my spirit being "drawn" upwards again. I recall such a bright, bright light which permeated everything. I felt such a "weightlessness" again, and not just a physical weightlessness, but one of such a carefree, without a worry or doubt or pain or torment. I then "heard" this very, very, very loud noise: it was almost deafening, so to speak. I can equate it with the noise of the gigantic turbines I saw and heard once on a tour at Hoover Dam. Combine that with what I equate with the vibration and frequency of a large tuning fork. The noise penetrated everything. I got used to the noise, it seemed, because I recall seeing this brightly lit tunnel with concentric circles in it with alternating colors of soft pastels of aqua-blue-green and a pinkish-peachy-coral and solid white. It drew me into it and I felt such PEACE and LOVE. It was beyond wonderful. I traveled into this tunnel of Light and all around, in the "interior walls" were many small colored lights twinkling. I "knew" they were "spirit" of those who had gone on before and were there joyously welcoming me. I saw them standing there as I journeyed through the tunnel. I saw their faces. There were so many. I "knew" them; they were all very "familiar" to me although I didn't recognize their new "faces.” I could "hear" them all talking: they were welcoming me "home.” Then I recall coming to the "end" of the tunnel to the brightest bright I'd ever known.
Next, I was walking with this "friend" who was clad in a long white gown/robe. He was beautiful. He had hair of gold and he shone of PURENESS, LOVE, WARMTH and LIGHT. We walked together, side by side, on a green grass, with a pond as clear and blue as glass. In the pond were ducks and white geese swimming about without a care. The sky above was the softest, purest, warmest blue without a cloud in it. There were these amazing butterflies and birds flying about singing the most beautiful songs that I've ever heard: it was indeed Paradise. He and I "talked" and walked for some time. He told me that He and all there knew why I had taken my own life and there would be no judgment or penalty for my deed: all was forgiven. He told me that I had no right to take my life, or any life, however. Only GOD had the authority to give and take a life. He explained how life was sacred and was to be cherished. He told me that I was welcomed there by all and was Loved by all unconditionally. He further explained that it had not been my time to die or come "home,” yet. He said that I had not completed by mission. He told me that I was to be given the choice of staying there, or returning to finish my tasks. He then led me to what I shall call the "chamber" of a crystal palace. (The crystals were magnificent. They were more than just decoration or part of the architecture; they were somehow "alive.” They didn't move about, but they "spoke with a knowledge.” The room of this chamber was so bright. There were many "others" in the room all radiating their own and yet a common LIGHTNESS. They were all very large and dressed in white gowns/robes. Their hair shined like gold. They acknowledged me, welcomed me and "spoke.” We then were all shown the review of my entire life: every thought, every word, every action I had during my lifetime on Earth as Gayle. It was complete although it seemed to pass before on the close to l80 degree screen at a very, very rapid rate. Almost in the blink of an eye, I would say. All was "known" by all. All was "understood" automatically by all. There was only Pure LOVE present. I felt no judgment or condemnation, only Unconditional Acceptance, Peace and LOVE.
Then HE appeared: The DIVINE SUPREME INTELLIGENCE; GOD. The LIGHT that surrounded HIM, that enveloped HIM, that WAS HIM, was almost blinding. I could not see HIS face, only the brightest of brightest LIGHTS. HE WAS LOVE: I felt it. I knew it. I knew HIM. I was part of HIM. I WAS LOVE. All there were total LOVE with HIM and of HIM. It was glorious. I never wanted to leave HIS presence. I knew that HE would never leave mine, even if I chose to return to Earth. HE was part or rather the whole of me, and I was the whole of HIM. All things there were in ONENESS. HE asked me what I had chosen to do: whether to stay there in Paradise or to return to complete my mission. I knew and understood how everything "worked": the laws, if you will, of that dimension. I, without hesitation, told HIM that I chose to return: it was a choice based on LOVE. DIVINE LOVE. HE instructed me to "Make a difference, Gayle." His smile........I carry it with me. I was told that I must return right away as the time for my physical body on Earth was running out. His final words to me were, "Show LOVE. Live LOVE. BE LOVE.”
It was at that very moment that my spirit was "floating" beneath the white ceiling tiles and the white lights of the SICU where my physical body lay, all hooked up to the life support machines. I saw a young male doctor in his long white lab coat, and two female nurses. The doctor was telling the nurses that it was "time" to turn off the life support on my body. One of the nurses pled with the doctor to "give her a little more time" to see if there would be any improvement. He reminded her of the flatline EEG results and that it was the family's wish, and had also been my wish (I stated in my suicide letter that I did not want to be kept alive by artificial means) to be let go if this circumstance came to be. He then walked over to the ventilator and turned it off. At this point, that same nurse walked over to my bedside and whispered into my left ear, "Breathe. Breathe. Breathe." At that very moment, I re-entered my physical body: I heard her words out of my left ear. I then apparently began breathing on my own.
The next thing I recall is waking up in the SICU bed and was unable to speak, because I was still intubated, and was unable to move a fraction, because of the very secure four point restraints that were in place. I opened my eyes and saw the white ceiling tiles, the white overhead lights, and the ventilator to my left and I knew where I was: I was a nurse and I immediately thought of the teachings in nursing school about what a comatose patient waking up in the ICU would think and feel. I was now in the bed, instead of aside it as a practitioner. I knew exactly where I was and what had happened. (I had no recollection of my DE at that time.) I remember thinking to myself, "S-IT! I'm still alive." I started to silently cry. I remember a female nurse standing over the head of my bed, seeing me open my eyes, and say to me," Don't fall asleep. Stay awake. Don't fall asleep.” I recall thinking to myself, "What the hell. If I'm meant to die, I'll die. If not, I'll be back." I was not afraid. I felt just that same matter of fact, and so fell back to sleep. The next thing I remember is waking up again. I was still intubated and bound. I knew where I was and what was going on. I looked to my left and saw a female nurse sitting down working on a chart. I started to cry. She noticed I was awake and grabbed a tissue and walked over to the left side of my bed and dabbed my tears away. I kept on silently crying. She asked me if I would like for her to untie the four point restraints, and I nodded a yes to her. She asked me if she untied them, would I agree to not fighting, and I again nodded yes. So she untied them all. She explained that she knew that I was a nurse, and that I was intubated and could not talk. Apparently, I was left intubated so the ventilator could be the auxiliary breaths that I still needed. I was breathing on my own, but not at an adequate rate. They extubated me later that day, after my Ph balance was restored to a normal level. I remember them taking it out. Uugh.
I was still in and out of consciousness for the remainder of this, the second day. I was given meds to protect my liver from the possible damage done to it by the overdose and on the third day, I was discharged from the SICU, and walked out on my own without any obvious deficits. I have a little bit of trouble with my memory at times, but otherwise, I am whole. I praise GOD for this. The times after this were very hard for all involved. I lived in a hell of my own making for ten years. My life, my relationships all disintegrated. In 2004, I was so overwhelmed by my daughter's choice to cut me out of her and her sons' lives, that I stopped taking my antidepressants on purpose. I knew that if I stopped taking them that I would become so despondent that I would take my own life, again. It is not my daughter's, or son's or anyone else’s fault or guilt: I was and am responsible for my actions whether or not I think so. I'm paying the consequences of my choices here now in this life on Earth.
On this second attempt fairly recently, I'm not sure whether or not I died, but I do remember being in a really dark place, and "hearing" GOD "speak" to me. He asked me, "Gayle, haven't we had this conversation once before?" I remember "chuckling" with HIM over his question saying to HIM in reply, "Blessed Lord even YOU have a sense of humor in the darkest hour." The intervention of this disparaging act was in itself miraculous, and I thank and BLESS all those involved in saving my miserable life, at that time I mean, for showing the wisdom, compassion and patience they all demonstrated and still do in that day and in those that follow.
My father used to tell me, "Gayle, you're like the mule who had to get hit over the head first with a 2x4, just to get his attention. You're a hard-headed, thick-skulled German." And I'd reply, "Just like you, Sir." My life has changed dramatically, spiritually and emotionally speaking and I give all glory, praise and thanks to the GOD OF LOVE. I still have a lot of cleaning up to do in my life, and so many, many amends to make to so many, many people in my life that I have hurt. I wake up each morning and ask HIM to give me a heart of gladness so that I may be a testament and healing source to all. HE loves us all so very much as we all are his children. May we choose to live a life of LOVE not of fear. PEACE I pray for in this world of troubled times and I send BLESSINGS to you all in HIS NAME, THE DIVINE SUPREME INTELLIGENCE, GOD our HEAVENLY FATHER, TRUTH AND LOVE.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:51 pm:
When I was 17 years old, I had the measles and Scarlet fever at the same time. I was given penicillin for the measles which turned into Scarlet fever. This particular mourning I had over slept and remember feeling like I had a heart attack. I felt my body rise up off the bed and come back down hard. At that point I remember looking down at my physical body on the bed as I rose through the house and toward a white light. I saw my house and the surrounding area as I continued to move toward the white light. I felt no pain, suffering, or other discomfort. I felt the white light was a calming peaceful place and I was drawn there. I do recall looking down at everything I knew as I floated away. I could see figures as I continued toward the white light but was not yet close enough to discern them. Right at that moment, my mom came into the room to wake me up. Mom shook me violently, and I remember being thrown back into my body. At that time I was not sure what just happened, but mom took me to our doctor right away. The doctor said, "If my mom did not bring me right over, I would have died." My temperature was at 104 degrees and the doctor had to quickly bring down the fever.
For many years after I had dreams of me leaving my body and going towards the white light. I have found that I relive the future (deja vu). I have had sleep problems ever since. I have had feelings like I have been places before when I have not. I have experienced that I can seem to make people believe things that I say without question. I have had visions of the future, for example last year in early February I had a dream about Atlanta and seven people who are killed in a fiery crash. Woke up one Saturday mourning and found the space shuttle Columbia with seven crew members aboard had disintegrated on reentry. For me, I was genuinely scared because I wondered, did I foresee this disaster with these seven people and just got the name wrong? I was numb for weeks after that.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:50 pm:
I was in a coma after having surgery and a massive infection that shut down my kidneys, caused brain swelling, and many other medical problems. I looked to the side of my bed and an angel was standing there. She told me today would be the day that I would die, and I told her I could not because when my boys came to see me they would be upset that I never said goodbye. She told me there is no such thing as goodbye and that the second I died, God would be there to take me, and that all I had to do was take my right hand and put it into his and everything would be OK. She took me through this long tunnel filled with the most beautiful light, and all my deceased family members were there, although, I could not see their faces... The light was magnificent and comforting. At the end of this light, God was there waiting for me. I walked up to him and put my hand out, and he dropped his hand and said "No, it is not your time," and would not take my hand. The angel walked me reluctantly back through the light, That morning I awoke from the coma to the shock of my family and doctors. They had no explanation for my recovery.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:47 pm:
I had a serious accident. Hang-gliding in 1974, I crashed and it took a couple of hours to get me off the mountain and into an ambulance. Being in shock, I had no pain until I reached the first hospital which didn't want to admit me because I had another insurance plan. I was left on a gurney and blacked out numerous times from the pain while the ambulance drivers flirted with the nurses as they awaited directions for where to take me. Finally, they took me to another hospital where I was operated on. This too took hours, and knowing that I wouldn't survive, experimental surgery (it was a practice hospital where interns were taught) including instances of what was later considered to be malpractice were done on me. After the operation, in recovery, I died on the table. I found myself high above my body watching the nurse turn me over onto my side, all the time yelling at me "cough up the blood . . . take a breath!” (In the accident, I had broken all my front teeth off at the gum level and had profuse bleeding.) The nurse would pound on my chest and periodically slap my body. As I watched all this from above I could hear her shouting, but it seemed as if it were a couple of blocks away.
I remember thinking, that if I let go, I would die and had no fear of that at all, but then remembering I had two pre-teen children and how that would impact them, I immediately snapped back into my body. (I say "snapped" because of my one other out-of-body experience, but it was not an NDE - during that one, I felt the sensation of being snapped back into my body.) But this time, it was just an immediate return.
A few days later, the nurse came into my room and we talked - mainly small talk - she was asking me how I was doing, etc. I asked her, "You're the one, aren't you.” She asked, "what do you mean?” "You're the one who was pounding on my body while I was floating above us," I told her. She began to cry and told me, "God told me not to let you go."
That statement had a profound impact upon me. I'd begun questioning whether God existed until then, had begun to experiment with some religions. Now, He has proved His existence to me in a super-natural way, a way that is so meaningful to me that I've taken risks that a normal person wouldn't . . . All in all, it was the best thing that ever happened to me; it changed my life!
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 12:59 pm:
I found myself at the ceiling of the hospital room. I had no body, but I was at a point of higher consciousness; a spiritual being telepathically was embracing me with love and peace like I have never known. I felt connectedness and ONENESS with all of life. I knew that I was near death, but I was so happy and liked where I was. I did look down at my mother and another female in the room, but I did not see my body nor remember getting back into it. At times I sense things before they happen or before I see someone, I sense that I will see him/her. Since my NDE, I do have chronic allergy and sinus problems which I did not before my NDE, and also I have migraines that are sensitive to weather changes. I have always had a sensitive nature, but I was not intuitive like I was/am after the NDE. I was left with an insatiable desire to learn and still feel the connectedness to all of life. I do feel that I have a mission, which may be to research NDEs cross-culturally. I did that for one of two masters degrees that I received after my NDE. I have blended Eastern philosophy with my Christian beliefs, but at the time of the NDE I was open minded. I have no fear of death, and I feel that I was enlightened spiritually.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 12:56 pm:
I had many "visions". I am not sure of the time frame, as I was ill for some time. I was in a medically induced coma at one point for about three weeks. These could have come then or the months following while sedated in the hospital? Here I go....
From what I've read here on this site, is that my experiences are in the type III - Hellish Experiences. I have so much to share and have never been able to find anywhere to find/share information.
The devil was in each vision that I had. He took form of a black Chinese cat. Sometimes he chooses other forms to "trick" me, but he always had to show himself at some point as the cat.
He wanted my soul, and badly. In one vision, I remember being tied to a cargo net (much like a spiders web), and he (the cat) was in the corner, and he was waiting for me to submit my soul to him. Each time I began to waiver and say....‘ok, take me, I can't do this any more,’ he would approach and then with renewed strength, I would start reciting that my "soul belonged to Jesus Christ." With that, I became emotionally stronger and the cat would become angry and back away. Sounds weird huh? I've only just begun.
I was being held in a black room with a divider half-way between the lengths of the room. The cat (who was taking me to say goodbye) took me to one section of the divided room, and I looked down to the end. There was a window that allowed me to say "good-bye" to my mother, daughter, son and a friend; each person separately. They were crying, and I was telling that it was ok, that I was dying and they would be ok. Everyone accepted this except my friend; she was carrying on about how I couldn't die. The cat then led me to another section that I had not seen before, and it was higher like I had to be elevated to that area. At the top was a "Buddha" that looked at me and said, "Beware of what you wish for." He repeated that saying several times. At that time, the cat informed me that I had two doors from which to choose from. One was of gold gild and the other was a plain door. He opened the gilded door and through it, I could see a large green field with the sun warming it and lots of flowers and children playing and laughing. It looked inviting and fun. I told the cat that I choose that door and wished to go through it. The Buddha again repeated his words. I stepped through the door into darkness and felt myself falling and falling and falling with a panicked feeling of dread, death and hell.
The cat was laughing and telling me I choose foolishly. I said that I had changed my mind and didn't want that door and wanted to be with Jesus Christ; that he could be the only being with my soul. I continued to repeat to the devil that "he could have my body, but my soul belonged to Jesus Christ". I found myself at the platform with the Buddha again and the cat was gone. The Buddha again repeated his words’ and I looked at the plain door. I opened it and felt spiritual warmth unlike I had ever felt. I never "saw a light" or anything like others have expressed. But I knew that I was in the presence of the lord.
I have lots more experiences with the cat that I had before this one with the Buddha but I'm tired and cannot write anymore.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:29 pm:
My mother was recuperating from a hysterectomy. While she was in the hospital for a week, I took care of my siblings. I did not eat properly, nor sleep like I should have while Mom was in the hospital; I was always anemic as a child. I believe this lead to my NDE. In 1967, I got up at 4 A. M. to help my mother prepare breakfast for my father who worked in the oil fields. Just as I was getting ready to put water into the coffee pot, I was suddenly overcome by extreme nausea that made me want to go lay down. Just as I was exiting the kitchen, my Mom was entering the kitchen.
I told her I was feeling very sick and then suddenly everything turned black. I was still conscious (I think) and I knew I was dying. I started calling for Jesus to not let me die. I was very frightened. Suddenly a small, bright light appeared far off and then it got closer to me until I was enveloped in this light. I felt so much love and peace. The light spoke to me and told me I was not going to die; that I just needed to go to sleep for a little while. I then started feeling extremely cold; I felt my soul or life leave my body. It floated from my feet, out the top of my head. I felt like I was floating upwards through the universe. It was very dark and I looked around to see if there was anyone else around me. I did not see anyone and I thought to myself "am I dead.”
Then suddenly I was back in my body. My father was holding me in his arms as I lay on the couch and was crying. My siblings were also standing around me. At the moment my soul was back in my body there was a yellow veil (that is the best way I can describe it) around my family. The yellow veil disappeared after a minute or two and I felt fine. That morning when the sun rose I went outside to sit and contemplate what had happened to me. Soon as I stepped outside I noticed immediately that the sky was so blue and more vivid than I had ever seen it, and the trees were so beautiful, and the green was also more vivid than I had ever seen. It felt like I was seeing the world for the first time. This experience left me happy and scared. Happy because I knew that Jesus was the light I saw, but yet I felt insecure about my life. I wondered if I would die again and there was so much life I wanted to experience. I also felt something extraordinary had happened to me. I was scared to tell anyone about this experience for fear they would think I was crazy. I could hardly believe what happened myself. I have always known somehow that my NDE was God's answer to a prayer that I had said a few months before. In my prayer I asked God to give me a sign that he was real and the Bible was the truth, otherwise I was going to commit suicide. I have had so many supernatural things happen to me since then. I feel like I am filled with love and compassion like Jesus and God is, and I also learned from my NDE that God is compassionate, and that Love is the most important thing in this life.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:28 pm:
When I was 7 ½, I experienced a trauma in my family and reacted by sitting in a chair and going into a deep state of letting go and had an out of body experience, I remember wondering “If this was an okay thing to do?” and then I just knew it was. Then I looked at the door of the room I was in to “see” if anyone was coming into the roo,m and I “knew” there was not. The experience lasted for a period of time which I cannot determine how long. Then I returned to my body. This became a habitual past time for me and I enjoyed the experienced very much and generally stayed in the room that I was in. Eventually, I decided to go out of the house and down the street to “see” what my friends were doing. I did not know how to do this except that I knew that I had to set my intention and then let go of my wants with regards to “going” any where.
Then I went into a deep meditation (which I did not know this word when I was young). Then I “went” farther and I cannot describe any thing about it except that it was darkish grayish and I thought that it went on forever, and I was going far far far and fast fast fast. I forgot about where I was going and just went along for the ride. I was aware of my form. Then I stopped because “I knew” someone knew I was there. I opened up really big and put all my instincts on edge, and then I saw something which I did not know what it was. I was not afraid, but incredible attracted to it. It was moving and undulating and flowing and powerful, incredibly powerful. When I grew up, I thought about how this looked very much like a nebula I saw pictures of, only with movement. I was incredibly attracted to it. I was breathless and drawing as near to it as I could. It was coming closer and closer to me and getting more and more powerful. I felt that I would go into it and it would consume me; I was not afraid, I wanted with all my being this to happen. Then I heard a woman’s voice say in the most gentle voice I have ever heard, “Far enough child!” Then a Light came from where I perceived the voice came from and it got between me and the “Thing.” I could still see the “Thing” and then the Light got thicker and thicker and covered the space between me and the “Thing.” Then I was in and surrounded by a pure white starlight bright Light. Before I could get my bearing, I saw a woman come out of the Light and then I asked, “Who are you?” and she said gently, “God.” I thought about how it was that Jesus was supposed to be God and this was a woman! So I said, “Naaahhhh”. She said, in an incredibly gentle voice, “Uh huh”. And I just knew she was. Then she asked me if I would like to sit on her lap and I thought, ”Golly, I better do it because I might never get another chance like this.” And so I did and we talked about a bunch of stuff, and that is when she asked me where I was going. I told her and then she said that it was okay to do what I was trying to do, but that it was “indiscreet” to do that without other people knowing you were doing it (going to see them when you were out of your body). I knew she meant that spying was impolite. And I thought, “Well, heck if you can’t be the invisible girl and go around peeking at what people were up to, what good was it?”
So I never had any out of body experiences again, because I thought they were useless. But I did go back to “Heaven” a number of times over the next year. It was always the same. I would sit in my favorite chair, a big overstuffed red mohair easy chair, and go into deep meditation and go see “Her”. After these experiences, I would cry and laugh and cry and laugh, because I was so happy to see her and be there and then cry because I was so sad to leave “Heaven”. Eventually she told me she would put me to sleep so I would forget her and not be there because “Many would follow the path to God and I was not to do this, I was to live life fully”. And I cried and cried and she comforted me and gave to me some “gifts.” I told her, “She could make me go to sleep if she wanted (I knew she could do anything!) but She could never never never make me forget her”, and I never did. I also knew that I would become very sick when I was in my early fifties and that I would rely on God to get through it and when that happened, I did. I had a series of near death experiences which are quite difficult to express. I also “grew up spiritually”, that is to say that prior to my fifties, I clung to a child’s interpretation of my experiences with absolute faith. Which I still have, but it is a much much more expansive understanding of "That which is.” And this is very tiring to write about and express and I cannot continue today, but if you are interested in more of my experiences I can try later.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:27 pm:
I must first tell you neither am I an experienced drug user, nor have ever used drugs in my life until recently - an experimental period, if you will. At any rate, I was drunk and decided to try the drug, ecstasy. That was a mistake. It must have a been an hour after the drug took effect that I had my experience. If I try to discuss it with my friends, they would tell me that I was hallucinating. I can tell you, I wasn't. I was sitting in my hallway trying to fight what was about to happen - I even managed to get a pad of paper and a pen to write down my experiences so I wouldn't forget them - I wanted to remember every emotion, every vision, every feeling I had. I was unable to write until after.
Darkness and silence filled my head and I could actually feel my heart stop. Cardiac arrest? I've never experienced utter fear and the possibility of total peace in one breath. If I could draw a picture - it would have to be illuminated - even the dark had an iridescent glow to it. In the middle of my view was a very bright, golden light - it was tall and narrow. To the right of the light stood four people. I couldn't see their faces; I just knew one of them was my Grandmother who recently passed away. She was the communicator. I get the feeling that another was a man and the other two were children. My Grandmother's voice was distorted, but peaceful and inviting. I was torn between going with them (the peaceful feeling) and the terrifying feeling of leaving my immediate family behind. Once I thought of my family, I panicked right away. I saw my Mother screaming and my sisters crying. Fantastic depression, even devastation, aren't strong enough words to describe how they felt - and I actually shared their grief. I felt so guilty, mortified, and ashamed of myself for dying. How could I leave my family like that? How could I leave them from doing a stupid drug? I refused to let them down. I started ignoring the light and saying, "No, no, no I am not ready to die. I am too young. I want to have a family. I want to live. Please, heart, start beating. I do not want to die.” I was begging God to let me live for a very long time. I remember breathing so hard to make my heart beat again. (I actually woke someone up out of a sleep.) Next thing you know, the light faded and it felt like something "sucked" me back into my body like a vacuum. All the sound came back. My surroundings were visible.
I just thanked God that I was alive and immediately started writing things down. Reviewing what I wrote - it scares me. I wonder if it was a life lesson - or a near death lesson. I did something stupid and irresponsible and it was God's way of showing me how my actions would affect my family. This is not a confession, but a true experience. My emotional status has changed. I seem to cry more than usual. I certainly think about this all the time. I'm just glad I'm alive and that other people have experience this too.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:26 pm:
When I was 28, I had just divorced an extremely abusive husband. He was abusive mentally and physically. My marriage had been a nine year nightmare. But he still wouldn't leave me alone. He would come around and force himself on me and I became pregnant. I already had three daughters to take care of and although I loved them dearly, I didn't want still another child to raise by myself. A friend had told me that if I took a certain substance it would make me miscarry. Not knowing how much to take, I had been taking strong doses of it all during the day. By bedtime, nothing had happened, so I took what was left and went to bed.
I woke up sometime in the middle of the night sitting straight up in bed. A huge, round, white light was moving away from me until it became just a pinpoint in the distance. I got up and walked around a little bit thinking about the light, knowing I had not miscarried and was not going to, and feeling strangely happy. I went back to bed and slept until morning. Just the light is all I can remember of the experience, but I think I was told to have this child, or I decided to have the child on my own, or it was simply meant to be. But I began to look forward to the birth and felt a peace about it from that morning on.
I had a son and I can't imagine my life without him. I love him dearly. My whole perspective on life had changed. I had a deeper understanding of EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE. I had never heard of NDEs or the light until years later when I began to read on the subject. As soon as I read about the light, I remembered that experience and was thankful that someone stopped me from doing what I had set out to do.
Another experience I had was in 1995. I had remarried and my husband became ill. His illness was fatal. He was a wonderful, kind and caring husband. During his illness, we became so close it was as if we were one. One week to the day after he died, I had gone to bed. When I was in that stage between waking and sleeping, I felt him put his arms around me from behind. I knew it was him; I knew I was lying in my bed in my bedroom. and I knew what was happening. I told him (in my mind) that I loved him so much and I was going to miss him so much. I felt him start to leave and I told him not to go yet, that I wasn't scared. And then I woke up. I lay there trying not to move. hoping he would come back. I knew what had just happened and I was so happy to know he still existed and I was more at peace about his death. I slept the rest of the night. I can remember every detail and will never forget it.
I hope this post isn't too long because I just remembered another experience. My younger sister (12 years younger) was having a baby at the age of 14. My mother was at the hospital with her and I was at work. I would call the hospital on my breaks to see how things were going. Having children of my own, I knew what she was going through and it was killing me. She was so young. The last time I called, my mom said it would be hours yet, so I went back to work. As I was sitting there, I felt a sense of relief and it was as if the sun had come out on a dark, cloudy day. I thought, "She has had the baby and it's over" and wrote down the time. And that was the exact time my nephew was born.
Thank you for letting me share my experiences with you.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:25 pm:
I was struggling with drug addiction. On this particular night I was in bed on my back experiencing the worst emotional and physical pain that I had ever known. I was a member of American Atheists and never prayed in my life. I called out "I can't take it anymore, I want to die.” At that moment, I felt something enter me and I began to be lifted out of my body. I realized that I was getting my wish and was dying. I panicked and spoke in my mind "Wait, I want another chance.” I was placed back in my body and the presence left, taking away all my pain, and leaving me with a sense of peace and comfort beyond words or experience. There was a flash of intense multicolored light in the corner of my room. I then drifted off into a peaceful sleep and woke up the next day knowing that there was a god.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:23 pm:
I had an accident involving head trauma led to an out of body/nde in 1989. During this experience, I believe that I experienced who I truly am - my higher self and its purpose. I felt connected to a powerful source - a oneness which is spiritual and more real than this bodily existence. I felt loved, understood, powerful and meaningful. I felt connected to all knowledge and had a sense of knowing about all life - past and future. I felt a most important purpose to my being both here and "there". I experienced a moment of clarity, which is living without fear or judgment, and how important it is to find this in ourselves - to be who we truly are. Following this experience my whole life changed - a wake up call - to get back on track. I formed a nonprofit organization, changed the direction of my life. I only want to experience, to learn, to teach, to love and to help. All other pursuits and details in life are hard to tolerate since this experience. I am concerned now about whether I am truly living up to my purpose and true self. I find myself wishing desperately for another connection to this experience. I have no fear of death - only of not living. Life in all form is the most precious and meaningful thing. I wish I could be more sure that I am doing all that I can to fulfill my purpose and to be helpful to all others. Hard to live in society as it is. Wish I were back in this experience.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:22 pm:
In 1998, I had a massive gastrointestinal hemorrhage due to acute liver failure. After 24 units of blood and near death, I walked out of the hospital. The 1st of April I was back in the hospital, with hepato-renal failure, sepsis, pulmonary hypertension, bilateral pleural effusions, hypoxemia, right heart failure with tricuspid valve regurgitation, on a ventilator, tubes in and out of my heart, liver, kidneys, stomach, and lungs. The doctors took me to the OR where a last ditch effort was attempted for a liver transplant. But the donor liver was found to be full of a fungal infection, so I was taken back to the ICU, in a coma, and given no hope for survival.
All of my family was called in; I was given last rites. While my brother prayed over my body I saw the most awesome and beautiful sight ever. I saw 100's of smiling faces, which were not man, nor woman, nor child. They had no facial hair, eyebrows, eyelashes, and did not open their mouths. They spoke to me, as in telepathy. They wore free-flowing, multihued, iridescent robes, and each one floated to and fro in the space surrounding me. Each one was engulfed in a phosphorescent blue-green, shimmering aura. I saw no wings as depicted in Angel pictures. One face I focused on, told me I must go back, for the world still needed me. I remember these words, "Go back, and do not be afraid. Peace you will have, and Faith you will know. Remember the feeling of this moment, and of the Love between you and God. You will have the Wisdom from God, so go forth and live and tell this to all who will listen, for there are many souls who need to hear your words." Then the darkness descended and the Angels faded away into a brilliant white light.
As I opened my eyes, I remembered what I had seen and felt. I cried from the overwhelming feelings of Love, Peace, Joy, Hope, and Wisdom I had just encountered. I am no longer afraid of Death. Each day I look to God and "My Angels" for their guidance. I face each day with strength, determination, and the will to go on living. And I can always see that bright light at the end and smile: I AM ALIVE!! My family has filled me in on the time when I was comatose and had slipped away into death for a few seconds. My brother who was praying over me, knew I had "passed on", but immediately felt a tremendous power come through him just before I opened my eyes after my experience. It has brought our family closer together. I still have thoughts racing through my mind, visions I do not understand, and coincidences that are uncanny. I am not afraid of anything, I was [afraid] before this happened to me. My years of being a nurse had given me an insight to near-death and actual death, and I have many stories of those that I can share also. I cared for my father and my stepfather at the times of their deaths, so I have seen it on every level, but none so profound as my own.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:21 pm:
It was a weekend and I went to a club with my friends. In this club, we got MDMA-Pills (XTC) and I took two of them. After a short time, my trip started and I felt very good because it was a good trip. I felt happy and a strong feeling of love and being loved. After a short while a friend of mine and I decided to leave the club to smoke a joint in his car.
After smoking, some kind of "supernatural" force pushed me into the seat. As I opened my eyes, the surrounding out of the car had turned into a thick brown mass or slime. Then the interior of the car vanished and many voices seem to talk to me, but I could not understand anything. My mind, by the way was all clear. Suddenly I felt something strange, something like a warm flux in the near of my solar plexus. I left my body for a short while just to return into the body of a soldier lying in hole on a battle field. I felt a strong pain in my right leg. The first time I was really frightened because it seemed so real to me. Everywhere were dead bodies, explosions and shots of automatic guns. After a short while, I left this body to return to my own. My friend sat the whole time besides me and he told me that I explained every detail to him during this experience. Since that experience, I got visions of the future sometimes, which proved themselves to be real.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:19 pm:
It was a few months after my boyfriend had killed himself. I was devastated and suicidal myself. He had brainwashed me into believing that we should both kill ourselves to be in a better place together. When he left me to be alone, I felt I had nowhere to go but to where he was. I bought a package of sleeping pills from a drugstore, thinking that it would be enough to kill me. I suppose if I was "meant" to die or that I subconsciously wanted to, I would have cleaned out the entire aisle. I drove my car to the top of a parking deck and swallowed the pills with some soda. I leaned the seat back and stared out of my window at the sky above. It was a beautiful afternoon, and the sky was filled with big, puffy clouds. I must have laid that way for some time. My fingernails had turned yellow underneath. I don't know what this meant.
Soon after that, I began to feel very heavy and could not move. The only thing that I could do was move my eyes and continue staring at those clouds. After a while, I felt my mind drifting away and it was as if I was among those clouds. It wasn't an out-of-body experience because I could still feel myself in my car and surroundings. I just kept drifting higher and higher past the clouds. It seemed as if there was an entire society of clouds up there. I felt presences, though not familiar ones. They were many of them and they seemed just beyond reach, past more clouds. I couldn't see them and they were communicating to me that I wasn't allowed to see them. I had to go back because that was where I belonged. I didn't feel any overwhelming emotions of any sort. It was very matter of fact, like someone telling you something tactfully. These presences sent me back to my car and I felt like I was "waking up".
I became very desperate to get out of this emaciated state. I looked towards a door in the parking deck, hoping that someone would emerge to help me. I tried to scream but couldn't. What felt like an eternity had passed. I just lay there and tried like hell to gain strength to move again. I don't know how on earth I did it, but I drove home. I slept off the rest of the pills and woke up a new person.
That was my last suicide attempt. It truly changed my life. Even if I'm depressed at times, I have so much comfort knowing that I am not supposed to die now. In the black void of feeling that terrible, something tells me that it is my job to stay alive, no matter how crappy I feel sometimes. Before this experience, I believed that suicide was an easy way out and OK. Now I have instincts that I never had before, telling me that it is NOT OK and that my life is full of other choices. The trick is finding the right one to bring myself out of a depressed funk. There is so much comfort knowing that I am not supposed to die and that I seal my own fate. That makes me feel incredibly full of worth and gives me an enormous sense of hope.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:18 pm:
When I was a young boy, me and some friends were sliding down a muddy bank, racing each other. Unfortunately, the end of bank ran into a back road. On one of these burn ups, I overshot the slide straight into the road into the path of an oncoming car. The car was travelling at about 30 to 35 mph. The outcome was, as you can imagine, not a good day out. I sustained two broken legs, one upper and lower, two broken ankles, and a bad back injury. I forget now the extent of that. Anyway, I remember bits and pieces of the journey to hospital and initially at the hospital.
I have no idea of the time scale. but at some point during or after my operation, I had what I can only describe as a major happening. I was in total light, absolute light I had no body just my mind <me>. I felt totally at peace. Then it wasn’t a voice as such, but it was communication in my head that asked me if I wanted to move on from this place. I was in another place same as this but better. Or if I wanted, I could go back. I did not hesitate. I wanted to stay with this place whatever it was; wild horses wouldn’t make me go back. For some reason or another, that wasn’t the answer they wanted. To cut a long story short, I was shown things about my future people. I would meet people that weren’t even born (it’s very hard to express this in written form) and what I had in store if I went back. So never being one to miss out on anything, I came back over the years. I’ve had an inner feeling that I was going to be all right, no matter how bad things got, or whatever scrapes I got myself into. They would sort themselves out. I was going to have a good life, and up to now that’s been spot on.
I’ll just tell you of one thing that’s happened since the accident. That’s proof to me. About four years afterward, I was about 17, me and some of my mates were at a youth disco. We sat at this table and there were two rather tasty girls dancing in front of us. One of my mates wanted me to come with him and chat them up. I declined. For some unknown reason, I knew, I just knew, that one of the girls would be my wife, but now wasn’t the time. Not just a girlfriend, but without question, destiny said “wife.” I had seen her before and after many times. We were married 11 years later and have a beautiful 4 year old girl. What happened to me is not something I shout about. I’ve only told three people, but it happened. I don’t feel blessed or religious either. It was at the time and to me now, a totally natural experience
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:17 pm:
I was at the local sauna with my wife, when about three to four minutes into it I began to feel real funny. My left arm became numb, and I kind of knew that if I didn't get out of there immediately that I would pass out. We had been doing the sauna thing for about a year and I was used to going in. My wife got me out and started applying cold wet towels to my head. I had trouble standing so I sat down in a deck chair. It was at this moment that things really started to go. I remember trying to keep conscious with all my will, but I was slipping. At that moment according to my wife, I let out the last breath of air, what she described as the death rattle.
What I experienced at the same time was, one there was no tunnel, at least of what I remember. I suddenly found myself in a waiting area, it was like a room with no dimensions, but filled with the beautiful light that has no source. I knew immediately that I was in place that I knew from a before. It was like going home. I remember the vibration was at a much higher rate, and it felt as though for the first time in a long time that I was completely free. I distinctly remember looking at my right hand, which was almost like an outline of a hand, but with almost a sparkle type of cast to it. I guess it wasn't a hand in the traditional sense, but something more beautiful. I also remember saying, or more like thinking, "What the hell happened? I must have died." I did not want to leave this place; I wanted to stay even though I had been married only a short while. I did not meet any deceased loved ones, but I felt they were coming to greet me. I cannot put into words the joy that I felt in my brief stay, but I will surely try to paint it. When I came back, it was painful. I felt the gravity, the wet coldness of the tile floor, the slowdown of the vibration, all of the things that this plane has to offer. My experience is as vivid today as it was over nine years ago.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:15 pm:
I never could describe it, but from 1993 -1996, I created an 18"x24" collage that's about as representative. (That was before I discovered computers; I have now reworked it a bit digitally from the original, though it's relatively the same as before.) I don't seem to follow the typical NDE pattern which explains the (?) above. I had a seizure of some sort related to medication and was in intensive care unconscious for a couple days. They released me on the third day, with no DX, and that evening I had this epiphany or whatever. If anyone's curious I will email it via jpg format, but the telling of it leaves me speechless. I can only say I emerged with a total understanding of the machinations of the universe and the phrase, "love is the answer, communication is the key."
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:12 pm:
In 1971, I was in an accident that left me clinically dead on the operating table. Prior to this experience, I had no belief in God or an afterlife. I was the mother of three sons, one that had died after being hit by a car. My son died one month prior to my accident.
I remember going into surgery. All of a sudden I was unable to breath. I fought to bring air into my lungs, then I felt a burning through the middle of my body, like a huge rope being pulled through me at a hundred miles an hour. A loud piercing noise was in my ears, and all of a sudden I felt myself passing into another realm and feeling peace. I didn't need to breathe. I saw myself pass by my husband and two sons, they were crying because I had died. I didn't want to leave them, then I felt peace again. They would be alright. I passed by four people that looked very somber. I felt they knew something was wrong. I was moving down a dark tunnel past these people who I did not know. I saw a door with extremely bright light beyond it. As I got close to the door, I felt an overwhelming peace. Such Joy and the thought that "There is no God.” All of a sudden the rope tore through the middle of my body again and the loud noise. Then all at once I knew, there is a God. I knew! it more than just understanding, I knew it with all that I was, in a way I really can not describe. I just knew it. The word peace really doesn't describe how I felt, but is as close as I can get. Perfect peace. Joy, perfect joy. A desire to pass beyond the door. Then like the floor falling out beneath you, I fell. I felt my heart stop, like it does when you know you are falling. I fell into total darkness. As I was falling, I felt the pain of burning all over my body. I was falling and burning and I knew I had fallen into hell. I knew I had a lifetime to believe in God and that I had chosen not to. I knew it was too late to do that now. I would fall and burn forever. I could hear others screaming, as I was. Falling, burning. I knew that no one knew we were there. We were lost forever. There was no escape and this was for eternity. Forever and ever and ever. Falling, burning. I screamed for God.,”I believe in you God", but no one could hear my cries.
Then it stopped. I felt breath come back into my lungs. I woke up in the ICU with nurses and doctors feverishly working on me. I heard myself scream, and I wanted to go back to the peace. Back to God. Why had I come back here? I felt God speak to me. ”Bring as many people to me as you can.” Later, my husband came in the room and I was still crying out. I died, I died and there is a God. My faith in God was renewed that day and has grown ever stronger each day. I know there is a hell and I know that God does exist. I also know that mankind doesn't want to admit that God allows people to go to hell. He doesn't, we do. We have a choice, and as I see people everyday wasting precious time, I just ask. Please find out. Don't be fooled by the notion that all is goodness and light. Search for the truth, don't be lazy. Your eternity is in your hands. If you ask God, he will save you. But you have to ask. Cry out today and I know that God will answer you. That's called prayer.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 30, 2004 - 09:10 pm:
I was under anesthesia, surgery on my neck. I was in black, real black. Then I was at the end of the black space. Mother Mary was there. I didn't see her, just knew it was her. I said I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Then I was in front of Jesus. I could almost see him but he became so, so bright. He was sitting next to Mary; I felt was standing. Jesus said, “Would you die to work for me?” I said “ye, I would die to work for you.” Then Jesus said, “You would die to work for me?” I said “yes, I would die to work for you.” Then I was told I had to go back. I said “no.” They said I had to. I said no again. They said Joe and Alice needed me. I said “I don't care I’m not going.” Then I was being pulled backwards from my back. I passed my dad and nephew. I started to laugh and said “that's all it was it's so simple.” Laughing and crying because I had to leave the ultimate love [that] no words can describe. I knew I was home then and had to leave.
By Anonymous on Friday, March 26, 2004 - 02:41 pm:
I don't remember seeing the light, the other side, or a tunnel. I remember feeling a tunnel inside my lower belly while at the same time I could not move my body. I remember compassionate voices always trying to help me understand the rage of the mother.
These compassionate voices became my parents when no other being here on earth would listen to me. I remember being hated by everyone, so I think that I must have talked about hearing voices. I don't remember.
I remember someone wanting to move me to fourth grade from the second grade, but that did not happen. I remember drawing exceptionally well, but being hated for it. The strangest thing is that I don't remember why everyone hated me so much. This caused me to be alone all the time. I cried all the time. The first time I remember wishing for suicide was at the age of 12. A compassionate voice said to me that "there is something better ahead," so I did not kill myself, but that did not stop me from wanting to. My childhood was hell.
At the age of 26, a voice told me to go talk to a man walking down the street. He led me to my first metaphysical book--Living the Infinite Way by Joel Goldsmith. After gaining goosebump after goosebump from this, I expanded to Edgar Cayce and the Seth books. I have read about 150-200 books on the new physics, channeling, angels, philosophy, and the mind/body effect.
After reading several books on instantaneous healings, I decided to practice prayer myself. I wished for it over and over, wondering what it would take to see an instantaneous healing, until one day I felt one. I saw a coworker fall down in agony holding his side. I called out to him to see if he wanted help. Then all of the sudden, I felt a huge quickening of my body. I must have been vibrating faster. I don't know what to call this, but I was different. I moved over to the man and put my hand on his side for a couple of seconds or minutes. Then the man jumped up, not in pain anymore. I was thrilled.
Your belief will heal you. The point of power is in the present. The Seth books are my favorite. I have tried healing myself, imagining wholeness several times since then with success. I have practiced with my son, Laughing, with success. I want him to know there is no such thing as a germ.
I want to go to the Hands of Light school in Florida because I want to be a professional. I want to teach everybody that we are all connected in a huge web of light and energy. I have read The Holographic Universe and Parallel Universes. Nobody has to talk me into believing in many levels of reality within this space right here and right now. Now is all there is. The spacious present.
Once I felt a light being enter my body and then say something inspirational. Twice I have felt small light beings close to me, like a child when I wake up; with the other one, I felt small foot prints walking away from me on my bed. I have never felt the temperature differences that people talk about.
I and my son live in section 8 housing with food stamps and TANF. I feel totally at a loss about how to get funding for an expensive school like the Hands of Light school. I have felt energy many times, in many ways. I feel like I am wasting away. I am overwhelmed at the energy I feel. I was not socialized as a child, so who am I going to talk to? Nobody understands NDEs or EHEs. There is not a support group in Austin. I have talked to many counselors. I have not found anyone that will even begin to understand.
I wish I was on the other side where there is unconditional love 100% of the time. I know I chose to be here, but I am stuck. I could go around wishing the best for everybody all the time, but I want someone to talk to, to be thrilled with. I need to share. I cannot find anyone to be thrilled with. Even people with Reiki certificates do not understand my thrill, the depth of the energy I have felt.
Help me not to feel so suicidal. I just want to go back home, or a Transpersonal school. I am so bored with Marketing classes at the local community college.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 09:14 pm:
In 1996, I was assaulted and left in critical condition. I don't remember any of this. It was just a normal Friday afternoon, and then I was on a gurney being held upside down, vomiting blood. I lost consciousness shortly after being put in the ambulance.
That's when I had my Death Experience. I purposely avoid referring to it as a Near Death Experience, because I have done much research on the matter. NDE's are most commonly characterized feeling the soul disconnect with the body, a tunnel of light, and seeing heaven, God, lost loved ones, etc. These sensations are easily explained both medically and psychologically. The soul leaving the body is a result of the combined effects of vivi-mortis and muscle relaxation, which occur when the function of the heart and lungs cease. Blood, like any liquid, naturally flows to the lowest possible point because of the pull of gravity, unless it is moved against gravity by a pump (the heart). When the heart stops, blood flows downward. This is vivi-mortis. People who have NDE's are commonly lying on their back receiving medical assistance, which is why they live to tell about their experience. Thus, the blood flows toward their back, creating a sensation of the flesh or body moving backwards. As the lungs cease functioning and the diaphragm relaxes one exhale, creating the sensation of an inner force moving forward. The combined sensations (the body moving backward and an inner force moving forward) result in the feeling that the soul is leaving the body. The tunnel of light effect is caused when the muscles relax and the eyes open and the pupils dilate. One sees a blackness or fogginess surrounding a bright point of light, which grows as the irises relax and the pupils dilate further. At this point, one is aware of one's own demise. We learn though experience and the only way we know of death, beyond the idea of death, is through our experiences of death, i.e. those that we have been close to that have died, and our religious beliefs of what happens when one dies. Hence we see lost loved ones and heaven (or hell), and possibly God.
I experienced none of these things. I was alive one moment and the next I was not. I knew this because I was no longer in my body, though I wasn't floating above it or traveling through a tunnel of light to heaven either. It is impossible to describe what I did experience because there are no words or concepts in the real world that match. The best I can do is say what I know about it and what it felt like. I was in a place that is no place. It was the center of all places, at once outside the known universe (or our understanding of it) and encompassing the entire universe. There was no time in this place. Every moment of history and the present and the future were unfolded before me as one monumental event starting with the creation of the universe and ending, well that has since been blocked from me in such a way that it hurts to try to remember. I experienced something entirely impossible and indescribable, sensation without perception, or awareness without sensation. There was no hot or cold, or light or dark, or movement or lack thereof. There was only awareness. Of everything. I knew every thought and every idea that every person had ever had or would ever have. These were like voices (though there was no sound, so how could they be voices) overheard in a crowded restaurant, but I could distinctly hear and follow each conversation all at once without any one distracting me from another. Then all of that faded away, and there was one emotion, the only one I experienced through the whole event: peace. Complete and permeating peace. The total lack of all emotion, sensation, and thought. All things exist in contrast with their opposites; without darkness, there can be no light and vice-versa. No hot without cold, no pleasure without pain, no love without hate. This is the way we experience the world, through perception of varying degrees of opposites. This is the curse of man, that we enjoy the summer only because we know the winter is coming, we love and are loved because we hate and are hated. And because all thing are known only though contrast, we never know peace unless all these things have been erased, which is only possible through the death of or bodies and the end of our perception and experience and knowledge.
This event (for it wasn't an experience) lasted the smallest fraction of a second and also the entire existence of the universe. I drifted in eternal peace. Then I heard the voice or VOICE of God, at once as relaxing as sleeping late on a Saturday morning and waking to the sound of birds chirping outside the window and the soft scent of lilacs and roses carried on a gentle early summer breeze and the warm sun shining on your naked body and as powerful and frightening as lighting striking the very foundation of the building in which you are standing.
"It is not your time to be here, but you may stay if you chose. I have work for you if you choose to return." I didn't want to leave, but when the VOICE speaks, you obey. I know I was given a choice, and I chose the pain and misery of earthly life over the absence of all but peace. I sometimes wonder about that choice, but I think I made that choice long before it was put in front of me. I know I have work to do, that's why I came back. I just hope I am ready when the time comes.
I woke up on a gurney in the hospital where doctors were explaining to my mother that I would probably die in the coma I was in. They didn't know how I could still be alive. I sat up and was pushed back down because they thought I was having a seizure until I spoke. I was asked a barrage of questions like "Do you know what day it is?" and "Do you know who the president is?" and asked to count to ten numerous times which I did in four different languages. The questions stopped. My skull had been fractured and my head resembled a large misshapen pumpkin. I had three broken ribs, bruised kidneys, spleen, and liver. I was bleeding internally and the doctors didn't know where yet. I said I was going to go to sleep but not to worry I would walk out of the hospital in less than twenty four hours. I then closed my eyes and consciously healed myself. I could feel what was wrong with my body and where. I could redirect blood flow and nutrients to areas that needed it and away from areas that were bleeding. I could will my flesh and bones to grow back together. When I had a CT scan ran the technicians ran another because the readings were so strange. There was no brain damage whatsoever, which was considered impossible given the extent of my injuries and how long my brain had been without oxygen while I was clinically dead. Also there was a never before seen high delta wave reading that could only be explained if I had experienced REM sleep (and even that was a stretch) even though I was conscious and talking the whole time. That night I woke up at one point to see my doctor sitting in a chair in my room. I told him he could go tend to someone else if he needed, that I was going to be fine. He said, "I know, but what’s happening to you is unbelievable. You should be dead. I can't turn my back on a miracle. God is allowing me the opportunity to witness this and I just can't walk away." I later found out that his daughter had been in a car accident and had similar injuries. He had been questioning God and he thought what was happening to me before his eyes was God's answer that He was still here. I was admitted to the hospital at 2:17 PM and released at 1:44 PM the next day. They said there was no explanation for my recovery, but there was no reason to keep me any longer. I was supposed to see my doctor every two weeks for the following six months to track any long term effects of my injuries. After the first physical and the tests, the doctor sat down in the exam room and sighed. I asked him, timidly, what was wrong and he said "Nothing. Just that, nothing. There is nothing in my medical training or experience that can account for your recovery." He explained to me how bones heal. That the immune system goes crazy making new bone and there is a large knot of bone where there was a break. This is eventually dissolved over time, but the process takes months and sometimes there is a permanent enlargement of a bone that has been broken. He said after two weeks he couldn't tell that I had even had one broken bone, let alone three ribs and two in my skull. "All I can say is 'Do you believe in God?'"
The event drove me crazy. I really believe that. I experienced things completely outside the realm of human understanding. I heard the voice of God, which believe me, human beings weren't made to hear. I looked everywhere for the peace I had experienced. I tried drugs, different religions. I started to study physics and biology to try to find a logical explanation for the things that happened to me. I believed that it was all just some grand hallucination. You see I was raised in a Pentecostal church, very fundamentalist and very strict. When I began to ask questions, I was turned away, told my faith was weak, just because I couldn’t accept everything I was told, even when I knew these things were untrue, such as the earth being only six thousand years old and Buddhists being evil. I was told that it was a medical fact that males had one less rib than females because Adam's rib was used to create Eve, and I was told this by a nurse of all things. There is a story in the bible of God making the sun stand still in the sky for a whole day. I was told that scientists had calculated all the days since the beginning of time and there was one less than there should be. And so rather than accepting lies as medical, mathematical, scientific and historical facts, I had turned to atheism. I had found no truth in religion and now all my beliefs had been put in dispute.
I eventually accepted what happened to me as a medical and psychological phenomenon that just had yet to be explained. Until September 11, 2001, that belief held. Around six that morning a friend of mine made a remark about how beautiful the sky was. Surprising him and myself both, I remarked, "Yeah. It's a pity so much death will come out of it. Then I went home and watched death come out of the sky on CNN. In the Bible, when a prophet or wise man heard a message from God, he never gets right to work. He goes "into the wilderness" for "forty days and forty nights." In other words, "we don't know what happened to him or how long he was gone." Maybe my forty days and nights are over. Maybe sharing my experience and the revelations I have had, and the conclusions it has brought me, is the work I am supposed to do. Or maybe not. Either way, I have retuned from the wilderness and have brought back a message.
There is a way we can know peace in this life. It cannot be found in and religion being practiced today, for they are all to far from the truth. The truth in all religion, the foundations of all religions, the message we choose to ignore no matter how religious we think we are, is that there is one sin that is the root of all sin and three virtues that are the root of all virtues, are in fact the only virtues. Pride is sin and all sin is pride. It is the root of all suffering and ills of mankind. Through pride we reduce others to serve our will. Through pride we divide humanity. Though pride we conquer, destroy and subjugate people and nature. Through pride we kill each other, and through pride we die.
Patience, humility and compassion are how we know and spread peace. Jesus said "I am the way, the truth, and the light." Patience is the way through which all things come to pass. Humility is the truth that we each are no greater than any of God's works, no matter how small. Compassion is the light of peace shining through us, illuminating the world around us.
God created us all in his own image, and that means we likewise have the ability to create. We have created murder and suffering and pain. We have created hell. We can continue this trend or we can abandon pride and learn to act with patience, humility and compassion and create heaven on earth, experience peace in this life and in the next, rather than subjugate ourselves to an eternity of rebirths in this hell we have made for ourselves. This is our choice. We make it each day. Just as a recovered alcoholic chooses each day not to drink or to become a practicing alcoholic again, we can choose patience, humility, and compassion, or death destruction, and pain.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 09:01 pm:
I remember being in the top right hand corner of a large room in a hospital. I was up near the ceiling, looking down. My vision was very sharp, I could "hear" people in my thoughts, almost intuitively. I had no other senses, only this eyesight and thought-communication TO me (I did not feel that I could "talk" to the people standing around below me.)
I felt totally calm as if "this was meant to be" . I had no concerns or worries or thoughts of the "me that was before" or "my family left behind". I felt wonderfully at peace and happy. I had no sense of a body, I never felt the urge to look at my hand, for instance. I had no yearning to be anything than what I was, up by the ceiling.
Looking down, I could observe about 5 people in hospital gowns and masks, they were working on someone on a table or stretcher or some such. I knew instinctively that it was "me", but I did not see myself, only the doctors. It was all in color, they wore blue.
Suddenly, I was in TOTAL darkness, going upwards, a gliding feeling, at an angle similar to the steepness of an escalator, perhaps a bit steeper. I felt calm, at no time was I afraid. I had no sense of sound. Only darkness and a feeling of peace.
Then, high up, directly in front of me, as I was gliding upwards, a "door" opened, or rather, a rectangle of light "opened". No light spilled out from this "door" into the darkness that I was gliding through. The light stayed inside. It was VERY bright, but it did not hurt my eyes, I had no sense of blinking or being blinded by coming from total darkness to seeing this light. There was no sense of heat coming from the light.
In the light, there was a "person”, because no light escaped from the "doorway". This body was in shadow, so I could not make out any features, other than the shape. It was human, as it had a head, arms and legs, but I did not see the outline of a hairstyle, so I have no idea if it were male or female.
I was SO blissfully happy to see the light, I felt pulled to it. I was TOTALLY at peace and overjoyed. I was still gliding upwards towards this door of light, but still far away, I would estimate 200 feet away, when the person moved its arm and began to close the door, the light was then just a strip of light with the arm of the person outlined (the door swung inwards toward the person as it closed it).
I felt extreme sadness ...but just for a split second. Then I felt total acceptance with this "door closing decision" that was not my decision. I do not remember anything more. I do not remember being back in my body. I always have this "inner peace" that is part of me now. This is the first time I have recounted this experience. I thought people would think I was nuts! I don't mind sharing this with your researchers, as I think it's important that we as people should learn from one another and help each other.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 09:00 pm:
This is the very short version. The major experience(s) lasted close to eight hours. I put this into a NDE category for lack of a better classification.
The experience itself appears to be drug (biochemical) induced from a degraded antibiotic (found later) combined with exposure to certain substances that I was working with in the lab.
The initial effect of taking the antibiotic was memory enhancement and "clarity of thought". For example, after taking the antibiotic for about a week, I did some math problems from an old college math book and had no difficulty doing the problems, seemed to be so simple, and even remembered which problem had the wrong answer in the back. This from being away from the subject for more than twenty years.
Mind processing speed increased dramatically but I didn't feel like I was bouncing off walls, but rather it seemed like it took substantially less time to find an answer to a problem. A good estimate was that my brain was operating at about the speed of a ten year old. I didn't notice any difference in my maturity level.
I also noticed that I would at times have a totally different perspective on certain issues which don't have clear cut answers. For example, I was watching a hockey game on TV when a fight broke out. I felt this was totally unacceptable behavior and something should be done to eliminate the level of violence in the sport. On the other hand, I've played and coached the sport so I am familiar with what precipitates those events.
Prior to the near death type experience I had a momentary auditory flashback of an event which apparently doesn't seem to fit anywhere. It was about two seconds in length. At this point I decided to lay down and find out what may be going on.
After a minute of being relaxed in bed, I'm seemed to be able to enter an altered state of consciousness. I was cautious but also curious as this was something new. I found that after a few tries that I could slip in and out of this state.
When in this altered state I found that this appears to be the "tunnel" and I had started to explore this structure. What I found interesting is that this tunnel appeared to have some sort of walls or barriers and that it only seemed to be something that I could move through, forward or backward.
Moving forward I was able to see this "light" but never was able to approach it. The color of the light was on the order of a yellow/white which also illuminates that part of the tunnel, but the entrance to the tunnel was dimly lit and had more of a self-illuminated blue/gray color.
I had played with this for a while because it seemed to be some area that I could maneuver around in. I was totally aware and awake during this whole experience. In this tunnel I also found some structures which appeared to be memory files. This is difficult to explain and the best description is that they appeared to be structured in the form of bar graphs one placed behind the other throughout the entire length of the tunnel. These bar graph type memory files also seemed to have unusual properties and definite boundaries.
I wasn't very sure initially what these structures were because they seemed to be existent without function. But I had this ability to move up and down the tunnel ,and had noticed that one of these thin bar graph structures was enhanced or excited in some fashion. On examination, I found that this apparently consisted of a memory file which had a certain amount of information which contained events on the order of three to five minutes in length. The best description in reading the file was that somehow I had the ability to slip between one of the bar graph files and another. I had done a little experimentation in this area and was able to get other files to highlight and view the contents of those files. This then appeared to me as awake "memory" where all experienced events are stored.
From my experience at this point, this appears to be the "tunnel" of the NDE and why some people see their life pass before their eyes, because the awake memory files are stored within such tunnel.
This exploration of the tunnel lasted about two hours at which point I took a break and then went back into this altered state because I felt that I may have missed something. I did re-explore the tunnel and found an "opening" on one of the walls. This seemed to go into a void, and with some cautious entering and exiting, felt comfortable to look into this further. When in this void, I found another structure in the distance.
This structure had the appearance of a curved knobby horn, and it took a while to find the access points. There appeared to be various areas on this horn which seemed to be highlighted similar to those of the awake memory files, and also seemed to have been structured in a similar fashion. The only difference being that the memory files appeared to be in a mirror image compared to the other files. On examination of the files, they appear to be past-life memory files which contain events of past lives. I didn't have access to all the files which were quite numerous because only certain files where in this enhanced state. Details spared for brevity.
After exploring this I then took a look around and found another interesting structure near the horn like past life memory files. This appeared to be something like a stack of cubes, one on top of another, in a fashion to that of an elevator shaft. I had found access to the top cube which also has this layered structure, but didn't notice anything except "me". I then tried to access the cube underneath this and found it to be highly repulsive in nature as it seemed to be full of hate and anger or some state that was very unpleasing to be in. Only by partially accessing this state was I able to determine that the top cube state was "me". I'm not sure if this state is normal or this may be some implanted entity or could be the "original sin". It could also be a defense mechanism. I got the feeling that the other "cubes" were related to the past life history files in some way. And this might be the answer to the multiple personality syndrome.
All of this occurred in the evening and it was bed time. I laid down and very quickly found myself in this altered state of consciousness, but at some different level as the void in this case seemed to be diffusely lit in the yellow/white coloration. And I had noticed in the far distance a point of light which approached very quickly and manifested itself as a "human" being. He seemed to be about 5-11, slightly heavy build, shoulder length dirty blonde hair, beard, moustache, a little self-illuminated, and dressed in a very phosphorescent sky-blue robe. I had asked him his name and he told me it was Mogarth, and I had asked him what he wanted, and he said that he was to show me the "secrets of the universe", if I wanted to.
I didn't feel threatened at any time, but I also wasn't sure I was going to die either. I agreed to his offer and immediately lost consciousness. I do remember traveling to some place because this took time and certain things were pointed out to me as we traveled. I think there were times that I had regained some partial "awakeness". I do remember meeting other spiritual beings like him, but I don't remember their names. I had spent about two hours in this state and got quite a tour, but I remember very little of it. I was told to do a few things when I came back, of which [some] have been accomplished. I was also told about this "End of the World" scenario, and this seemed to hinge upon the inability of the human race to continue itself because of some disaster (nuclear) which puts all the souls destined to be reincarnated in a state of limbo. This also had something to do with this unusual personality state which I was told is the cause of all the world's problems.
After going through this experience I found myself to be less materially aggressive, maybe a little more spiritual and a little less religious, and more understanding of other people's point of view.
One very interesting thing is that last year I found a book, Golden Game by Kosslowski de Rola, in which I found my "spiritual being" and probably a good picture of a portion of this tunnel, along with such memory files, and a few other tidbits. Coincidence? Or maybe all this has been experienced in the past.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:57 pm:
I remember before I went to sleep that night before I experienced NDE, all I did was clean the house ‘til early hours and told my Mum how much I loved her before I went to bed.
I felt this power lift me from my bed while I was in a deep sleep, and remember a man dressed in black saying it was my time. I couldn't make out what he was trying to point at. Next thing I know, I was rushed into a black tunnel, and I was traveling with the speed of light in darkness. I remember there was a tiny light; at the end of the tunnel, I reached this light. It was a feeling I can’t explain: love warm, a feeling that I have never felt before; the light was so bright it was white love. Before I knew it, St Virgin Mary was there holding a baby who I believe is Jesus. I then realized where I was and made sense of where I was. Peace, love: I will never forget is feeling the radiation of His love. I asked her why I was here; she replied it’s your time; you have finished your goal and its time to come through.
No matter how much I loved being there, I thought of my mother and how I couldn't leave her to cope with my death with her heart problems. I asked St Mary if I could go back, she replied 'no'. I told her I couldn't stay here and that it was best for me to go back. I remember I was waiting for her reply for ages; it was like she was thinking. Next thing I know, I felt the speed of light coming back to my body, and I woke up with a pounce. I opened my eyes and couldn't believe I was back home. I ran to my mother’s room and held her so tight, and told her I will never leave before she does. She didn't know what I was talking about, so I told her my experience.
Since this experience, I can’t believe how much my life has changed. I have looked at life in a different light, and that we are all here for a test. I have also found my destiny, have found a good job, and I am coping with problems much easier.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:54 pm:
I had a Death Experience in August of l993, when I successfully committed suicide at the age of 36. So this is why I don't call it a NDE. I had grown up in a very verbally, psychologically, physically, and sexually abusive household in spite of the fact that my father was an ordained, licensed minister of the Christian faith. I was sexually assaulted in the U.S. Army by a superior during my tour of duty as a nurse. I also was assigned to work under his supervision, after the fact, for over two years. There was a great deal going on in my life at the time, being a newly divorced single mother of two beautiful children, and being militarily trained as a combat medic and then a combat practice nurse. My children's father was a policeman and was abusive to us all, during and after the marriage broke up. It was a very difficult time for us all.
I psychologically "blocked out" most of the events of the "rape" due to all of the other incredulous responsibilities I carried at the time. When I was finally finished with my obligation, I returned to the civilian sector and worked in gainful employment as a nurse. Approximately l9 months after my discharge, I later found out this was clinical textbook PTSD, I killed myself by a drug overdose. I went about my house and ingested every type of pill I could get my hands on. I guesstimate the quantity to have been close to l l/2 cups. I remember thinking to myself how I was astonished that they all went down so easily. That was around 0800 hours. I then went about the house to tidy it up and then tidied myself up with a shower. I shaved my legs, washed my hair, curled my hair, put on make-up, ironed some clothes, put them on, wrote a note, and then lay down on my bed to die. I recall that I knew my husband of one month was coming home at his lunchtime at give me my truck so I could go to work later that afternoon: at the Dept. of Corrections … Facility for the criminally insane. It gave me the bee-gee-bees working there with all the murders and child molesters.
Anyway, I recall thinking to myself that I would "hang on" until he came home and then I would "give up the ghost." (I have such incredible amends to make to him and my children and my parents for my actions.) The last thing I remember is hearing the truck pull up in the driveway out in front of the house, and then hearing the front door open and close as he entered. I thought to myself, "Now I can give up the ghost." And so I did. My spirit exited my body in the region of my upper chest/head and there was a gray type of fog/smoke surrounding my new spirit body. I began ascending through the bedroom ceiling and out above the roof top. I was so absorbed in this new world. I remember thinking to myself, "I'm dead. I'm in the world/existence that follows the physical one on Earth." I felt weightless, not just in the physical sense, but also in an emotional sense. I was aware that I was no longer in the emotional pain that had overtaken my life. I was in such a state of peace. I recall looking at my lifeless body that lay on the bed as my spirit ascended. I felt no regret. I did feel empathy for the pain that she/I had been in and then felt relief from that pain and peaceful as I "floated" upward and around the ten acres that our house rested on. The beauty of the natural settings: the wooded areas, the fields and the neighbor’s livestock. I felt "one" with them all. I "heard" them talk to me and I "talked" right back: a telepathy. Even the trees and blades of grass spoke to me. "See how beautiful and perfect we are. All we have to do is grow and exist and BE. We are all 'one'.” I "knew” that this way the way life was meant to be: perfect, flawless, complete and in harmony.
I "floated" about for some time and then I recall thinking that I wanted to go see what was going on in our house below. My husband had dragged my lifeless body onto the living room floor and was performing CPR to it. I felt no sadness; just "matter of fact.” Then his best friend arrived, relieved my husband, and began CPR on my body while my husband rushed through the house trying to find the empty bottles of what I had ingested. (My husband and his best friend were active duty … combat medic and nursing instructors.) I had returned all the empty bottles of medicines to their original places so it would be difficult for them to figure out what I had taken. I did not think about the pain I was bringing to others. I only wanted to end mine. This was not a cry for help. By being a nurse, I knew exactly what I was doing: I intended to succeed. And so I did. I recall the ambulance arriving at the house: I watched from above as I "floated" about in the sky and followed the ambulance that carried my lifeless body to the nearest hospital E.R. I watched as they arrived at the hospital and took my body inside to the E.R. staff, as the police cars came, talked to my husband and his friend: it was chaos. I felt THEIR frustration, fear, and pain and I remember wishing that I could convey to them all that they didn't have to feel all those horrible emotions: I didn't feel them in MY spirit any more; only PEACE and RELEASE FROM ALL PAIN. I wanted my loved ones to feel this same FREEDOM that I was now a part of. I continued to "hover" over the scene and I recall the doctor, after getting the report from the EMTs wanted to "call it" but my husband stepped in, refusing that diagnosis/prognosis and took charge of the "core.” The staff just stood around watching him, and then looked to the doctor in charge to say/do something. The E.R. doctor then took over agreeing to keep working to bring me back.
The next thing I recall was leaving the hospital and "flying" upward (kind of like Sally Fields in The Flying Nun) over the trees, rivers, valleys and mountain tops. I went higher and higher, all encompassing the entire Earth. I then was aware that I was being "drawn" or "pulled" to beyond the realm of Earth. I passed the clouds. The Earth was so beautiful below. (Even the most colorful photos of the Earth, that have been taken from outer space and then sent back, could not compare.) It was wondrous, this new world. I had a "new body,” so to speak. I had a head with large dark eyes, no ears, nose or mouth to speak of. I had a body with arms and legs resembling the physical body on Earth, but yet somehow very different. This new spiritual body was translucently white, but then again, it wasn't. It's so hard to describe. It "glowed" or "radiated" such light. It was not subject to gravity of the laws of physics that I had known while on Earth. If I wanted to go somewhere, I didn't use my legs to get there. I simply thought of where I wanted to go, and there I was. I could not "speak" or "hear" like the physical body, but I could "speak" and "hear" just the same. It was like telepathy. I could "hear" everything "speak" and I could do the same. I "knew what the people on Earth below were thinking and feeling without even being near to them. I automatically "knew" things and accepted this without fear or hesitation: it was normal for this new dimension I was now in. I felt myself being "drawn" upwards and left the Earthly realm. I "flew" past the moon, the other planets and the sun. It was awesome. I continued upwards into outer space where the sky was very black and stars were everywhere.
Then I found myself approaching this dark tunnel, which I can equate with what I think a black hole would look like. I was drawn to it. There was a definite entrance, yet the boundaries of this tunnel seemed to just blend in with space that surrounded it. I entered this black tunnel and continued to fly through it. There were many small colored lights twinkling in the "interior walls.” I "knew" these were "spirits" of some sort observing my arrival. I felt no emotion, just the same "matter of fact" acceptance of all this new world that I was experiencing. I flew through this tunnel for a bit and then I was aware that I was approaching this tunnels "exit.” It was the same as the entrance: there was a definite finish to it, but the borders at the exit just seemed to blend into space. It sounds like a contradiction, but it was, once again like a black hole. Upon exiting the tunnel, I found myself "floating" in space once again. But this space was different. It was the darkest black I'd ever seen and there were no stars or other planets or sun: nothingness. No warmth, no cold. No other presence; total aloneness and void. I was without any stimulus whatsoever. I was alone with myself and my own thoughts. I remember asking myself, "What is this place? It's the absence of everything that originates or that's related to GOD: no light, no nothing."
I then became "aware" of the unseen presence of a "guide" for lack of a better explanation, but there was no communication between us. I then saw to my right at a slight distance, a light which was orangish-yellowish-reddish. It was surrounded by the shape of a doorless archway and the colors I could now see were the illumination of flames. There was this shadowy figure standing there in front of the flames in the doorless archway. There was also a type of "table" which led into this place of flames. (I would describe this table as not burnable, but cold and hard. It acted as a type of "conveyor belt" for "bodies" that were to be delivered into the flames. I equate it with the rolling table in the refrigerated compartments in the morgues that dead bodies are placed into awaiting disposition.) I still felt no fear or danger or dread. It was all just a matter of fact. I still had PEACE. I "knew" this place to be the Gateway of Hell: the absence of God and the torment of one's own consequences. It was at this point that the "guide" that I "knew" was there (but had been without any communication with "him”) "spoke" to me. He told me that this is a place of fear: a place without the presence of GOD: hell. He told me that because I had no fear, even in the very act of killing myself and going onto the unknown next dimension, that this place was not where I would go. I was only to be shown it as a "warning or know ledge" to those who live in fear.
The next thing I recall is "floating" below the white ceiling tiles of the E.R. and observed the medical staff still working on my lifeless body. The doctor in charge was giving orders to the other staff: I.V.s were put in, CORE drugs administered, my clothing had been cut away, and electric cardiac shock treatments were being readied to deliver to my chest. It was after the doctor yelled "clear" and the moment the shock was administered, I was back inside of my body. I felt the incredibly powerful surge of electricity radiate through every part of my physical body, from the tips of every toe to the tips of every finger, and to the very ends of each strand of hair on my head. It was not painful, just so powerful. I remember hearing with my physical ears, the doctor, the other medical staff and my husband at my side. I began having tonic and clonic seizures. I recall thinking to myself, "I'm posturing which is indicative of major brain damage. But I can still hear everyone." I could not feel any physical sensations, however. I recall the doctor yelling at me. Apparently, he was trying to intubate me, but I was very combative and would not hold still. I heard my husband tell the doctor to instruct me to hold still so he could put in the trach tube, and do it like a superior in the Army giving me a direct order. The doctor did so, I heard his order, held still and he was then able to get the trach tube in.
That's the last thing I remember in my physical body at that point. I apparently, "coded" on them once again. I remember rising out of my body for the second time, and saw my body laying on a gurney all hooked up to life support equipment. They said that they didn't know where to put me. I was being kept alive by the life support equipment, but they supposed I was "brain dead" and were going to do EEGs to find out for sure whether or not there was any brain activity left. I heard them talking as I floated around the room where I was. They, the doctors and my husband had agreed to placing me in the SICU, do tests, and keep me alive long enough for my daughter to fly in to see me, and say goodbye, should the EEGs come back with a flat line as they anticipated. (I have so much to make amends for to my loved ones somehow, someway.)
My husband and I, my daughter and I, have never discussed this series of events: I had no memory of my DE or all that had happened until just recently, and my daughter, to this day refuses to discuss it. In fact, she will not even speak to me to this day. I am paying the consequences of my actions here in this life. I pray that someday she will forgive me. It has taken my living ten years in hell on Earth, a hell of my own making, and another suicide attempt, another conversation with God after my second suicide, to make me "see" the TRUTH. My husband and I broke up and divorced. It was too much for him, as well. I pray that he will someday forgive me, too. Not for my sake so much, as for his sake and my daughter and son, for their sakes. "Forgiveness is the best gift that we can give to ourselves.” Lack of Forgiveness, I've realized, just poisons those who refuse to "let it go,” and continues to affect our lives in a negative way until we do forgive. Forgiving sets US free. If others choose to hang on to the hurts and resentments, they sentence themselves to an existence based on fear not only in this life, but also in the next life you are given, and the next, until they learn. I'm learning, finally, to Forgive others. It matters not whether or not they receive this gift that we offer. What matters is that we choose to free ourselves from the bondage that goes with the lack of Forgiveness, or the lack of LOVE, or the lack or Mercy, or Compassion, or whatever act of fear that we hang on to. (I've gotten off my story line. OOPS.)
The next thing I remember is my spirit being "drawn" upwards again. I recall such a bright, bright light which permeated everything. I felt such a "weightlessness" again, and not just a physical weightlessness, but one of such a carefree, without a worry or doubt or pain or torment. I then "heard" this very, very, very loud noise: it was almost deafening, so to speak. I can equate it with the noise of the gigantic turbines I saw and heard once on a tour at Hoover Dam. Combine that with what I equate with the vibration and frequency of a large tuning fork. The noise penetrated everything. I got used to the noise, it seemed, because I recall seeing this brightly lit tunnel with concentric circles in it with alternating colors of soft pastels of aqua-blue-green and a pinkish-peachy-coral and solid white. It drew me into it and I felt such PEACE and LOVE. It was beyond wonderful. I traveled into this tunnel of Light and all around, in the "interior walls" were many small colored lights twinkling. I "knew" they were "spirit" of those who had gone on before and were there joyously welcoming me. I saw them standing there as I journeyed through the tunnel. I saw their faces. There were so many. I "knew" them; they were all very "familiar" to me although I didn't recognize their new "faces.” I could "hear" them all talking: they were welcoming me "home.” Then I recall coming to the "end" of the tunnel to the brightest bright I'd ever known.
Next, I was walking with this "friend" who was clad in a long white gown/robe. He was beautiful. He had hair of gold and he shone of PURENESS, LOVE, WARMTH and LIGHT. We walked together, side by side, on a green grass, with a pond as clear and blue as glass. In the pond were ducks and white geese swimming about without a care. The sky above was the softest, purest, warmest blue without a cloud in it. There were these amazing butterflies and birds flying about singing the most beautiful songs that I've ever heard: it was indeed Paradise. He and I "talked" and walked for some time. He told me that He and all there knew why I had taken my own life and there would be no judgment or penalty for my deed: all was forgiven. He told me that I had no right to take my life, or any life, however. Only GOD had the authority to give and take a life. He explained how life was sacred and was to be cherished. He told me that I was welcomed there by all and was Loved by all unconditionally. He further explained that it had not been my time to die or come "home,” yet. He said that I had not completed by mission. He told me that I was to be given the choice of staying there, or returning to finish my tasks. He then led me to what I shall call the "chamber" of a crystal palace. (The crystals were magnificent. They were more than just decoration or part of the architecture; they were somehow "alive.” They didn't move about, but they "spoke with a knowledge.” The room of this chamber was so bright. There were many "others" in the room all radiating their own and yet a common LIGHTNESS. They were all very large and dressed in white gowns/robes. Their hair shined like gold. They acknowledged me, welcomed me and "spoke.” We then were all shown the review of my entire life: every thought, every word, every action I had during my lifetime on Earth as Gayle. It was complete although it seemed to pass before on the close to l80 degree screen at a very, very rapid rate. Almost in the blink of an eye, I would say. All was "known" by all. All was "understood" automatically by all. There was only Pure LOVE present. I felt no judgment or condemnation, only Unconditional Acceptance, Peace and LOVE.
Then HE appeared: The DIVINE SUPREME INTELLIGENCE; GOD. The LIGHT that surrounded HIM, that enveloped HIM, that WAS HIM, was almost blinding. I could not see HIS face, only the brightest of brightest LIGHTS. HE WAS LOVE: I felt it. I knew it. I knew HIM. I was part of HIM. I WAS LOVE. All there were total LOVE with HIM and of HIM. It was glorious. I never wanted to leave HIS presence. I knew that HE would never leave mine, even if I chose to return to Earth. HE was part or rather the whole of me, and I was the whole of HIM. All things there were in ONENESS. HE asked me what I had chosen to do: whether to stay there in Paradise or to return to complete my mission. I knew and understood how everything "worked": the laws, if you will, of that dimension. I, without hesitation, told HIM that I chose to return: it was a choice based on LOVE. DIVINE LOVE. HE instructed me to "Make a difference, Gayle." His smile........I carry it with me. I was told that I must return right away as the time for my physical body on Earth was running out. His final words to me were, "Show LOVE. Live LOVE. BE LOVE.”
It was at that very moment that my spirit was "floating" beneath the white ceiling tiles and the white lights of the SICU where my physical body lay, all hooked up to the life support machines. I saw a young male doctor in his long white lab coat, and two female nurses. The doctor was telling the nurses that it was "time" to turn off the life support on my body. One of the nurses pled with the doctor to "give her a little more time" to see if there would be any improvement. He reminded her of the flatline EEG results and that it was the family's wish, and had also been my wish (I stated in my suicide letter that I did not want to be kept alive by artificial means) to be let go if this circumstance came to be. He then walked over to the ventilator and turned it off. At this point, that same nurse walked over to my bedside and whispered into my left ear, "Breathe. Breathe. Breathe." At that very moment, I re-entered my physical body: I heard her words out of my left ear. I then apparently began breathing on my own.
The next thing I recall is waking up in the SICU bed and was unable to speak, because I was still intubated, and was unable to move a fraction, because of the very secure four point restraints that were in place. I opened my eyes and saw the white ceiling tiles, the white overhead lights, and the ventilator to my left and I knew where I was: I was a nurse and I immediately thought of the teachings in nursing school about what a comatose patient waking up in the ICU would think and feel. I was now in the bed, instead of aside it as a practitioner. I knew exactly where I was and what had happened. (I had no recollection of my DE at that time.) I remember thinking to myself, "S-IT! I'm still alive." I started to silently cry. I remember a female nurse standing over the head of my bed, seeing me open my eyes, and say to me," Don't fall asleep. Stay awake. Don't fall asleep.” I recall thinking to myself, "What the hell. If I'm meant to die, I'll die. If not, I'll be back." I was not afraid. I felt just that same matter of fact, and so fell back to sleep. The next thing I remember is waking up again. I was still intubated and bound. I knew where I was and what was going on. I looked to my left and saw a female nurse sitting down working on a chart. I started to cry. She noticed I was awake and grabbed a tissue and walked over to the left side of my bed and dabbed my tears away. I kept on silently crying. She asked me if I would like for her to untie the four point restraints, and I nodded a yes to her. She asked me if she untied them, would I agree to not fighting, and I again nodded yes. So she untied them all. She explained that she knew that I was a nurse, and that I was intubated and could not talk. Apparently, I was left intubated so the ventilator could be the auxiliary breaths that I still needed. I was breathing on my own, but not at an adequate rate. They extubated me later that day, after my Ph balance was restored to a normal level. I remember them taking it out. Uugh.
I was still in and out of consciousness for the remainder of this, the second day. I was given meds to protect my liver from the possible damage done to it by the overdose and on the third day, I was discharged from the SICU, and walked out on my own without any obvious deficits. I have a little bit of trouble with my memory at times, but otherwise, I am whole. I praise GOD for this. The times after this were very hard for all involved. I lived in a hell of my own making for ten years. My life, my relationships all disintegrated. In 2004, I was so overwhelmed by my daughter's choice to cut me out of her and her sons' lives, that I stopped taking my antidepressants on purpose. I knew that if I stopped taking them that I would become so despondent that I would take my own life, again. It is not my daughter's, or son's or anyone else’s fault or guilt: I was and am responsible for my actions whether or not I think so. I'm paying the consequences of my choices here now in this life on Earth.
On this second attempt fairly recently, I'm not sure whether or not I died, but I do remember being in a really dark place, and "hearing" GOD "speak" to me. He asked me, "Gayle, haven't we had this conversation once before?" I remember "chuckling" with HIM over his question saying to HIM in reply, "Blessed Lord even YOU have a sense of humor in the darkest hour." The intervention of this disparaging act was in itself miraculous, and I thank and BLESS all those involved in saving my miserable life, at that time I mean, for showing the wisdom, compassion and patience they all demonstrated and still do in that day and in those that follow.
My father used to tell me, "Gayle, you're like the mule who had to get hit over the head first with a 2x4, just to get his attention. You're a hard-headed, thick-skulled German." And I'd reply, "Just like you, Sir." My life has changed dramatically, spiritually and emotionally speaking and I give all glory, praise and thanks to the GOD OF LOVE. I still have a lot of cleaning up to do in my life, and so many, many amends to make to so many, many people in my life that I have hurt. I wake up each morning and ask HIM to give me a heart of gladness so that I may be a testament and healing source to all. HE loves us all so very much as we all are his children. May we choose to live a life of LOVE not of fear. PEACE I pray for in this world of troubled times and I send BLESSINGS to you all in HIS NAME, THE DIVINE SUPREME INTELLIGENCE, GOD our HEAVENLY FATHER, TRUTH AND LOVE.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:51 pm:
When I was 17 years old, I had the measles and Scarlet fever at the same time. I was given penicillin for the measles which turned into Scarlet fever. This particular mourning I had over slept and remember feeling like I had a heart attack. I felt my body rise up off the bed and come back down hard. At that point I remember looking down at my physical body on the bed as I rose through the house and toward a white light. I saw my house and the surrounding area as I continued to move toward the white light. I felt no pain, suffering, or other discomfort. I felt the white light was a calming peaceful place and I was drawn there. I do recall looking down at everything I knew as I floated away. I could see figures as I continued toward the white light but was not yet close enough to discern them. Right at that moment, my mom came into the room to wake me up. Mom shook me violently, and I remember being thrown back into my body. At that time I was not sure what just happened, but mom took me to our doctor right away. The doctor said, "If my mom did not bring me right over, I would have died." My temperature was at 104 degrees and the doctor had to quickly bring down the fever.
For many years after I had dreams of me leaving my body and going towards the white light. I have found that I relive the future (deja vu). I have had sleep problems ever since. I have had feelings like I have been places before when I have not. I have experienced that I can seem to make people believe things that I say without question. I have had visions of the future, for example last year in early February I had a dream about Atlanta and seven people who are killed in a fiery crash. Woke up one Saturday mourning and found the space shuttle Columbia with seven crew members aboard had disintegrated on reentry. For me, I was genuinely scared because I wondered, did I foresee this disaster with these seven people and just got the name wrong? I was numb for weeks after that.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:50 pm:
I was in a coma after having surgery and a massive infection that shut down my kidneys, caused brain swelling, and many other medical problems. I looked to the side of my bed and an angel was standing there. She told me today would be the day that I would die, and I told her I could not because when my boys came to see me they would be upset that I never said goodbye. She told me there is no such thing as goodbye and that the second I died, God would be there to take me, and that all I had to do was take my right hand and put it into his and everything would be OK. She took me through this long tunnel filled with the most beautiful light, and all my deceased family members were there, although, I could not see their faces... The light was magnificent and comforting. At the end of this light, God was there waiting for me. I walked up to him and put my hand out, and he dropped his hand and said "No, it is not your time," and would not take my hand. The angel walked me reluctantly back through the light, That morning I awoke from the coma to the shock of my family and doctors. They had no explanation for my recovery.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 25, 2004 - 08:47 pm:
I had a serious accident. Hang-gliding in 1974, I crashed and it took a couple of hours to get me off the mountain and into an ambulance. Being in shock, I had no pain until I reached the first hospital which didn't want to admit me because I had another insurance plan. I was left on a gurney and blacked out numerous times from the pain while the ambulance drivers flirted with the nurses as they awaited directions for where to take me. Finally, they took me to another hospital where I was operated on. This too took hours, and knowing that I wouldn't survive, experimental surgery (it was a practice hospital where interns were taught) including instances of what was later considered to be malpractice were done on me. After the operation, in recovery, I died on the table. I found myself high above my body watching the nurse turn me over onto my side, all the time yelling at me "cough up the blood . . . take a breath!” (In the accident, I had broken all my front teeth off at the gum level and had profuse bleeding.) The nurse would pound on my chest and periodically slap my body. As I watched all this from above I could hear her shouting, but it seemed as if it were a couple of blocks away.
I remember thinking, that if I let go, I would die and had no fear of that at all, but then remembering I had two pre-teen children and how that would impact them, I immediately snapped back into my body. (I say "snapped" because of my one other out-of-body experience, but it was not an NDE - during that one, I felt the sensation of being snapped back into my body.) But this time, it was just an immediate return.
A few days later, the nurse came into my room and we talked - mainly small talk - she was asking me how I was doing, etc. I asked her, "You're the one, aren't you.” She asked, "what do you mean?” "You're the one who was pounding on my body while I was floating above us," I told her. She began to cry and told me, "God told me not to let you go."
That statement had a profound impact upon me. I'd begun questioning whether God existed until then, had begun to experiment with some religions. Now, He has proved His existence to me in a super-natural way, a way that is so meaningful to me that I've taken risks that a normal person wouldn't . . . All in all, it was the best thing that ever happened to me; it changed my life!
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 12:59 pm:
I found myself at the ceiling of the hospital room. I had no body, but I was at a point of higher consciousness; a spiritual being telepathically was embracing me with love and peace like I have never known. I felt connectedness and ONENESS with all of life. I knew that I was near death, but I was so happy and liked where I was. I did look down at my mother and another female in the room, but I did not see my body nor remember getting back into it. At times I sense things before they happen or before I see someone, I sense that I will see him/her. Since my NDE, I do have chronic allergy and sinus problems which I did not before my NDE, and also I have migraines that are sensitive to weather changes. I have always had a sensitive nature, but I was not intuitive like I was/am after the NDE. I was left with an insatiable desire to learn and still feel the connectedness to all of life. I do feel that I have a mission, which may be to research NDEs cross-culturally. I did that for one of two masters degrees that I received after my NDE. I have blended Eastern philosophy with my Christian beliefs, but at the time of the NDE I was open minded. I have no fear of death, and I feel that I was enlightened spiritually.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 12:56 pm:
I had many "visions". I am not sure of the time frame, as I was ill for some time. I was in a medically induced coma at one point for about three weeks. These could have come then or the months following while sedated in the hospital? Here I go....
From what I've read here on this site, is that my experiences are in the type III - Hellish Experiences. I have so much to share and have never been able to find anywhere to find/share information.
The devil was in each vision that I had. He took form of a black Chinese cat. Sometimes he chooses other forms to "trick" me, but he always had to show himself at some point as the cat.
He wanted my soul, and badly. In one vision, I remember being tied to a cargo net (much like a spiders web), and he (the cat) was in the corner, and he was waiting for me to submit my soul to him. Each time I began to waiver and say....‘ok, take me, I can't do this any more,’ he would approach and then with renewed strength, I would start reciting that my "soul belonged to Jesus Christ." With that, I became emotionally stronger and the cat would become angry and back away. Sounds weird huh? I've only just begun.
I was being held in a black room with a divider half-way between the lengths of the room. The cat (who was taking me to say goodbye) took me to one section of the divided room, and I looked down to the end. There was a window that allowed me to say "good-bye" to my mother, daughter, son and a friend; each person separately. They were crying, and I was telling that it was ok, that I was dying and they would be ok. Everyone accepted this except my friend; she was carrying on about how I couldn't die. The cat then led me to another section that I had not seen before, and it was higher like I had to be elevated to that area. At the top was a "Buddha" that looked at me and said, "Beware of what you wish for." He repeated that saying several times. At that time, the cat informed me that I had two doors from which to choose from. One was of gold gild and the other was a plain door. He opened the gilded door and through it, I could see a large green field with the sun warming it and lots of flowers and children playing and laughing. It looked inviting and fun. I told the cat that I choose that door and wished to go through it. The Buddha again repeated his words. I stepped through the door into darkness and felt myself falling and falling and falling with a panicked feeling of dread, death and hell.
The cat was laughing and telling me I choose foolishly. I said that I had changed my mind and didn't want that door and wanted to be with Jesus Christ; that he could be the only being with my soul. I continued to repeat to the devil that "he could have my body, but my soul belonged to Jesus Christ". I found myself at the platform with the Buddha again and the cat was gone. The Buddha again repeated his words’ and I looked at the plain door. I opened it and felt spiritual warmth unlike I had ever felt. I never "saw a light" or anything like others have expressed. But I knew that I was in the presence of the lord.
I have lots more experiences with the cat that I had before this one with the Buddha but I'm tired and cannot write anymore.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 12:52 pm:
I flat-lined three times in the hospital. I got in a car accident in New Orleans while on vacation. The airbag gave me a blunt trauma to my liver. I went to the hospital in an ambulance from the scene of the accident and they did not catch my injury. Thinking that I was fine they let me go and I returned home. A week went by and I started feeling sharp pains around my abdomen. It got severely worse until I could not walk. I went to a family doctor in my parent’s small town and she misdiagnosed me with the flu and bronchitis. After a week on medication that was supposed to clear up my "flu," I returned to the doctor again. She prescribed some pain medication. I went home and the pain medication didn't work. Returning to the office one more time, she told me not to come back and that she has prescribed me enough medication. At that point, I wasn't even able to walk and my abdomen was swollen dramatically. I went to another doctor and he told me to go home and put a heating pad on my tummy.
The next day in near-death health, I was taken to the Emergency Room. As soon as I got there, I was diagnosed with sepsis (an infection in my blood) which has a 40% mortality rate. Then after a cat scan, they found my liver abscess that took up half of my liver (liver abscess has a 30% mortality rate), so they prepared for emergency surgery. I flat-lined once during surgery because of my liver condition and my blood infection. I also died once in the ER after catching Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) from my body going into shock, and then once again on the helicopter when they were sending me to a bigger trauma center . I don't remember seven days out of a month of hospitalization. During those days my sister came down because the doctors told my parents to call the immediate family because they thought I wouldn't make it. She spent three days with me at the hospital. I talked with her and many other people, but I don't remember any of it.
When I woke up it felt a feeling like I knew where I was and what happened, but I really had no idea what happened to me that week. I don't remember anything like a light or a spirit, but I was very calm and in good spirits during and even after realizing what happened. All I know is that I am a totally different person. People tell me that I look better than before my NDE, but I think I pay more attention to my appearance now since I feel sort of dirty with experiences: like I am a veteran with a thousand stories and no one to tell, or no one to understand my issues, or a innocent looking girl, but underneath she has some baggage that has more scars than an unlucky stuntman. No man will ever feel stronger than me since I have been through war with life and death. But now I am not scared of death anymore, because I felt a peace in the hospital that was warming and calm. I know now that it is a very peaceful place and god puts a fake terror of dying in everyone so we won't want to die right away so we can live our life.
I am having many problems keeping my friends right now. A lot of so-called friends before my NDE have abandoned me (maybe because of the fear of getting close to someone that is on the edge of death or there fake death phobia is kicking in). But on the plus side, I have gotten really close to my family now and less so with friends. I do have some weird sort of psychic ability now, like finishing other people's sentences. or asking questions they were just about to ask. .Plus I have been motivated more in learning now. I still go to school even though it’s only been a few months since I died in the hospital. .I can't have a normal conversation with anyone now (unless they don't know me). They have that look in their eyes like an overprotecting mom, or a sort of pity for me. No one asks questions about this; or if I bring it up they get too frightened and change the subject, or they just flat out tell me they cannot talk about it.
My life has always been a little bit stranger than other's lives, but what I experienced a few months ago has to top it all. Now I just wish someone could really understand and not just act like they understand. But in the end I will be okay.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 09:12 pm:
I was experiencing a difficult time in my life and I was filled with a lot of internal anger. I was doing methamphetamine regularly; it would help my emotional pain. (Or so I thought at the time.) I was realizing a lot of realities about the world that were evil and not what I wanted them to be. I had been hurt and taken advantage of by several of my friends. I was so full of anger I thought I would explode. One night, it was late, I sat down, very, very tired. I asked God from the bottom of my heart, to take away my anger, cause I knew that was not the way I was meant to feel.
All of a sudden, I was in a different place. I didn't see anyone, but I saw a wide, open green field about me. It was beautiful. I felt a sense of peace and happiness that was so wonderful, I can't even begin to explain it. Suddenly, questions I had pondered about started "just coming into my mind". I knew the answers to them. I "just knew". I understood why people sometimes "harden their hearts" and hurt others, whether purposely or not. I understood that my body was my shell for my time on this earth and that I was here to learn and to grow (should that be what I chose to take from my experiences. Here, Love had no boundaries. There was love everywhere, it was soo strong, you could feel it. I had no needs, wants or worries; I felt like all was ok.
I came out of it and was totally in awe. It changed a lot with me. At first, the bad came. It was like I lost all my boundaries. I had a hard time in this world as I was so focused on my experience. People would get upset with me, I did "inappropriate things" as perceived by this world. Everyone thought it was just the drugs, but I knew it was not. I attempted off and on to quit the drugs, but not before some trouble with the police, a divorce, identity theft, and the loss of my job. I hit rock bottom and truly got to know the Lord. I had some hard times, but slowly pulled myself up to where I am now. I still see society totally different from others; many times my view makes others dislike me. But I am ok with that.
I absolutely do not fear death; I had felt like I had a choice to die, like I was being asked, no voices, it was just in my head. When I was really down, I so wanted to die, I even asked God to take me, but he didn't and I know it was because the other part of me was battling the thought of leaving my kids. My mom died when I was 18 and I wanted my kids to have their mother for a long time. I eventually quit the drugs all together, I am back with my husband and my view remains. It has helped me to understand a lot, which has helped me to better deal with those around me. It has also helped me learn to love myself. (I work on this daily.) I know that no one will ever love me the way God does; they don't have the ability to. I now understand that. I wouldn't trade my experience for anything, I think it SAVED my life. I wasn't sure what happened to me at first, but I started reading and found others who have had NDE's , but had not been in any health danger. I now know, this is what I had.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 09:10 pm:
My daughter had died in 1994, age 33, of breast cancer. I was devastated about her death and was grieving. One day I was coming home, driving my car, when all of a sudden I felt my body drifting to the passenger side of the car. I felt as light as a feather and such a wonderful peace. I then said “I think I am having a out-of-body experience,” and after I had said that, I flew back into my body. To be honest I did not want to come back, the peace I felt while out of my body was the most wonderful feeling I have ever had. The learning experience I got out of this was that I believe God was telling me that my daughter felt that wonderful all the time now as she was with him. I have a deeper belief in religion now. I have shared this with a few people, whether they believe me or not, I do not know, but I know it happened as I was fully awake and driving my vehicle.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 09:09 pm:
I don't remember how I fell down while horse jumping . I was in a dark narrow round tunnel, and moving towards a bright white light that was no hurt for the eyes, rather mild . As I stood still, someone behind my shoulder said “don't be scared, no harm, no sweat, take it easy, you can go forward, it's really great!” I felt most peaceful and happy that in my entire life . But I knew I was not in the earth dimension any more. Approaching the ridge of the tunnel widening, I was inside the white light, being a small light in the infinite light. I hesitated and went back on earth suffering and crippled. I wish I had never come back was my last reborned thought.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 09:08 pm:
I only thought I was just tired, I didn't know what I was about to encounter. I'll try to make this to the point as much as I can possibly. When I was 17 years old, I had migraine headaches (like many people!), but I went to a clinic doctor at the hospital when I got an especially painful migraine and subsequently received a new medication. Little did I know that I was supposed to tell them about the other medicine I was taking (I was just a teenager and was not paying attention). As they discovered later, those were the worst medicines to mix because it can severely affect circulation and affect the heart, which it did.
I went home and lay down and closed my eyes. I could not sleep because the headache was too painful and after a short time (after taking both the different medicines), my body felt tense and tight, and then the necklace charm I was wearing was bouncing a tiny bit off my chest. My friend and my Mom were both there and saw the necklace charm bouncing (they saw it happen). The main thing I remember is that I went from feeling tense physically to suddenly feeling like I was lighter than air so to speak. Then I suddenly was surrounded by a churning black darkness and it was like swirling around me, like I wasn't standing in it but kind of floating in it. I heard a very frightening moan that even though it wasn't quite a sound, it was a feeling that made me think of a scary creature, and I felt its presence and I started to see a light at the same time. At first the light looked small then grew larger really fast. I am a Christian but I don't remember thinking of Jesus immediately. I felt more like a sitting duck just in awe. Then it was like a giant vacuum force grabbed me away from the darkness and pulled me into the light, but gently. It did not hurt me; it was like I already knew who was grabbing me away as if I was not surprised at all. That part I don't understand, but I just remember feeling safer than when I was in the swirling black stuff. I remember after that I was pulled into a realm I did not recognize, But the very clear memory I have held onto was that a peaceful presence came next to me and I felt confused. Then it manifested into what I feel was a being that reminded me of the feeling I had when I prayed to Jesus during life. It said (rather I felt the 'words') that "You are not ready yet, you have to return." I recall refusing to, but respectfully and almost like begging. I remember after that I felt the being surround me with the most incredible feeling of being loved, like a parent or a mother holding her child in her arms, that's the comfort and intensity of love I felt. The only other part I remember is being shot back into my body.
People around me were really freaked out because they said I stopped breathing, and could not hear them, and the ambulance was on its way. I was frustrated to be back on earth in my body; but I was elated to know that I experienced the love of that being, and that it would be there for me again one day, so maybe I just hold onto that sometimes. I really feel strongly that because of this experience, that there really are evil forces and good forces, and I wonder if this life shapes our souls, but that is just my feeling.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 09:06 pm:
In 1961, when I was thirteen-years-old, I lived near a test pit. the pit/pool had been surplused out of service, and with the addition of water and pool ladders had been turned into a fairly nice swimming pool.
The only drawback was that the pool water was not heated, and as anyone who has lived [there], would tell you, with only slight exaggeration, that a summer there could be compared to a winter in Seattle. Even though the water temperature was less then 55 Fahrenheit (13 Centigrade), it could not have been much more of a shock to my thirteen-year-old skinny, 100 lbs., system than had I jumped into a vat of ice cubes.
My Near Death Experience
So this is what happened. It was on a Saturday afternoon, late in summer just after school commenced.
We got there just before 2:15 that afternoon, where we met many of our Canadian friends.
After the usual chitchat and junior high horseplay we all went around to the deep end of the pool. I was the first to enter the water by attempting a stylish racing dive. Wham, I mean it was like standing in a puddle and sticking your finger in a light socket, and I was off to the other end, swimming like hell as I realized how freaking cold it was. All of a sudden, after a few numbing strokes, something happened. The cold was gone and I was swimming in a cloud and it was easy, as easy as I have ever known anything in my life, but a lot easier than that. I mean it was like my body was perfect, and I was flying, and it was unbelievably easy and very, very comfortable. The cloud was iridescent white, like mother of pearl, and as I moved forward it got brighter and brighter. It was so bright and so white, yet my eyes were not bothered by it in the least, it was perfect. I kept moving forward as I felt I was being drawn to something and all I knew is that I wanted to go there. Further along, I began to make out shapes that I began to distinguish as two beings. The light was getting brighter and I was warm all over. One being was very much larger than the other one. They were cloaked in white even more radiant and pure than the light. The diminutive one was to the left, from my perspective, and a little behind. Their faces were without any features, but I knew that I was basking in a love and warmth that to this day I could never describe except to say that within it dwells perfection and all that there is, everything, is known and understood. Finally, I began moving away, although I remember resisting with all of my being as I didn’t want to leave, not then, not ever. It was getting darker and finally dark when all of a sudden I became conscious. Two lifeguards were standing over me and I didn’t feel too well as I had apparently taken in lots of water. They said that I hadn’t been breathing for several minutes, approximately ten minutes. I couldn’t speak. I was back and I would never be the same.
The Kicker
Remember the time line. I went in the pool at approximately 2:30 PM. I was pulled out about five minutes later, not breathing. The lifeguard worked on me for approximately ten to twelve minutes, as he recalled, without a response. Shortly before 3:00 PM his replacement came on. His replacement had just arrived back that same afternoon from the International Red Cross, where he had just been taught the new technique of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. He saved my life.
From that day forward I’ve never been afraid of crossing over to the other side. Remember though, you can’t defeat your purpose.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 09:00 pm:
In 1997 I became a near death survivor, and I want to share my story because I hope that somewhere someone else might understand.
I saw myself lying in my hospital bed from both above and next to it. I saw that there was only one nurse in the room, sitting in a rocking chair watching over me, I knew it was okay for me to leave the room. I walked down the hall and began to feel a warm sensation, I followed it into a tunnel that grew brighter, and as I walked along I began to smell wonderful flowers, I knew they were carnations. As I reached the end of the tunnel I realized that I was dressed as woman dressed in 1940. As I reached the end there were clouds that seemed to be parting, and there I saw a pair of hands. At the sight of them I was overcome with emotion, a deep in-my-soul feeling of grief, happiness, and love. I knew without looking at the face of the person who he was, my grandfather, who had died in WWII, 20 years before I was born.
As I stepped out I was aware that we were in a town, and walking down the sidewalk of main street. Everyone who we passed or talked to knew my grandfather and was real excited to see that I had come to see him. All of the woman in town were dressed in there Sunday best. We passed a hat store, a butchers market, a pharmacy, and the streets were lined with dogwood trees in full bloom. As we walked, we did some talking. He told me he had been waiting a long time to talk to me, that he knew I would be the only one who could correct things. He told me he had watched my dad (his only child) grow, and had grieved with my grandmother (his wife) for all that they missed, but that he was proud of her for raising my dad alone. We talked about when I was born, how my mother kept stating that a man in a uniform had walked into the room, smiled and left, the doctors told her it was from the medication. She had never told me this but when I asked her, she turned real pale.
Anyway, we decided to have fried chicken for supper and after we went to his house, which I knew very well, my grandmother had kept it until the 1980's, I slept in a huge bed with blankets fresh from hanging on the line. It was such a real feeling of being home, safe and loved. I felt such a peace that night. Over the next few days we really talked, and he asked me to tell him what I had been told growing up about him. I felt such sorrow, I had really never been told much, other than he was killed while training in flight school in WWII; that was it. It was a subject that was not brought up, and I honestly had no interest in. My grandfather took my hands and asked me to do something for him. He asked me to look into his crash because the Army had not given the families the correct findings, and that they all (his crew) needed there families to know. I asked him how to do this, and he just looked real deep into my soul and said I would know how. He also asked that I take our family history and continue it, that it would be a wonderful journey.
My grandfather told me that it was time for me to go back. I felt all of these strong emotions, the biggest two were a deep sense of sorrow and grief and a real connection of love, a deep feeling of having a knowledge of him that only he and I share. I tried to lock in my memory everything I could about him, the way he looked, talked, smiled, and how wonderful he smelled. We held each other for a long time and I cried like I had never done before. I just knew I did not want to leave him. As we walked down the street towards the white light and clouds, I asked him if I would see him again. He told me he would always be with me, like the warm light. I entered the tunnel and walked back to my room, and found the same nurse still rocking in her chair. I know she smiled at me.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:59 pm:
It was July 1966 in that late afternoon. I was playing with my friends near the edge of a wooded area next to my home. My Mom told me to come inside as a storm was approaching and thunder could be heard in the distance. I was having too much fun, so I ignored her and continued to play. Suddenly there was a very loud BOOM and I felt as if I had been hit by a car from behind. I was thrown to the ground, at which time I tried to move and was unable to. I had been hit by "ball" lightning - I could see the "ball", it was big, made of fire and had spikes poking out of it. At this time I was seeing myself and the entire area from above the trees. Some of the trees were on fire and I could also see my Dad getting back to his feet (he had been thrown to the ground from the force), as he had already been heading out to get me since I did not come in per my Mom's orders. I was not afraid at all. I had no pain and I started to say "good-bye" to my siblings, parents, friends and neighbors. I did not know where I was headed to, but fear and pain were not present at all. I could see my Dad pick me up off of the ground and shake my limp body; he was crying out my name. Suddenly I was looking into his eyes and I was no longer looking down on this scene. Dad then ran back to the house with me as the fire department arrived to put out the fire, and then I was taken to the hospital for follow-up. My exam was completely negative except for some strange burns that looked like jagged lightning in the sky. They started at my right shoulder and traveled diagonally down my body and ended at my left foot. At the time of this blast, my tennis shoes were tied, but I was thrown completely out of them. They were about 20 feet from my body and the left one had the bottom blown out of it. I stayed in the hospital that night for simple observation and then in the AM there were some photographers that came to take pictures of my burns. They said that most people die from this type of incident, so to have these pictures would be great for medical books, etc. The burns stayed for a few days and then went away. My Mom says that I was a very scared and insecure child for quite some time after that, but eventually life was normal once again. Needless to say - I have never spent any time outside in the presence of lightning or thunder since!!
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:58 pm:
It is now February, 2004. To the best of my memory and writing style, this is a complete accounting of what I experienced thirty-three years ago. My intent is to record this while I still am able. The reader should appreciate that some of this is memory that I did not want to ever remember. I tried to push it from consciousness. Over the years I have tried to focus only on the good and not on the evil. But, I am acutely aware that there are both.
This is my account. It happened to me and I am stuck with it.
The year is 1971. I’m fourteen years old and it is the summer of my freshman year of high school. I applied to work at a Boy Scout summer camp for the third year running. The first two summers I applied I wasn’t offered a position. This year was my last chance and the camp director offered me a job working in the camp kitchen. It’s not what I had in mind but I accepted.
The camp ran like clock work. Each Saturday all of the scouts left the camp and on Sunday, a new bunch of troops arrived. On the first day of their arrival, campers were required to pass a swim test to be allowed to participate in lake activities. Since working the kitchen was hard with little time off, and since I was a certified Junior Lifeguard, I volunteered to watch over the new campers as they performed their swim test. Each of the guards was supplied a long aluminum pole to act as lifeline in the case someone had to be pulled dockside. Swimmers were required to swim two laps unassisted along a boat slip bordered on three sides by dock. For the swim test, the open side was bounded by buoys along a length of rope.
On this particular day, I had watched several groups perform their test without incident. However, during one of the evaluations, one swimmer, a boy of 13 years old or so, started to struggle and cried out for assistance. All I had to do was lower the pole so he could grab on and I would pull him out. But, instinctively, my life guard training came into play and I jumped feet first into the water with legs spread apart like on a bicycle. Quickly I grabbed the boy, spun him around and placed him in a carry position with my arm across his chest diagonally. It is a very secure hold and one that prevents him from fighting me if he panics. Since he was quite docile and since this hold is tiring, I decided I could place him in a chin carry instead. That was a mistake since the boy felt less secure and became anxious. In a split second of panic and before I knew what happened, he struck the side of my head with a round house right hook. The blow to my head was severe and dazed me. I fought to maintain consciousness. As my awareness slipped from me, I began to sink into the water deeper and deeper. Because I had been exerting myself carrying the boy back to dockside, my body needed oxygen. My chest instinctively heaved, forcing my lungs to breath water into them. To my amazement it wasn’t so bad. My lungs were full which took the pressure off. But, I knew I was going to die today. I felt my arms and body go limp. I was sinking watching the water go from light green to dark.
What’s happening? What is that? It doesn’t make sense. I think I see people running here and there along wooden paths. Oh, that’s water I see, and those are the wooden docks. The boy I was saving is alone in the water now. He’s looking around frantically. He’s crying. I get it. I’m floating above everything and I’m looking down onto the lake and the docks. I don’t see me because I’m under water. But how can I be seeing this? Why? I’m at maybe 50 feet above the water. I want down. I belong down there. How do I get down?
As if I have a rubber band attached to my back that reaches its limit, I am pulled higher into the sky. Holy cow, I don’t see the lake anymore. I’m in the clouds. The earth pulls away from me. I can see it and it’s getting smaller. I’m in space. It’s dark except for the stars. Slowly, they start to move streaking the black backdrop and forming lines of light. As I pick up speed, I feel I am moving to the end of the universe with the stars whizzing by me. The lights create a walled effect like warp drive in Star Trek. I’m moving fast -- faster than is possible yet there is no real sensation except for sight. Then into darkness.
It’s black. Pitch black. I see nothing. There is nothing. I strain to see something, anything. I don’t like this. I’m scared. I feel I am in a universe devoid of all things. It is vast without end and completely and utterly empty. There is no one else, nothing else. I am alone. There is no person, no life, no death, no love, no hate, no salvation. There is only a vast emptiness except…for me. The loneliness overwhelms my senses. I would welcome anything. Please. Please. I can’t stay here.
Wait. I see something. Do I hear something too? Is my mind playing tricks? I hear laughter. I don’t know if I like the sound of it though. I see a pin point of light. It’s getting larger but I can’t make out what, if anything, it is. The laughing is getting louder too. The light starts to form a shape. Huh? I can’t believe what I am seeing. It can’t be. It is. It can’t be. I see a face. Except it’s not a face. I don’t quite recognize it because it’s a skull and it’s laughing. It isn’t a good laugh. It’s sinister. He’s mocking me, gleeful at my plight. It’s a terrible sound that sends shutters through me. It speaks and tells me I am there forever, with him. I begin to hear others talking. They are coming nearer with conspiratorial voices that are evil and menacing. The skull brought them or they followed. I’m scared. I feel their presence encircling me. These are creatures of the darkness. I can’t see them. I sense them. They’re near. They are as dark as the surroundings. The skull continues laughing. Ouch. Something clawed me and I am being bit as if being tasted. Then, they are set loose upon me clawing, scratching and biting. It feels like my skin is being stripped off. Oh, the pain. God help me please. I can’t take this. God, please help me. The attacks continue. Then I recall an old parish priest told me that evil cannot remain in the presence of God. I call out, Lord, Jesus Christ help me please. Help me. The attacks subside and soon stop altogether. The dark entities of evil slink away into the darkness. I am alone again in the black emptiness but I am relieved.
Some moments later I see something again. It’s another pin point of light. Oh god, please don’t let it be that skull again. It’s coming closer and separates into more than one light. What are these? They get larger. They look like soap bubbles. Lots of soap bubbles. Lots and lots and lots of soap bubbles. They’re everywhere. Hundreds, thousands and then millions of them. The colors are magnificent, lively and translucent. Each bubble dances about in its own way. They are alive. They don’t harm me. They are good. I’m confused why I am seeing this. What are they? The bubbles begin to move past me slowly at first and then faster. I’m moving or they are. I’m not sure which. The movement of the bubbles past me generates streaks of red and violet light bars encapsulating me into a tube of colored light culminating in a far away vortex. I have no choice but to move through it.
When I reach the end I hear, “It is time to review your life experiences.” Who’s there? Who said that? I don’t see anyone. “I’m the one watching over you.” Are you my guardian angel? “If you like. Yes.” It was nice to be in the presence of another. And with that, like watching a big movie screen, my life was portrayed before me instance by instance, moment by moment. It would be normal to think that this would take some time, but time doesn’t exist.
There’s Billy. He’s about 5 or 6 years old. I used to play with him when I was a little kid. We’re playing with cars behind the orange-brick duplex across the street from where I live. I say something bad to Billy. It’s not a nice thing. I’m being mean and spiteful. The difference now is I feel him hurting. He’s crying. I feel his anguish. Oh, I’m sorry Billy. I shouldn’t have hurt you like that. And so it went on, moment by moment, review by review feeling the results of my actions until my time in the lake.
Why am I going through this? My Angel replied, “You review your life in order to cleanse your soul. How do you feel?” Terrible. I am such a mean person. I didn’t realize I hurt others that much. “It’s important that you learn from this.” I have. I take responsibility and I’m so sorry. “Would you like to see it again?” No, I get the message. I hope that I am not judged poorly. “Your life is evaluated by the most powerful judge there is.” When does that happen? “It already has. That judge is you.” It all becomes clear to me and I feel as if a weight has been removed. I am refreshed. I am ready now. The cleansing is over and I am left in darkness once again but not for long.
Wow -- a blast of light like a door opening into the darkness. I’m confronted with streaks of bright, white, brilliant light. It’s overwhelming. It is the purest and whitest light I have ever seen. It covers me like a blanket. Light this bright should be impossible to look at but it isn’t. It’s warm and wonderful. The light bathes me with a glow of overpowering love and inner peace. It’s absolutely wonderful. I move closer.
Someone is standing in the doorway. Streaks of white light stream around his body. He’s dressed in a white robe. His arms are down, outstretched with palms upward. I can’t seem to make out his face no matter how hard I try. There’s too much light.
“We have been waiting for you. But, this isn’t your time to be here.” I know that voice. He is familiar to me. Why can’t I recognize who you are? I must know you. I feel such a sense of inner serenity that I have never felt before. I like this place. I want to stay here. I sense that if I take his hand I can stay. In fact, if I touch him I must stay. I will not be allowed to return to my prior existence. I don’t want to return. I reach out to him but can’t quite touch him.
“Before you go you may look into the future.” He motions to his left. To my right, I notice a white table. It is stone, perhaps marble. On the table is a flat gold bowl filled with a liquid like oil or water. It’s reflective and dark. Behind the table are three old men in white. Two are sitting. One is standing next to something like a pillar or a podium. There may be a book on it. They motion for me to come closer and I do. “Look into the bowl and see the future of mankind.” I peer into the black liquid and see devastation. Cities are on fire. It’s horrific. I turn away. I don’t want to see this. Why are you showing me this? “We want you to take a message back with you. Man must change his ways.” But, I’m only one person. What can I do? “Spread the message.” He continued, “You have a special ability.” I know he was referring to my paranormal senses. “I am going to ask you a question. Whatever is your first response is the one we will accept. You cannot change your mind afterwards. Do you understand?” Yes. I do. What’s the question? “Do you want these powers you have and the ability to see into the future?” Immediately, I respond, no, I just want to be normal. “Very well then. It is done.”
I withdraw from this area and once again I find myself before the man in the white robe blocking my access. I want to enter. It feels so wonderful here. Can I stay here? “You have work yet to do. You cannot remain. It is not your time.” But, I want to stay. Please, let me. “I will show you something.” With that, three small bubbles appeared from the darkness on the left. They get larger. They are like the bubbles I had seen before. As they get nearer I can see the faces of three small children, two boys and one girl. Who are they? “They are your children.” But, I’m only fourteen. I don’t have any children. “You will and these are them. Don’t you see? You must return in order for these children to be born.” As I look at their faces, I realize one bubble stands off from the other two. Why is he separate? “He is never born. He is your child but he will remain here.” Huh? How can that be? He’s not born but he’s my child? “You will understand one day. You must remember that while he remains here that he exists and that he loves you.” With that said, the other two children depart becoming smaller until they disappear. “It is now time that you return.”
I try again to reach out and touch him but I am being yanked backwards. The light becomes smaller. I am in darkness again moving backwards. I know I am returning. Then, CRACK. With a jolt I am back in my body. I find that I am sitting on the bottom of the lake in the mud. I have to get up for air. My legs flex. My arms start to paddle upwards. Will I make it? I don’t think I can. It’s got to be 10 or 12 feet or more. I need air. Struggling, I finally feel air with my right hand. With another stroke or two I break the surface. Immediately I cough up water from my lungs. The swimming boy is terrified. I see it in his eyes. He begins to help me. That’s ironic. Still coughing and gasping little by little I get air into my lungs and it feels good. One of the senior waterfront instructors runs towards us down the dock. Quickly I resume pulling the boy to shore. I’m exhausted but somehow I manage to do it. The boy is saying, ‘I was helping you.’ I cut him off and push him up onto the dock with the assistance of the senior instructor. He congratulates me on saving the boy. I’m dazed and confused. I say nothing and get out of the water. My body is in tact but my mind reels with what just happened.
Prior to this episode in my life I had many paranormal experiences. Afterwards, the activity subsided. It wasn’t eliminated by any means but I can live with it and interpret things better. All in all, the old men I had talked to made me ‘normal’ and I am grateful.
Over the years I have asked myself why a fourteen year old would encounter such an evil entity. After all, how bad can a fourteen year old boy’s life be that he should deserve such treatment? I have concluded that mine was an unplanned journey to the other side so family members and friends there were not prepared for my arrival. Since no one knew I was coming, I became a target of opportunity for the dark side entities. Conversely, I like to think at the appropriate time someone will help me navigate a safe passage.
At the time of this near-death experience, I was a Catholic. Afterwards, I continued to go to a Catholic school. In fact, the school was a pre-seminary grooming boys for the priesthood. But I was changed. Religion, any religion didn’t matter to me anymore. I no longer saw the church as the endpoint but rather as a vehicle some people use to the endpoint. My view now centers on the concept of a Creator with a divine plan that is revealed to us at his pace in his own time. Had I met the Creator? I don’t know.
An interesting side note to this story is that I studied classical Greek the following two years in school. During that time I learned of the ancient Greek belief in the Fates. These were old sages typically depicted in white robes with white beards. If I recall correctly there were three of them. One Fate determined a person’s time of birth, another the time of death and the third measured a man’s life. I have to admit that the similarity to my near death experience unnerved me when I learned of this. Could I have talked to the Fates?
Years later, I met the woman I would marry. Although she still doesn’t believe me, the very instant I saw her my head went boing like a spring releasing its energy. I instantly knew I had met my future wife. And, as predicted, we had three children although one was miscarried and was never born. And so, indeed, I did come to understand.
What else have I learned? I know that our actions affect others in both positive and negative ways and that we will come to appreciate this fact in the next place. I know there are indeed evilness and goodness, darkness and light, suffering and serenity. I know that mankind has the capability of extinguishing itself. But above all else, I know that our souls, our being, what it is that we are does not die. The journey continues for us beyond this world. At a minimum, we gain a new perspective in the next place. It just may not be a complete understanding of all things. And while we search for the solution to life’s equation we may return to this world in a new instantiation but wearing the same fabric of our existence. I also like to think that we are born afresh with those other souls with whom we choose to travel. That is how I recognized my wife when I first saw her. And so it is. After every life we live we become stronger and truer, tempered by our experiences until such time as we may complete our journey and we are truly born.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:56 pm:
I was driving to school in the rain when my car hydroplaned in front of an 18wheeler truck. I tried to avoid the accident by turning the steering wheel. We hit driver side to driver side and my car slid down the side of the truck. I don't remember hearing the crash. The next thing I knew was I was surrounded by black, almost like black velvet. I felt like I was floating up and to the right. I felt good, safe, not hot or cold, just wonderful. Then I saw the most beautiful light. It was this great bright white light, but it didn't hurt my eyes. It was beautiful. He (the light) asked "ARE YOU READY?" Only he didn't talk in words it was more like mental telepathy. I said "Yes, but of the children." Which doesn't even sound like I normally talk. I don't remember Him saying anything else, but it was like all knowledge was there and all your questions were answered. I can't remember the answers. But I did come back with the feeling that we are very much all connected and the only thing that matters is LOVE. I felt like I was sucked back and to the left into my body. I woke up laying across the seat of my car saying "Oh, my God." I was cold, wet, covered in blood and glass. I saw the truck driver standing in the rain and he looked so scared. I thought "Shut up Jan you are scaring this guy to death." I was in my first year of nursing so I started to evaluate my wounds. I was having trouble breathing, and I thought my leg was broken. It turned out I had a 70% pneumothorax on the left side and a 30% pneumothorax on the right side. The windshield had fallen in my lap and cut through three muscles in my leg which caused the pain in my leg. I was taken to a small rural hospital They were all busy and rushing around. Putting in chest tubes and such. I remember looking at my hands and thinking. Oh so this is what cyanosis looks like, and what’s the big deal: if I die I die. I know that dying is no more traumatic than walking from the living room to the kitchen at least for the one who is dying. I also know this is the most real thing in my life no one will ever convince me otherwise.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:54 pm:
About 8 years ago, I had emergency heart surgery, because I had contracted a severe infection from pericarditis. Which my physician stated it was by god's grace I was still alive!
When I was in recovery (ICU), I had a dream. I use this word loosely because it was unlike any "dream" I had ever experienced before. I will not go into all of the details now, but I must state that never does a day pass that I don't recall and relive the experience. It changed my whole intellectual and spiritual approach to "religion"! I am currently an individual very much aware that this experience we call "life" is only transitory. It is a place of preparation, of choices, of opportunities to grow, unlike any other place. I found thru my experience a "universality" that all religions and religious beliefs are merely vain attempts to express a simple truth. That the golden rule was the central rule in which to live our lives! I must admit also that it has been difficult at times to continue on with this process called "living" after experiencing an indescribable experience! Life here pales in comparison to what awaits us. But I was clearly told: "it is not your time!"...and like a rebellious child I rebuked this voice and wanted to remain in this realm of total "completeness", but found that it was an effort fought in vain... and I can still recall returning to my body like a hand in a glove... and bouncing back from the floor beneath me back into my body. As I began to slowly awaken, I still experienced this wonderful feeling of complete unconditional love and acceptance... and as I awoke I began to re-experience my 5 senses in a new way, as if I had never used them before! And also, the feeling of "completeness" began to slowly fade away and I began to feel the coldness of my body, and I began to cry, both out of gratitude and also out of selfishness.
I have no fear of death now. I see each day as a gift and an opportunity. I try every day to live the golden rule in all my affairs, and honestly some days I fail miserably. But the "living one" is patient like a parent would be with a child, and for this I am thankful...because I now realize there is a "universality", an inter-connectedness of all people, things, nature, etc. A divine plan if you will. So with this I will close for now. Shalom.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:49 pm:
It was the end of winter 1971. I was a part of the hippie culture of the late 60s & 70s which was mostly based around drugs like LSD and cannabis plus others. My 3 friends & myself had rented a house together here in England. We all 'worked' together each day as salesmen. Most of our evenings were spent in the house on drugs, parties along with girlfriends, etc. This particular night I had taken a LSD tablet and was having my third bad trip. During my horrible hallucinations, I fell down the hallway stairs.
Suddenly I found myself within this beautiful white Light. It was so nice being there and I felt wonderfully blissful. I was not conscious of having a body like we have here, but nevertheless I felt I was a whole person. There were other 'things' within the Light, but not near enough for me to make them out, even whether they were animate or inanimate? Either way I was very, very happy and would have liked to have stayed there.
Then I heard this voice. It was such a beautiful voice. I 'knew' it to be the voice of God, though I could not see Him. His voice had no source that I could make out and seemed to be all about me. He simply said, 'Come to Me.' Three words only, yet each one seemed to me to be full of infinite meaning and so beautifully spoken and so full of love.
And then I awoke on a hospital trolley.
Prior to this event I had never even thought much about God or religion. My family were never church goers. But from that point onwards up to today, I have had an unshakeable belief in the existence of God and hardly any fear of death. From that time onwards, I gave up the drugs scene and later joined a religious organisation called 'The Hare Krishna Movement'. For the next 10 years or so I devoted my whole life to the study of God realisation. I gave up smoking also and alcohol. Even tea and coffee. And I tried to remain celibate too. Today, though I have left the movement, my faith in God is still unshakeable. And though the church has no attraction for me for various reasons, I still pray regularly and am always trying to make myself a better person, and pray that God will forgive me my many sins before this life ends.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:46 pm:
I had overdosed on a combination of prescription and non-prescription drugs and alcohol. To this day neither I nor the attending physicians know what the non-prescription drugs were, although I have been told that they were most likely opium based (e.g. heroin).
My brother called the paramedics after breaking down the door to my bedroom after I had locked myself in the bedroom for almost two days straight. My brother later told me that he could not detect a significant pulse. The paramedics (and later attending physician) confirmed that I was apparently clinically dead for either one minute or perhaps a little longer.
I was later in a coma for just over three days.
During the time of my death and (I assume, but still am not sure) the coma, I experienced what I would consider two NDEs. The first, and by far the more disturbing, began immediately, I believe, after the onset of clinical death. I felt that I had left my body in an excruciatingly painful manner, as though I were being ripped from my own body. The best way I could describe it is as if I were giving birth to my own disembodied consciousness and experiencing the exact same pain that a woman might experience when giving birth to a child. I was also unbelievably frightened at the prospect of having to leave my own body since I had never experienced anything like it in my life before.
I vaguely remember seeing the team of paramedics working on my body and my brother standing in the doorway of my bedroom. My brother was visibly shaken, clutching the doorway, crying I believe. But the scene quickly evaporated beneath me as I flew through the ceiling of my house, through the air, the atmosphere, and then into "outer space". I remember seeing the entire earth vanish below me as I continued my journey. The earth was beautiful, but somewhat disappointing for some reason that I did not understand. It was at that moment that I apparently realized the significance of what had just happened, that I was dead, and immediately I stopped being afraid.
I then experienced what I think of as restrained or "cautious" bliss. I was not the least bit sorry that I had died and immediately began marveling and wondering at what I could now do in this new existence. All of these emotions came incredibly quickly and were not really "emotions" as I have ever experienced the concept. Also, "thoughts" (again I would have to say not thoughts in the human sense) came even more quickly than the speed of light it seemed. The actions attached to those thoughts, or perhaps actions as consequences of those thoughts, came just as quickly. I seemed to be able to perceive space and time outside of my locality because I did not perceive concepts such as "locality", "time", or "distance". I could "think" of a location (again for lack of a better word) and immediately I was there. I could leave the Milky Way or even return to the vicinity of the Earth if I wanted to. I also sensed that I was no longer who or what I used to be. I seemed to lose all memory of what I used to be (a human being) and now I purely "existed" without a clear cut sense of my self or my own existence. Yet I also felt somehow alone, as if no other consciousness existed in addition to my own. It was an extremely confusing feeling that still boggles my imagination, even some ten years after the experience.
After some "time" (again the concept really had no meaning) existing in this state, I felt the urge to travel beyond what I perceived (after waking up from the ensuing coma) the known universe. I remember stars, galaxies and nebulas zooming passed me as I traveled. I did not actually feel as though I was traveling, but more as though I was stretching my unique consciousness to its unknown limits. All the while, I felt (again after waking up) that I was still trying to get used to this new existence.
After traveling for I do not know how long, I apparently came upon what I can only describe as an intelligent, or at least conscious, entity of some sort. The entity appeared blacker than black, like a black hole itself. Its blackness seemed to eclipse everything else around it. I sensed somehow that this entity was extremely malevolent, unimaginably angry and hostile towards me and everything else. While the entity did not seem to communicate verbally or audibly, I sensed that it had drawn me to itself somehow. It seemed to be in judgment of me somehow, "telling" me that I was once a human being (which seemed to be news to me at the time), that I had lived (another new, unknown concept to me), and that I either had done or been an accomplice to some heinous act while I was human, and that I was essentially worthless as a human being (as indeed were all humans). The entity just seemed to radiate hatefulness, anger, and also loneliness, as though it were somehow disconnected from the great consciousness that allegedly bound all reality. It was at that moment as well that I had an epiphany of sorts, that I was not alone but part of that greater consciousness which all conscious creatures and beings join when they die.
The entity continued to berate me and I became afraid of it as it threatened to show me my previous existence as a human being. I became even more afraid at that possibility; even as it began to dawn on me that the entity was right and that perhaps I was once something other that what I was at that moment. All of a sudden, I started to become aware of concepts such as space, time, distance. I even started to become self aware again. For the first time in what felt like uncountable ages, I perceived myself as separate from the universal consciousness. At that point I became unspeakably sad and felt that I wanted to kill myself, if only I could. The entity seemed to revel in my sadness and confusion and it faded from me as apparently it was exiling me from that blissful existence.
It was then that I was myself again. I was immediately in the company of a being who identified himself as "Satan". I did not believe the being, who appeared to be a very shiny, almost opalescent gray. He wore a fedora style hat and was dressed in what looked like 1930's era men's clothing, including a neck tie, a suit vest, and dress pants. He had no face. I was not the least bit afraid of this "Satan" and got the impression that he was something very different from a devil or demon or any kind of evil spirit. By then I was "myself" again, plain old Benjamin who had died (shamefully) of an overdose.
We walked in what looked like a beautiful grassy meadow for some time on what felt like a perfect, sunny, spring or summer day. While we walked, the being talked of God, explaining that God was either dead or had forsaken the entire Universe altogether and was no nowhere to be found. He stressed that human beings were all on their own, that human life was essentially meaningless, but that that was the way God had intended it anyway. He said that there was no point in trying to do good or help one's fellow man because the physical universe was cyclical (as the Hindus believe I later learned) and that whatever we experience now we have experienced before in another cycle and would experience again in a future cycle. In this way, he explained, the universe was predetermined and there was nothing anyone could do to change it.
The being explained many other things to me, the details of which I have forgotten (at least consciously) but which have a somewhat vague, yet "matter of fact" and very firm foundation of my post-NDE life philosophy. These include the above described universal cycle, the inherent (almost comical) meaninglessness of human existence, the very strong belief in non-locality (very close to the same concept as described in quantum physics theory), belief in the inherent meaningless of time and distance, belief in a universal consciousness that envelops all individual consciousness, belief in so-called psychic phenomena (related to non-locality somehow), an inherent and extremely strong aversion to the idea or belief in reincarnation (an aversion which I still cannot explain), and an inherent and equally strong belief in biological evolution, though guided by an agnostic intelligence that I believe indirectly maintains physical reality as we know it.
My belief in God as described by the three major Middle-Eastern religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) was also effectively destroyed by that particular NDE (with the being who called himself Satan). After that NDE, which I feel somehow took place simultaneously with the first NDE described above, I absolutely refused to believe in God anymore, even feeling a great deal of anger and resentment towards the whole idea of God and anyone who worshipped God. I immediately stopped going to church (I was raised Protestant), severed all ties with the church, and basically told the minister from my congregation to go to hell when he came to visit me after my release from the hospital. I have never regretted that decision.
The "Satan" being was very sarcastic towards me during the entire encounter, making fun of me and calling me stupid for so carelessly overdosing on drugs. I never felt scared of him or angry towards him though. He seemed to take a real interest in me personally, again telling me that I had done something very bad earlier in my life, most likely my childhood. He was not the least bit judgmental in that regard, but he told me that I needed to come to terms with that experience. Again, I got the very odd feeling that the other NDE was happening at the same time. As the being and I spoke, I got very strange and disturbing images of what looked like outer space, and even very strong feelings of malevolence and hostility directed at me from very far away.
After delivering that parting advice, the being sent me on my way. I woke up three days later, gagging on the intubator, trying to scream for help, the simultaneous (it seemed) memories of both NDEs fresh in my mind.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:43 pm:
I saw the light of the truck coming at our car and heard a bang. I was then above a street light watching the car flip over and over to rest on the sidewalk. Then I saw greyish cement-looking material and thought I was in a conduit of some kind. I was quite afraid and felt very cold I wanted to get out. Then I sensed I was moving and the cement-like conduit started to speed past my eyes. I was scared but turned and looked ahead and saw a light and was increasing with greater and greater speed until I left the conduit into brilliant white light which was extremely bright but not hard on the eyes. I did not know where I was but soon sensed that I was not alone. I then saw what I can best describe as an opaque window or screen. Like a shower curtain. I saw a silhouettes of sorts and sensed that it was my mother who died in 1971, my friend who died in 1976 and my grandfather who died in 1979. I wanted to go to them but heard from them that "no" not yet. I was disappointed and angry as I wanted to see them, especially my mom. Then I was in a beautiful place a kind of endless sprawling landscape that was warm and sunny. I wanted to stay there and felt fantastic in that there were no more questions to be asked nor problems to overcome. all is so simple. I just knew all the answers: there was nothing other than love and service... that was it. Then I sensed something in front of me and heard a voice (thought) encourage me to look at my life. I didn't want to do that since I was enjoying my experience, but did so anyway. I looked over my life and saw incidents that quickly showed me that there were things I had to do. I said "I think I gotta lot of work to do" to which the reply was " well, you had better get at it." I then found myself back and awake staring at the back side of the driver's clutch pedal. I had been in the passenger seat before. I moved my feet and was relieved that my back was not broken, and then waited until the firemen smashed the back window and pulled me out of the car.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:41 pm:
On New Years Eve, myself and two of my friends decided to stay at one of their houses to party. I had done the drug E once in tablet form before this night and had no problems. We decided on New years we would do E again. Over the course of the night before midnight, I took a line of E, then drank a small amount in milk, and at about 10:00pm I took another tab of E.
At first I was having a "good" trip if you could call it that, but getting closer to midnight when the last tab I took was fully kicking in, I just kept getting higher and higher, everything was getting over whelming, beyond anything I have ever experienced. I left my friends and went into the bathroom and shut off the light to try to have a quiet and dark environment to weather the storm. Even the washroom could not help and I could feel inside that I was in danger. I have never done any hard drugs before and had only smoked pot before my two experiences with E, but I knew I was overdosing. I was trying to stay calm and focused because I knew I was in trouble. Even though I was on a drug, there was a huge sobering quality at least for my thought process. I knew that in order to survive I had to stay awake and get help. I had waited too long before getting help and up to that point I had told my friends repeatedly that I was OK because I had not wanted to worry them. The high was getting overwhelming again; I could not get off the floor or move. In order to try to keep my mind focused, I was trying to count backwards from 10-0 over and over again. Once again I knew I was in trouble when while in my head I could count all the way back when I was counting the number out loud but I was counting over and over only 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 then 0 and when I tried to change this I would then count 10,9,8,7,3,2,1,0. I was missing whole sections of numbers even though in my head I knew they where there. I got myself up resting on the toilet but getting up took too much, and then it was like just my heart and all my veins in my body were seizing and Ii couldn't move, and it happened again, but just more intense, and as I was half lying on the toilet before I blacked out, all over my body it felt like every single pore opened and released all the moisture in my body, because in the matter of moments my whole body was soaked in sweat. I could feel that my heart was not beating anymore after that, the moment before blacking out.
My experience after this point seemed to happen very quickly, I did not see anything. It was much different than that: in order to see you need eyes. It was like being alone in the dark with nothing around that "exists" Something "spoke" to me but it was like the words were given straight to my conscience. The things it (god? I don't really know) told me were "New Year, New Birth." I knew it referred to me dying, and that I was to die that night no matter the circumstances. The second thing it "explained" (and this is one thing I am still trying to grasp it's meaning, but nothing makes any more sense to me), it "said," "In heaven (obvious god or Christian reference), what you need to understand is you do not need eyes to see." The rest I knew just from a "knowing” that came with it's messages. The only thing I understand about the second message is it is something I am supposed to share, because so many people don't understand the concept of physical life and non-physical life. I knew that I had to share this because it felt too many people are living under misconceptions and are blaming their gods or god for this. I knew that people need to understand you don't see with eyes in heaven because eyes are part of the body and are necessary to see physically. When you are dead, you no longer have eyes to see with. Once people understand this concept, as simple as it is, then they will have the ability to be able to understand the concepts of the afterlife better and in the way they need to be thought of as.
Then I was back. Boom! My eyes opened, and I was still lying on the toilet; my body was still damp. I just realized now as I am writing this that when I came back the bathroom light was on. I had turned the light off and none of my friends had been able to enter to turn the light on because I had locked the door. More mystery. Great. Anyways, all my clothes right down to my socks where soaked as if having been recently immersed in water. I was not felling high anymore from the E, even though the effects should have had still been in my system for another 5 hours at least. I felt so different than even before taking the E. I felt strong and healthy, but tired. I called my friends in one at a time to tell them what happened and then took a shower. It was the most glorious shower I ever had. It was like I had never taken a shower before in my life. In the shower, a ravenous thirst took me and for 10 minutes I stood cupping my hands and gulping down as much water as I possibly could. I rested with my friends sitting, not believing what happened, not understanding how I could be sitting there. It was like my mind and body knew it had died and should not be sitting there, but my conscience was definitely alive and it was not a dream, I kept wondering if I was dead and this is what it was like.
For the rest of the night I also noticed a heightened ability psychically (I always had small talent with these things, but I had increased by far.) I was able actually with one of my friends to know what he was feeling and what surface thoughts he was having. I knew this because every time he spoke I already knew every word he was going to say. This has come stronger then goes dormant, but even now I am stronger psychically than I have ever been.
I don't know who to turn to. This happened. Every word is real. I don't think people will believe anything I say. I actually believe that anyone I tell will hear I did drugs and the skeptical part of everyone's mind will not allow them to believe me just chalking my experience up to the drugs. I can understand even if you who are reading this feel the same way, I can understand. The only thing I can say is some things are true whether you believe in them or not.
I just need help getting as much understanding as possible on this because I feel the most is that I am living on borrowed time and I feel like I was given time back, but who is to say exactly how much time.
If I thought this was even a 1% chance this was because of the E I took that night (I am not and have not touched drugs since that night), I would not be writing this to you now. Please believe me on this. I would have had this never happen but I can't change that now.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:40 pm:
It was suppose to be a normal delivery of the birth of my second child. I experienced a rare condition known a Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation; I had lost my ability to clot blood. I was bleeding out, so they called it. I remember the rush of physicians and hospital staff rushing around me, I was so cold. Later, I was told the blood was pouring out like a faucet was on. I was in full arrest due to shock caused from the blood loss. I was rushed to the operating room, which felt to me like everyone was in slow motion, but were really frantically rushing running me on the gurney to the operating room.
I was so cold. Then, I saw a beautiful light. Very warm, inviting. I wanted to go to the light. I was warm. It was so bright, comforting, I was at peace and was drawn towards the light. I heard nothing. Then, all of a sudden, I heard faintly in the background, "we’re loosing her". The voices started to get louder and louder. I heard my doctor yelling at me that she wasn't going to give up. I remember getting cold again. The light was gone. I woke up 6 hours later on a ventilator, unable to breathe on my own. I believe something spectacular happened that day. I am a Christian, I have always believed in God, and now... I have confirmation that something is waiting out there for me, and I will not be afraid to go there again when invited the next time. My after-thoughts on this situation vary. Sometimes I wonder why I was allowed to survive what most don't. There is not a good logical explanation why I survived. For whatever reason, be it my children, family, or destiny... I have a purpose for something.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:38 pm:
For almost ten years, just the thought of talking about the details of my experience with death and the afterlife would make me sob uncontrollably. I don’t know why, because the experience was so wonderful and enlightening. Maybe it was the intensity of that love and enlightenment. No words could truly describe it. Since that experience, I have noticed that I have had heightened sensations and increased intuitive and psychic abilities. Even though I tried to dismiss it as nothing, something inside me won’t let me shake it. Now it is time to share my experience. Keep in mind that I am not a writer, nor professor, but simply a person with a few pages from my soul’s book of life.
When a woman knows there is something dreadfully wrong with her health, yet doctor after doctor tells her, “It’s all in your head – You’re just getting older”, she doesn’t know what to think. If it weren’t for the love of her family, she probably would give up. This was true for me. I knew I was getting worse and if someone didn’t find the cause soon, I most certainly would die.
In my case, I don’t know if the doctors couldn’t see past a trauma I experienced or if women are more complex than men and can’t be diagnosed as easily. All I know is that I was dying, senselessly and needlessly, and no one was doing anything about it. To them, I was a picture of physical health that was being drained by post-traumatic stress. Deep inside, I felt there was more to it.
I told myself I would try one more doctor. That’s it. Then I would give up my fight for life if she found nothing wrong with me. Having to wait a couple months for the appointment was tough. A couple months here, there, and everywhere added up to years. Five years in my case. It would be five long years of trying to find out what was wrong with me. Unbelievable! Yet life’s everyday turmoil continued around me.
Beginning at the end of 1989, I struggled for every ounce of strength I had to get through selling our home to move out to the family farm that we purchased. My father-in-law wanted us to fix up the farm and make him proud. After we remodeled the farmhouse with our life’s savings, we suffered a major setback in 1990 when the farmhouse burnt to the ground. The only clothes that we had left were the ones we had on and those in the hamper at the empty house we were selling. Then in 1992, we suffered the loss of my father-in-law, after which, we began to unveil the truth about my mother-in-law. It was sheer determination that kept me alive with all the stress upon stress I endured during those five years.
At the appointment in March of 1994, the woman doctor did a thorough exam and felt everything looked good. I was told I would hear from her office when the results of the routine Pap smear came back. Since I had regular Pap smears and was told yet again that I was a picture of health, my family and I went ahead with our planned trip to Colorado.
While in Colorado, I grew weaker and weaker. I could feel the strength draining from my body. I barely managed to smile my way through the weekend. When we arrived home, our answering machine was full with messages from the doctor’s office. It was easy to hear the urgency in each message left.
When I called the office, I was told to come in right away. The doctor told me that the Pap smear indicated I needed further testing. I was assured that even if I had cervical cancer it could be easily cured with a cone biopsy. However, after further tests and the cone biopsy, she stated that the cancer was already in the late stage and had invaded my outer tissues and lymph nodes. At first she tried to scold me for not having regular exams that should have caught this cancer earlier, in which event, minor procedures would have cured it. When I reminded her that I did go to doctor after doctor and had Pap smear after Pap smear, she eased up on me. I could sense that she felt this cancer should never have gotten to this point. I agreed with her.
The doctor told me that I needed radical surgery immediately and that it could not wait. She stated that I would have a radical hysterectomy and removal of the affected lymph nodes. Since she never removed lymph nodes, another doctor would assist her. I was told that if I survived, once lymph nodes were removed, my lower body would swell until it could not swell any more. The pain from the skin being so swollen and tight could become unbearable. Before I even left the doctor’s office, the pre-surgery testing and surgery were scheduled for the following week.
Friends begged me to get another opinion, so I called a hospital in New York that had been recommended. After I provided my background information and diagnosis, they made an emergency appointment for me. At the appointment, I was basically told the same thing. Surgery was needed without further delay. I was told that I needed to have a radical hysterectomy, in which my uterus, cervix, and a major part of my vagina would be removed. I wouldn’t know till after the surgery if my ovaries were removed or not. That option depended on how everything looked during the operation. Lymph nodes from hip to hip and up under the rib cage would also be removed and tested to see how far the cancer had spread.
I couldn’t believe what was happening. I didn’t have time to think. Part of me felt relieved that after going to doctor after doctor for years, someone finally discovered that I was really sick. The other part of me wanted to cry when I remembered all the cruel things those doctors told me throughout those years. The most common remark was, “It’s all in your head”. Another was, “You women make me sick. You’re all afraid of getting older. It’s just your hormones changing.” They were so off base, but it never mattered what I said.
The doctor that made me feel the worst sat engrossed, using a ruler to draw lines with different colored markers on my chart. When I attempted to say I was there because I deeply sensed something was really wrong with me, he rudely and abruptly cut me off and said, “Did I tell you to speak? You will speak when I ask you to and not before.” When I started to say, “But-” he interrupted me, pointed his finger just inches from my face, and rudely said, “I didn’t tell you to speak.” I felt so bad that I almost gave up wanting to find out what was wrong with me.
During those five long years of being told over and over again that nothing was wrong with me besides stress, I knew something was killing my body. I felt it so strongly that I caught myself beginning to watch women at the stores to see if I could find someone that could finish raising my son and be a good wife to my husband when I died. My heart ached at the mere thought of not being able to be with them forever. To know I was right all along was dreadful. To think, I only had a few days to prepare myself and my family for the possibility that I might die from a cancer that could have, and should have, been stopped in its track early on. I felt numb, but not scared.
It was hard to put on my faithful smile, but I did, as I bought my twelve-year-old son’s Easter presents before my scheduled surgery. I didn’t know if I would ever get the chance to do it again. The thought of not being there Easter morning to see his face light up as he opened his presents and searched for all the plastic eggs filled with money broke my heart. I didn’t know if the adorable little green suit and multi-colored tie that I purchased for him would be his Easter suit or the one he’d be wearing to my funeral.
With no time to think, I was talked into having the surgery in New York. The day of surgery came too fast. I undressed and got into the ugly hospital gowns. Then my father and husband waited nervously with me until I went down to surgery. As I was put onto the gurney, my lips quivered and my eyes filled with tears while I told them, possibly for the last time, that I loved them. I didn’t know if I’d ever see them again.
When I awoke and realized that I made it through the surgery, I looked up toward the ceiling, closed my eyes and said, “Thank you Lord” under my breath. Then I began to feel tugging from the tubes that seemed to be sticking from me everywhere. They were down my nose, in my neck, in my spine, two on each side of my abdomen, in my hand, and, of course, I had the awful pee bag.
After a few days, the results of the lymph node testing revealed that one in every three nodes were cancerous and radiation treatment was strongly advised. On a less serious note, I discovered that I had developed pesky allergies. One was to the orange solution that they poured on my stomach and vagina in the operating room to help sterilize the area. The other was from simple plastic tape that covered the whole length of my spine and around my neck. It took the skin right off my body. In addition, the morphine began to give me terrible headaches, so it was stopped.
As for the two drain tubes that they put in on each side of my abdomen, I was told that they weren’t stitched tightly enough during the surgery. This caused my body fluid to leak profusely out around the tubes instead of into them. The fluid leaked out so fast that they had to tape big, thick pads around the tubes. Guess what kind of tape they used? That’s right, plastic tape that took even more skin off my body! I had bright red patches of raw skin all over me. The pads needed changed so often that the nurses told me to change them myself. After watching the one nurse drop an opened gauze pad on the sticky floor, bend down and pick it up, and then attempt to put it on my open wounds before I stopped her, I guess I didn’t mind having to put them on by myself. So I thought.
The following day I got up and awkwardly pushed the equipment that held my IV’s and monitors slowly down the hall for my daily exercise. On my way back to my room, I noticed the pads taped around my abdomen’s drain tubes were totally saturated from all the fluid leaking from my body. The fluid began running profusely down my legs and I couldn’t stop it. I went back to my room, climbed into bed, and attempted to lift my wet hospital gown to change the pads, but I was too weak. While I waited to see if my strength would come back, the fluid continued to soak my blanket and sheets. I felt weaker, so I pushed the call button for a nurse.
Patiently, I waited for a nurse to bring in a dry hospital gown, sheets, and a blanket to replace the soaked ones I was lying in. As I waited, I got colder and colder. My body began to tremble with chills. As the body fluid continued to leak out around the two tubes, I sensed something wasn’t right. I was so cold by now that my teeth began to chatter.
After about an hour, I buzzed the nurse again. The nurse rudely replied, “I’ll get there when I get there.” About an hour and a half later, the door to my room opened, and in bounded a nurse. She didn’t even look to see if anything was wrong as she threw the hospital gown, sheets, and blanket right onto my face and chest. As the nurse turned away to rush out, she rudely said, “I don’t have time for this. I’m having problems with my husband.”
When the linens landed on me, something strange sort of clicked in my body. I began to gasp for air, but I couldn’t breathe. My body was too weak to lift my hand up to pull the linens off of my face. A tingling feeling came over my chilled shaken body. The tingling grew so loud, that the sound drowned out all of the hospital noises. I knew I was about to die. My last thought was that I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to my son, husband, and family. Then everything was silent.
Next, I briefly was above the bed looking down. Just as I realized that was my lifeless body in the bed below, my thoughts were abruptly distracted. Suddenly, I was pulled into complete darkness. Amidst the total darkness, I smelled an indescribable odor. At about the same time, my fluid-soaked body felt coolness in the air. I remember wishing that I had a coat to wear to keep me warm.
Then I began to feel myself moving upward. As I was being pulled upward, I began to feel as if I was in a tunnel, an endless, pitch-black tunnel. The speed at which I rose began to increase, faster and faster. It seemed swifter than anything imaginable or possible. As I continued to speed upwards through the seemingly endless darkness, there were puffs of clouds brushing across my eyelids and cheeks. It felt nice, like cool dew. That’s when my eyes looked upward.
There I saw such a magnificently, wondrous light which was white and pure. At first it seemed very far away. One glance at this bright, splendid light made me feel safe, loved, and serene. I didn’t feel pain or sadness, just an overwhelming peaceful love that grew more intense the closer I got to it. This white light was extraordinarily bright. It was almost blinding. I felt myself squinting just so I could gaze at it. I looked away from the light for a second because it seemed intense enough to burn right through my eyes, yet it didn’t. Maybe the cool mist brushing across my face helped in some way. When I glanced away, all I saw was the vast blackness around me and below me, so I gazed back up toward the light and never looked down again. As I watched the light get closer and brighter, the sense of tranquil love grew stronger and stronger.
Suddenly, I was no longer accelerating upwards. While I still squinted from the extreme brightness of the light, my eyes began to adjust to it. I began to notice thick white puffs of clouds continuously moving about. A breeze from the moving clouds gently blew the lightweight, long, flowing garment that I was now wearing. I could also see that I was barefoot as I began to slowly walk amidst the clouds.
Before I knew it, I was gazing upon this magnificent gate that was gloriously glistening. I just stared with amazement at its beauty. Rays of prismatic light were bouncing off the exquisite gems in all directions. It was totally breathtaking. Since I always longed for a driveway gate back on the farm, I caught myself engulfed in trying to remember every astonishing detail about it. As I peered even closer, I watched as pearly gems sparkled radiantly in the light.
A remarkable peace drew me in beyond the gates. I felt so safe that fear never entered my thoughts. I began to squint real hard in attempt to see through the beaming light and continuously moving clouds, but I couldn’t. Then in the near distance toward the right, I got a glimmer of something, so I squinted even harder. The clouds seemed to part enough just to show a hint of a shadow of two people. It seemed to be a man with a woman standing by his side. I didn’t feel as if I knew them, but I felt as if they were waiting for me for a reason. Just as the clouds were about to thin out enough for me to see clearer, they abruptly thickened and closed up around the couple. All I could see again were the clouds passing by me in the light. I wondered why the clouds thickened up so fast just as I was about to see who was there.
At that same time, I realized there was someone right in front of me. The clouds also thickened around that shadow so I could not see him. There are no words to describe the incredibly intense love I felt, standing there in front of him. No one could ever imagine a love so powerfully strong. At that moment, it hit me. I was in heaven standing before our Lord. As I stood there before Him, I felt that He knew every detail of my soul. I felt dumb that I didn’t realize the gates I had passed through were the pearly gates until that moment. My eyes turned away for a second and looked down to my right. I didn’t know if the light was just so bright or if I felt unworthy of such wondrous love. It seemed as if He could hear my thoughts because I heard, “Fear not; for thou art worthy of my love.” As I heard those words, my throat grew tight and my eyes swelled with tears. I thought, “Are you sure?” With each question came an answer and reassurance. It seemed as if my whole life was reviewed and clarified in a flash.
If I could only choose one word to describe our Lord, it would have to be “Love”, an indisputable love. I don’t know how to explain it. I couldn’t see Him through the clouds and light, but I felt His love so deeply. He was right there in front of me, so close to me. I felt incredible love, power, and peace in His voice, but I don’t know if He actually spoke. It was as if we felt, heard, and responded to each other without the need to speak. I was told I had to go back; I wasn’t supposed to die when I did; and I had more work to do. In addition, I was told that I had to protect my husband and son from someone.
Just as I was about to ask more, it became dark again. While gasping for air, I realized I was back in the hospital bed. This time when my right arm reached up to pull the blanket, sheets, and hospital gowns off my face, it had the strength to pull them off. I could breathe. I began to hear the noises of the hospital and feel pain again. My body was shivering and my teeth were chattering uncontrollably. Once again, my body was extremely weak. My hospital gown and bed linens were still soaked. I sort of felt sad that I was back. When I was in heaven, there was no pain. My body was not all cut up. I didn’t have any tubes hanging from me. I was whole. I was strong. I was loved more than anyone could imagine. As I looked up to the heavens, I meekly nodded as if to say that I understood. Then I closed my eyes.
A while later the nurse came in. She walked over to my bed and nonchalantly said, “You’re right. You are soaked.” She went to change my hospital gown but realized the linens that she brought in and threw on me earlier were also wet by now, so she went to get more. As she was putting a dry hospital gown on me, she told me about her bad day and about the problems she was having with her husband. I was only half listening to her as she rambled on because I was remembering how I died because of the bad day she was having. I don’t believe I said a word while she was there. I had a thousand thoughts going through my head about my glorious time in heaven.
Now not only did my struggle for life begin again with the many medical complications that followed – especially the radiation therapy – but also my ability to occasionally feel presences or spirits of those whom had previously passed on began to spark inside me. When a feeling comes over me, I can’t shake it no matter how hard I try. It completely overwhelms my every thought. I can’t even sleep. My mind doesn’t shut down, but it is totally drained. Each time I have one of these experiences, it takes a major toll on me.
I haven’t been able to talk about this to anyone. Who would believe me? For instance, who would believe that I had a vividly clear glimpse of horrifying hell as I shook an attorney’s hand; I felt a mournful presence in a friend’s cottage that wouldn’t let me leave until I helped her; while driving past New York City, I felt an enormous death toll in store for the city weeks before the terror attack; when I awoke on Sept. 11th, I knew that was the day; I discovered the identity of the couple from heaven and what they wanted me to do; I sensed the stock market was going to fall drastically well before it had even started to decline; I knew Vice-President Gore should be President but would lose; and as I watched NBC News Correspondent David Bloom appear on television covering the war of Iraq, I felt he was going to die – not be killed, but die? The feelings I have concern small and major things, people close to me or those I only know through friends. Simply hearing, seeing, or touching a person or their possessions can trigger these inexplicable moments.
This very powerful emotional experience has definitely changed me. I am not afraid of death now since I have seen a glimpse of the amazing realm that lies beyond. As I stated in the beginning of my story – I am not a writer, but I hope that my words touch the hearts of those seeking hope, comfort, or purpose.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:34 pm:
I was driving the family station wagon in the mountains in December, it was starting to rain and I had not been driving long. The engine died and the car locked up and I lost control. The car went end over end twice and rolled about 7 times. The witness to the accident said he did not know how anyone survived the accident. My 15 year old brother and his friend were also in the front seat. None of us had our seat belts on, but I was the only one injured. While the car was rolling, at first everything went black and it got very cold. All of a sudden it became very warm, a nice warm, and a light started to appear before me. In the light my father started to appear to me and seem to hold out his hand, as if to motion me to come with him. It was such a nice feeling that I wanted to go. My father was smiling as if to say everything was alright. My father appeared to me only from the waist up, and there was this warm light all around him. But after a couple of minutes his imaged disappeared and I realized where I was. I only received a bad gash behind my left ear. I did [not] have to even stay in the hospital except to get stitches. To this day I cannot explain what happened.
P.S. There was another time in the summer of 1979 or 1980. I was dating this girl from Stockton, CA and we were trying to sleep at her house. That night before we went to bed, my girlfriend, myself, her mother, and a friend of the family were sitting at the kitchen table talking. I was in chair against the wall facing out, her mother proceeded to say how her brother always sat in that chair whenever he came to visit. I didn't think too much about it until the next day.
That night it was very hot, so her mother was sleeping on the couch, and my girlfriend and I were sleeping on the floor. Sometime in the middle of the night something woke me up and I perched myself up on my arm. I looked at the chair I was sitting earlier and a figure started appearing in the chair that I was previously sitting in. It formed from the head down, and I did not know what was going on, but I could describe everything in color: what the man looked like and what he was wearing. He just seemed to be staring at me for about 10 minutes, then he dissipated the way he appeared. The next morning about 7 AM the 3 of us were having coffee and I told them I had a bad dream, probably from sleeping on the floor. I told them everything I had witnessed. Her mother said I described her brother, whom I have never met, to a tee. About 8 AM that morning, her mother received a phone call telling her that her brother had hung himself just at the moment he appeared to me. But I was in the way; he was appearing to her, but I was between her and me. It was her that he was appearing to. I just wonder sometimes if I can feel things.
One other time, it was either 1977 or 1978, circa. I was sleeping on my mother's patio and it was approximately 1 or 2 in the morning. I wasn't quite asleep yet and was lying on my back when a voice called my name. I instantly thought it was one of my younger brothers. I went to check, they were all asleep. I thought I was hearing things so I lay back down. A couple of minutes later the voice called me again and said get up, but louder this time. I thought for sure my brothers were playing some kind of joke on me. I went into their bedroom, and they were fast asleep. By now I am thinking that maybe I am just very tired. As I lay down again, wide awake by now, something grabbed my foot very hard and yelled my name to get up. I went into the living and heard someone trying to break into the house. I scared them away; I was able to sleep after that.
P.S. I just want to say that not now, nor have I ever drunk a lot nor have I ever been involved with drugs. I have also had other things happen that have come true. Please respond. Thank you.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:31 pm:
Hi, please excuse my bad notions of English, but I'll try to explain myself as clear as possible. My mother has been ill for about 4 years, she had cancer, after three years she had an embolism, became paraplegic, aphasic, agnosic, ... After three months of constructive revalidation, she had another embolism. I had such a relation with her that I could understand her even without words. I was at her side ‘til she died a year after her first embolism. During that period I tried to do everything I could to help her have the best possible time, but I messed up all my familial and friends-relations, so I had to move from my town to another town. Over there, I started to have all symptoms of what you call near dead after effects. They lasted for about a year; life was so complete, I understood everyone, I loved everything, I was indestructible, and so on. After that period, things came to regression and I tried to find that state of mind back. I still have some of them in me, but I don't have them all the time. The nearest thing I found about that subject was the Tibetan Book of Death and it's not only near, it was THAT!! Tonight I'm trying to write something about a guy with a near dead experience and most of the symptoms mentioned on various sites mention the feeling I had during that period.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:29 pm:
I underwent ventricular tachycardia and required defibrillation to be resuscitated. I had accidentally overdosed on massive amounts of over-the-counter caffeine, which caused the condition to occur.
Though this was years ago, I still remember it well. I remember extreme pain in my chest, as if I were being crushed in a huge vise, then a lot of emotional distress knowing I was probably dying (on the way to the hospital) being driven to the hospital, I eventually lost my vision and was transported by ambulance from a freeway off-ramp where an ambulance was standing by for us (truckers had alerted them someone was being transported at high speed to the hospital).
I remember the out-of-body experience well. I was several ceiling heights above myself in the E.R., watching them working on me, trying to get my heart to beat again. Voices were echo-y and distant, but I remember a sense of calmly being there watching myself dying and not being concerned by it.
Then it was as if I were floating backwards away from the room, into a tunnel of white illuminating warmth. It was nearly orgasmic it felt so good throughout my body. There was a feeling of acceleration towards the source of the light, and I was so very glad to be going to it. Then, almost as if something were pulling me from below, the other way, I felt a deceleration and slowing, then a reverse direction away from the light, and this really confused me. I felt really cheated, really wanted to go all of the way to that light but now I couldn't.
The next thing I know I am in the E.R. with very very blurry vision, a chest that hurt like hell, and the physician asking me how I felt. I told him I could barely see him and that my chest hurt like a son of a gun. He told me I would have to stay there for a while ‘til they were certain it was okay to release me. Inside the hour, I was released by the doctor and told I could go. The two navy personnel who had stopped on the freeway and drove me to get medical help were still there, as were the police. The police found the empty container of the pills I had purchased and consumed, and were satisfied from talking to the doctor that it was an accidental overdose and not a narcotic related overdose.
All of these years later, I still remember it pretty clearly. I have told a few others of this experience,e but of course many are skeptical and are not sure they're getting the truth, though they know I am telling them in sincerity and without trying to change their own feelings about this sort of thing. I guess it helped when my mother was dying; I was able to guide her to the light, told her to go to it. She affirmed with a hand squeeze that she saw the light I was talking about. I feel this helped her, and it helped me as well.
Not much else to say. It was a number of years ago, but it changed my life forever.
By Anonymous on Saturday, January 3, 2004 - 01:49 pm:
Five friends took off to ski in Austria for a week. Everything was beautiful, the mountains were huge. My girlfriend and I decided to take an expert trail and ended up traversing back and forth just trying to stay on the face of the mountain. It was that steep. One of the guys with us, 6'4", and a very good skier, decided to take the jump at the top of the run. We were directly below about 200 yards down from him when we heard him yell, "Watch out!" We scrambled to get out of his way, but the next thing I felt was a crushing pain, so intense it was unbearable. When the pain suddenly stopped, I will never forget having the thought "So this is what it's like to die!" It was as if I had suddenly found the answer to some great mystery. I had a smile on my face, although I was no longer a 'body'.
My soul was smiling. I went 'up'. I remember just feeling like a 'head' looking around. No body. I was unable to go beyond the layer of white that surrounded me, white was everywhere. Then, in the distance I saw some white robed figures, faceless, hunched-over like, and walking in a single row coming towards me. I couldn't move towards them. I just had to stay there and wait for them. No one talked. It was like 'thought transfer' or something. Then, I realized that the person in front was my beloved Uncle, my closest deceased relative, and behind him was my grandmother, his mother. I was SO EXCITED to see Uncle. I wanted to run up to him and hug him, but I couldn't move. He came within ten feet of me, stopped and shook his head. He told me it wasn't my time and I had to go back. He turned and my grandmother followed, still in their 'line' of white hooded robes. Next thing I knew I felt like someone had taken a knife and sliced my chest open left to right. That first breath was a killer. I was so angry, mad, at coming back. I didn't know what had happened or why I was there lying across Danny's lap and why he was crying. Everyone was trying to calm 'HIM" down and make "HIM" feel better because I was breathing again. "It's O.K. Danny. See, she's fine, she's fine." Everyone always asks me, "So what did they say when they took you to the hospital?" I reply with "What hospital? They took me to the bar on top of the mountain, bought me a beer and stared at me saying 'do you feel better yet? Can we go back out and ski now?' Ah... human psychology. I finally told them I was OK although my head was still pounding and every time I tried to stand I would fall over. I tried to ski, but I couldn't stand up. It was extremely frustrating.
It wasn't until a few years later that I started making comments about my memory. "Maybe I did? Maybe I didn't? I don't know...." I started hearing voices talk to me when I took naps during the day. Deep LOUD voices telling me things, scary things. I had a dream during my first pregnancy in 1989, a year later. It was in a dark tunnel, I was walking through it, not knowing why when all of a sudden my Uncle appeared. Yes, the deceased Uncle. He was in his robe again, but this time he was holding something. I couldn't tell what he had in his arms until he finally got closer to me. Then, he handed me a baby and said "I have been taking care of her for the past eight months and now it is your turn." And before I could even look up from the baby to thank him, he was moving away back through the dark turning tunnel.
I had two more children afterwards and a few months after my last daughter was born, I had seven seizures in one day, never having had them before. That is when the MRI showed dead brain tissue indicative of clinical death for about three minutes. I continue to be medicated for partial complex seizures and narcolepsy. I have no sense of smell, no appetite, no longer form new memories. I can't organize, sort, etc., although all memories prior to ‘88 are still intact. The good part is I don't hold grudges or remember things like my parents funerals; the bad part is I don't remember things like my children’s activities, family events, etc. Oh well, such is life!
By Anonymous on Monday, December 29, 2003 - 07:07 pm:
Although I prayed, my religious life was non existent until I reached 38 years of age. I was a spiritual, curious person, and wanted to "know" and learn, thus I searched in many fields. In the summer of 1977, I had 3 surgeries in 10 days, as a result of an infection in my Fallopian tubes that wouldn't go away. After the third one I felt very sick and crushed by the excruciating pain that the air accumulated in my joints caused, due to the three consecutive Laporotomies. Then one day I was trying to lay flat in bed but found it quite thorny to do, so tears of desperation flooded my eyes. I closed them, feeling very tired of hurting. Right at that moment I heard the voice of my nanny, clear as if she would be by my side (she had remained in Spain because she was quite old), and was saying: "[Jane], you are better now". I opened my eyes thinking that somebody was talking to me and I had made up the rest, but the hospital room was empty except for me. I closed my eyes again, ready to keep on with my endeavor. Then at 11 o’clock, I saw the most beautiful man I have ever encountered in my existence. He was dressed in dark, very elegant wear; his shoes were of patent leather, and his white, ruffled shirt shone like the sun light. I fell in ecstasy and said: "You are God... I want to kiss Your feet!" As I saw myself kneeling before His feet, that shone as well, they were bare.
Something very strange occurred: next I was getting out of my body through my head, horizontally, as if I were crawling inside a tube, tummy up, helping my advance with my hands. Once outside that... cylinder, I stood up and saw my own body in front of me, lying on the bed. I felt MARVELOUS. Immeasurable joy inundated all my being. [A being that] felt no pain, no sorrows, nothing but wellness and delight as I had never experienced before. I looked around, and in the Light, I could see every thing as through a very delicate sheer curtain. By the feet of my bed, my husband and my three children cried, looking at what seemed my dead body. I wanted to console them and instantly found myself floating towards them. I caressed their faces, kissed them and told them not to cry for me, that I was fine and perfectly happy and well. But I could see they didn't sense me or hear me.
Right at that moment I felt sucked back into my physical body, and then realized that again all was dark, very heavy, and the pain of my body was unbearable. My first word, only one, was: "S...!" My husband said: "I beg you pardon?"
People ask me often if I believe that I really saw God. I smile, then I answer that God was the One Who saw me, and He presented to me an Image that I could comprehend in my limited understanding. My life has not been the same after that experience. Of course I lost all fear of death (and look forward to going), for I have the absolute conviction that there is a wonderful Life after this physical expression.
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 11, 2003 - 09:41 pm:
After the car hit my car, I rose above the accident and said "My God, I can't die yet; I still haven't finished my finals!" (I was attending Chiropractic College.) Archangel Michael came to me and said "You have another school to go to; don't worry, you will continue on with your college." He escorted me to a magnetic tunnel where Jeshua (Jesus) was waiting for me, who comforted me. I then found myself at the door step of a type of school, where there were a few students learning geometric shapes and physics with the accompanying healing energy involved. I though the better way would be to directly go to the energy that is involved in the healing, direct from Source.
At this point, Mother Mary came in, and motioned for me to follow Her. She asked my thoughts about what we were learning, I told her it would be best to go right to Source for the healing energy. She said she had something for me to look at, so I followed Her out of the class. I first sat in a healing chair to help my physical body heal on earth. Then we went to a vault that held information from souls’ life cycles and growth. I was told I could have access to this information whenever I desired, it was important with the process of uncovering the dense dramas on earth.
We also looked into a type of screen, that reminded me of a TV screen, and I saw a gathering of people in a field. They were all releasing the density that held back Unconditional Love, then holding the Light within and living within Peace above the dramas. After one man cleared himself out, another individual came up to him who was also cleared, then they shook hands. Both bringing the Reality of Peace into their creative engagement, they both shared Light instead of any fear thoughts or actions. At this point, the Light streamed through them, all the density was then released into the Light.
"It's gone! It's all gone!" I exclaimed! “I can see how this works, but who will believe me? I'm a nobody, my dad was a carpenter in Washington and I'll be a small town chiropractor. I think you should get somebody else! Besides that, I'm a bit shy!"
A few months went by after I came out of the ten day coma, when I remembered that there was a NDE. It took many years after that to begin a journal which records the mechanism that Mother Mary introduced me to. I have compiled much of the information into a manuscript, and am editing and continue writing about the tools that are guided by Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, Jeshua, Arch Angel Michael, and many other Enlightened Beings.
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 11, 2003 - 03:46 pm:
I took about 96 pills, Trazidon, Soma and Zanex. I was taking about half of whichever pill came out of the bottle for the past couple of nights to help me sleep. Right after I took the pills I remember saying out loud "Please God forgive me for what I've just done." I was in full cardiac arrest, and my body had absorbed all of the pills, my body temperature dropped to 91 degrees, and for the next 14 hours I was completely brain dead. The nurse told my husband and parents that there was 99 percent chance I would not make it, and if I did I would be a vegetable. When I was seizing and posturing I remember being next to my body and looking at my toes seeing how tense I was. I was trying to calm myself. My sister gave me a titty twister as she pronounced me dead. I opened my eyes and said "This isn't heaven." I do not have much of a memory of my life before this; I lost a lot. They say I am completely different.
I do remember being with three others, one in the middle was a little above the two, on one side was my brother, who died at 11days, the other was my grandpa. I don't know how we got there, but it was such a beautiful color blue surrounding, not ground but not like we were hovering. We talked a lot, but I can’t remember our mouths moving. I paid [attention] mostly to my brother, his clothes, his hair, how tall, but can not remember the one in the middle. I know he said a lot to me, but I don't know what. My sister says when I first opened my eyes I said "God says I'm a ••••• and won’t let me stay"
My parents took pictures all through this, from the beginning until I went home.
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 11, 2003 - 03:39 pm:
My father had been ill on and off for the past 12 years. He had had several bouts with cancer, aneurisms and heart problems. He always came through each battle with the same strong, positive attitude he went into it with. My mother and I, through all the times we waited for Dad to come out of a surgery that was more likely to kill rather than save him, never had the slightest doubt that he would be fine.
This past February he had gotten to the point where all the aneurisms were over, he had a mechanical aortic valve and he had been free of cancer for over five years. He had started going out again and was in better spirits then we'd seen him in years. So when both my mother and I heard the same young, male voice call (we were in different places in the house and we heard it different days) we knew we were going to loose someone but not Dad. We tried to figure who and could only come up with my sister who had just won a bout with breast cancer, but that didn't feel right. So we just waited to see who it was. About one week after our hearing this voice, my father started feeling bad. He lost a tremendous amount of weight in what seemed like days and had become very tired and agitated. We both pressed him to go to the doctor and be checked. He did and his doctor had both brain and full body CAT scans done along with various other tests. Everything was Ok, but Dad just didn't feel right. This was in June.
In August, while I was sitting in the car waiting for my mother, I felt an overwhelming feeling of loss. I asked out loud "Who are we losing?" but I had no feeling for a particular person. I just knew we were losing someone very close. When my father said to me, at 1:30 a.m. Tues. morning, he thought he had a bowel blockage and needed to go to the hospital, I knew immediately who we were losing. On the way to the hospital he told me to take my time. I asked him if he was sure and he said there was still some time. I knew that he knew he wouldn't come back this time.
In the emergency room I stayed with him while they ran tests. He did have scar tissue blocking his intestine. They would admit him and schedule surgery. The ER doctor took me aside and told me that this would be very hard for Dad. I was amazed because this was not the first time they had to remove scar tissue from him and it had never been a major concern before.
But none of this was like any other time I had taken him to the hospital. I was grateful for this doctor, who I had never talked to before, for letting me know that my feelings were right. I literally stood next to my father that morning for four hours while they finished the tests and he waited for a room. He held my hand the whole time and had gotten so weak that he could only talk in a whisper. When it was time for them to move him, I told him I would go and get my son so my mother could be with him. He held my hand tightly and didn't want me to go.
He had surgery at 8:00 pm Tues. evening. He came through it fine. His doctor put him in the Cardiac Care Unit because of the valve in his heart, but this was normal. That evening my mother and I talked and we both knew Dad was going to die. It was strange to come out and say it to each other. Nothing the doctors said backed up the feelings, we just knew.
The following evening, as my mother and I stood over him in the C.C.U. he had a stroke. The CAT scans showed three baseball size soft tissue masses, one in the brain, one between the heart & lungs and one in the abdomen. They also found several smaller masses up and down his spine. There was nothing that could be done. No cure that could handle all three masses. We had some serious decisions to make. We told Dad at the next visit and he understood. By now the bottom half of both lungs had collapsed, he was paralyzed on his right side and couldn't speak. He could communicate by pointing at letters and his facial expressions. I had to ask him in the presence of a doctor if he wanted to keep the respirator on and if he understood that if it was turned off he would, in fact, die. He had no trouble making it clear to them that he wanted the artificial life support off and he fully understood what was happening. We then moved him to a private room where my sisters, brother and I took shifts staying with him. We didn't want him to be alone when he passed.
The four days he was in the private room were beautiful. Everyone who ever knew my father came to say goodbye and we, the family, allowed everyone a private moment with him. We were all amazed at how vividly aware he was and how well he communicated. It truly spoke of a life well lived and a man respected and loved by everyone.
By Saturday, the third day in the private room, he was tired. his paralysis was close to total, breathing labored, and he had a couple of bouts with violent fits of shaking. For some reason I had a very strong mental connection with my Father that had intensified to the point of my actually speaking for him. I could hear his voice in my head. I knew what he wanted and what he felt. The connection was so strong by now that I had few feelings of my own.
I had relieved my sister Saturday morning. Dad had a restless night and I knew he would rest with me there. I kept hearing him ask me to help him go. I wasn't sure how he wanted me to help. I knew he wanted to go but it felt like he was scared or lost. It seemed like he couldn't go. My brother stayed with him that afternoon and I was to relieve him that evening. I told my mother I couldn't go back that night. I knew I had to help him. I just wasn't ready for whatever it was I was supposed to do. My mother understood how I felt, she said she had the same feelings her last visit, so she arranged for my sister and her husband to spend the night with him. Since this had all started I hadn't sleep much at all and Saturday night I actually slept for a few hours. I woke early Sunday morning and felt more relaxed than I had in days. But I knew I had to go and stay with Dad, I still had no idea how I could help him.
When I settled in at the hospital I couldn't look him in the eyes. I heard him asking for help but I couldn't help, and it broke my heart to see him suffer. He wanted to go, he was ready to go - but he couldn't, and I couldn't go for him. I've never felt a pain like that - I couldn't look at him. I felt so self-conscience, the atmosphere in the room was so thick and oddly calm - peaceful almost - and waiting. As I sat reading in a chair at the foot of his bed, his breathing became heavy and sporadic, he was hyperventilating. I turned my head and looked him in the eyes (actually the third eye, where you can see both eyes at the same time) and said "I'll breathe for you Dad." I speeded my breathing up to his rate and slowly slowed it back down - he was with me and I was, literally, breathing for him. We were in perfect sync. As he calmed down he motioned, with his eyes, for me to close my eyes. I just knew that was what he wanted. I said "you want me to close my eyes?" he motioned yes. I turned my head back and rested it against the back of the chair and closed my eyes. I felt, rather than saw my father in my conscienceness. That is the only way to explain it. There was a figure, of sorts… like a vague outline, but I felt my father. I knew he wanted me to take him or help him. I said, verbally, "I can't go all the way, but I'll go as far as I can." We then 'moved' through what was like a tunnel, the walls were like a bluish-gray smoke gently moving clockwise. I was behind my father, following him. We came to an area that I can only describe as a huge wall of purple and black swirling plasma. It rose up in front of us. We stood on a dark floor, the tunnel was behind us and we were blocked by this huge wall. The purple was the predominant color and the black was more like the outline of the purple swirls. We walked along the wall but found no way through, over, under or around it. The feelings of this wall were confusion and chaos, it was swirling at a steady but chaotic pace and was quite intimidating but not frightening. More frustrating.
My father had only gotten this far - he couldn't get past this wall. That's what he wanted me to help him with. I said "no wonder you can't go - this is a mess!" Then I felt this sudden conscious awareness of what was happening and fear flooded me - a fear so shocking that I "flew" my eyes open and sat straight up in my chair! I looked over at my father and his eyes flew open, he looked at me as if I had hurt him more deeply than was humanly possible. I felt so ashamed, shocked and sorry, deeply - so very deeply sorry.
His breathing became faster and agitated. I said "it wasn't long enough, I opened my eyes too soon. I'm sorry..." he softened and I took control of the breathing again. (The whole time the breathing was the predominant sound; it was like a gauge or a line and I used it but I'm not sure how.) He, again, motioned for me to close my eyes and we started over again. This time when we reached the purple/black wall there were specks of orange dotted through it. My father was looking for his mother. He was walking up and down the wall like a lost child calling "Mama, Mama." I started looking for her too; it made sense for her to come and help him - more sense than me doing it. I called "Granmommy Florence" (I was quite young when she died and only remember her one time; I tried to feel her but I couldn't grasp it.) "Granmommy Florence" it seemed that we called and looked for a long time. I started getting angry. I didn't want my father stuck here and his body was almost dead. Why didn't she come and get him?! Where was she?? I hollered "Granmommy Florence, come and get him! He's suffered enough - don't make him suffer anymore." I felt so helpless that my demand was more of a plea.
Then, from somewhere inside of me, I heard "orange". I remembered reading something about orange but I suddenly knew the only way through the purple was through the orange. I said to my father "come on, we have to follow the orange." He came with me like a lost child would go with someone they trusted to take them home. The innocence I felt from him made me feel very protective and real.
I wasn't sure how to follow the orange, there were only specks here and there so I picked a speck and 'moved' toward it. As I did I saw more orange, so I moved toward that, and I kept doing this until I, we, were on an orange path. The path rose up out of the purple/black swirls and as we moved along the path we came into a vast horizon of soft, warm pastel yellow and green whips that curved all around us like a canopy. The purple/black was below and behind us but the yellow/green whips were above and around us. Like we were rising up into a huge dome. It was so vast and warm, safe, calm and lightly peaceful.
It seemed as if we were on a moving belt going toward a flat, swirling, circular door. Like an inverted funnel but it, the opening, was flat and was in the middle of this vast space we had entered. The circular door was a soft white light mixed with light gray shadows where the light overlapped from the swirling motion.
There was a figure off to the left side of this door. To me it looked transparent, the color of liquid coffee held up to the light. It was the shape of a tall, thin person in a long, hooded robe. It seemed more transparent in what would be the chest area and I could not see a face or any detailed features. I know my father saw his mother. I felt his joy, his sudden childish freedom. The freedom to express the abundant love and joy that only innocent children seem to have. I was overwhelmed with a love and understanding that words cannot describe. A love of being rather than having, an understanding of everything in nothing. A warmth that cleansed the very fibers of my soul.
I watched as my father moved in front of me (up to now he had been following me) and moved like a child running toward this figure. I was still going forward but at a much slower pace. As I came closer to the door I felt as if I was shedding all pain, all worry. I was home, at last I was at the place I had been looking for for so long. I had no reason to go back, nothing mattered now, I knew who I was and more importantly what I am and am to be.
Then, as my father reached the figure, a harsh, loud knock rang out, then another and another. I heard, what I thought was my father (I'm not so sure it was now) say "Lynn, go answer the door" I said "No. I'm not leaving". Again the voice said, much sterner this time, "Lynn! go and answer the door!" then, for some reason, I had the feeling that I was eavesdropping on a very private moment and I felt uncomfortable. I said "Ok. But I'm coming right back." Still seeing my father, the entire scene in my head, I got up out of the chair and opened the door of the hospital room. It was as if I was above myself looking through a funnel at the nurse in the hall. " I want to get his blood pressure… is it Ok?" she asked. The hospital staff had been real good about not disturbing him without our OK. I looked at her and tears started streaming down my face, "He's going now" I said. "I'm with him, he's just found his mother, he's going now!". The nurse starred at me for a moment then said "Are you alright? Is there someone I can call? Can you handle this?" "Are you kidding!!" I said "It's beautiful, I'm with him. Of course I can handle this." Then she said "I knew you were psychic. I knew you were." Then she started to tell me how her mother died and she wasn't there but she knew when it happened… I didn't want to be rude but I said "I have to go back... I want to be with him." She squeezed my arm, and said if I needed anything she would be right out side the door.
I closed the door, went back to the chair, my fathers breathing was so slow and calm. I sat back and closed my eyes… I was back on the orange path but I was further back from the door then when I left. My father and the figure were just entering the light. My father said "Bye honey, and thank you." As they entered the light, his breathing slowed; I knew the breathing would stop. I watched them move further into the light and heard the final breath of my father’s body. I just sat in the chair. I left the place we were, I was back here, and I waited for the silence. Hoping for another breath but knowing he was gone. After a few seconds, I looked at his body. He was definitely gone. I went to the door and told the nurse. She came in and confirmed that he was dead. She called the supervising nurse and she noted the time. The supervisor asked me if I was all right and I just looked at her and said "I went with him. I watched him… I showed him where to go!" She said "Do you know what a blessing that is?" and I couldn't speak.
I called my mother and told her that I took him. She said she was so grateful, she tried to help him the day before and couldn't. She would have someone come and get me. When my sister picked me up at the hospital, I tried to explain what had happened, but it was very hard to find any words, much less the right ones. Later she told me that I was "glowing" when she picked me up. The rest of the family had mixed reactions, they were actually angry at me.
It's hard to describe how I felt. I remember telling a minister, who wanted me to recount the experience, that to let go of someone that deeply was the ultimate test of love. You cannot let go on that level if you are concerned with what it means to you. Only if you want what is right for that soul. That's the love of being - not having, the force that connects all life to all life. I guess you could say selfless or fear-less love. I know now that "hell" is the fear that holds us. "HELL" is being stuck between the physical world and the next world. We need to have felt and understood the "love - of - being", that selfless, fear-less love, at some point in our existence to pass that wall. That's the message of love. Not the feeling most of us call love. There has to be nothing in it for us. It doesn't matter how we understood it or what we felt it for - just as long as we did.
A couple of hours after I got home from the hospital, I laid down, closed my eyes and was back at the purple/black wall. It's funny but it wasn't so intimidating this time. I looked behind it and found that it was a curtain. I slipped behind the curtain and went up the path and I saw my father much farther into the light. I wanted to go - but the curtain was suddenly in front of me and I was told "not yet." I'm still trying to understand how and why I was able to go with my father. From what I have read and tried to research, this is not a very common thing, though I'm not the first person to have an experience like this.
There are a couple of things that I am very sure of now and they are that we are much more than flesh, bones and blood. That our actions and even our thoughts here mean a great deal more than we can ever imagine. That "love" is much more and much more powerful than most of us has even an inkling about.
I also know that my father and any other soul (here or passed) who has known real love for another being is OK and will be OK through eternity. I now KNOW we can ALL go home.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 11, 2004 - 12:52 pm:
I flat-lined three times in the hospital. I got in a car accident in New Orleans while on vacation. The airbag gave me a blunt trauma to my liver. I went to the hospital in an ambulance from the scene of the accident and they did not catch my injury. Thinking that I was fine they let me go and I returned home. A week went by and I started feeling sharp pains around my abdomen. It got severely worse until I could not walk. I went to a family doctor in my parent’s small town and she misdiagnosed me with the flu and bronchitis. After a week on medication that was supposed to clear up my "flu," I returned to the doctor again. She prescribed some pain medication. I went home and the pain medication didn't work. Returning to the office one more time, she told me not to come back and that she has prescribed me enough medication. At that point, I wasn't even able to walk and my abdomen was swollen dramatically. I went to another doctor and he told me to go home and put a heating pad on my tummy.
The next day in near-death health, I was taken to the Emergency Room. As soon as I got there, I was diagnosed with sepsis (an infection in my blood) which has a 40% mortality rate. Then after a cat scan, they found my liver abscess that took up half of my liver (liver abscess has a 30% mortality rate), so they prepared for emergency surgery. I flat-lined once during surgery because of my liver condition and my blood infection. I also died once in the ER after catching Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) from my body going into shock, and then once again on the helicopter when they were sending me to a bigger trauma center . I don't remember seven days out of a month of hospitalization. During those days my sister came down because the doctors told my parents to call the immediate family because they thought I wouldn't make it. She spent three days with me at the hospital. I talked with her and many other people, but I don't remember any of it.
When I woke up it felt a feeling like I knew where I was and what happened, but I really had no idea what happened to me that week. I don't remember anything like a light or a spirit, but I was very calm and in good spirits during and even after realizing what happened. All I know is that I am a totally different person. People tell me that I look better than before my NDE, but I think I pay more attention to my appearance now since I feel sort of dirty with experiences: like I am a veteran with a thousand stories and no one to tell, or no one to understand my issues, or a innocent looking girl, but underneath she has some baggage that has more scars than an unlucky stuntman. No man will ever feel stronger than me since I have been through war with life and death. But now I am not scared of death anymore, because I felt a peace in the hospital that was warming and calm. I know now that it is a very peaceful place and god puts a fake terror of dying in everyone so we won't want to die right away so we can live our life.
I am having many problems keeping my friends right now. A lot of so-called friends before my NDE have abandoned me (maybe because of the fear of getting close to someone that is on the edge of death or there fake death phobia is kicking in). But on the plus side, I have gotten really close to my family now and less so with friends. I do have some weird sort of psychic ability now, like finishing other people's sentences. or asking questions they were just about to ask. .Plus I have been motivated more in learning now. I still go to school even though it’s only been a few months since I died in the hospital. .I can't have a normal conversation with anyone now (unless they don't know me). They have that look in their eyes like an overprotecting mom, or a sort of pity for me. No one asks questions about this; or if I bring it up they get too frightened and change the subject, or they just flat out tell me they cannot talk about it.
My life has always been a little bit stranger than other's lives, but what I experienced a few months ago has to top it all. Now I just wish someone could really understand and not just act like they understand. But in the end I will be okay.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 09:12 pm:
I was experiencing a difficult time in my life and I was filled with a lot of internal anger. I was doing methamphetamine regularly; it would help my emotional pain. (Or so I thought at the time.) I was realizing a lot of realities about the world that were evil and not what I wanted them to be. I had been hurt and taken advantage of by several of my friends. I was so full of anger I thought I would explode. One night, it was late, I sat down, very, very tired. I asked God from the bottom of my heart, to take away my anger, cause I knew that was not the way I was meant to feel.
All of a sudden, I was in a different place. I didn't see anyone, but I saw a wide, open green field about me. It was beautiful. I felt a sense of peace and happiness that was so wonderful, I can't even begin to explain it. Suddenly, questions I had pondered about started "just coming into my mind". I knew the answers to them. I "just knew". I understood why people sometimes "harden their hearts" and hurt others, whether purposely or not. I understood that my body was my shell for my time on this earth and that I was here to learn and to grow (should that be what I chose to take from my experiences. Here, Love had no boundaries. There was love everywhere, it was soo strong, you could feel it. I had no needs, wants or worries; I felt like all was ok.
I came out of it and was totally in awe. It changed a lot with me. At first, the bad came. It was like I lost all my boundaries. I had a hard time in this world as I was so focused on my experience. People would get upset with me, I did "inappropriate things" as perceived by this world. Everyone thought it was just the drugs, but I knew it was not. I attempted off and on to quit the drugs, but not before some trouble with the police, a divorce, identity theft, and the loss of my job. I hit rock bottom and truly got to know the Lord. I had some hard times, but slowly pulled myself up to where I am now. I still see society totally different from others; many times my view makes others dislike me. But I am ok with that.
I absolutely do not fear death; I had felt like I had a choice to die, like I was being asked, no voices, it was just in my head. When I was really down, I so wanted to die, I even asked God to take me, but he didn't and I know it was because the other part of me was battling the thought of leaving my kids. My mom died when I was 18 and I wanted my kids to have their mother for a long time. I eventually quit the drugs all together, I am back with my husband and my view remains. It has helped me to understand a lot, which has helped me to better deal with those around me. It has also helped me learn to love myself. (I work on this daily.) I know that no one will ever love me the way God does; they don't have the ability to. I now understand that. I wouldn't trade my experience for anything, I think it SAVED my life. I wasn't sure what happened to me at first, but I started reading and found others who have had NDE's , but had not been in any health danger. I now know, this is what I had.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 09:10 pm:
My daughter had died in 1994, age 33, of breast cancer. I was devastated about her death and was grieving. One day I was coming home, driving my car, when all of a sudden I felt my body drifting to the passenger side of the car. I felt as light as a feather and such a wonderful peace. I then said “I think I am having a out-of-body experience,” and after I had said that, I flew back into my body. To be honest I did not want to come back, the peace I felt while out of my body was the most wonderful feeling I have ever had. The learning experience I got out of this was that I believe God was telling me that my daughter felt that wonderful all the time now as she was with him. I have a deeper belief in religion now. I have shared this with a few people, whether they believe me or not, I do not know, but I know it happened as I was fully awake and driving my vehicle.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 09:09 pm:
I don't remember how I fell down while horse jumping . I was in a dark narrow round tunnel, and moving towards a bright white light that was no hurt for the eyes, rather mild . As I stood still, someone behind my shoulder said “don't be scared, no harm, no sweat, take it easy, you can go forward, it's really great!” I felt most peaceful and happy that in my entire life . But I knew I was not in the earth dimension any more. Approaching the ridge of the tunnel widening, I was inside the white light, being a small light in the infinite light. I hesitated and went back on earth suffering and crippled. I wish I had never come back was my last reborned thought.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 09:08 pm:
I only thought I was just tired, I didn't know what I was about to encounter. I'll try to make this to the point as much as I can possibly. When I was 17 years old, I had migraine headaches (like many people!), but I went to a clinic doctor at the hospital when I got an especially painful migraine and subsequently received a new medication. Little did I know that I was supposed to tell them about the other medicine I was taking (I was just a teenager and was not paying attention). As they discovered later, those were the worst medicines to mix because it can severely affect circulation and affect the heart, which it did.
I went home and lay down and closed my eyes. I could not sleep because the headache was too painful and after a short time (after taking both the different medicines), my body felt tense and tight, and then the necklace charm I was wearing was bouncing a tiny bit off my chest. My friend and my Mom were both there and saw the necklace charm bouncing (they saw it happen). The main thing I remember is that I went from feeling tense physically to suddenly feeling like I was lighter than air so to speak. Then I suddenly was surrounded by a churning black darkness and it was like swirling around me, like I wasn't standing in it but kind of floating in it. I heard a very frightening moan that even though it wasn't quite a sound, it was a feeling that made me think of a scary creature, and I felt its presence and I started to see a light at the same time. At first the light looked small then grew larger really fast. I am a Christian but I don't remember thinking of Jesus immediately. I felt more like a sitting duck just in awe. Then it was like a giant vacuum force grabbed me away from the darkness and pulled me into the light, but gently. It did not hurt me; it was like I already knew who was grabbing me away as if I was not surprised at all. That part I don't understand, but I just remember feeling safer than when I was in the swirling black stuff. I remember after that I was pulled into a realm I did not recognize, But the very clear memory I have held onto was that a peaceful presence came next to me and I felt confused. Then it manifested into what I feel was a being that reminded me of the feeling I had when I prayed to Jesus during life. It said (rather I felt the 'words') that "You are not ready yet, you have to return." I recall refusing to, but respectfully and almost like begging. I remember after that I felt the being surround me with the most incredible feeling of being loved, like a parent or a mother holding her child in her arms, that's the comfort and intensity of love I felt. The only other part I remember is being shot back into my body.
People around me were really freaked out because they said I stopped breathing, and could not hear them, and the ambulance was on its way. I was frustrated to be back on earth in my body; but I was elated to know that I experienced the love of that being, and that it would be there for me again one day, so maybe I just hold onto that sometimes. I really feel strongly that because of this experience, that there really are evil forces and good forces, and I wonder if this life shapes our souls, but that is just my feeling.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 09:06 pm:
In 1961, when I was thirteen-years-old, I lived near a test pit. the pit/pool had been surplused out of service, and with the addition of water and pool ladders had been turned into a fairly nice swimming pool.
The only drawback was that the pool water was not heated, and as anyone who has lived [there], would tell you, with only slight exaggeration, that a summer there could be compared to a winter in Seattle. Even though the water temperature was less then 55 Fahrenheit (13 Centigrade), it could not have been much more of a shock to my thirteen-year-old skinny, 100 lbs., system than had I jumped into a vat of ice cubes.
My Near Death Experience
So this is what happened. It was on a Saturday afternoon, late in summer just after school commenced.
We got there just before 2:15 that afternoon, where we met many of our Canadian friends.
After the usual chitchat and junior high horseplay we all went around to the deep end of the pool. I was the first to enter the water by attempting a stylish racing dive. Wham, I mean it was like standing in a puddle and sticking your finger in a light socket, and I was off to the other end, swimming like hell as I realized how freaking cold it was. All of a sudden, after a few numbing strokes, something happened. The cold was gone and I was swimming in a cloud and it was easy, as easy as I have ever known anything in my life, but a lot easier than that. I mean it was like my body was perfect, and I was flying, and it was unbelievably easy and very, very comfortable. The cloud was iridescent white, like mother of pearl, and as I moved forward it got brighter and brighter. It was so bright and so white, yet my eyes were not bothered by it in the least, it was perfect. I kept moving forward as I felt I was being drawn to something and all I knew is that I wanted to go there. Further along, I began to make out shapes that I began to distinguish as two beings. The light was getting brighter and I was warm all over. One being was very much larger than the other one. They were cloaked in white even more radiant and pure than the light. The diminutive one was to the left, from my perspective, and a little behind. Their faces were without any features, but I knew that I was basking in a love and warmth that to this day I could never describe except to say that within it dwells perfection and all that there is, everything, is known and understood. Finally, I began moving away, although I remember resisting with all of my being as I didn’t want to leave, not then, not ever. It was getting darker and finally dark when all of a sudden I became conscious. Two lifeguards were standing over me and I didn’t feel too well as I had apparently taken in lots of water. They said that I hadn’t been breathing for several minutes, approximately ten minutes. I couldn’t speak. I was back and I would never be the same.
The Kicker
Remember the time line. I went in the pool at approximately 2:30 PM. I was pulled out about five minutes later, not breathing. The lifeguard worked on me for approximately ten to twelve minutes, as he recalled, without a response. Shortly before 3:00 PM his replacement came on. His replacement had just arrived back that same afternoon from the International Red Cross, where he had just been taught the new technique of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. He saved my life.
From that day forward I’ve never been afraid of crossing over to the other side. Remember though, you can’t defeat your purpose.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 09:00 pm:
In 1997 I became a near death survivor, and I want to share my story because I hope that somewhere someone else might understand.
I saw myself lying in my hospital bed from both above and next to it. I saw that there was only one nurse in the room, sitting in a rocking chair watching over me, I knew it was okay for me to leave the room. I walked down the hall and began to feel a warm sensation, I followed it into a tunnel that grew brighter, and as I walked along I began to smell wonderful flowers, I knew they were carnations. As I reached the end of the tunnel I realized that I was dressed as woman dressed in 1940. As I reached the end there were clouds that seemed to be parting, and there I saw a pair of hands. At the sight of them I was overcome with emotion, a deep in-my-soul feeling of grief, happiness, and love. I knew without looking at the face of the person who he was, my grandfather, who had died in WWII, 20 years before I was born.
As I stepped out I was aware that we were in a town, and walking down the sidewalk of main street. Everyone who we passed or talked to knew my grandfather and was real excited to see that I had come to see him. All of the woman in town were dressed in there Sunday best. We passed a hat store, a butchers market, a pharmacy, and the streets were lined with dogwood trees in full bloom. As we walked, we did some talking. He told me he had been waiting a long time to talk to me, that he knew I would be the only one who could correct things. He told me he had watched my dad (his only child) grow, and had grieved with my grandmother (his wife) for all that they missed, but that he was proud of her for raising my dad alone. We talked about when I was born, how my mother kept stating that a man in a uniform had walked into the room, smiled and left, the doctors told her it was from the medication. She had never told me this but when I asked her, she turned real pale.
Anyway, we decided to have fried chicken for supper and after we went to his house, which I knew very well, my grandmother had kept it until the 1980's, I slept in a huge bed with blankets fresh from hanging on the line. It was such a real feeling of being home, safe and loved. I felt such a peace that night. Over the next few days we really talked, and he asked me to tell him what I had been told growing up about him. I felt such sorrow, I had really never been told much, other than he was killed while training in flight school in WWII; that was it. It was a subject that was not brought up, and I honestly had no interest in. My grandfather took my hands and asked me to do something for him. He asked me to look into his crash because the Army had not given the families the correct findings, and that they all (his crew) needed there families to know. I asked him how to do this, and he just looked real deep into my soul and said I would know how. He also asked that I take our family history and continue it, that it would be a wonderful journey.
My grandfather told me that it was time for me to go back. I felt all of these strong emotions, the biggest two were a deep sense of sorrow and grief and a real connection of love, a deep feeling of having a knowledge of him that only he and I share. I tried to lock in my memory everything I could about him, the way he looked, talked, smiled, and how wonderful he smelled. We held each other for a long time and I cried like I had never done before. I just knew I did not want to leave him. As we walked down the street towards the white light and clouds, I asked him if I would see him again. He told me he would always be with me, like the warm light. I entered the tunnel and walked back to my room, and found the same nurse still rocking in her chair. I know she smiled at me.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:59 pm:
It was July 1966 in that late afternoon. I was playing with my friends near the edge of a wooded area next to my home. My Mom told me to come inside as a storm was approaching and thunder could be heard in the distance. I was having too much fun, so I ignored her and continued to play. Suddenly there was a very loud BOOM and I felt as if I had been hit by a car from behind. I was thrown to the ground, at which time I tried to move and was unable to. I had been hit by "ball" lightning - I could see the "ball", it was big, made of fire and had spikes poking out of it. At this time I was seeing myself and the entire area from above the trees. Some of the trees were on fire and I could also see my Dad getting back to his feet (he had been thrown to the ground from the force), as he had already been heading out to get me since I did not come in per my Mom's orders. I was not afraid at all. I had no pain and I started to say "good-bye" to my siblings, parents, friends and neighbors. I did not know where I was headed to, but fear and pain were not present at all. I could see my Dad pick me up off of the ground and shake my limp body; he was crying out my name. Suddenly I was looking into his eyes and I was no longer looking down on this scene. Dad then ran back to the house with me as the fire department arrived to put out the fire, and then I was taken to the hospital for follow-up. My exam was completely negative except for some strange burns that looked like jagged lightning in the sky. They started at my right shoulder and traveled diagonally down my body and ended at my left foot. At the time of this blast, my tennis shoes were tied, but I was thrown completely out of them. They were about 20 feet from my body and the left one had the bottom blown out of it. I stayed in the hospital that night for simple observation and then in the AM there were some photographers that came to take pictures of my burns. They said that most people die from this type of incident, so to have these pictures would be great for medical books, etc. The burns stayed for a few days and then went away. My Mom says that I was a very scared and insecure child for quite some time after that, but eventually life was normal once again. Needless to say - I have never spent any time outside in the presence of lightning or thunder since!!
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:58 pm:
It is now February, 2004. To the best of my memory and writing style, this is a complete accounting of what I experienced thirty-three years ago. My intent is to record this while I still am able. The reader should appreciate that some of this is memory that I did not want to ever remember. I tried to push it from consciousness. Over the years I have tried to focus only on the good and not on the evil. But, I am acutely aware that there are both.
This is my account. It happened to me and I am stuck with it.
The year is 1971. I’m fourteen years old and it is the summer of my freshman year of high school. I applied to work at a Boy Scout summer camp for the third year running. The first two summers I applied I wasn’t offered a position. This year was my last chance and the camp director offered me a job working in the camp kitchen. It’s not what I had in mind but I accepted.
The camp ran like clock work. Each Saturday all of the scouts left the camp and on Sunday, a new bunch of troops arrived. On the first day of their arrival, campers were required to pass a swim test to be allowed to participate in lake activities. Since working the kitchen was hard with little time off, and since I was a certified Junior Lifeguard, I volunteered to watch over the new campers as they performed their swim test. Each of the guards was supplied a long aluminum pole to act as lifeline in the case someone had to be pulled dockside. Swimmers were required to swim two laps unassisted along a boat slip bordered on three sides by dock. For the swim test, the open side was bounded by buoys along a length of rope.
On this particular day, I had watched several groups perform their test without incident. However, during one of the evaluations, one swimmer, a boy of 13 years old or so, started to struggle and cried out for assistance. All I had to do was lower the pole so he could grab on and I would pull him out. But, instinctively, my life guard training came into play and I jumped feet first into the water with legs spread apart like on a bicycle. Quickly I grabbed the boy, spun him around and placed him in a carry position with my arm across his chest diagonally. It is a very secure hold and one that prevents him from fighting me if he panics. Since he was quite docile and since this hold is tiring, I decided I could place him in a chin carry instead. That was a mistake since the boy felt less secure and became anxious. In a split second of panic and before I knew what happened, he struck the side of my head with a round house right hook. The blow to my head was severe and dazed me. I fought to maintain consciousness. As my awareness slipped from me, I began to sink into the water deeper and deeper. Because I had been exerting myself carrying the boy back to dockside, my body needed oxygen. My chest instinctively heaved, forcing my lungs to breath water into them. To my amazement it wasn’t so bad. My lungs were full which took the pressure off. But, I knew I was going to die today. I felt my arms and body go limp. I was sinking watching the water go from light green to dark.
What’s happening? What is that? It doesn’t make sense. I think I see people running here and there along wooden paths. Oh, that’s water I see, and those are the wooden docks. The boy I was saving is alone in the water now. He’s looking around frantically. He’s crying. I get it. I’m floating above everything and I’m looking down onto the lake and the docks. I don’t see me because I’m under water. But how can I be seeing this? Why? I’m at maybe 50 feet above the water. I want down. I belong down there. How do I get down?
As if I have a rubber band attached to my back that reaches its limit, I am pulled higher into the sky. Holy cow, I don’t see the lake anymore. I’m in the clouds. The earth pulls away from me. I can see it and it’s getting smaller. I’m in space. It’s dark except for the stars. Slowly, they start to move streaking the black backdrop and forming lines of light. As I pick up speed, I feel I am moving to the end of the universe with the stars whizzing by me. The lights create a walled effect like warp drive in Star Trek. I’m moving fast -- faster than is possible yet there is no real sensation except for sight. Then into darkness.
It’s black. Pitch black. I see nothing. There is nothing. I strain to see something, anything. I don’t like this. I’m scared. I feel I am in a universe devoid of all things. It is vast without end and completely and utterly empty. There is no one else, nothing else. I am alone. There is no person, no life, no death, no love, no hate, no salvation. There is only a vast emptiness except…for me. The loneliness overwhelms my senses. I would welcome anything. Please. Please. I can’t stay here.
Wait. I see something. Do I hear something too? Is my mind playing tricks? I hear laughter. I don’t know if I like the sound of it though. I see a pin point of light. It’s getting larger but I can’t make out what, if anything, it is. The laughing is getting louder too. The light starts to form a shape. Huh? I can’t believe what I am seeing. It can’t be. It is. It can’t be. I see a face. Except it’s not a face. I don’t quite recognize it because it’s a skull and it’s laughing. It isn’t a good laugh. It’s sinister. He’s mocking me, gleeful at my plight. It’s a terrible sound that sends shutters through me. It speaks and tells me I am there forever, with him. I begin to hear others talking. They are coming nearer with conspiratorial voices that are evil and menacing. The skull brought them or they followed. I’m scared. I feel their presence encircling me. These are creatures of the darkness. I can’t see them. I sense them. They’re near. They are as dark as the surroundings. The skull continues laughing. Ouch. Something clawed me and I am being bit as if being tasted. Then, they are set loose upon me clawing, scratching and biting. It feels like my skin is being stripped off. Oh, the pain. God help me please. I can’t take this. God, please help me. The attacks continue. Then I recall an old parish priest told me that evil cannot remain in the presence of God. I call out, Lord, Jesus Christ help me please. Help me. The attacks subside and soon stop altogether. The dark entities of evil slink away into the darkness. I am alone again in the black emptiness but I am relieved.
Some moments later I see something again. It’s another pin point of light. Oh god, please don’t let it be that skull again. It’s coming closer and separates into more than one light. What are these? They get larger. They look like soap bubbles. Lots of soap bubbles. Lots and lots and lots of soap bubbles. They’re everywhere. Hundreds, thousands and then millions of them. The colors are magnificent, lively and translucent. Each bubble dances about in its own way. They are alive. They don’t harm me. They are good. I’m confused why I am seeing this. What are they? The bubbles begin to move past me slowly at first and then faster. I’m moving or they are. I’m not sure which. The movement of the bubbles past me generates streaks of red and violet light bars encapsulating me into a tube of colored light culminating in a far away vortex. I have no choice but to move through it.
When I reach the end I hear, “It is time to review your life experiences.” Who’s there? Who said that? I don’t see anyone. “I’m the one watching over you.” Are you my guardian angel? “If you like. Yes.” It was nice to be in the presence of another. And with that, like watching a big movie screen, my life was portrayed before me instance by instance, moment by moment. It would be normal to think that this would take some time, but time doesn’t exist.
There’s Billy. He’s about 5 or 6 years old. I used to play with him when I was a little kid. We’re playing with cars behind the orange-brick duplex across the street from where I live. I say something bad to Billy. It’s not a nice thing. I’m being mean and spiteful. The difference now is I feel him hurting. He’s crying. I feel his anguish. Oh, I’m sorry Billy. I shouldn’t have hurt you like that. And so it went on, moment by moment, review by review feeling the results of my actions until my time in the lake.
Why am I going through this? My Angel replied, “You review your life in order to cleanse your soul. How do you feel?” Terrible. I am such a mean person. I didn’t realize I hurt others that much. “It’s important that you learn from this.” I have. I take responsibility and I’m so sorry. “Would you like to see it again?” No, I get the message. I hope that I am not judged poorly. “Your life is evaluated by the most powerful judge there is.” When does that happen? “It already has. That judge is you.” It all becomes clear to me and I feel as if a weight has been removed. I am refreshed. I am ready now. The cleansing is over and I am left in darkness once again but not for long.
Wow -- a blast of light like a door opening into the darkness. I’m confronted with streaks of bright, white, brilliant light. It’s overwhelming. It is the purest and whitest light I have ever seen. It covers me like a blanket. Light this bright should be impossible to look at but it isn’t. It’s warm and wonderful. The light bathes me with a glow of overpowering love and inner peace. It’s absolutely wonderful. I move closer.
Someone is standing in the doorway. Streaks of white light stream around his body. He’s dressed in a white robe. His arms are down, outstretched with palms upward. I can’t seem to make out his face no matter how hard I try. There’s too much light.
“We have been waiting for you. But, this isn’t your time to be here.” I know that voice. He is familiar to me. Why can’t I recognize who you are? I must know you. I feel such a sense of inner serenity that I have never felt before. I like this place. I want to stay here. I sense that if I take his hand I can stay. In fact, if I touch him I must stay. I will not be allowed to return to my prior existence. I don’t want to return. I reach out to him but can’t quite touch him.
“Before you go you may look into the future.” He motions to his left. To my right, I notice a white table. It is stone, perhaps marble. On the table is a flat gold bowl filled with a liquid like oil or water. It’s reflective and dark. Behind the table are three old men in white. Two are sitting. One is standing next to something like a pillar or a podium. There may be a book on it. They motion for me to come closer and I do. “Look into the bowl and see the future of mankind.” I peer into the black liquid and see devastation. Cities are on fire. It’s horrific. I turn away. I don’t want to see this. Why are you showing me this? “We want you to take a message back with you. Man must change his ways.” But, I’m only one person. What can I do? “Spread the message.” He continued, “You have a special ability.” I know he was referring to my paranormal senses. “I am going to ask you a question. Whatever is your first response is the one we will accept. You cannot change your mind afterwards. Do you understand?” Yes. I do. What’s the question? “Do you want these powers you have and the ability to see into the future?” Immediately, I respond, no, I just want to be normal. “Very well then. It is done.”
I withdraw from this area and once again I find myself before the man in the white robe blocking my access. I want to enter. It feels so wonderful here. Can I stay here? “You have work yet to do. You cannot remain. It is not your time.” But, I want to stay. Please, let me. “I will show you something.” With that, three small bubbles appeared from the darkness on the left. They get larger. They are like the bubbles I had seen before. As they get nearer I can see the faces of three small children, two boys and one girl. Who are they? “They are your children.” But, I’m only fourteen. I don’t have any children. “You will and these are them. Don’t you see? You must return in order for these children to be born.” As I look at their faces, I realize one bubble stands off from the other two. Why is he separate? “He is never born. He is your child but he will remain here.” Huh? How can that be? He’s not born but he’s my child? “You will understand one day. You must remember that while he remains here that he exists and that he loves you.” With that said, the other two children depart becoming smaller until they disappear. “It is now time that you return.”
I try again to reach out and touch him but I am being yanked backwards. The light becomes smaller. I am in darkness again moving backwards. I know I am returning. Then, CRACK. With a jolt I am back in my body. I find that I am sitting on the bottom of the lake in the mud. I have to get up for air. My legs flex. My arms start to paddle upwards. Will I make it? I don’t think I can. It’s got to be 10 or 12 feet or more. I need air. Struggling, I finally feel air with my right hand. With another stroke or two I break the surface. Immediately I cough up water from my lungs. The swimming boy is terrified. I see it in his eyes. He begins to help me. That’s ironic. Still coughing and gasping little by little I get air into my lungs and it feels good. One of the senior waterfront instructors runs towards us down the dock. Quickly I resume pulling the boy to shore. I’m exhausted but somehow I manage to do it. The boy is saying, ‘I was helping you.’ I cut him off and push him up onto the dock with the assistance of the senior instructor. He congratulates me on saving the boy. I’m dazed and confused. I say nothing and get out of the water. My body is in tact but my mind reels with what just happened.
Prior to this episode in my life I had many paranormal experiences. Afterwards, the activity subsided. It wasn’t eliminated by any means but I can live with it and interpret things better. All in all, the old men I had talked to made me ‘normal’ and I am grateful.
Over the years I have asked myself why a fourteen year old would encounter such an evil entity. After all, how bad can a fourteen year old boy’s life be that he should deserve such treatment? I have concluded that mine was an unplanned journey to the other side so family members and friends there were not prepared for my arrival. Since no one knew I was coming, I became a target of opportunity for the dark side entities. Conversely, I like to think at the appropriate time someone will help me navigate a safe passage.
At the time of this near-death experience, I was a Catholic. Afterwards, I continued to go to a Catholic school. In fact, the school was a pre-seminary grooming boys for the priesthood. But I was changed. Religion, any religion didn’t matter to me anymore. I no longer saw the church as the endpoint but rather as a vehicle some people use to the endpoint. My view now centers on the concept of a Creator with a divine plan that is revealed to us at his pace in his own time. Had I met the Creator? I don’t know.
An interesting side note to this story is that I studied classical Greek the following two years in school. During that time I learned of the ancient Greek belief in the Fates. These were old sages typically depicted in white robes with white beards. If I recall correctly there were three of them. One Fate determined a person’s time of birth, another the time of death and the third measured a man’s life. I have to admit that the similarity to my near death experience unnerved me when I learned of this. Could I have talked to the Fates?
Years later, I met the woman I would marry. Although she still doesn’t believe me, the very instant I saw her my head went boing like a spring releasing its energy. I instantly knew I had met my future wife. And, as predicted, we had three children although one was miscarried and was never born. And so, indeed, I did come to understand.
What else have I learned? I know that our actions affect others in both positive and negative ways and that we will come to appreciate this fact in the next place. I know there are indeed evilness and goodness, darkness and light, suffering and serenity. I know that mankind has the capability of extinguishing itself. But above all else, I know that our souls, our being, what it is that we are does not die. The journey continues for us beyond this world. At a minimum, we gain a new perspective in the next place. It just may not be a complete understanding of all things. And while we search for the solution to life’s equation we may return to this world in a new instantiation but wearing the same fabric of our existence. I also like to think that we are born afresh with those other souls with whom we choose to travel. That is how I recognized my wife when I first saw her. And so it is. After every life we live we become stronger and truer, tempered by our experiences until such time as we may complete our journey and we are truly born.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:56 pm:
I was driving to school in the rain when my car hydroplaned in front of an 18wheeler truck. I tried to avoid the accident by turning the steering wheel. We hit driver side to driver side and my car slid down the side of the truck. I don't remember hearing the crash. The next thing I knew was I was surrounded by black, almost like black velvet. I felt like I was floating up and to the right. I felt good, safe, not hot or cold, just wonderful. Then I saw the most beautiful light. It was this great bright white light, but it didn't hurt my eyes. It was beautiful. He (the light) asked "ARE YOU READY?" Only he didn't talk in words it was more like mental telepathy. I said "Yes, but of the children." Which doesn't even sound like I normally talk. I don't remember Him saying anything else, but it was like all knowledge was there and all your questions were answered. I can't remember the answers. But I did come back with the feeling that we are very much all connected and the only thing that matters is LOVE. I felt like I was sucked back and to the left into my body. I woke up laying across the seat of my car saying "Oh, my God." I was cold, wet, covered in blood and glass. I saw the truck driver standing in the rain and he looked so scared. I thought "Shut up Jan you are scaring this guy to death." I was in my first year of nursing so I started to evaluate my wounds. I was having trouble breathing, and I thought my leg was broken. It turned out I had a 70% pneumothorax on the left side and a 30% pneumothorax on the right side. The windshield had fallen in my lap and cut through three muscles in my leg which caused the pain in my leg. I was taken to a small rural hospital They were all busy and rushing around. Putting in chest tubes and such. I remember looking at my hands and thinking. Oh so this is what cyanosis looks like, and what’s the big deal: if I die I die. I know that dying is no more traumatic than walking from the living room to the kitchen at least for the one who is dying. I also know this is the most real thing in my life no one will ever convince me otherwise.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:54 pm:
About 8 years ago, I had emergency heart surgery, because I had contracted a severe infection from pericarditis. Which my physician stated it was by god's grace I was still alive!
When I was in recovery (ICU), I had a dream. I use this word loosely because it was unlike any "dream" I had ever experienced before. I will not go into all of the details now, but I must state that never does a day pass that I don't recall and relive the experience. It changed my whole intellectual and spiritual approach to "religion"! I am currently an individual very much aware that this experience we call "life" is only transitory. It is a place of preparation, of choices, of opportunities to grow, unlike any other place. I found thru my experience a "universality" that all religions and religious beliefs are merely vain attempts to express a simple truth. That the golden rule was the central rule in which to live our lives! I must admit also that it has been difficult at times to continue on with this process called "living" after experiencing an indescribable experience! Life here pales in comparison to what awaits us. But I was clearly told: "it is not your time!"...and like a rebellious child I rebuked this voice and wanted to remain in this realm of total "completeness", but found that it was an effort fought in vain... and I can still recall returning to my body like a hand in a glove... and bouncing back from the floor beneath me back into my body. As I began to slowly awaken, I still experienced this wonderful feeling of complete unconditional love and acceptance... and as I awoke I began to re-experience my 5 senses in a new way, as if I had never used them before! And also, the feeling of "completeness" began to slowly fade away and I began to feel the coldness of my body, and I began to cry, both out of gratitude and also out of selfishness.
I have no fear of death now. I see each day as a gift and an opportunity. I try every day to live the golden rule in all my affairs, and honestly some days I fail miserably. But the "living one" is patient like a parent would be with a child, and for this I am thankful...because I now realize there is a "universality", an inter-connectedness of all people, things, nature, etc. A divine plan if you will. So with this I will close for now. Shalom.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:49 pm:
It was the end of winter 1971. I was a part of the hippie culture of the late 60s & 70s which was mostly based around drugs like LSD and cannabis plus others. My 3 friends & myself had rented a house together here in England. We all 'worked' together each day as salesmen. Most of our evenings were spent in the house on drugs, parties along with girlfriends, etc. This particular night I had taken a LSD tablet and was having my third bad trip. During my horrible hallucinations, I fell down the hallway stairs.
Suddenly I found myself within this beautiful white Light. It was so nice being there and I felt wonderfully blissful. I was not conscious of having a body like we have here, but nevertheless I felt I was a whole person. There were other 'things' within the Light, but not near enough for me to make them out, even whether they were animate or inanimate? Either way I was very, very happy and would have liked to have stayed there.
Then I heard this voice. It was such a beautiful voice. I 'knew' it to be the voice of God, though I could not see Him. His voice had no source that I could make out and seemed to be all about me. He simply said, 'Come to Me.' Three words only, yet each one seemed to me to be full of infinite meaning and so beautifully spoken and so full of love.
And then I awoke on a hospital trolley.
Prior to this event I had never even thought much about God or religion. My family were never church goers. But from that point onwards up to today, I have had an unshakeable belief in the existence of God and hardly any fear of death. From that time onwards, I gave up the drugs scene and later joined a religious organisation called 'The Hare Krishna Movement'. For the next 10 years or so I devoted my whole life to the study of God realisation. I gave up smoking also and alcohol. Even tea and coffee. And I tried to remain celibate too. Today, though I have left the movement, my faith in God is still unshakeable. And though the church has no attraction for me for various reasons, I still pray regularly and am always trying to make myself a better person, and pray that God will forgive me my many sins before this life ends.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:46 pm:
I had overdosed on a combination of prescription and non-prescription drugs and alcohol. To this day neither I nor the attending physicians know what the non-prescription drugs were, although I have been told that they were most likely opium based (e.g. heroin).
My brother called the paramedics after breaking down the door to my bedroom after I had locked myself in the bedroom for almost two days straight. My brother later told me that he could not detect a significant pulse. The paramedics (and later attending physician) confirmed that I was apparently clinically dead for either one minute or perhaps a little longer.
I was later in a coma for just over three days.
During the time of my death and (I assume, but still am not sure) the coma, I experienced what I would consider two NDEs. The first, and by far the more disturbing, began immediately, I believe, after the onset of clinical death. I felt that I had left my body in an excruciatingly painful manner, as though I were being ripped from my own body. The best way I could describe it is as if I were giving birth to my own disembodied consciousness and experiencing the exact same pain that a woman might experience when giving birth to a child. I was also unbelievably frightened at the prospect of having to leave my own body since I had never experienced anything like it in my life before.
I vaguely remember seeing the team of paramedics working on my body and my brother standing in the doorway of my bedroom. My brother was visibly shaken, clutching the doorway, crying I believe. But the scene quickly evaporated beneath me as I flew through the ceiling of my house, through the air, the atmosphere, and then into "outer space". I remember seeing the entire earth vanish below me as I continued my journey. The earth was beautiful, but somewhat disappointing for some reason that I did not understand. It was at that moment that I apparently realized the significance of what had just happened, that I was dead, and immediately I stopped being afraid.
I then experienced what I think of as restrained or "cautious" bliss. I was not the least bit sorry that I had died and immediately began marveling and wondering at what I could now do in this new existence. All of these emotions came incredibly quickly and were not really "emotions" as I have ever experienced the concept. Also, "thoughts" (again I would have to say not thoughts in the human sense) came even more quickly than the speed of light it seemed. The actions attached to those thoughts, or perhaps actions as consequences of those thoughts, came just as quickly. I seemed to be able to perceive space and time outside of my locality because I did not perceive concepts such as "locality", "time", or "distance". I could "think" of a location (again for lack of a better word) and immediately I was there. I could leave the Milky Way or even return to the vicinity of the Earth if I wanted to. I also sensed that I was no longer who or what I used to be. I seemed to lose all memory of what I used to be (a human being) and now I purely "existed" without a clear cut sense of my self or my own existence. Yet I also felt somehow alone, as if no other consciousness existed in addition to my own. It was an extremely confusing feeling that still boggles my imagination, even some ten years after the experience.
After some "time" (again the concept really had no meaning) existing in this state, I felt the urge to travel beyond what I perceived (after waking up from the ensuing coma) the known universe. I remember stars, galaxies and nebulas zooming passed me as I traveled. I did not actually feel as though I was traveling, but more as though I was stretching my unique consciousness to its unknown limits. All the while, I felt (again after waking up) that I was still trying to get used to this new existence.
After traveling for I do not know how long, I apparently came upon what I can only describe as an intelligent, or at least conscious, entity of some sort. The entity appeared blacker than black, like a black hole itself. Its blackness seemed to eclipse everything else around it. I sensed somehow that this entity was extremely malevolent, unimaginably angry and hostile towards me and everything else. While the entity did not seem to communicate verbally or audibly, I sensed that it had drawn me to itself somehow. It seemed to be in judgment of me somehow, "telling" me that I was once a human being (which seemed to be news to me at the time), that I had lived (another new, unknown concept to me), and that I either had done or been an accomplice to some heinous act while I was human, and that I was essentially worthless as a human being (as indeed were all humans). The entity just seemed to radiate hatefulness, anger, and also loneliness, as though it were somehow disconnected from the great consciousness that allegedly bound all reality. It was at that moment as well that I had an epiphany of sorts, that I was not alone but part of that greater consciousness which all conscious creatures and beings join when they die.
The entity continued to berate me and I became afraid of it as it threatened to show me my previous existence as a human being. I became even more afraid at that possibility; even as it began to dawn on me that the entity was right and that perhaps I was once something other that what I was at that moment. All of a sudden, I started to become aware of concepts such as space, time, distance. I even started to become self aware again. For the first time in what felt like uncountable ages, I perceived myself as separate from the universal consciousness. At that point I became unspeakably sad and felt that I wanted to kill myself, if only I could. The entity seemed to revel in my sadness and confusion and it faded from me as apparently it was exiling me from that blissful existence.
It was then that I was myself again. I was immediately in the company of a being who identified himself as "Satan". I did not believe the being, who appeared to be a very shiny, almost opalescent gray. He wore a fedora style hat and was dressed in what looked like 1930's era men's clothing, including a neck tie, a suit vest, and dress pants. He had no face. I was not the least bit afraid of this "Satan" and got the impression that he was something very different from a devil or demon or any kind of evil spirit. By then I was "myself" again, plain old Benjamin who had died (shamefully) of an overdose.
We walked in what looked like a beautiful grassy meadow for some time on what felt like a perfect, sunny, spring or summer day. While we walked, the being talked of God, explaining that God was either dead or had forsaken the entire Universe altogether and was no nowhere to be found. He stressed that human beings were all on their own, that human life was essentially meaningless, but that that was the way God had intended it anyway. He said that there was no point in trying to do good or help one's fellow man because the physical universe was cyclical (as the Hindus believe I later learned) and that whatever we experience now we have experienced before in another cycle and would experience again in a future cycle. In this way, he explained, the universe was predetermined and there was nothing anyone could do to change it.
The being explained many other things to me, the details of which I have forgotten (at least consciously) but which have a somewhat vague, yet "matter of fact" and very firm foundation of my post-NDE life philosophy. These include the above described universal cycle, the inherent (almost comical) meaninglessness of human existence, the very strong belief in non-locality (very close to the same concept as described in quantum physics theory), belief in the inherent meaningless of time and distance, belief in a universal consciousness that envelops all individual consciousness, belief in so-called psychic phenomena (related to non-locality somehow), an inherent and extremely strong aversion to the idea or belief in reincarnation (an aversion which I still cannot explain), and an inherent and equally strong belief in biological evolution, though guided by an agnostic intelligence that I believe indirectly maintains physical reality as we know it.
My belief in God as described by the three major Middle-Eastern religions (Judaism, Christianity, and Islam) was also effectively destroyed by that particular NDE (with the being who called himself Satan). After that NDE, which I feel somehow took place simultaneously with the first NDE described above, I absolutely refused to believe in God anymore, even feeling a great deal of anger and resentment towards the whole idea of God and anyone who worshipped God. I immediately stopped going to church (I was raised Protestant), severed all ties with the church, and basically told the minister from my congregation to go to hell when he came to visit me after my release from the hospital. I have never regretted that decision.
The "Satan" being was very sarcastic towards me during the entire encounter, making fun of me and calling me stupid for so carelessly overdosing on drugs. I never felt scared of him or angry towards him though. He seemed to take a real interest in me personally, again telling me that I had done something very bad earlier in my life, most likely my childhood. He was not the least bit judgmental in that regard, but he told me that I needed to come to terms with that experience. Again, I got the very odd feeling that the other NDE was happening at the same time. As the being and I spoke, I got very strange and disturbing images of what looked like outer space, and even very strong feelings of malevolence and hostility directed at me from very far away.
After delivering that parting advice, the being sent me on my way. I woke up three days later, gagging on the intubator, trying to scream for help, the simultaneous (it seemed) memories of both NDEs fresh in my mind.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:43 pm:
I saw the light of the truck coming at our car and heard a bang. I was then above a street light watching the car flip over and over to rest on the sidewalk. Then I saw greyish cement-looking material and thought I was in a conduit of some kind. I was quite afraid and felt very cold I wanted to get out. Then I sensed I was moving and the cement-like conduit started to speed past my eyes. I was scared but turned and looked ahead and saw a light and was increasing with greater and greater speed until I left the conduit into brilliant white light which was extremely bright but not hard on the eyes. I did not know where I was but soon sensed that I was not alone. I then saw what I can best describe as an opaque window or screen. Like a shower curtain. I saw a silhouettes of sorts and sensed that it was my mother who died in 1971, my friend who died in 1976 and my grandfather who died in 1979. I wanted to go to them but heard from them that "no" not yet. I was disappointed and angry as I wanted to see them, especially my mom. Then I was in a beautiful place a kind of endless sprawling landscape that was warm and sunny. I wanted to stay there and felt fantastic in that there were no more questions to be asked nor problems to overcome. all is so simple. I just knew all the answers: there was nothing other than love and service... that was it. Then I sensed something in front of me and heard a voice (thought) encourage me to look at my life. I didn't want to do that since I was enjoying my experience, but did so anyway. I looked over my life and saw incidents that quickly showed me that there were things I had to do. I said "I think I gotta lot of work to do" to which the reply was " well, you had better get at it." I then found myself back and awake staring at the back side of the driver's clutch pedal. I had been in the passenger seat before. I moved my feet and was relieved that my back was not broken, and then waited until the firemen smashed the back window and pulled me out of the car.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:41 pm:
On New Years Eve, myself and two of my friends decided to stay at one of their houses to party. I had done the drug E once in tablet form before this night and had no problems. We decided on New years we would do E again. Over the course of the night before midnight, I took a line of E, then drank a small amount in milk, and at about 10:00pm I took another tab of E.
At first I was having a "good" trip if you could call it that, but getting closer to midnight when the last tab I took was fully kicking in, I just kept getting higher and higher, everything was getting over whelming, beyond anything I have ever experienced. I left my friends and went into the bathroom and shut off the light to try to have a quiet and dark environment to weather the storm. Even the washroom could not help and I could feel inside that I was in danger. I have never done any hard drugs before and had only smoked pot before my two experiences with E, but I knew I was overdosing. I was trying to stay calm and focused because I knew I was in trouble. Even though I was on a drug, there was a huge sobering quality at least for my thought process. I knew that in order to survive I had to stay awake and get help. I had waited too long before getting help and up to that point I had told my friends repeatedly that I was OK because I had not wanted to worry them. The high was getting overwhelming again; I could not get off the floor or move. In order to try to keep my mind focused, I was trying to count backwards from 10-0 over and over again. Once again I knew I was in trouble when while in my head I could count all the way back when I was counting the number out loud but I was counting over and over only 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 then 0 and when I tried to change this I would then count 10,9,8,7,3,2,1,0. I was missing whole sections of numbers even though in my head I knew they where there. I got myself up resting on the toilet but getting up took too much, and then it was like just my heart and all my veins in my body were seizing and Ii couldn't move, and it happened again, but just more intense, and as I was half lying on the toilet before I blacked out, all over my body it felt like every single pore opened and released all the moisture in my body, because in the matter of moments my whole body was soaked in sweat. I could feel that my heart was not beating anymore after that, the moment before blacking out.
My experience after this point seemed to happen very quickly, I did not see anything. It was much different than that: in order to see you need eyes. It was like being alone in the dark with nothing around that "exists" Something "spoke" to me but it was like the words were given straight to my conscience. The things it (god? I don't really know) told me were "New Year, New Birth." I knew it referred to me dying, and that I was to die that night no matter the circumstances. The second thing it "explained" (and this is one thing I am still trying to grasp it's meaning, but nothing makes any more sense to me), it "said," "In heaven (obvious god or Christian reference), what you need to understand is you do not need eyes to see." The rest I knew just from a "knowing” that came with it's messages. The only thing I understand about the second message is it is something I am supposed to share, because so many people don't understand the concept of physical life and non-physical life. I knew that I had to share this because it felt too many people are living under misconceptions and are blaming their gods or god for this. I knew that people need to understand you don't see with eyes in heaven because eyes are part of the body and are necessary to see physically. When you are dead, you no longer have eyes to see with. Once people understand this concept, as simple as it is, then they will have the ability to be able to understand the concepts of the afterlife better and in the way they need to be thought of as.
Then I was back. Boom! My eyes opened, and I was still lying on the toilet; my body was still damp. I just realized now as I am writing this that when I came back the bathroom light was on. I had turned the light off and none of my friends had been able to enter to turn the light on because I had locked the door. More mystery. Great. Anyways, all my clothes right down to my socks where soaked as if having been recently immersed in water. I was not felling high anymore from the E, even though the effects should have had still been in my system for another 5 hours at least. I felt so different than even before taking the E. I felt strong and healthy, but tired. I called my friends in one at a time to tell them what happened and then took a shower. It was the most glorious shower I ever had. It was like I had never taken a shower before in my life. In the shower, a ravenous thirst took me and for 10 minutes I stood cupping my hands and gulping down as much water as I possibly could. I rested with my friends sitting, not believing what happened, not understanding how I could be sitting there. It was like my mind and body knew it had died and should not be sitting there, but my conscience was definitely alive and it was not a dream, I kept wondering if I was dead and this is what it was like.
For the rest of the night I also noticed a heightened ability psychically (I always had small talent with these things, but I had increased by far.) I was able actually with one of my friends to know what he was feeling and what surface thoughts he was having. I knew this because every time he spoke I already knew every word he was going to say. This has come stronger then goes dormant, but even now I am stronger psychically than I have ever been.
I don't know who to turn to. This happened. Every word is real. I don't think people will believe anything I say. I actually believe that anyone I tell will hear I did drugs and the skeptical part of everyone's mind will not allow them to believe me just chalking my experience up to the drugs. I can understand even if you who are reading this feel the same way, I can understand. The only thing I can say is some things are true whether you believe in them or not.
I just need help getting as much understanding as possible on this because I feel the most is that I am living on borrowed time and I feel like I was given time back, but who is to say exactly how much time.
If I thought this was even a 1% chance this was because of the E I took that night (I am not and have not touched drugs since that night), I would not be writing this to you now. Please believe me on this. I would have had this never happen but I can't change that now.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:40 pm:
It was suppose to be a normal delivery of the birth of my second child. I experienced a rare condition known a Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation; I had lost my ability to clot blood. I was bleeding out, so they called it. I remember the rush of physicians and hospital staff rushing around me, I was so cold. Later, I was told the blood was pouring out like a faucet was on. I was in full arrest due to shock caused from the blood loss. I was rushed to the operating room, which felt to me like everyone was in slow motion, but were really frantically rushing running me on the gurney to the operating room.
I was so cold. Then, I saw a beautiful light. Very warm, inviting. I wanted to go to the light. I was warm. It was so bright, comforting, I was at peace and was drawn towards the light. I heard nothing. Then, all of a sudden, I heard faintly in the background, "we’re loosing her". The voices started to get louder and louder. I heard my doctor yelling at me that she wasn't going to give up. I remember getting cold again. The light was gone. I woke up 6 hours later on a ventilator, unable to breathe on my own. I believe something spectacular happened that day. I am a Christian, I have always believed in God, and now... I have confirmation that something is waiting out there for me, and I will not be afraid to go there again when invited the next time. My after-thoughts on this situation vary. Sometimes I wonder why I was allowed to survive what most don't. There is not a good logical explanation why I survived. For whatever reason, be it my children, family, or destiny... I have a purpose for something.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:38 pm:
For almost ten years, just the thought of talking about the details of my experience with death and the afterlife would make me sob uncontrollably. I don’t know why, because the experience was so wonderful and enlightening. Maybe it was the intensity of that love and enlightenment. No words could truly describe it. Since that experience, I have noticed that I have had heightened sensations and increased intuitive and psychic abilities. Even though I tried to dismiss it as nothing, something inside me won’t let me shake it. Now it is time to share my experience. Keep in mind that I am not a writer, nor professor, but simply a person with a few pages from my soul’s book of life.
When a woman knows there is something dreadfully wrong with her health, yet doctor after doctor tells her, “It’s all in your head – You’re just getting older”, she doesn’t know what to think. If it weren’t for the love of her family, she probably would give up. This was true for me. I knew I was getting worse and if someone didn’t find the cause soon, I most certainly would die.
In my case, I don’t know if the doctors couldn’t see past a trauma I experienced or if women are more complex than men and can’t be diagnosed as easily. All I know is that I was dying, senselessly and needlessly, and no one was doing anything about it. To them, I was a picture of physical health that was being drained by post-traumatic stress. Deep inside, I felt there was more to it.
I told myself I would try one more doctor. That’s it. Then I would give up my fight for life if she found nothing wrong with me. Having to wait a couple months for the appointment was tough. A couple months here, there, and everywhere added up to years. Five years in my case. It would be five long years of trying to find out what was wrong with me. Unbelievable! Yet life’s everyday turmoil continued around me.
Beginning at the end of 1989, I struggled for every ounce of strength I had to get through selling our home to move out to the family farm that we purchased. My father-in-law wanted us to fix up the farm and make him proud. After we remodeled the farmhouse with our life’s savings, we suffered a major setback in 1990 when the farmhouse burnt to the ground. The only clothes that we had left were the ones we had on and those in the hamper at the empty house we were selling. Then in 1992, we suffered the loss of my father-in-law, after which, we began to unveil the truth about my mother-in-law. It was sheer determination that kept me alive with all the stress upon stress I endured during those five years.
At the appointment in March of 1994, the woman doctor did a thorough exam and felt everything looked good. I was told I would hear from her office when the results of the routine Pap smear came back. Since I had regular Pap smears and was told yet again that I was a picture of health, my family and I went ahead with our planned trip to Colorado.
While in Colorado, I grew weaker and weaker. I could feel the strength draining from my body. I barely managed to smile my way through the weekend. When we arrived home, our answering machine was full with messages from the doctor’s office. It was easy to hear the urgency in each message left.
When I called the office, I was told to come in right away. The doctor told me that the Pap smear indicated I needed further testing. I was assured that even if I had cervical cancer it could be easily cured with a cone biopsy. However, after further tests and the cone biopsy, she stated that the cancer was already in the late stage and had invaded my outer tissues and lymph nodes. At first she tried to scold me for not having regular exams that should have caught this cancer earlier, in which event, minor procedures would have cured it. When I reminded her that I did go to doctor after doctor and had Pap smear after Pap smear, she eased up on me. I could sense that she felt this cancer should never have gotten to this point. I agreed with her.
The doctor told me that I needed radical surgery immediately and that it could not wait. She stated that I would have a radical hysterectomy and removal of the affected lymph nodes. Since she never removed lymph nodes, another doctor would assist her. I was told that if I survived, once lymph nodes were removed, my lower body would swell until it could not swell any more. The pain from the skin being so swollen and tight could become unbearable. Before I even left the doctor’s office, the pre-surgery testing and surgery were scheduled for the following week.
Friends begged me to get another opinion, so I called a hospital in New York that had been recommended. After I provided my background information and diagnosis, they made an emergency appointment for me. At the appointment, I was basically told the same thing. Surgery was needed without further delay. I was told that I needed to have a radical hysterectomy, in which my uterus, cervix, and a major part of my vagina would be removed. I wouldn’t know till after the surgery if my ovaries were removed or not. That option depended on how everything looked during the operation. Lymph nodes from hip to hip and up under the rib cage would also be removed and tested to see how far the cancer had spread.
I couldn’t believe what was happening. I didn’t have time to think. Part of me felt relieved that after going to doctor after doctor for years, someone finally discovered that I was really sick. The other part of me wanted to cry when I remembered all the cruel things those doctors told me throughout those years. The most common remark was, “It’s all in your head”. Another was, “You women make me sick. You’re all afraid of getting older. It’s just your hormones changing.” They were so off base, but it never mattered what I said.
The doctor that made me feel the worst sat engrossed, using a ruler to draw lines with different colored markers on my chart. When I attempted to say I was there because I deeply sensed something was really wrong with me, he rudely and abruptly cut me off and said, “Did I tell you to speak? You will speak when I ask you to and not before.” When I started to say, “But-” he interrupted me, pointed his finger just inches from my face, and rudely said, “I didn’t tell you to speak.” I felt so bad that I almost gave up wanting to find out what was wrong with me.
During those five long years of being told over and over again that nothing was wrong with me besides stress, I knew something was killing my body. I felt it so strongly that I caught myself beginning to watch women at the stores to see if I could find someone that could finish raising my son and be a good wife to my husband when I died. My heart ached at the mere thought of not being able to be with them forever. To know I was right all along was dreadful. To think, I only had a few days to prepare myself and my family for the possibility that I might die from a cancer that could have, and should have, been stopped in its track early on. I felt numb, but not scared.
It was hard to put on my faithful smile, but I did, as I bought my twelve-year-old son’s Easter presents before my scheduled surgery. I didn’t know if I would ever get the chance to do it again. The thought of not being there Easter morning to see his face light up as he opened his presents and searched for all the plastic eggs filled with money broke my heart. I didn’t know if the adorable little green suit and multi-colored tie that I purchased for him would be his Easter suit or the one he’d be wearing to my funeral.
With no time to think, I was talked into having the surgery in New York. The day of surgery came too fast. I undressed and got into the ugly hospital gowns. Then my father and husband waited nervously with me until I went down to surgery. As I was put onto the gurney, my lips quivered and my eyes filled with tears while I told them, possibly for the last time, that I loved them. I didn’t know if I’d ever see them again.
When I awoke and realized that I made it through the surgery, I looked up toward the ceiling, closed my eyes and said, “Thank you Lord” under my breath. Then I began to feel tugging from the tubes that seemed to be sticking from me everywhere. They were down my nose, in my neck, in my spine, two on each side of my abdomen, in my hand, and, of course, I had the awful pee bag.
After a few days, the results of the lymph node testing revealed that one in every three nodes were cancerous and radiation treatment was strongly advised. On a less serious note, I discovered that I had developed pesky allergies. One was to the orange solution that they poured on my stomach and vagina in the operating room to help sterilize the area. The other was from simple plastic tape that covered the whole length of my spine and around my neck. It took the skin right off my body. In addition, the morphine began to give me terrible headaches, so it was stopped.
As for the two drain tubes that they put in on each side of my abdomen, I was told that they weren’t stitched tightly enough during the surgery. This caused my body fluid to leak profusely out around the tubes instead of into them. The fluid leaked out so fast that they had to tape big, thick pads around the tubes. Guess what kind of tape they used? That’s right, plastic tape that took even more skin off my body! I had bright red patches of raw skin all over me. The pads needed changed so often that the nurses told me to change them myself. After watching the one nurse drop an opened gauze pad on the sticky floor, bend down and pick it up, and then attempt to put it on my open wounds before I stopped her, I guess I didn’t mind having to put them on by myself. So I thought.
The following day I got up and awkwardly pushed the equipment that held my IV’s and monitors slowly down the hall for my daily exercise. On my way back to my room, I noticed the pads taped around my abdomen’s drain tubes were totally saturated from all the fluid leaking from my body. The fluid began running profusely down my legs and I couldn’t stop it. I went back to my room, climbed into bed, and attempted to lift my wet hospital gown to change the pads, but I was too weak. While I waited to see if my strength would come back, the fluid continued to soak my blanket and sheets. I felt weaker, so I pushed the call button for a nurse.
Patiently, I waited for a nurse to bring in a dry hospital gown, sheets, and a blanket to replace the soaked ones I was lying in. As I waited, I got colder and colder. My body began to tremble with chills. As the body fluid continued to leak out around the two tubes, I sensed something wasn’t right. I was so cold by now that my teeth began to chatter.
After about an hour, I buzzed the nurse again. The nurse rudely replied, “I’ll get there when I get there.” About an hour and a half later, the door to my room opened, and in bounded a nurse. She didn’t even look to see if anything was wrong as she threw the hospital gown, sheets, and blanket right onto my face and chest. As the nurse turned away to rush out, she rudely said, “I don’t have time for this. I’m having problems with my husband.”
When the linens landed on me, something strange sort of clicked in my body. I began to gasp for air, but I couldn’t breathe. My body was too weak to lift my hand up to pull the linens off of my face. A tingling feeling came over my chilled shaken body. The tingling grew so loud, that the sound drowned out all of the hospital noises. I knew I was about to die. My last thought was that I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to my son, husband, and family. Then everything was silent.
Next, I briefly was above the bed looking down. Just as I realized that was my lifeless body in the bed below, my thoughts were abruptly distracted. Suddenly, I was pulled into complete darkness. Amidst the total darkness, I smelled an indescribable odor. At about the same time, my fluid-soaked body felt coolness in the air. I remember wishing that I had a coat to wear to keep me warm.
Then I began to feel myself moving upward. As I was being pulled upward, I began to feel as if I was in a tunnel, an endless, pitch-black tunnel. The speed at which I rose began to increase, faster and faster. It seemed swifter than anything imaginable or possible. As I continued to speed upwards through the seemingly endless darkness, there were puffs of clouds brushing across my eyelids and cheeks. It felt nice, like cool dew. That’s when my eyes looked upward.
There I saw such a magnificently, wondrous light which was white and pure. At first it seemed very far away. One glance at this bright, splendid light made me feel safe, loved, and serene. I didn’t feel pain or sadness, just an overwhelming peaceful love that grew more intense the closer I got to it. This white light was extraordinarily bright. It was almost blinding. I felt myself squinting just so I could gaze at it. I looked away from the light for a second because it seemed intense enough to burn right through my eyes, yet it didn’t. Maybe the cool mist brushing across my face helped in some way. When I glanced away, all I saw was the vast blackness around me and below me, so I gazed back up toward the light and never looked down again. As I watched the light get closer and brighter, the sense of tranquil love grew stronger and stronger.
Suddenly, I was no longer accelerating upwards. While I still squinted from the extreme brightness of the light, my eyes began to adjust to it. I began to notice thick white puffs of clouds continuously moving about. A breeze from the moving clouds gently blew the lightweight, long, flowing garment that I was now wearing. I could also see that I was barefoot as I began to slowly walk amidst the clouds.
Before I knew it, I was gazing upon this magnificent gate that was gloriously glistening. I just stared with amazement at its beauty. Rays of prismatic light were bouncing off the exquisite gems in all directions. It was totally breathtaking. Since I always longed for a driveway gate back on the farm, I caught myself engulfed in trying to remember every astonishing detail about it. As I peered even closer, I watched as pearly gems sparkled radiantly in the light.
A remarkable peace drew me in beyond the gates. I felt so safe that fear never entered my thoughts. I began to squint real hard in attempt to see through the beaming light and continuously moving clouds, but I couldn’t. Then in the near distance toward the right, I got a glimmer of something, so I squinted even harder. The clouds seemed to part enough just to show a hint of a shadow of two people. It seemed to be a man with a woman standing by his side. I didn’t feel as if I knew them, but I felt as if they were waiting for me for a reason. Just as the clouds were about to thin out enough for me to see clearer, they abruptly thickened and closed up around the couple. All I could see again were the clouds passing by me in the light. I wondered why the clouds thickened up so fast just as I was about to see who was there.
At that same time, I realized there was someone right in front of me. The clouds also thickened around that shadow so I could not see him. There are no words to describe the incredibly intense love I felt, standing there in front of him. No one could ever imagine a love so powerfully strong. At that moment, it hit me. I was in heaven standing before our Lord. As I stood there before Him, I felt that He knew every detail of my soul. I felt dumb that I didn’t realize the gates I had passed through were the pearly gates until that moment. My eyes turned away for a second and looked down to my right. I didn’t know if the light was just so bright or if I felt unworthy of such wondrous love. It seemed as if He could hear my thoughts because I heard, “Fear not; for thou art worthy of my love.” As I heard those words, my throat grew tight and my eyes swelled with tears. I thought, “Are you sure?” With each question came an answer and reassurance. It seemed as if my whole life was reviewed and clarified in a flash.
If I could only choose one word to describe our Lord, it would have to be “Love”, an indisputable love. I don’t know how to explain it. I couldn’t see Him through the clouds and light, but I felt His love so deeply. He was right there in front of me, so close to me. I felt incredible love, power, and peace in His voice, but I don’t know if He actually spoke. It was as if we felt, heard, and responded to each other without the need to speak. I was told I had to go back; I wasn’t supposed to die when I did; and I had more work to do. In addition, I was told that I had to protect my husband and son from someone.
Just as I was about to ask more, it became dark again. While gasping for air, I realized I was back in the hospital bed. This time when my right arm reached up to pull the blanket, sheets, and hospital gowns off my face, it had the strength to pull them off. I could breathe. I began to hear the noises of the hospital and feel pain again. My body was shivering and my teeth were chattering uncontrollably. Once again, my body was extremely weak. My hospital gown and bed linens were still soaked. I sort of felt sad that I was back. When I was in heaven, there was no pain. My body was not all cut up. I didn’t have any tubes hanging from me. I was whole. I was strong. I was loved more than anyone could imagine. As I looked up to the heavens, I meekly nodded as if to say that I understood. Then I closed my eyes.
A while later the nurse came in. She walked over to my bed and nonchalantly said, “You’re right. You are soaked.” She went to change my hospital gown but realized the linens that she brought in and threw on me earlier were also wet by now, so she went to get more. As she was putting a dry hospital gown on me, she told me about her bad day and about the problems she was having with her husband. I was only half listening to her as she rambled on because I was remembering how I died because of the bad day she was having. I don’t believe I said a word while she was there. I had a thousand thoughts going through my head about my glorious time in heaven.
Now not only did my struggle for life begin again with the many medical complications that followed – especially the radiation therapy – but also my ability to occasionally feel presences or spirits of those whom had previously passed on began to spark inside me. When a feeling comes over me, I can’t shake it no matter how hard I try. It completely overwhelms my every thought. I can’t even sleep. My mind doesn’t shut down, but it is totally drained. Each time I have one of these experiences, it takes a major toll on me.
I haven’t been able to talk about this to anyone. Who would believe me? For instance, who would believe that I had a vividly clear glimpse of horrifying hell as I shook an attorney’s hand; I felt a mournful presence in a friend’s cottage that wouldn’t let me leave until I helped her; while driving past New York City, I felt an enormous death toll in store for the city weeks before the terror attack; when I awoke on Sept. 11th, I knew that was the day; I discovered the identity of the couple from heaven and what they wanted me to do; I sensed the stock market was going to fall drastically well before it had even started to decline; I knew Vice-President Gore should be President but would lose; and as I watched NBC News Correspondent David Bloom appear on television covering the war of Iraq, I felt he was going to die – not be killed, but die? The feelings I have concern small and major things, people close to me or those I only know through friends. Simply hearing, seeing, or touching a person or their possessions can trigger these inexplicable moments.
This very powerful emotional experience has definitely changed me. I am not afraid of death now since I have seen a glimpse of the amazing realm that lies beyond. As I stated in the beginning of my story – I am not a writer, but I hope that my words touch the hearts of those seeking hope, comfort, or purpose.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:34 pm:
I was driving the family station wagon in the mountains in December, it was starting to rain and I had not been driving long. The engine died and the car locked up and I lost control. The car went end over end twice and rolled about 7 times. The witness to the accident said he did not know how anyone survived the accident. My 15 year old brother and his friend were also in the front seat. None of us had our seat belts on, but I was the only one injured. While the car was rolling, at first everything went black and it got very cold. All of a sudden it became very warm, a nice warm, and a light started to appear before me. In the light my father started to appear to me and seem to hold out his hand, as if to motion me to come with him. It was such a nice feeling that I wanted to go. My father was smiling as if to say everything was alright. My father appeared to me only from the waist up, and there was this warm light all around him. But after a couple of minutes his imaged disappeared and I realized where I was. I only received a bad gash behind my left ear. I did [not] have to even stay in the hospital except to get stitches. To this day I cannot explain what happened.
P.S. There was another time in the summer of 1979 or 1980. I was dating this girl from Stockton, CA and we were trying to sleep at her house. That night before we went to bed, my girlfriend, myself, her mother, and a friend of the family were sitting at the kitchen table talking. I was in chair against the wall facing out, her mother proceeded to say how her brother always sat in that chair whenever he came to visit. I didn't think too much about it until the next day.
That night it was very hot, so her mother was sleeping on the couch, and my girlfriend and I were sleeping on the floor. Sometime in the middle of the night something woke me up and I perched myself up on my arm. I looked at the chair I was sitting earlier and a figure started appearing in the chair that I was previously sitting in. It formed from the head down, and I did not know what was going on, but I could describe everything in color: what the man looked like and what he was wearing. He just seemed to be staring at me for about 10 minutes, then he dissipated the way he appeared. The next morning about 7 AM the 3 of us were having coffee and I told them I had a bad dream, probably from sleeping on the floor. I told them everything I had witnessed. Her mother said I described her brother, whom I have never met, to a tee. About 8 AM that morning, her mother received a phone call telling her that her brother had hung himself just at the moment he appeared to me. But I was in the way; he was appearing to her, but I was between her and me. It was her that he was appearing to. I just wonder sometimes if I can feel things.
One other time, it was either 1977 or 1978, circa. I was sleeping on my mother's patio and it was approximately 1 or 2 in the morning. I wasn't quite asleep yet and was lying on my back when a voice called my name. I instantly thought it was one of my younger brothers. I went to check, they were all asleep. I thought I was hearing things so I lay back down. A couple of minutes later the voice called me again and said get up, but louder this time. I thought for sure my brothers were playing some kind of joke on me. I went into their bedroom, and they were fast asleep. By now I am thinking that maybe I am just very tired. As I lay down again, wide awake by now, something grabbed my foot very hard and yelled my name to get up. I went into the living and heard someone trying to break into the house. I scared them away; I was able to sleep after that.
P.S. I just want to say that not now, nor have I ever drunk a lot nor have I ever been involved with drugs. I have also had other things happen that have come true. Please respond. Thank you.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:31 pm:
Hi, please excuse my bad notions of English, but I'll try to explain myself as clear as possible. My mother has been ill for about 4 years, she had cancer, after three years she had an embolism, became paraplegic, aphasic, agnosic, ... After three months of constructive revalidation, she had another embolism. I had such a relation with her that I could understand her even without words. I was at her side ‘til she died a year after her first embolism. During that period I tried to do everything I could to help her have the best possible time, but I messed up all my familial and friends-relations, so I had to move from my town to another town. Over there, I started to have all symptoms of what you call near dead after effects. They lasted for about a year; life was so complete, I understood everyone, I loved everything, I was indestructible, and so on. After that period, things came to regression and I tried to find that state of mind back. I still have some of them in me, but I don't have them all the time. The nearest thing I found about that subject was the Tibetan Book of Death and it's not only near, it was THAT!! Tonight I'm trying to write something about a guy with a near dead experience and most of the symptoms mentioned on various sites mention the feeling I had during that period.
By Anonymous on Thursday, March 4, 2004 - 08:29 pm:
I underwent ventricular tachycardia and required defibrillation to be resuscitated. I had accidentally overdosed on massive amounts of over-the-counter caffeine, which caused the condition to occur.
Though this was years ago, I still remember it well. I remember extreme pain in my chest, as if I were being crushed in a huge vise, then a lot of emotional distress knowing I was probably dying (on the way to the hospital) being driven to the hospital, I eventually lost my vision and was transported by ambulance from a freeway off-ramp where an ambulance was standing by for us (truckers had alerted them someone was being transported at high speed to the hospital).
I remember the out-of-body experience well. I was several ceiling heights above myself in the E.R., watching them working on me, trying to get my heart to beat again. Voices were echo-y and distant, but I remember a sense of calmly being there watching myself dying and not being concerned by it.
Then it was as if I were floating backwards away from the room, into a tunnel of white illuminating warmth. It was nearly orgasmic it felt so good throughout my body. There was a feeling of acceleration towards the source of the light, and I was so very glad to be going to it. Then, almost as if something were pulling me from below, the other way, I felt a deceleration and slowing, then a reverse direction away from the light, and this really confused me. I felt really cheated, really wanted to go all of the way to that light but now I couldn't.
The next thing I know I am in the E.R. with very very blurry vision, a chest that hurt like hell, and the physician asking me how I felt. I told him I could barely see him and that my chest hurt like a son of a gun. He told me I would have to stay there for a while ‘til they were certain it was okay to release me. Inside the hour, I was released by the doctor and told I could go. The two navy personnel who had stopped on the freeway and drove me to get medical help were still there, as were the police. The police found the empty container of the pills I had purchased and consumed, and were satisfied from talking to the doctor that it was an accidental overdose and not a narcotic related overdose.
All of these years later, I still remember it pretty clearly. I have told a few others of this experience,e but of course many are skeptical and are not sure they're getting the truth, though they know I am telling them in sincerity and without trying to change their own feelings about this sort of thing. I guess it helped when my mother was dying; I was able to guide her to the light, told her to go to it. She affirmed with a hand squeeze that she saw the light I was talking about. I feel this helped her, and it helped me as well.
Not much else to say. It was a number of years ago, but it changed my life forever.
By Anonymous on Saturday, January 3, 2004 - 01:49 pm:
Five friends took off to ski in Austria for a week. Everything was beautiful, the mountains were huge. My girlfriend and I decided to take an expert trail and ended up traversing back and forth just trying to stay on the face of the mountain. It was that steep. One of the guys with us, 6'4", and a very good skier, decided to take the jump at the top of the run. We were directly below about 200 yards down from him when we heard him yell, "Watch out!" We scrambled to get out of his way, but the next thing I felt was a crushing pain, so intense it was unbearable. When the pain suddenly stopped, I will never forget having the thought "So this is what it's like to die!" It was as if I had suddenly found the answer to some great mystery. I had a smile on my face, although I was no longer a 'body'.
My soul was smiling. I went 'up'. I remember just feeling like a 'head' looking around. No body. I was unable to go beyond the layer of white that surrounded me, white was everywhere. Then, in the distance I saw some white robed figures, faceless, hunched-over like, and walking in a single row coming towards me. I couldn't move towards them. I just had to stay there and wait for them. No one talked. It was like 'thought transfer' or something. Then, I realized that the person in front was my beloved Uncle, my closest deceased relative, and behind him was my grandmother, his mother. I was SO EXCITED to see Uncle. I wanted to run up to him and hug him, but I couldn't move. He came within ten feet of me, stopped and shook his head. He told me it wasn't my time and I had to go back. He turned and my grandmother followed, still in their 'line' of white hooded robes. Next thing I knew I felt like someone had taken a knife and sliced my chest open left to right. That first breath was a killer. I was so angry, mad, at coming back. I didn't know what had happened or why I was there lying across Danny's lap and why he was crying. Everyone was trying to calm 'HIM" down and make "HIM" feel better because I was breathing again. "It's O.K. Danny. See, she's fine, she's fine." Everyone always asks me, "So what did they say when they took you to the hospital?" I reply with "What hospital? They took me to the bar on top of the mountain, bought me a beer and stared at me saying 'do you feel better yet? Can we go back out and ski now?' Ah... human psychology. I finally told them I was OK although my head was still pounding and every time I tried to stand I would fall over. I tried to ski, but I couldn't stand up. It was extremely frustrating.
It wasn't until a few years later that I started making comments about my memory. "Maybe I did? Maybe I didn't? I don't know...." I started hearing voices talk to me when I took naps during the day. Deep LOUD voices telling me things, scary things. I had a dream during my first pregnancy in 1989, a year later. It was in a dark tunnel, I was walking through it, not knowing why when all of a sudden my Uncle appeared. Yes, the deceased Uncle. He was in his robe again, but this time he was holding something. I couldn't tell what he had in his arms until he finally got closer to me. Then, he handed me a baby and said "I have been taking care of her for the past eight months and now it is your turn." And before I could even look up from the baby to thank him, he was moving away back through the dark turning tunnel.
I had two more children afterwards and a few months after my last daughter was born, I had seven seizures in one day, never having had them before. That is when the MRI showed dead brain tissue indicative of clinical death for about three minutes. I continue to be medicated for partial complex seizures and narcolepsy. I have no sense of smell, no appetite, no longer form new memories. I can't organize, sort, etc., although all memories prior to ‘88 are still intact. The good part is I don't hold grudges or remember things like my parents funerals; the bad part is I don't remember things like my children’s activities, family events, etc. Oh well, such is life!
By Anonymous on Monday, December 29, 2003 - 07:07 pm:
Although I prayed, my religious life was non existent until I reached 38 years of age. I was a spiritual, curious person, and wanted to "know" and learn, thus I searched in many fields. In the summer of 1977, I had 3 surgeries in 10 days, as a result of an infection in my Fallopian tubes that wouldn't go away. After the third one I felt very sick and crushed by the excruciating pain that the air accumulated in my joints caused, due to the three consecutive Laporotomies. Then one day I was trying to lay flat in bed but found it quite thorny to do, so tears of desperation flooded my eyes. I closed them, feeling very tired of hurting. Right at that moment I heard the voice of my nanny, clear as if she would be by my side (she had remained in Spain because she was quite old), and was saying: "[Jane], you are better now". I opened my eyes thinking that somebody was talking to me and I had made up the rest, but the hospital room was empty except for me. I closed my eyes again, ready to keep on with my endeavor. Then at 11 o’clock, I saw the most beautiful man I have ever encountered in my existence. He was dressed in dark, very elegant wear; his shoes were of patent leather, and his white, ruffled shirt shone like the sun light. I fell in ecstasy and said: "You are God... I want to kiss Your feet!" As I saw myself kneeling before His feet, that shone as well, they were bare.
Something very strange occurred: next I was getting out of my body through my head, horizontally, as if I were crawling inside a tube, tummy up, helping my advance with my hands. Once outside that... cylinder, I stood up and saw my own body in front of me, lying on the bed. I felt MARVELOUS. Immeasurable joy inundated all my being. [A being that] felt no pain, no sorrows, nothing but wellness and delight as I had never experienced before. I looked around, and in the Light, I could see every thing as through a very delicate sheer curtain. By the feet of my bed, my husband and my three children cried, looking at what seemed my dead body. I wanted to console them and instantly found myself floating towards them. I caressed their faces, kissed them and told them not to cry for me, that I was fine and perfectly happy and well. But I could see they didn't sense me or hear me.
Right at that moment I felt sucked back into my physical body, and then realized that again all was dark, very heavy, and the pain of my body was unbearable. My first word, only one, was: "S...!" My husband said: "I beg you pardon?"
People ask me often if I believe that I really saw God. I smile, then I answer that God was the One Who saw me, and He presented to me an Image that I could comprehend in my limited understanding. My life has not been the same after that experience. Of course I lost all fear of death (and look forward to going), for I have the absolute conviction that there is a wonderful Life after this physical expression.
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 11, 2003 - 09:41 pm:
After the car hit my car, I rose above the accident and said "My God, I can't die yet; I still haven't finished my finals!" (I was attending Chiropractic College.) Archangel Michael came to me and said "You have another school to go to; don't worry, you will continue on with your college." He escorted me to a magnetic tunnel where Jeshua (Jesus) was waiting for me, who comforted me. I then found myself at the door step of a type of school, where there were a few students learning geometric shapes and physics with the accompanying healing energy involved. I though the better way would be to directly go to the energy that is involved in the healing, direct from Source.
At this point, Mother Mary came in, and motioned for me to follow Her. She asked my thoughts about what we were learning, I told her it would be best to go right to Source for the healing energy. She said she had something for me to look at, so I followed Her out of the class. I first sat in a healing chair to help my physical body heal on earth. Then we went to a vault that held information from souls’ life cycles and growth. I was told I could have access to this information whenever I desired, it was important with the process of uncovering the dense dramas on earth.
We also looked into a type of screen, that reminded me of a TV screen, and I saw a gathering of people in a field. They were all releasing the density that held back Unconditional Love, then holding the Light within and living within Peace above the dramas. After one man cleared himself out, another individual came up to him who was also cleared, then they shook hands. Both bringing the Reality of Peace into their creative engagement, they both shared Light instead of any fear thoughts or actions. At this point, the Light streamed through them, all the density was then released into the Light.
"It's gone! It's all gone!" I exclaimed! “I can see how this works, but who will believe me? I'm a nobody, my dad was a carpenter in Washington and I'll be a small town chiropractor. I think you should get somebody else! Besides that, I'm a bit shy!"
A few months went by after I came out of the ten day coma, when I remembered that there was a NDE. It took many years after that to begin a journal which records the mechanism that Mother Mary introduced me to. I have compiled much of the information into a manuscript, and am editing and continue writing about the tools that are guided by Mother Mary, Mary Magdalene, Jeshua, Arch Angel Michael, and many other Enlightened Beings.
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 11, 2003 - 03:46 pm:
I took about 96 pills, Trazidon, Soma and Zanex. I was taking about half of whichever pill came out of the bottle for the past couple of nights to help me sleep. Right after I took the pills I remember saying out loud "Please God forgive me for what I've just done." I was in full cardiac arrest, and my body had absorbed all of the pills, my body temperature dropped to 91 degrees, and for the next 14 hours I was completely brain dead. The nurse told my husband and parents that there was 99 percent chance I would not make it, and if I did I would be a vegetable. When I was seizing and posturing I remember being next to my body and looking at my toes seeing how tense I was. I was trying to calm myself. My sister gave me a titty twister as she pronounced me dead. I opened my eyes and said "This isn't heaven." I do not have much of a memory of my life before this; I lost a lot. They say I am completely different.
I do remember being with three others, one in the middle was a little above the two, on one side was my brother, who died at 11days, the other was my grandpa. I don't know how we got there, but it was such a beautiful color blue surrounding, not ground but not like we were hovering. We talked a lot, but I can’t remember our mouths moving. I paid [attention] mostly to my brother, his clothes, his hair, how tall, but can not remember the one in the middle. I know he said a lot to me, but I don't know what. My sister says when I first opened my eyes I said "God says I'm a ••••• and won’t let me stay"
My parents took pictures all through this, from the beginning until I went home.
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 11, 2003 - 03:39 pm:
My father had been ill on and off for the past 12 years. He had had several bouts with cancer, aneurisms and heart problems. He always came through each battle with the same strong, positive attitude he went into it with. My mother and I, through all the times we waited for Dad to come out of a surgery that was more likely to kill rather than save him, never had the slightest doubt that he would be fine.
This past February he had gotten to the point where all the aneurisms were over, he had a mechanical aortic valve and he had been free of cancer for over five years. He had started going out again and was in better spirits then we'd seen him in years. So when both my mother and I heard the same young, male voice call (we were in different places in the house and we heard it different days) we knew we were going to loose someone but not Dad. We tried to figure who and could only come up with my sister who had just won a bout with breast cancer, but that didn't feel right. So we just waited to see who it was. About one week after our hearing this voice, my father started feeling bad. He lost a tremendous amount of weight in what seemed like days and had become very tired and agitated. We both pressed him to go to the doctor and be checked. He did and his doctor had both brain and full body CAT scans done along with various other tests. Everything was Ok, but Dad just didn't feel right. This was in June.
In August, while I was sitting in the car waiting for my mother, I felt an overwhelming feeling of loss. I asked out loud "Who are we losing?" but I had no feeling for a particular person. I just knew we were losing someone very close. When my father said to me, at 1:30 a.m. Tues. morning, he thought he had a bowel blockage and needed to go to the hospital, I knew immediately who we were losing. On the way to the hospital he told me to take my time. I asked him if he was sure and he said there was still some time. I knew that he knew he wouldn't come back this time.
In the emergency room I stayed with him while they ran tests. He did have scar tissue blocking his intestine. They would admit him and schedule surgery. The ER doctor took me aside and told me that this would be very hard for Dad. I was amazed because this was not the first time they had to remove scar tissue from him and it had never been a major concern before.
But none of this was like any other time I had taken him to the hospital. I was grateful for this doctor, who I had never talked to before, for letting me know that my feelings were right. I literally stood next to my father that morning for four hours while they finished the tests and he waited for a room. He held my hand the whole time and had gotten so weak that he could only talk in a whisper. When it was time for them to move him, I told him I would go and get my son so my mother could be with him. He held my hand tightly and didn't want me to go.
He had surgery at 8:00 pm Tues. evening. He came through it fine. His doctor put him in the Cardiac Care Unit because of the valve in his heart, but this was normal. That evening my mother and I talked and we both knew Dad was going to die. It was strange to come out and say it to each other. Nothing the doctors said backed up the feelings, we just knew.
The following evening, as my mother and I stood over him in the C.C.U. he had a stroke. The CAT scans showed three baseball size soft tissue masses, one in the brain, one between the heart & lungs and one in the abdomen. They also found several smaller masses up and down his spine. There was nothing that could be done. No cure that could handle all three masses. We had some serious decisions to make. We told Dad at the next visit and he understood. By now the bottom half of both lungs had collapsed, he was paralyzed on his right side and couldn't speak. He could communicate by pointing at letters and his facial expressions. I had to ask him in the presence of a doctor if he wanted to keep the respirator on and if he understood that if it was turned off he would, in fact, die. He had no trouble making it clear to them that he wanted the artificial life support off and he fully understood what was happening. We then moved him to a private room where my sisters, brother and I took shifts staying with him. We didn't want him to be alone when he passed.
The four days he was in the private room were beautiful. Everyone who ever knew my father came to say goodbye and we, the family, allowed everyone a private moment with him. We were all amazed at how vividly aware he was and how well he communicated. It truly spoke of a life well lived and a man respected and loved by everyone.
By Saturday, the third day in the private room, he was tired. his paralysis was close to total, breathing labored, and he had a couple of bouts with violent fits of shaking. For some reason I had a very strong mental connection with my Father that had intensified to the point of my actually speaking for him. I could hear his voice in my head. I knew what he wanted and what he felt. The connection was so strong by now that I had few feelings of my own.
I had relieved my sister Saturday morning. Dad had a restless night and I knew he would rest with me there. I kept hearing him ask me to help him go. I wasn't sure how he wanted me to help. I knew he wanted to go but it felt like he was scared or lost. It seemed like he couldn't go. My brother stayed with him that afternoon and I was to relieve him that evening. I told my mother I couldn't go back that night. I knew I had to help him. I just wasn't ready for whatever it was I was supposed to do. My mother understood how I felt, she said she had the same feelings her last visit, so she arranged for my sister and her husband to spend the night with him. Since this had all started I hadn't sleep much at all and Saturday night I actually slept for a few hours. I woke early Sunday morning and felt more relaxed than I had in days. But I knew I had to go and stay with Dad, I still had no idea how I could help him.
When I settled in at the hospital I couldn't look him in the eyes. I heard him asking for help but I couldn't help, and it broke my heart to see him suffer. He wanted to go, he was ready to go - but he couldn't, and I couldn't go for him. I've never felt a pain like that - I couldn't look at him. I felt so self-conscience, the atmosphere in the room was so thick and oddly calm - peaceful almost - and waiting. As I sat reading in a chair at the foot of his bed, his breathing became heavy and sporadic, he was hyperventilating. I turned my head and looked him in the eyes (actually the third eye, where you can see both eyes at the same time) and said "I'll breathe for you Dad." I speeded my breathing up to his rate and slowly slowed it back down - he was with me and I was, literally, breathing for him. We were in perfect sync. As he calmed down he motioned, with his eyes, for me to close my eyes. I just knew that was what he wanted. I said "you want me to close my eyes?" he motioned yes. I turned my head back and rested it against the back of the chair and closed my eyes. I felt, rather than saw my father in my conscienceness. That is the only way to explain it. There was a figure, of sorts… like a vague outline, but I felt my father. I knew he wanted me to take him or help him. I said, verbally, "I can't go all the way, but I'll go as far as I can." We then 'moved' through what was like a tunnel, the walls were like a bluish-gray smoke gently moving clockwise. I was behind my father, following him. We came to an area that I can only describe as a huge wall of purple and black swirling plasma. It rose up in front of us. We stood on a dark floor, the tunnel was behind us and we were blocked by this huge wall. The purple was the predominant color and the black was more like the outline of the purple swirls. We walked along the wall but found no way through, over, under or around it. The feelings of this wall were confusion and chaos, it was swirling at a steady but chaotic pace and was quite intimidating but not frightening. More frustrating.
My father had only gotten this far - he couldn't get past this wall. That's what he wanted me to help him with. I said "no wonder you can't go - this is a mess!" Then I felt this sudden conscious awareness of what was happening and fear flooded me - a fear so shocking that I "flew" my eyes open and sat straight up in my chair! I looked over at my father and his eyes flew open, he looked at me as if I had hurt him more deeply than was humanly possible. I felt so ashamed, shocked and sorry, deeply - so very deeply sorry.
His breathing became faster and agitated. I said "it wasn't long enough, I opened my eyes too soon. I'm sorry..." he softened and I took control of the breathing again. (The whole time the breathing was the predominant sound; it was like a gauge or a line and I used it but I'm not sure how.) He, again, motioned for me to close my eyes and we started over again. This time when we reached the purple/black wall there were specks of orange dotted through it. My father was looking for his mother. He was walking up and down the wall like a lost child calling "Mama, Mama." I started looking for her too; it made sense for her to come and help him - more sense than me doing it. I called "Granmommy Florence" (I was quite young when she died and only remember her one time; I tried to feel her but I couldn't grasp it.) "Granmommy Florence" it seemed that we called and looked for a long time. I started getting angry. I didn't want my father stuck here and his body was almost dead. Why didn't she come and get him?! Where was she?? I hollered "Granmommy Florence, come and get him! He's suffered enough - don't make him suffer anymore." I felt so helpless that my demand was more of a plea.
Then, from somewhere inside of me, I heard "orange". I remembered reading something about orange but I suddenly knew the only way through the purple was through the orange. I said to my father "come on, we have to follow the orange." He came with me like a lost child would go with someone they trusted to take them home. The innocence I felt from him made me feel very protective and real.
I wasn't sure how to follow the orange, there were only specks here and there so I picked a speck and 'moved' toward it. As I did I saw more orange, so I moved toward that, and I kept doing this until I, we, were on an orange path. The path rose up out of the purple/black swirls and as we moved along the path we came into a vast horizon of soft, warm pastel yellow and green whips that curved all around us like a canopy. The purple/black was below and behind us but the yellow/green whips were above and around us. Like we were rising up into a huge dome. It was so vast and warm, safe, calm and lightly peaceful.
It seemed as if we were on a moving belt going toward a flat, swirling, circular door. Like an inverted funnel but it, the opening, was flat and was in the middle of this vast space we had entered. The circular door was a soft white light mixed with light gray shadows where the light overlapped from the swirling motion.
There was a figure off to the left side of this door. To me it looked transparent, the color of liquid coffee held up to the light. It was the shape of a tall, thin person in a long, hooded robe. It seemed more transparent in what would be the chest area and I could not see a face or any detailed features. I know my father saw his mother. I felt his joy, his sudden childish freedom. The freedom to express the abundant love and joy that only innocent children seem to have. I was overwhelmed with a love and understanding that words cannot describe. A love of being rather than having, an understanding of everything in nothing. A warmth that cleansed the very fibers of my soul.
I watched as my father moved in front of me (up to now he had been following me) and moved like a child running toward this figure. I was still going forward but at a much slower pace. As I came closer to the door I felt as if I was shedding all pain, all worry. I was home, at last I was at the place I had been looking for for so long. I had no reason to go back, nothing mattered now, I knew who I was and more importantly what I am and am to be.
Then, as my father reached the figure, a harsh, loud knock rang out, then another and another. I heard, what I thought was my father (I'm not so sure it was now) say "Lynn, go answer the door" I said "No. I'm not leaving". Again the voice said, much sterner this time, "Lynn! go and answer the door!" then, for some reason, I had the feeling that I was eavesdropping on a very private moment and I felt uncomfortable. I said "Ok. But I'm coming right back." Still seeing my father, the entire scene in my head, I got up out of the chair and opened the door of the hospital room. It was as if I was above myself looking through a funnel at the nurse in the hall. " I want to get his blood pressure… is it Ok?" she asked. The hospital staff had been real good about not disturbing him without our OK. I looked at her and tears started streaming down my face, "He's going now" I said. "I'm with him, he's just found his mother, he's going now!". The nurse starred at me for a moment then said "Are you alright? Is there someone I can call? Can you handle this?" "Are you kidding!!" I said "It's beautiful, I'm with him. Of course I can handle this." Then she said "I knew you were psychic. I knew you were." Then she started to tell me how her mother died and she wasn't there but she knew when it happened… I didn't want to be rude but I said "I have to go back... I want to be with him." She squeezed my arm, and said if I needed anything she would be right out side the door.
I closed the door, went back to the chair, my fathers breathing was so slow and calm. I sat back and closed my eyes… I was back on the orange path but I was further back from the door then when I left. My father and the figure were just entering the light. My father said "Bye honey, and thank you." As they entered the light, his breathing slowed; I knew the breathing would stop. I watched them move further into the light and heard the final breath of my father’s body. I just sat in the chair. I left the place we were, I was back here, and I waited for the silence. Hoping for another breath but knowing he was gone. After a few seconds, I looked at his body. He was definitely gone. I went to the door and told the nurse. She came in and confirmed that he was dead. She called the supervising nurse and she noted the time. The supervisor asked me if I was all right and I just looked at her and said "I went with him. I watched him… I showed him where to go!" She said "Do you know what a blessing that is?" and I couldn't speak.
I called my mother and told her that I took him. She said she was so grateful, she tried to help him the day before and couldn't. She would have someone come and get me. When my sister picked me up at the hospital, I tried to explain what had happened, but it was very hard to find any words, much less the right ones. Later she told me that I was "glowing" when she picked me up. The rest of the family had mixed reactions, they were actually angry at me.
It's hard to describe how I felt. I remember telling a minister, who wanted me to recount the experience, that to let go of someone that deeply was the ultimate test of love. You cannot let go on that level if you are concerned with what it means to you. Only if you want what is right for that soul. That's the love of being - not having, the force that connects all life to all life. I guess you could say selfless or fear-less love. I know now that "hell" is the fear that holds us. "HELL" is being stuck between the physical world and the next world. We need to have felt and understood the "love - of - being", that selfless, fear-less love, at some point in our existence to pass that wall. That's the message of love. Not the feeling most of us call love. There has to be nothing in it for us. It doesn't matter how we understood it or what we felt it for - just as long as we did.
A couple of hours after I got home from the hospital, I laid down, closed my eyes and was back at the purple/black wall. It's funny but it wasn't so intimidating this time. I looked behind it and found that it was a curtain. I slipped behind the curtain and went up the path and I saw my father much farther into the light. I wanted to go - but the curtain was suddenly in front of me and I was told "not yet." I'm still trying to understand how and why I was able to go with my father. From what I have read and tried to research, this is not a very common thing, though I'm not the first person to have an experience like this.
There are a couple of things that I am very sure of now and they are that we are much more than flesh, bones and blood. That our actions and even our thoughts here mean a great deal more than we can ever imagine. That "love" is much more and much more powerful than most of us has even an inkling about.
I also know that my father and any other soul (here or passed) who has known real love for another being is OK and will be OK through eternity. I now KNOW we can ALL go home.
By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 09:23 am:
Had a reaction to a pill prescribed for headaches. I laid down to sleep and didn’t wake up. My brother was trying to wake me up but, I didn’t not respond. I was up in the corner of my bed room watching him.
He yelled at me and then shook me. I told him to get water, he did and then he stood there. I yelled at him to help me.
"My god she's not breathing!"
I yelled at him to call for help, he did but I could tell that he didn’t want to leave me lying there on the bed. I saw the ambulance crew try to revive me. I could hear what they were saying. I was also not alone, there was a being behind me coaching me as what to say to my brother. I watched as they put me on the stretcher and carried me down the stairs, they were hurrying, and my body was flopping around. I thought that was funny, until I saw my face. I looked peaceful. Now I was afraid. I turned to the being and he pointed for me to look, as I did I saw the ambulance driving away. I saw the doctor put a tub in my mouth. I couldn’t hear any more now but, the being wanted me to watch. I felt a pull, a strong pull from beyond where I was, I didn’t want to go. The being pointed and no words but I could hear it speak, “go now, you are not done”. The pull hurt like being slammed into a wall.
I woke up 3 days latter strapped to the bed. Dr. said I was having night tremors. There is no way to put into words what I was feeling or what I wanted.
I was above my body watching people trying to bring me back. I wasn’t sure just what was happening. The light wasn’t bright more of a glow. I didn’t go to it, it was just there and comfortable, relaxing. I didn’t get scared until I saw my face, I looked dead.
I was pronounced dead at my house, on the way to hospital. I was worked on at hospital. They found a pulse. Inserted a tube.
I keep wondering why I’m still here, and what purpose I have to fill?
By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 09:04 am:
When I went into labor with my second child (I had also had two, 4-month miscarriages), it began very suddenly and violently, with contractions 1 1/2 minutes apart right from the start. When my water broke at home, I knew I was in for trouble. I had already been vomiting all night (a 24-hour bug, I guess), so I felt horrible. Fortunately, we lived only a couple of miles from the hospital, so we were there in no time.
As soon as the nurse checked me, she called the doctor to come to the hospital (it was a Sunday morning). It was comforting to know that my doctor was there - he had delivered all of my siblings and myself, and my first child as well, I trusted him completely.
Within an hour, I was in the delivery room. Things started happening even more rapidly, and there was a lot of commotion and confusion around me. The baby was "sunny side up" and had the cord around her neck! She was also unusually large (9 1/2 lbs.) and I normally weighed around 97 lbs. when not pregnant. I remember my doctor telling me to try not to push any more, and that he was going to have to push the baby back in and turn her because her shoulders were so big. I knew he was also concerned about the cord, although he didn't say that to me. I could just tell by his tone of voice with the nurses. I wanted so much to have a live, healthy baby; I feared this was the last one I would be able to have.
Suddenly there was tremendous pressure and pain, and then I felt as if I were flying backwards through darkness, like I was slipping out through the top of my head. The next thing I remember is hovering up at the ceiling, looking down on the whole scene. The air was warm and stuffy up there and I remembered that heat rises and it was cold outside, so the furnace would be on. I heard one of the nurses shouting, "Doctor, we're losing her!" my doctor snapped, "We're not going to let that happen! You just keep doing what you’re supposed to do!" As I watched, I began to feel a presence beside me. I didn't look to the side, because I didn't need to - I knew it was God. I felt comforted and loved, and looking down on the tense events below, I realized how unimportant one life is in the grand scheme of things. I almost felt sorry for the frantic people working on me - they didn't understand the insignificance of just one life. I could see that the baby was out and she was healthy. That was all that mattered to me.
At that point, I felt a great sadness come over me as I thought of my sweet little two-year-old son at home. I wanted so much to raise my children and be a part of their lives. I had already learned so much about parenting, and I thought that nobody could do as good a job as I could with my children. I said, "God, who's going to raise my babies?" There was a bright flash of light - like I was in the middle of a lightning bolt - and then I don't remember anything until the next day.
I opened my eyes and saw bottles and IVs hanging above my bed. I could feel the IV needles in my right wrist and right ankle. My doctor was sitting by the bed; he and I were the only ones in the room. He patted my hand and said, "There you are! We thought we'd lost you for a moment yesterday!" I answered, "You did lose me! I watched you working on me from the ceiling!" He nodded. "That's possible - it was pretty close there for a while!" My doctor never asked for details, and I told only my husband about the experience at that time. He was supportive, but we never spoke of it again.
It was many years later that I heard something on TV about out-of-body experiences and realized that I wasn't the only person who had one. I'm still careful who I tell about it, because so many people are still very ignorant about issues of the spirit. But I know I felt God's presence, and He let me come back to raise my children.
By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 08:52 am:
On April 21, 1999, I was shopping in k-mart and I at the time was pregnant and also a diabetic. My legs felt a little weak and I thought my blood sugar was low but when I took it, it was normal. So I checked out of the store and started my 5 min. trip home. But I turned around and went back to the store. I just wasn't feeling right and so I parked the car and went into the store and told the greeter I needed an ambulance. She went and told the customer service desk personnel that I needed an ambulance. One was called and then 911 called back and ask what was wrong. I told them to tell them that I was a 48 year old pregnant diabetic and I felt weak, that something was wrong. The greeter got a wheelchair and had me sit down. I leaned my head over on her side and she rubbed my head. I told her that I thought I was going to die. I just had this feeling. She said, “baby you are going to be all right”. The ambulance arrived and I got up and walked to the stretcher and layed down, not having any real distress just felt real tired. The paramedic took all my vital signs and got my medical information and he said everything looked good. They ran an emergency run on me even though everything was good. I was wheeled into the ER and just as I was put on the E.R. stretcher I heard the nurse say, “her heart has stopped”. The E.R. doctor said that my “lead was loose” and the nurse said, “no, her heart has stopped”. The E.R. doctor checked me and said, “this woman is dead”.
Well, my friend had followed us to the hospital and he came in the E.R. room and looked at me and said, “do you want me to call your mom”. I said, “no, I'll be out of here in a little bit”. But he said , when he opened the door he did say that but, I never answered. He said they were already working on me. And he said, “ you was gone”.
This is the best part, I will never forget as long as I live if I live to be a thousand, I just walked through the door and I was in another land. The most wonderful and beautiful place I have ever seen. I remember standing in this street that was cobblestone but it was gold and I looked down at my feet and just looked at my bare feet on this beautiful gold street. I walked over to one of the buildings and it was so astonishingly beautiful. I remember taking my hand and rubbing the wall and admiring the beauty. I just stood there and rubbed it. As I began walking down the street I met people and we just knew everything. We exchanged smiles and I said I was looking for my sister and daughter. I knew they were there, it was just a matter of finding them. I was not scared. I had a peace and understanding of everything. I had no memory of my life here. I just knew who was there and I kept on looking at this city that was in front of me. I was walking into the city. It was gold and just casted off all the light in this world. There was no sun or moon but the sky was so beautiful. There was colors of all kinds. The sky was so beautiful. I would stop every now and then and remain to look at my feet walking on this gold street. I then would go to the walls of the buildings and rub them more, so beautiful. There was trees and water so clear. Everyone knew everyone. It was like I had been there forever. I was so happy and had this peace in me that is nonexplainable. At that time I knew everything. I was at peace. I remember just standing and looking around at this beautiful city so, so beautiful. And when I went around a corner of a building I heard my daughter call me and I was so happy I was going to see her. And then a voice said, “it's not your time yet to be here”.
And then I woke up into this hell of a respirator on me. My mom and sister were standing in the corner of my room. I remember my sister asking the nurse, if I came to would I have brain damage and she said, only time would tell. The nurse called my name and said, “do you know what happened to you”. She said, “when you came into the E.R. your heart stopped you went into v-fib and it took us over 4 1/2 minutes to get you back”. I wrote on the paper towel “no, I had been to this city of gold and I wanted to go back”. She said, “when you came in, you died”. And I wrote, “please let me go back, my sister and daughter was waiting on me”. I wanted to go back. I didn't want to stay here. She told me that if God had been ready for me he wouldn't have let me come back. She said, “we worked really hard on you to get you back”
Well from all the shocks I had received, my baby died. I then had to have 3 bypasses and I wouldn't sign for them. I was so critical they let my mother sign for my surgery.
All my life I had been scared of death, but it is the most wonderful experience I have ever had and that includes giving birth. I yearned to return. Even the surgery never worried me because, I knew what was on the other side. so I was just waiting. But for several months after the episode I had this displaced feeling, like I just didn't belong here anymore. My eyes were sensitive to this light. This didn't seem to be my world anymore and I would just cry to go back. Well I told my doctor and he said that patients he has talked to have this same feeling. He asked me if I ever considered suicide. I told him, “no”. He said that some people want to go back and they do this and have these thoughts. I told him, God can take care for me and what he wants for me will be.
I finally got back in the normal flow of life. But, I still think of this daily and I’ll just cry because I am homesick sometimes. I just figured that my life journey here is not finished and there are people I have to share love with and tell what a wonderful world is forever.
By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 08:05 am:
Oh gosh...it has taken me almost 40yrs to get to be able to actually sit here and write this. I was perfectly healthy. I was only a child of 12. I had no idea such things existed.
I went to bed as usual.
Sometime during the night, I felt myself floating face down up at the ceiling in my bedroom. I felt soooo light, and was immediately feeling the most intense feeling of happiness, that it's hard to find the words to describe. I was aware that my body was spirit like, very white and pure. And my thoughts were still the same. I was overwhelmed by just floating. And I remember just thinking after a few minutes how I wanted to leave my room. It was then I seemed to just go through to the outside of my bedroom. Once I was outside, still facing face down, I remember I sort of floated above this tree that was outside my window. It felt like something was gradually drawing me slowly upward. I looked at the houses near ours, and I could see the lights on. I remember how fascinated I was to be seeing the subdivision, gradually get farther away, while I still continued moving higher and higher. I saw the highway and the cars. And still continued feeling this gentle pull, it felt like I was moving in a northwestern direction. I had never been so high before. Never flew on a plane. So this was the first time for me to look down at these things from so high up. As I got higher and higher, I suddenly thought about what if I would fall. Then everything went black, and a VERY authoritative voice said, “NO, GO BACK”. It was like I had no choice. I was made to go back. I can still hear that voice when I think about it; it was like the voice of God or something. A command, no buts about it.
Then I felt myself literally go back into my body. It seemed like I entered back somewhere through my head. I immediately felt the weight of my body, being soooo very heavy, and I didn't want to be back in it. I remember opening my eyes slightly and seeing my chest rise slowly again with breath. It felt so heavy, and I felt so sad. I just laid there, trying to make sense about what happened to me.
I knew it wasn't a dream. I thought I died. I had such a calm. I knew God for whatever reason showed me what it was like to die, and I no longer was afraid of dying. I really wished I could make everyone not be afraid. But what happened to me was so strange, that I was afraid to tell anyone.
I felt sad that whole day, in fact, a little withdrawn. I remember sitting on my bed and my Dad coming in my room, asking what was wrong and, I began to cry, unable to make sense of it all. I told him what happened. He just held me, and just listened. It was several weeks later he had a priest from our Parish talk to me about it. It was then, I learned other people had similar experiences. To this very day, I don't know why some do and some don't.
All I can truly say, it has made such a difference in my life as far as knowing what it feels like to die. And to share the intense joy one feels at that moment. I can say your thoughts or conscience still continues. That our bodies are a heavy mass of flesh and bone. That our spirits are light as breath, and death is just simply leaving our flesh body.
I guess when a baby is born, and the spirit enters the body, that in dying we just make our exit. Only the intense joy and happiness is so beyond words to describe, it just is.
Thank you for letting me share what happened to me as a child not knowing.
By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 07:38 am:
The first NDE was an attack. I have a faint memory of being chased and attacked. I became injured when I tried to get away through a wooden fence and a piece of wood went into my abdomen.
Then I was somewhere else, like being inside a cloud. I was very young and was singing to Jesus and a man in a long white gown came and took me by the hand. I first asked him about my pet turtle "Harry"(Momma said Harry had gone to live with Jesus and when you go to live with Jesus you don't come back to your home). He said Harry is OK but it was not time for me to come and live with him.
That was the first one the second one was due to a reaction to a drug given to me in the hospital. My heart had stopped and I was just watching the people work on me not to worried about the outcome. It was about two a.m. and I was out of my body for a while long enough to go down to the nurses station and list to gossip. They all turned very pale when my heart started up and I got up and asked them about the people they were gossiping about. LOL.
The third was also an attack. This time I flew away like superman.
The fourth was illness with another reaction to medicine. I have this disorder called Apnea and I would stop breathing at times when I sleep.
I had written a journal I really have too much to write it all here. I just have never had anyone to talk to about this. At least not anyone that would not label me crazy, new age, demon possessed or a witch. I hope you will have someone I will be able to talk too. Thank-You, and Bless you.
By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 07:29 am:
I was drinking very heavy. I am an alcoholic in recovery thanks to what happened.
I had a fight with my girlfriend. She went to bed. I drank and was popping some pills. She came out saw the bottle was gone and phoned the ambulance.
They came and rushed me to the hospital. They pumped my stomach; I was in ICU all hooked up to heart monitor and respirator. I was very awake. I had a very odd feeling sweep through my body; it started at my feet and moved up. I knew I was in trouble. I tried to scream. I saw a woman by my bed. I then hit the pillow. I could here my heart monitor flat line. My breathing stopped.
I started going into a tunnel; I could hear the doctor screaming and a shock rip through my body. I continued down the tunnel. I heard the doctor say, “we are loosing him”. I felt no fear, no pain just serenity like I never knew. The shock was distant and could feel as I started to disconnect from my body. I know I saw my dad who has been dead for many years, he told me I had to go back my work was not done. I saw a bright light and I awoke in the hospital. The nurse said I was dead for 3.5 minutes and they were going to give up on me when my heart started to beat.
So here I am, never fear death again.
By Anonymous on Friday, May 30, 2003 - 12:50 am:
This world we live in is truly a remarkable place: so many mysteries to solve, incredible things to marvel at, and so much to learn. But, all things considered, truthfully, there is nothing more remarkable than the power of the human mind, or for that matter, the very existence of our minds within consciousness itself.
Before I delve into my story, I want to tell you that I am a survivor of the “illusion” we call death. I’m also a very lucky person. I say “Lucky,” not because I’ve escaped death on two occasions, but rather, because I was twice afforded the incredible experience of dying… And as a result, I returned with some very profound, life-changing revelations.
Now, this may sound entirely strange, but there is one thing that you can be practically guaranteed. The most incredible experience you will have in this lifetime is dying! Let me restate that… “THE GREATEST SINGLE EXPERIENCE OF YOUR LIFE — WILL BE YOUR DEATH!” See, now there’s something to look forward to. Right?
Now, please don’t get me wrong. The physical pain of say, a heart attack leading up to death, may not be a lot of fun. But the actual act of dying, the actual act of surrendering to the call to return “Home,” is wonderful. It’s like nothing else you will ever experience — at least in this lifetime.
As I mentioned, I have had the great fortune of experiencing death, not once, but twice — a drowning at the age of 12, and a heart attack while playing hockey at the age of 41.
But, before I begin to tell you the story of how these events changed my life, I should also tell you that as recently as 12 years ago I would not have believed a single word I’m about to say. Had someone else told me what I’m about to share with you, I would have suggested they seek professional help.
Now, in order for you to understand where I’m coming from, I think it’s important that I give you a bit of a background about my life. I was born and raised on a small farm in the Canadian prairies. My parents, along with everyone we knew in a forty-mile radius, were German Catholics. They worked hard all week and they went to church on Sundays.
Our poor mother was obviously a creature of habit. She liked the security of a routine, but getting a handle on the rhythm method of birth control seemed to be her undoing. She had no fewer than 8 baby girls in a row, and then, when she figured out what was happening, she promptly gave birth to three baby boys. I was the tenth of eleven children. (I did mention we were Catholic, right?)
Actually, when we were teenagers my brother and I used to joke about having such a large family. We’d tell people that the reason there were so many kids in the family was because our mother was practically deaf… Apparently every night when they went to bed, Dad would say, “Well, Mom, do you want to go to sleep or what?” And Mom would say, “What…?” So, you can see how that sort of thing could get out of hand.
Growing up in such a big family wasn’t easy. Those were the 50’s. The world was recovering from the great depression and war. It was a time when large families were fairly common. For most people, there wasn’t a lot of money to go around, but with 13 mouths to feed in our house; we seemed just a bit poorer than everyone else.
In the years of hand-me-down clothes, shoes and schoolbooks, we often took life on the chin, sometimes bearing the brunt of cruel, hurtful remarks from schoolmates. But, thankfully, we managed to keep our sense of humor. When you haven’t got much, it helps if you can laugh at everything.
One of the things we didn’t joke about, though, was God. That was serious stuff! Stuff you didn’t question too much if you knew what was good for you. You see; we were raised completely immersed in Catholicism. My brother and I were virtually forced into being alter-boys until our early teens. Even our school was a typical Catholic institution; every grade taught by nuns.
Many of you may remember that back in the 50’s and 60’s, the Dogma of most Christian based religions were pretty rigid. The God that we were taught about seemed an all-too-human, punishing, vengeful being. Heck, the mere mention of God practically scared the ‘be-Jesus’ out of us. And that’s the way they wanted it.
In those early years, the Catholic Church, and I suppose just about every other Christian denomination, preached “Fear of the Lord” as a main plank in their religious dogma. If you did this or that, a merciless and vengeful God could fry your butt in hell for the rest of eternity. I always had trouble with that concept. I was not about to believe that God
— if there actually was a God — could possibly be so mean. I couldn’t understand or accept the apparent injustices of our religion. At the very least, I desperately hoped that these things weren’t true.
Suffice it to say, that by the time I reached my mid-teens, I didn’t put a lot of faith in God, or much of anything else, for that matter. I had become a total realist. If I couldn’t see it, hear it, or touch it, I wouldn’t believe it.
* * *
Beyond one significant event, I think most of my childhood wasn’t much different than that of a lot of other kids growing up in the fifties and sixties.
This unusual incident took place on a warm Saturday in July of 1963, when I was just 12 years old. It was an exciting day for my little brother and me. Our cousins from the city had arrived for a weekend visit, and we had a lot of plans. The occasion was especially important for me. My cousin, Brian, and I were best friends. We were the same age, we liked the same things, and we shared the same fantasies. Unfortunately we weren’t able to spend a lot of time together, so whenever we had a chance to visit we tried to make the best of it. It was bound to be a fun weekend.
About a half mile from our farmhouse was a water reservoir the department of highways had dug beside a graveled road. The purpose of these little ponds was twofold: they provided the road builders with the dirt they needed to build the road, and the remaining hole provided valuable storage for run-off water from the summer rains and melting snow in the spring.
My brother, Dale, and I had always been warned not to go near the dugouts. We couldn’t swim a stroke and had no one to teach us. Our cousins, however, had taken lots of swimming lessons in big swimming pools, and as a result were very good swimmers.
We hadn’t planned on going near the overflowing dugout; we were just crossing a pasture looking for prairie dogs when one of the cousins noticed the pool of water. Tied to a stake at one end of the dugout was a small wooden raft our neighbor’s kids had obviously abandoned. Well, it was just way too tempting to pass up. Before long we were all aboard the raft, bobbing precariously, paddling around in the middle of the twelve-foot-deep pond.
Everything was going great until the older of the cousins discovered that my brother and I couldn’t swim. Realizing that we were actually afraid of water, he thought it would be great fun to violently rock the raft while the rest of us hung on for dear life.
On the wet, slippery planks, I suddenly lost my balance, and the next thing I knew I was toppling backwards into the water. Terrified, I didn’t have the presence of mind to even try to swim. With numbing quickness, shock overcame me; my head slipped below the surface and, before I knew it, I was sinking to the bottom. In my panicked state, it wasn’t long before the last bubbles of air had escaped me, and my lungs quickly filled with water.
I had always imagined that drowning would be a horrible way to die: the mental terror while your lungs desperately screamed for air. But it wasn’t like that at all… In fact, as soon as my lungs filled with water, the struggle ended. There was no more suffocating or fighting for air. Instead, an absolute peace came over me.
With my eyes wide open, I slowly sank towards the bottom. The water grew darker and darker, and soon I was up to my ankles in mud. Perhaps I had pushed with my feet, but ever so slowly I began to float upwards. Within a few moments I was nearing the surface. I could see and feel the warm sunlight radiating into the water. My head briefly broke through, and then in a dream-like state, without fear or panic, I began to sink again.
My senses numbing, I felt no particular discomfort, just the greatest urge to go to sleep. Soon I could feel my feet sinking again into the mud, and then everything seemed to grind to a halt… Time stood still as I hung suspended in the water, my surroundings quickly fading. Finally, too tired and sleepy to be concerned, I simply let go and drifted into the blackness…
The next thing I knew, I snapped back into consciousness, opening my eyes to a most amazing sight. I was being literally bathed in a shimmering kaleidoscope of beautiful warm colors. Swirling and gyrating, they seemed to pass right through my body into the core of my being. It felt as though I was still surrounded by water, but somehow I had gotten into in a beautiful, comfortable bubble. Mysteriously, the colors seemed to be causing a strange but wonderful vibrating sensation throughout my body, each shade carrying its own distinct vibration.
I had never felt more alive and energetic. Fully in awe of the warmth and beauty of my surroundings, I had a profound sense that something important was happening… I had somehow changed. It occurred to me that perhaps I had died. And for some reason, I recalled the story of Tom Sawyer, the part when he was believed to have drowned in the Mississippi and arrived home to witness his own funeral.
Suddenly, I went literally shooting out of the water into the air, and a moment later I found myself hovering over the choir loft in the back of our church.
It felt so incredibly strange. Here I was, floating around in our church, anxiously suspicious; awaiting my own funeral. And then I noticed there wasn’t a soul in the church. If this was my funeral, I thought, where were all the people…? I would have expected to see my mom and dad, my brothers and sisters, and all of the other people who normally went to church. But there was no one there, and I hadn’t a clue what to make of it.
Fascinated, I continued to float over the empty pews marveling at the strangeness of the situation. I was actually flying. And there didn’t seem to be anything holding me up. How could this be? I hadn’t read anything about Tom Sawyer flying. Puzzled, I floated quietly for several moments, deep in thought.
All of a sudden, my entire being was jolted by a terrible convulsion. Spasms erupted through my stomach… The next thing I knew, I was back on the shore of the dugout spewing water from my lungs, desperately gasping for air. My face bouncing in the mud, cousin Brian had his arms locked around my waist, dangling me upside down, draining the water from my body. Sick to my stomach, I vomited for a couple of agonizing minutes.
When I finally began to get my wits about me, I looked up to see the white, horrified faces of my brother and two cousins. Their eyes were like saucers. We were all, to some degree, in a state of shock. And to make matters worse, we also knew we were going to be in big trouble when we got home.
For several minutes we sat quietly beside the dugout, resting and contemplating what had just happened. Chances were we would get a good whipping if anyone found out about it, so we made a pact to never tell another soul. Then, walking as slowly as possible to dry our clothes, we headed home.
Still pumped with fear and adrenaline, Brian wasn’t feeling very well. He told me he thought for sure that I was dead because I’d been under for such a long time. He had spent several terrifying minutes frantically diving and groping around in the murky water. When he finally found me in the mud at the bottom, it took every ounce of energy his 12-year-old body could muster to get me to the surface.
As Brian told me these things, I put my arms around my little brother and hugged him. He had been deeply affected. Unable to speak, tears flowed from his wide eyes, rolling down his freckled cheeks.
As we walked back to the farm, Brian and I began to lag behind the other two. I told him about the strange things that happened while I was in the water. I told him about thinking of Tom Sawyer’s funeral, about floating in mid air in the church, and about my surprise that there were no people in the building. Brian made a simple observation. Of course there wouldn’t be any people in the church. It was four o’clock in the afternoon, and Saturday to boot.
I told him about all the bright colors that surrounded me in the water. But what I was recounting seemed strange even to me. I remember saying “Jeez, I didn’t know you could feel colors.” Brian, however, didn’t say much of anything. Maybe he thought I had water on the brain or something, because I’m sure this couldn’t have sounded very rational.
I told him again about what it was like to fly. He listened quietly, and then as if he hadn’t heard my comments, he asked, “Tom Sawyer? Why would you think of Tom Sawyer?” I assured him that I hadn’t the slightest idea, but reiterated that everything seemed so absolutely real.
“Jesus, Paul,” he scolded, “You scared the hell out of us. I couldn’t find you. I was praying like crazy. It’s a good thing you ain’t dead, cause they’d sure be killing the rest of us when we got home.”
When we finally reached the farm, although exceedingly nervous, we tried to be as cool and nonchalant as possible. As twelve-year-olds, we were probably far too nonchalant. It must have been so terribly obvious that we were hiding something, because it didn’t take any more than about ten minutes and the cat was out of the bag.
I can’t remember who finally spilt the beans, but the result was fairly dramatic. After a lot of yelling, cussing, and recriminations, there were two kids given a very sound strapping on that day, and oddly enough, I was one of them.
It was a strange experience, to say the least. My little brother and cousins had been horrified, our parents extremely upset. I, on the other hand, hadn’t experienced it as a horrible thing at all. And I couldn’t understand why every one was so uptight. I was still alive and feeling just fine.
On thinking back to the event, it occurs to me that at no time in my young life did I ever attach to the experience any kind of a spiritual or religious significance. Even though I had ended up in a church, it didn’t seem to carry any consequence or lasting affect… At least that’s what I thought at the time. Although I could never forget the incident, I just didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it in the following years. I could not, however, have even begun to imagine the importance this event might hold until much later in life.
Back then, I had been extremely grateful to my cousin, Brian, for saving my life, and I told him so, repeatedly. But not once did I think of thanking God. In retrospect, I’m sure glad that God doesn’t hold any grudges. Well, at least I hope he doesn’t.
* * *
Life, as we all know, is a continuous series of steps and lessons. Normally what we understand about ourselves becomes less of a puzzle as we grow older. But, little did I know, that up to that point in my existence, things were never entirely within my control. So much of my life had been guided and assisted; preparing me, I believe, for the dramatic, life-changing experiences that lay ahead; experiences that would rock my world and challenge even my most basic concepts of reality.
When I finally left home, like a lot of kids in the early 70’s, I drifted around working at odd jobs here and there, until I landed a job as a disc jockey in a Rock & Roll radio station. I would end up spending nearly 10 years in the broadcasting industry, working for various radio and television stations in Canada.
Eventually I got married, started a family, bought a business, and settled down. So, basically I led what most would consider a completely normal life. Normal, that is, until one Sunday morning in November of 1992.
I had been an athlete and hockey player all my life. But, by the age of 41, I was already too slow and old to be playing a young mans’ game, so I contented myself with a position on a local old-timers’ team. It was a lot of fun, and we got a bit of exercise at the same time. We were, however, your typical ‘weekend warriors’ — going from relative inactivity during the week, to all out battles on weekends. It was during one of these robust outings that providence dealt me another unexpected hand.
As I recall it was a fairly warm day for late November. Although my leg muscles felt a bit stiff, everything else seemed pretty normal as I made my way to the arena for our regular Sunday morning scrimmage. Looking forward to a good workout, I laced up my skates and headed out onto the ice with the rest of my team. It wasn’t long before we were fully engaged, racing up and down the ice, firing frozen pucks at our aging goaltenders.
After only a few minutes of play, I was becoming surprisingly tired, when suddenly, in mid stride, it felt like I had hit me in the chest with a sledgehammer! I had no idea what was happening. My legs nearly buckled beneath me. Utterly exhausted, I staggered off the ice.
I couldn’t believe how winded I had become. Even after several minutes on the bench, I still struggled to catch my breath. And, to top it all off, a sharp, deep pain had begun to develop in my left elbow. It was certainly puzzling. I couldn’t remember hurting my elbow and had no idea why it should be so sore. The pain, however, seemed to grow more severe with each passing moment. Extremely nauseous and sweating profusely, I was beginning to think that I had perhaps come down with a bit of food poisoning or a severe flu.
As the minutes dragged, the pain in my elbow became unbearable, my breathing difficult and labored. It was obvious that I was too sick to continue playing, so I decided to go home. Heading to the dressing room, I changed into my street clothes, and in less than five minutes I was ready to leave.
My equipment bag in tow, I finally pushed the door open and, struggling to keep my balance, staggered into the hallway. I was beginning to think that my problems might be more than just food poisoning. Instead of heading home I should be going to the hospital. Fortunately, an alert rink attendant took one look at me, and rushed off to call an ambulance.
With each passing minute my condition seemed to worsen. Before long, I was leaning against the wall, trying desperately to maintain my balance. Just the simple act of breathing was agonizingly painful. No longer able to stand, I dropped to my knees, and slumped to the floor just as a couple of my teammates popped around the corner to see how I was doing. Alarmed, they got busy propping up my head on a towel as the rink attendant returned to announce that an ambulance was on its way.
Soon the rest of the team gathered around me in the hallway. Their hushed tones and concerned looks told me that this probably wasn’t one of my better days. Closing my eyes, I tried to ignore the numbing pain. Slowly I began to drift towards sleep.
The sound of running feet and clattering wheels on the concrete floor jarred me back to awareness. I opened my eyes as two ambulance attendants aided by a couple of my teammates lifted me onto a stretcher. In a moment, we were whizzing through the halls of the arena and out the front doors into the waiting ambulance.
The female EMT quickly strapped an oxygen mask to my face, and the siren wailed as we moved quickly out of the parking lot and onto the street. She asked my name and address, but as I tried to respond, it sounded like I was speaking in an empty barrel, my voice strangely hollow. I fell silent… Aware that the young lady was trying to get my attention, I heard only a distorted hum and wasn’t sure what she was saying. I tried to concentrate on her words, but it appeared to be a useless struggle.
It was then that I became aware of a strange buzzing sensation building in my ears. The sound grew louder and louder, and for the first time I began to experience real fear. I started to panic, but as hard as I fought to maintain control, it seemed to be a losing battle. Soon I was struggling to keep my eyes focused. Everything began to turn hazy and then, with the sound of whooshing air, the world around me began to close in. Within moments I could no longer see nor hear. An eerie gray mist flooded my perception, carrying me deeper and deeper into darkness. Nervously, I waited for whatever would be coming next…
Time seemed to slow… Dimly, I languished, drifting to the edge of consciousness; lost in my fading thoughts. Suddenly, from deep within, came the abrupt sound of a loud, pinging bell. Crashing into my awareness, it jolted me to the core. Then, to my surprise, I started to move…
Slowly, like a feather wafting on a breeze, I lifted off the stretcher and into the air. It was a peculiar feeling. Although somewhat similar to my previous out-of-body experiences, I knew that this time I was definitely not in control. And the pain, so excruciating just a moment before, simply evaporated.
From a deep darkness, my vision slowly began to open up around me. The next thing I knew, I felt myself bumping against the roof of the ambulance. I watched the paramedic below me as she adjusted the oxygen mask on my face and quickly checked the time on her wristwatch.
Having experienced a touch of fear a few moments earlier, I now wondered why I had been so worried. Although I realized this might be the last time I would be leaving my body, I was doing just fine. I knew I was dying, and I began to consider the consequences.
“Jesus,” I thought, “Candace is going to be •••••• off.” I remembered that just a couple of weeks earlier she had been giving me hell for thinking that I could just run off and play hockey without first getting into proper shape. In all the years that we’d been married, she had never brought up that concern. But she had her reasons. Just a few months earlier, a friend of ours had died of a heart attack after an evening of floor hockey. Several weeks later, another friend barely survived a heart attack at the age of 39. “You’re not 20 anymore,” she warned. “You’re 41. Do you want to kill yourself?”
I had, of course, just laughed her off. “What are you talking about?” I argued. “I’ve never been in better shape.” Now I wondered if this would be my contribution to “famous last words.”
The reality of leaving her and the kids behind preyed on my mind, and I felt a touch of sadness. Then suddenly, without the slightest warning, I found myself floating in the living room of my home. Our daughter, Stacey, had spent the night at a friend’s house. Candace and David, however, were scurrying about, getting ready for church service, and I remembered it was Sunday morning.
I loved my family intensely, but I knew that although it would be tough on them for a while, they would survive. Even though they hadn’t had direct experience, they too understood that we don’t really die, we just move on to a different realm. I was confident that they would be just fine and someday we’d be together again. Whispering a sad goodbye, I felt a shift in perception, and a moment later, I was back near my body.
As I floated again inside the ambulance, I began to feel a tug — something pulling at me. Then slowly, as if being drawn by some unknown force, I started to move upwards, eventually pushing right through the roof. The sensation was incredible! I could feel the various layers of materials, the fabric, the insulation, and finally the metal, passing through my body as I slowly emerged into the crisp morning air.
Rising to a height of about 20 feet, I flew alongside the ambulance as it roared through the streets. After a few blocks, however, the tugging became more and more intense. Somehow I knew it was time to go. Then, without the slightest concern or apprehension, I simply let go, relaxed, and surrendered to the pull. In a moment the streets, the houses, and finally, the ambulance faded into a deep gray mist.
A tremendous state of euphoria swept through me. My body may have been dying, but I had never felt better. The mist around me grew steadily thicker, turning to black. Soon I found myself floating in what I could only describe as a deep dark void. Remarkably, I wasn’t afraid… Instead I became increasingly energized with delight and anticipation. Powerful vibrations coursed through my being. And then, like a jet accelerating down a runway, I started to move through the darkness. Before long it felt like I was moving at a tremendous rate of speed. In the distance ahead, I began to see a pinpoint of light, and I could barely contain my excitement. The urgency and yearning to reach the light became totally consuming. It seemed I had waited so long for this moment. I was finally going home, and there was nothing I wanted more…
Oblivious to everything else, I was totally absorbed in my goal when, suddenly, a huge spasm virtually exploded through my awareness, jarring every particle of my being. In the next instant, I was back inside my body.
God, I couldn’t believe the assault on my senses! I was now in the emergency room at the hospital. The incredible pain had returned, flooding through my body in waves. Stunned, I knew only one thing for sure. I didn’t want to be back!
A nurse struggled to get an I.V. needle into a vein in my left wrist while a doctor barked his instructions. Everything around me seemed too bright, too harsh! My jacket and shirt were pulled back, exposing my chest. And I found myself screaming, “No, please, this is a mistake. Let me go. Please let me go,” but the words seemed caught up in my mind; there was no sound.
In a surreal haze, I could see and hear everything around me, but I had lost control of my body. I felt like a rag doll as the doctor pulled off my shirt and flopped me back down onto the table.
While one of the doctors was busy injecting me with drugs, another brought his face down right in front of mine. Slowly, but firmly, he spoke to get my attention. “Paul,” he said, “you’re having a heart attack. You’ve got to relax.”
The words seemed bizarre and incomprehensible. Me, having a heart attack? Ridiculous! And if it was true, how the hell did he expect me to relax?
The relentless pain continued unabated. My chest hurt severely, but it was nothing compared to the pain in my left elbow. If I could have spoken, I would have begged them to cut it off. I would rather have gone through the remainder of my life without my arm than have to endure the unbelievable pain.
I.V. bottles flying, they finally rushed me out of the emergency room and into the intensive care unit. For more than an hour, the doctors worked frantically to clear the blockage from my heart. The pain, although somewhat lessened by the ministrations of morphine, continued to be excruciating. In my numb, horrified state, time dragged agonizingly slow.
The most mind-bending thing about this part of the experience was watching the entire drama unfold before me. It really was intriguing. If I hadn’t been feeling so lousy, I’m sure I would have purely enjoyed watching all the action.
Especially spellbinding, was the mini-drama of the ECG machine as it kept a continuous graphical documentation of my heart rhythm. It would show a steady rhythm of heartbeats, and then, suddenly, it would go crazy. There might be five rapid beats in a row as my heart fibrillated, and then it would stop and miss several beats entirely. Continuing for almost an hour, the crazy random pattern was both scary and surreal. Often when it stopped beating or began missing beats, I wondered if this would be the time when it wouldn’t start up again.
As time wore on, the doctors were becoming increasingly concerned that I would not survive. Eventually they conferred and decided that they had better allow my wife in to see me. As she walked slowly into the room, Candace appeared visibly shaken, but not as badly as I thought she might be. To her credit, not once did she say, “I told you so.” Although she did later confide that she had thought about it.
The situation was becoming critical in more ways than one. If I were to survive, the longer the blood-flow was blocked, the more damage to my heart. Too much permanent damage to my heart muscle wouldn’t leave me with great prospects for a future life.
Finally, after an eternity and an arsenal of drugs, the blockage finally dissolved. I became nauseous for about 30 seconds, and suddenly, like someone had thrown a switch, the pain simply disappeared and I felt instantly better. My heart rhythm returned to normal and so did my physical thought processes. When it was all over, completely exhausted, I fell into a deep, deep sleep.
When I finally awoke, the whole episode felt like a bad dream. I couldn’t believe it had actually happened to me. Several days would pass before the totality of the experience would settle in. My recollection of the pain was all too real, but the memory of the near-death-experience was wonderful.
It seemed like such a peculiar paradox to me; one of the most incredible and wonderful experiences in my entire life had been dying. And for the first time in years, I recalled again my previous encounter with death at the bottom of a murky dugout, when I was just 12 years old. The entire incident flooded back into my mind, releasing with it a myriad of long forgotten childhood memories and emotions. Suddenly, it was all too much to bear. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I began to cry…
Death, I realized, would be a tremendous, glorious event. Rather than something to fear, it was something to look forward to. The physical pain of a heart attack was something I wouldn’t want to repeat, but the actual dying was beautiful.
Strangely enough, although thankful for the spiritual experience, I was also somewhat disappointed. I had read many accounts of other people’s near-death experiences. Some of them had had fabulous encounters with powerful light-beings who guided them through life reviews. This hadn’t happened to me. I hadn’t received the full meal deal, and I felt gypped.
* * *
As is the case with many other near-death experiencers, my encounters seem to have opened within me a psychic doorway to the spirit world. As a result, over the past 10 years I have been blessed with numerous out of body experiences. With the assistance of loving angels and spirit guides, I have been systematically escorted through a series of stunning revelations. From reunions with departed souls to the discovery of soul mates and past lives, my re-education has left me with some incredible insights as to our true identities and purpose in the universe.
Virtually overnight, I have evolved from the mindset of a total skeptic to that of an unwavering believer. — No, let me correct that — I’m not just a believer! I’ve traveled beyond that. I can say, without reservation, that I don’t just believe, I know, without a doubt, that we are so much more than physical bodies. We are part of a much larger body of consciousness. And we can hardly even begin to comprehend the beauty and complexity of our true nature, as incredibly powerful spiritual beings.
* * *
To share some of these profound experiences with others, I have recently completed the first of a series of books. My first offering, The Eyes of an Angel, should be released in the spring of 2004.
You may recall I mentioned that, following my near-death experience, I felt gypped because I hadn’t had the experience of going through a life review. Well, several months following my near-death, while in an out-of-body state, I did in fact meet my own spirit guide, Meldor, who subsequently took me through the complete, astonishing process of a life review.
Following is a brief excerpt from my book, The Eyes of an Angel, which will, hopefully, give you some idea of the lasting power of this remarkable experience.
From Chapter Seven, this is a portion of the dialogue:
A thought had been nagging at me ever since my near-death several months earlier. I had heard about dramatic near-death experiences where people had gone through a review of their lives. I hadn’t made it to that point before being brought back from the other side, and I had wondered what the experience would be like.
Reading my thoughts, Meldor was way ahead of me. “As you are beginning to realize,” he said, “when each incarnated soul returns to its origin, there is no judgment by any other entity. Each soul making the transition is assisted by loving guides in a review of their immediate past life. Very often, perfected higher beings such as the Christ Consciousness, Krishna, Mohammad and other deities — depending on the individual’s beliefs — will be present to offer support and guidance to the returning soul. They do not judge, nor does anyone mete out punishment of any kind. The concept of a judgmental, punishing God is purely dogmatic, a manmade construction. God does not punish. God only loves.”
Completely absorbed in Meldor’s dissertation, I felt the truth of his words resonating in my heart.
“We know,” he continued, “that you have wondered about the experience of a life review, and to further your understanding, we will assist you in this aspect of the higher vibration. Nothing of energy is ever lost. All thoughts, actions and deeds are retained to provide the basis for assessment and reflection. In a moment,” he warned, “you may feel a shift in vibration which is necessary to engage the higher energies that hold the imprint of the life vibration.”
I felt a surge of energy, brief motion, and then suddenly a tremendous montage of images began to play through my mind. Like fanning through the pictures in a photograph album, my life flashed before me. Everything was there. Incidents, events, thoughts long forgotten, good experiences, traumatic and uncomfortable experiences; all whirled by in chronological succession. If at any time I wanted to take a closer look at a particular event, the process would stop and, instantly, like videotape playing in my mind, I would be completely immersed in reliving the occasion. I was on an emotional roller coaster — the highs, the lows, the sadness and grief, along with jubilation and happiness profoundly imprinted my mind.
I could not be sure of the amount of time the processing took. It could have been a minute or an eternity, I didn’t know. I could, however, see why there was no need for someone else to pass judgment on my life. Nothing had escaped. I was the only judge necessary, and I would be the harshest critic.
I knew when I had failed and when I had succeeded, but unexpectedly there was an added twist that I hadn’t been prepared for. Not only could I relive how I had felt during any particular incident, I could also feel the pain or happiness of others whom I had affected through my words and actions. I could feel again the anger I felt as I lashed out at a playmate in the schoolyard, but I could also feel the pain and injury he felt at the humiliation.
The good and the bad all passed before me. To my amazement, I watched the effect that even a small act of kindness could have on others. Something as small as my cheery greeting had lifted someone else’s spirits, and they in turn felt better about themselves and treated others more kindly. I was astonished at how the lives of so many people could be inadvertently affected by my actions, whether positive or negative.
Eventually the chronological calendar of my life brought me inevitably back to the time of my heart attack and near-death experience. I needed to see no more. The images stopped. Immediately, I felt the love and support of Meldor’s embrace. I was emotionally drained, yet at the same time strangely rejuvenated. I had a better understanding of who I was and what I needed to do.
Meldor’s voice finally interrupted my reverie. “It is time now to return to the physical vibration,” he said. “There is much processing that you will need to do, and your energy needs to be restored. We are pleased to have been able to assist you.”
In a snap, I was back in my body. Wide-awake, I turned over in bed and glanced at my nightstand clock. It was just after 5 a.m. More than two hours had passed.
For another hour I lay in bed, reviewing and contemplating the tremendous experience I had just been through. The profound images of my past life were engrained in my consciousness. I would never forget them. The message was so very clear. I knew that it didn’t matter one bit in life who won or who lost, or how rich or successful we became. When we pass from this life, the only thing that will really matter, the only thing of any importance, will be how we treated other souls along the way.
Copyright C 2003 by Paul Elder
By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 28, 2003 - 07:51 pm:
I was depressed and psychotic and trying to kill myself and I swallowed a bunch of pills before going to bed hoping that I wouldn't wake up in the morning.
I went to bed and fell asleep then, I felt utter darkness all around me and I heard a loud voice saying "what have you done?!" I looked down and saw my body lying on the bed with a dark shadow figure bent over me then I woke up and it was about twelve o'clock the next afternoon.
A few months later I had to have surgery for a congenital anomaly. And after the surgery I was visited by an angel who told me that, I had to choose life three times because of what I had done. And that Christ was gathering his people and his angels and that I would get disturbing news from afar in about two years time. And he also told me not to be afraid that everything was going to be all right.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 28, 2003 - 07:45 pm:
After an unsuccessful suicide attempt, I was in a serious car accident.
I hit a very large oak tree that wasn't going anywhere, with my van. It was down a steep embankment and I was not wearing my seatbelt. The impact caused my head to go through the windshield and my chest hit the steering wheel so hard, it completely bent the steering column forward.
At first, I saw a, sort of tunnel filled with light, then I saw what I determined to be an angel floating above me. She was luminescent and sparkly and gave off a feeling of complete warmth and comfort. I was not scared at all. After that, I heard the voice of my deceased father telling me he was okay and I needed to stop crying and grieving over his death, which had been recent. He advised me he would always be with me and my mom and the rest of my family.
When I later woke up in the hospital, I was in ICU. But the only injury I sustained was a broken right ankle and leg from when I tried to apply the brake. My entire head went through the windshield, but I had no fractures at all. They did an echocardiogram to check out my heart, but it was fine, I didn't even have any cracked ribs. It was really amazing to the ER doctor.
It did change my life, though.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 28, 2003 - 02:50 pm:
I was in a car accident in 1983. I broke my neck, back, and many bones and punctured my lung. They did not expect that I would live and so did not arrange my surgery until 2 days later. At that time--I was paralyzed from my waist down.
When they came to take me to surgery--I recall someone saying the 23rd Psalm and closing my eyes. I felt a warm sensation and the feeling of someone wrapping their arms around me. And I absolutely knew that whatever happened (and I knew I might die) that it was going to be OK. I felt an overwhelming feeling that God loves me and that, he wanted the best for me.
The next thing I knew, I woke up in the same bed, with no memory of the operation or the recovery room.
Prior to this, I was really terrified of death, it used to keep me up nights worrying about it. Now, I know it’s not frightening but a very peaceful transition.
At the time of my accident, my life was spinning out of control. I had an emotionally abusive husband, and two children, 3mos and 16mos old. We were barely surviving financially and certainly emotionally.
While I was in the hospital, my husband at the time left me and the kids and took off.
I was in the hospital for 6 months. And after 2 months--when no one thought I would, my feet began to move. It took much therapy and alot of effort but, I now walk with a cane and can get around pretty good.
While recovering--I examined every belief that I had and formed many that I did not know that I had.
I absolutely knew that God was with me and that I could raise my boys and have a good life. I also learned to love myself, something I had not done before.
Because this accident happened, I was able to go back to college for awhile and I remarried to someone who adores me. My sons are grown now. And I am convinced that I am a better person because of having gone through the experience of coming so close to death.
I am now very involved in my church and try to learn more about spirituality.
Two years ago I started back to work part time and found something that I just love to do, work with elderly people. I help them to run errands and to be a companion.
I am a better listener and a more caring person because of what I went through. Also, I have been around when several friends were dying and consider it a privilege to be there at that time. I try to convey my feelings about God’s love to the families and to the person.
Anyway, I really believe that this experience changed the course of my life for the better.
I am not sure if this is a true near death experience but, it was for me!
By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 04:55 pm:
During and after surgery, septic, family told "death was imminent"
I remember being very uncomfortable and knowing I was on a train.
I was convinced it as somewhere near Alaska because the sky was so blue and there were eagles flying and the ocean water was incredibly blue and there were whales. I was with my mom, her brother and my mother-in-law's mother--all have passed away. Being with my mother-in-law's mom was odd because I had only met her 3-4 times and she had passed away only the month before this happened. I kept telling them I wanted to get off the train. I was tired, I couldn't do this any more. They all kept telling me "No--you can't". "No--not this time".
When I was finally conscious and thought about it, I figured maybe the ventilator noise made me think I was on a train. But, it was too real.
My relationship with my mom was always rocky and I remember distinctly feeling the same way, like I just couldn't make her understand. She was calm and kept telling me, "No, not now" every time I asked to get off the train.
I also remember something about American Indians being present, the train being very old. The landscape was just beautiful when I looked out of the window. And, I could also see through the roof of the train, the eagles.
I feel I am much more tolerant of everything and everyone. I am not as stressed as I was before. I am not upset with every little detail of life as before. I am much more accepting of everything as it happens.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 04:41 pm:
This all happened twenty years ago.
At the time I was out of work. But, a friend asked me if I would like to work for him for a couple of days. So, I agreed. I had never done this kind of work before. When we arrived at these terrace houses all the houses in question were being gutted, new windows, re-plastered , new wiring that kind of thing. My job was to go up the scaffolding and grind out the mortar in-between the bricks ready for my friend to come along and repoint the brick work.
I was on third second floor outside on the scaffolding getting back into the room with the grinding machine in my hand, little did I know the electric cable was made up of several lengths of extensions, and these had wrapped round the scaffolding. As I held on to the scaffolding pole with my left hand, the grinding machine in my right hand suddenly I was stuck to this scaffolding pole shaking and screaming then everything was calm.
I am still shaking but, at peace, no pain, just very peaceful. The only way I can describe the feeling is when you are in bed and you are just resting and falling asleep. Events in my life were passing through my mind then darkness not a scary darkness, still at peace. I always feel quite emotional when I get to this part. It's as if I was given a choice to go or to stay. I said in my mind there is too much to do. I remember thinking of my son and wife.
Then, bang I was thrown the full length of the room. At this stage people were running into the room. I went to the doctors and I was suffering from shock and a burn to my finger. The mark is still there.
It was months later when I started to piece things together and believe me, LIFE AFTER DEATH does exist.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 04:29 pm:
My experience was that I was learning to swim in the sound off Long Island. I was with family. I swam out father than I should, the bottom was not to be found .I started to go under the water and panic set in, I went down for the third time.
Shortly after that all of a sudden I was at peace, I felt like I was floating on a cloud or something it was bright and friendly. The next thing I saw was my life it passed by as if I was watching a movie. I kept getting younger and younger. At the point I was seeing my self as a toddler, the next moment I was pulled out of the water by my aunt.
There was in fact another time I was playing in my father’s car at a family reunion. The car was a parked on our driveway. The driveway had a good incline to it. I remember playing with the brake and the next thing the car was going down hill. I got out of the car and the next thing I remember was I was trapped between the car door and a car at the bottom of the driveway. I couldn't breath and the next thing I saw was Christ as If floating in the sky above. I was thinking at the moment, this was it.
I will say this, I have had other experiences with afterlife as many others have had not as the one dying but seeing the one who did. It was a good thing for me, that experience was one I had with someone there with me at the time. In fact the person said to me at the same time the same thing I said, "Did you see that". I do know this life isn't it but I do wonder what’s next.
By Anonymous on Friday, May 23, 2003 - 12:48 pm:
When I was a freshman in college, I volunteered to help with a psychology class project that involved hypnosis, and a "rebirthing."
I was born without a heartbeat due to asphyxiation, because the placenta separated from the uterus and I 'drowned', so to speak, in the womb. This is an emergency condition called Placenta Previa. I was revived, and was in an incubator for a week after the delivery. I had always known that I was a "near miss" as far as being alive goes.
When I was 'rebirthed' through hypnosis, I reexperienced the birth process, including the stopping of my heartbeat, and the feeling of being a biological entity that is ceasing to exist. That is basically what the experience was; a ceasing to exist, the feeling a pre-linguistic creature has when it's life is ebbing away -- the struggle and then the calm. There wasn't any supernatural visitations or images of deities, unfortunately.
This feeling was followed by the voices of the doctors as they worked over me, and my eyes slowly opening to the sight of the hospital towel that swaddled me.
It is interesting to note that I do not remember the words of the doctors, because they were just nonsense sounds to me.
I don't know if it's related to my experience, but I have experiences with ESP.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 21, 2003 - 01:29 pm:
November 8th, 1992.
I had been ill for quite a while during my fourth pregnancy. A year in which my brother died from stomach cancer 18 days before my near death experience. I was taken into hospital at 34 weeks due to toxemia.
After another two weeks I was taken down to the labor ward to be induced. Eventually it was decided that I would need an emergency caesarian, all of this I took very calmly, to be honest I didn't even care. I think when people are dying all you want to do is go to sleep.
What I remember of my near nde is when I opened my eyes I was already there (no tunnels). Everything was a neon white, (no landscape), with small crowds of people? communicating with each other. I was very calm and relaxed with no thoughts whatsoever about events that were occurring elsewhere. No thought of anything in fact apart from feeling very peaceful.
Figures were only visible from the waist up but they were in a bright light. One figure approached me and asked politely, 'what are you doing here'. Telepathy. I suddenly wondered what I was doing there. Next thing I knew a nurse woke me up to tell me I had a girl.
Events afterwards –
I had assumed that I had been taken from the operating theatre awake, since I had seen my husband (at the time) talking to a nurse in the corridor, apparently getting himself something to eat, since he had a tray of food in his hands. Not so, my husband had gone to the canteen only after seeing that I had been settled into the hospital room and only after that had gone to the canteen.
Some professor (I think) came to see me the day after and asked if I had had any dreams, I said NO.
The engineers in the hospital kept rushing into my room asking if I had opened the windows at all since the temperature monitor in the basement kept showing that the room was below the required temperature. I didn't know what they were talking about, apart from the fact that I was wired up to various machines, on morphine and couldn't of opened a window even if I had wanted to.
Questions –
I had no tunnel, no floating experience. I just opened my eyes and I was already there. Has anybody else had this?
My brother who had died was not there only people I didn't know.
These people? (I think I recall) had no hair.
By Anonymous on Sunday, May 18, 2003 - 04:40 pm:
I was sleeping on my couch one afternoon. I woke up to find myself rising to the ceiling. I knew my body was still on the couch.
Another time I was sleeping, I rolled over, and pushed myself up with one arm, like you are getting out of bed...as I did this I could see my real body lay there.
Another time I was staying the night with my mother, It was late at night, I was very tired, the spare bed was in the basement. I remember feeling apprehensive about going to sleep. It was like I knew something weird was going to happen. As soon as I was in a deep sleep, I woke up and could see a deformed baby like creature on my chest. I thought it was stealing my breath. I could not move or breath. In my mind, I thought for sure I was dying. Then, I thought the word "Jesus" until I could say it with my mouth. Then I could breath again. In all there have been dozens of these experiences, each one a little different. Some I would say felt very evil. But others left me with a feeling of energy, like I had been re-charged.
For years I have struggled with my religious beliefs, fundamental Christian. Only recently I had become agnostic, maybe atheistic. Felt at peace with myself "feeling unborn again", but I felt weird. Then I accidentally came across the nde of Howard Storm and I believe I have found my calling in life to tell others that there is something spiritual going on. I believe that religion, God and these experiences are all connected. I have been reading every NDE I can find and can't seem to get enough of them, like I'm getting close to some answers for myself.
By Anonymous on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 07:44 pm:
I was out for the evening with my boyfriend and my brother. I had a fatigue based illness, now known to be me.
I was sitting on a bench when suddenly I was floating beside my boyfriend. I could see my brother slapping my face, and trying to wake me up or bring me back. I had an overwhelming experience of peace and was somehow hanging in the air, like smoke! I remember my boyfriend looking on in horror and my brother calling on me to wake up. I remember thinking, that I must wake up as not to upset my brother! For a split second I had a decision to make. I liked where I was and wanted to stay, but because I loved my brother dearly and did not want to cause him heartache I returned to my body.
I was confused and elated at the same time, I had a feeling of knowledge and felt as if I had experienced something special. It felt like a secret knowing, and I have never feared death since.
I have a strange ability to predict death in people. I feel myself staring at people who are to die, it’s a really intense stare always followed by a feeling of wonderment. A few of my friends have passed away, and I always experience this before their death.
Hard to believe I know, but it’s real to me.
By Anonymous on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 07:37 pm:
I was 19 years old, driving my brother’s VW van. As I approached an intersection, I inadvertently stepped on the clutch rather than the break, which caused the van to roll out into on coming traffic. Knowing this I "passed out".
During this period I went to a place which was very loving. All communication was telepathic. There was a complete dialogue between myself and this unknown source. I "saw/understood" my life’s purpose and how easy it was to achieve. I also knew that death was not an unpleasant place but just another realm. I was asked whether I wanted to "go back and continue what I had started" and I emphatically said "of course".
I woke briefly in an ambulance and then in the local trauma unit.
The hospital was approximately 20 minutes away.
I have gained an insight to life/death through this experience. To this day I can only hope that I am accomplishing that which I need to do.
By Anonymous on Friday, May 9, 2003 - 11:46 am:
I don't know what to call this experience, but here it is.
Several days after being released from the hospital with a diagnosis of possible heart or gallbladder attack, I experienced the following episode:
Throughout the day I had back and left arm pain. Late in the evening there was a period of crushing chest pain, racing heart and shortness of breath. After this passed I got ready and went to bed.
Within a few minutes I began to feel as if my body was hollow and was not aware of my extremities. I changed positions in bed several times to get away from this feeling, but every time I settled, the hollow feeling returned. At no time was I above myself looking down and there was no extreme light or dark. The last time the hollow feeling came over me, I knew I was going to die but there was no fear and it was ok. I began to pray for my loved ones and thank God for his Grace upon me. I did not ask not to be taken. I recall thinking it was "unfortunate" that my death would ruin the trip I was on with my family, but I felt no sadness, anxiety, or pain. I was completely at peace. I then fell asleep and to my surprise I awoke in the morning. How could I have been so sure that I would die during the night and wake up as if nothing had happened?
Is there a name for what I experienced? Have others reported similar episodes?
By Anonymous on Friday, May 9, 2003 - 11:41 am:
I was 27 years old, when I had my NDE experience.
I was laid-off from my job, in an abusive relationship, and in general not in a good place. I was also drinking way too much. Anyway, I was out on a date with the abusive boyfriend and was quite drunk and was told that in anger, I jumped out of his car. To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital (for a month and a half). I got a pretty nasty bump on my head and was unconscious for 3 days.
During the time I was unconscious, I remember being in a place, where it seemed peaceful and I encountered these beings. The beings told me that I had to go back, that I had things to do back on earth. My Father died, when I was 11 years old, and I sensed his presence. It seemed to me that there was a separation between me and where my father was, an abyss?
When I regained consciousness, I was telling everyone about my experience.
This experience has profoundly changed my life, it is like the memory of this experience is never very far from my mind. I was somewhat psychic before the experience, but am much more so now.
Another thing about this experience, perhaps the greatest thing, is that it was something I had been praying for, because I was really lost spiritually. My Dad died when I was eleven and I came face to face with my own mortality-I believe in God, the Trinity, Jesus, but I'm not a Fundamentalist Religious type person.
And, another incredible thing that happened, was that I started running across publications about NDE's shortly after my experience. Ray Moody's book, Life After Life just blew me away. Anyway, this is my story.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 07:40 pm:
I had a Hang Gliding Accident the week prior to this incident, in which I had my arm broken and required surgery to plate it. I was released from Hospital the following day, and barely made it home.
The following evening I could not breath easily and was admitted to Hospital where the following day I began to cough up blood and was urgently airlifted to a major regional Hospital. I was not expected to survive the flight. Upon reaching the larger Hospital I was being transferred from the Ambulance gurney to the intensive care bed when I could not breathe. Each breath became more and more painful like a knife stabbing my chest.
Eventually I stopped breathing completely and I heard the medical staff saying that we are losing him and to give me some sort of injection. These voices then became dimmer and in the far background. At the time of my stopping to breathe, it was the most beautiful feeling of painless release that I have ever encountered. All feelings of pain were eliminated from my body - it was the most wonderful feeling of release that I have ever felt. I was then falling backwards and forwards - just as a leaf falls, My body was naked, as I felt each and every small breeze as my body changed directions in this falling motion like a leaf does. Everything was completely black. I eventually came in contact - back first - with what felt like an ice cold highly polished granite or stone floor. I slid very slowly to a halt on my naked back. I felt I was in a room where two girls sat on a lounge in the middle of it. I cannot give any details of them, except that they were about 20 and with long hair and in flowing robes. There were no walls to be seen - everything was black. I felt the question in my mind, do I wish to go or to stay? I immediately thought of my 12-year-old daughter, and the moment that I did this, there was a rushing sound in my ears and the far noise of these doctors became louder.
All pain then returned to my body with a rush, which was terrible. I awakened in bed in the intensive care and I asked how long I was unconscious for. They said that they had nearly lost me and that I was there for about 15 minutes. Even though it felt as if I was away for only a minute or so... It was the most amazing experience I have ever encountered, and I was reluctant at first to tell anyone about it, in case they thought I was a nut or similar.
I have never felt such relief from all the pain that my body is usually in, (I have had many back operations in the past and broken bones) then I have at the moment I stopped breathing - it was such a welcome release, and if this is what death is, then we have nothing at all to worry about. Yes, the pain of not being able to breathe and the knife like feelings that went with it were not great, but once that last breath was taken. It was such a glorious release!
I have never been scared of death since this experience, but when my wife - who was just 20 years old, was dying next to me due to cancer from Chernobyl, I told her of my experience and not to worry. It helped to calm her. But seeing her last agonized breaths from the other side has made me scared of death all over again. I could not see myself gasping for breath you see, but I could see my beautiful Angels last efforts to live. And it scared me terribly about dying all over again.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 29, 2003 - 07:53 pm:
I believe I have had 3 death experiences.
The first, I remember nothing about. Only when I came out of my coma did I learn of it. Unknowingly to me, I had written down my experience. Only what I wrote is all that I know about it. I wrote that I had died and left my body. I could see myself on my hospital bed with all sorts of tubes going into my body. I was introverted. I saw my father and a dog that I had loved dearly when I was a kid. My father told me that it was not yet my time to die that I had to go back. I balked at this because I told him that I was at last at peace with myself and I would like to go on. He told me no, that God had told him to meet me and send me back because he had a plan for me. I looked at my dog and the dog started shoving me back to my body and my father helped the dog push me.
The second time was when I was at the VA hospital. I was still in a coma, but I remember this one. I tried to tell my wife about it, but she was too upset to listen to me. I was lying in the hospital bed and knew I was dying. I asked myself if this was the way people died. I answered myself, yes this is the way. I felt very peaceful and nothing about the world, my debts, my readings, nothing mattered. I could feel myself slipping into this great peacefulness and saying to myself that I wished I had lived a better life then what I had. After I awakened from my coma, which lasted over 5 weeks, did I find out that the doctors had told my wife to prepare herself for my death. They only gave me a 20% chance of surviving. This was not an out of body experience and I never left my body.
The 3rd one came this January. On January 14, 2003, I was given an operation that was called an absolution. They were trying to find out why my heart kept racing. During this operation, they stuck a probe through my heart. I was instantly transported to Heaven. There was no lights, no tunnels, no anything. I was meeting with a person I had known before he died. We were dressed in a type of uniform. He explained to me that we were fighting a fearful enemy that was trying to take over Heaven. He showed me the beings, which was horrible. I do not remember what they looked like, but I still shudder when I think about this. Then I was handed a sword and a shield. I then started to fight this enemy. I have never used a sword in my life, but I knew how to handle this one. I am left handed, and I was using my left hand to fight. I was winning because these beings did not know how to fight a left-handed man. I had killed some of them when I was told to leave the battle. I headed away from the battle and started looking at my surroundings. Heaven is a very beautiful place. Everything shines like pure gold. There was a golden fence around Heaven. I believe, though not told, that this was what kept the beings out of Heaven. They outnumbered everyone there about 5 to 1 and there are billions, I believe, in Heaven. I stopped because a voice was speaking to me. I do not know who this was, but I dropped to my knees and bowed my head. I put the helmet I was wearing on one of my knees, and put the sword away. The voice told me to remember everything that I could. The voice told me that this was not my fault being there, but he was going to have to send me back to earth because he had a job for me to do. He told me that I was one of his soldiers and he had a mission for me. He told me that he would not tell me what it was, but I would know when the time came and I would act. He also said that I was not alone in this, that other soldiers would also be there to help me and me them. He was still talking to me when I heard another voice telling me to wake up. When I came awake the other voice that I think was God ceased. There was a different doctor and a nurse at my side. I saw a crash cart and electric, I guess you would call them, shockers on a table. I kept asking them what went wrong. They both looked at each other like how did I know something happened?
This is my story. There is more to this, but I would have to be contacted to tell all of it and what else God told me. I am not a religious man and the walls of a church would probably shake if I darkened the door of one. I do now know that that there is a God and I honestly believe that I spoke to Him. My life has changed, I am no longer afraid of death nor do I now believe that I will go to what we call hell. I believe that I was fighting little devils that were very dangerous to us. I do know that once I complete my "job?" I would die soon afterwards.
I hope this has helped you in some ways. This is very hard for me to talk about this because it is so wild. Thank you.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 29, 2003 - 11:06 am:
I had very little experience with the ocean. The family and I were down at Ocean City Maryland (circa 1960 before JFK was killed) for a family summer thing. We walked along the board walk and I seemed to have a fascination with those little sea horses or lions they have in the shops, and when I saw them in the shops something told me they were significant, I don't know why but they just were. Later in life, I do not ignore such signs, they are always significant (hope that doesn't sound too weird).
Later that afternoon, I decided that jumping the waves near the shore looked like fun and it was. I was not aware of undertow, so I ventured out to enjoy the sensation of being lifted and let down slow, it was really nice. All of a sudden and without any warning, the undertow grabbed me, it was like someone grabbed my feet and pulled me under the water.
Not knowing how to swim, I went into a panic, I was under the water, terrified beyond description, and thrashing around desperately to save my life. I had no idea of what was up or down ... I was so scarred, I knew I was going to die, I really did. Knowing my number was certainly up, I decided to make it quick and just started to breathe in water as fast as I could, so that it would stop. At the instant I decided it was over and I would hasten it, that is when it got weird!
Instantly, no interval what so ever, I was put in a peaceful dark space all alone, I mean it was empty there. Soon in front of me Sea Horses seemed to dance on by, one actually turned and smiled at me and went on. Having totally forgotten about the drowning. I mean I just forgot. I noticed about 50 feet in front of me something thrashing about. There were bubbles and arms and legs just flailing about, it almost seemed funny for a moment. I looked at it rather non-shaluant, after a brief period I realized (in a panic) it was me!
At the moment of realization another wirier stage insued. I was in a funnel, not unlike what I have seen in sci fi movies known as a wormhole in space-time fabric. I was in the entrance and floating inward. All around me little lights were flickering, like blinking lights on a Christmas tree, they almost felt like they were more than lights maybe alive or something. Towards the end there was a "warm light", it was kind of bright, and for some reason I kinda felt like a being or something was there. In the next instant I felt the sure presence of a being. I could not see it, hear it but I really felt it, and I knew it wanted me. It was not detached either, I felt like I was in its embrace or at least it was just all around me. I knew that I was safe there, no doubt about it. Boy did I need that, I tell you.
If I were to describe what it felt like, it felt like pure Love. I mean this little boy, in the most terrifying thing he could imagine, alone and bewildered had a real friend, a person who's only interest was in me being OK. Once I noticed this, the following words were imparted to my consciousness, they were not spoken, but they were definitely sent. "Do you want to go now?" At that point, I felt like I had some control for the first time since it started. Although I felt good there, I was absolutely alone (but that was ok too). I said "I can't die, my mother is a nervous person and this would really really hurt her"
At that exact instant, and no delay at all, I was on the beach. On my knees coughing up water, it was even coming out of my ears. I remembered that we had an umbrella of red and green (I seem to recall) and looked for it. To my astonishment, it was about 100 yards to my left. When I entered the water from where we were, I went straight ahead. In other words I had drifted about 100 yards under water!
My Impression:
At first I knew it was God and that he was even more loving than all the books and teachers had told us. As time went on, a guy I told this to said "that's just how the brain shuts down, that's why everyone says the same things!" That kinda ruined the whole thing, but as time goes on I seem to feel that the being (God) will revisit me to remind me it is not so. I got the impression he might have something lighted up for me, and I don’t know why but it just feels so. I just hope it is not like the last time, that was too much.
I can remember this experience better than what I did last week! I do feel privileged having had it. When I tell it, I tear up. It is overwhelming even to this day some 43 years later. Lastly, I know you don't know me but please be assured that this is absolute truth, I just feel you need to know that. Don't know why today I am doing this, but that too is almost a compulsion for reasons I can not explain.
Wrapping it up. If that was God (for lack of any other explanation) I know now (don't ask why, I just know it), that what we are told, the expectations God may have, punishment, what people say is true and things like Jesus etc. seem like fabrications and way way out of whack! I just feel like this being had no expectations of me, would never judge me BUT wanted me only to know it was there. I am very important to it and that I'm well cared for no mater what and that we'll meet again perhaps under different circumstances!
By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 23, 2003 - 10:14 am:
My experiences were multiple. Only the initial event is recorded in your "time line."
I will divide my remarks into four sections.
Section 1. Childhood NDE's.
At the age of six, I contracted a severe case of rheumatic fever. I had the complications of carditis, heart arrhythmia’s, paroxysmal nocturnal dyspnea, diurnal shortness of breath etc. I was bed-ridden for seven months. At the time, children were seldom hospitalized...and doctors made house calls, so I was at home throughout.
I recall vividly a series of what I later came to think were forms of NDE’s. There were a number of them, but I cannot recall the exact number.
Each was quite similar to the next.
Each experience began with a deep, rhythmic, loud "roaring" sound. Each pulse of the sound was at an interval of about one second. The sound would grow louder and louder and then suddenly I would be "sucked" into a black tunnel. Each time I was in a sitting position and traveling backwards at what seemed to be incredible speed. I saw no light (I WAS "sitting backwards), but felt and heard a cold wind. After what seemed to be a long (interminable to a little kid) time, my "direction" was reversed and I hurtled back into my body (usually my chest) with a thump.
These occurrences were frightening to me. I can still remember distinctly the horrible rhythmic sound. There were a number of these occurrences, and I got to the point that when I heard the sound I would start to cry, because I knew what was coming.
I don't recall ever telling my parents or anyone (until I was an adult) about these experiences. I have told few about them.
Aftermath---I became very aware of my mortality, and from the time I was six until I was college age, seldom a day would pass without my thinking of death.
I had "seen" tiny beings prior to that in my room and conversed with them, although I always ceased if my parents showed up (I was an only child.) Following the experiences, I began to get messages from various sources, including an Ouija board. I had psychic "flashes" where I "knew" certain things. I always seemed to feel other people’s emotions, and to "understand" their distress. These experiences have continued throughout my life. I am a channeler who does readings for a number of people. I do not charge for these. I also do psychic readings in which I simply "know" things or in which I "see" symbols.
2. Kundalini "Explosion" - June 1997
I call this an explosion, rather than an awakening, because I realize in retrospect that the kundaline experience had been ongoing for a number of years.
This awakening was spontaneous. I had not meditated for many months prior to this, and did no yoga. In fact, I had no knowledge of kundalini at this time.
In April 1997, I had severe back and foot pain. I did not consult a doctor at this time (I am a nurse and hate to go to the doctor.) I was concerned, however, that I might be developing crippling arthritis. It was quite difficult to walk.
One night in June 1997, I felt an "electric shock" travel from my tailbone up my spine and erupt in brilliant light in my head. Instantly, the pain in my feet and back was gone.
The effects of this awakening were prolonged and continue to this day to one extent or another. I won't go into a lot of detail, but here are some points.
1. I began to "see" a progression of past lives. These were usually from the duel point of view of the person whose life I was viewing and from my own present perspective.
2. I saw "runes"---some traditional, some unknown, in motion and in 3D and knew how they were to be interpreted.
3. I had physical changes. For example, I had hot rushes up my spine and for two years had a 5-inch wide red itchy "stripe" up my back. I virtually stopped sweating even in extreme heat, whereas before, I would break into drenching sweats when the temperature was in the high 70s. I slept much more than normal. When I was awake, it was difficult for me to stay out of an altered state. My libido increased dramatically.
4. I found that my beliefs were forever altered. A skeptic, I was unable to remain so when I personally experienced many things that I had scoffed at.
5. I found myself psychically "traveling"--more mental projections rather than out of body, although I have had a few of those.
6. I got reams of channeled material, which was quite enlightening to me.
7. My perception of energy movement increased dramatically, and I felt as if I could manipulate it.
8. I went through a period where I seemed to be a conduit for unconditional love. This was somewhat disconcerting to me, as I, personally, felt no emotion, and yet people (strangers) flocked to me, smiled, gave me things, asked advice, and so on.
9. I became a physical empath; i.e., I began to feel other people's physical pain and discomfort. This was uncannily accurate. The ability to do this extended to online and telephone encounters. The situation grew so marked that it caused me to avoid crowds, or even small gatherings. This situation continues to the present day, although it waxes and wanes.
3. The "Void" Experiences.
1997. I fell into an altered state and found myself traveling into a dark Void. Within this Void, there was only me and I was God. There was no "other." The darkness surrounding me was absolute, and yet it was not empty. The Void seemed pregnant with probability as if every event that ever was or ever will be was contained within it.
I found the experience to be completely acceptable while I was in the Void. I had no emotion or fear. Only being and knowing.
Afterwards, however, when I emerged, I was overwhelmed. I cried for three days because there was no other, and I desperately wanted there to be other.
I have had several Void experiences since then, but the first remains strongly with me, and if I focus on it much then I still feel the welling up of grief for the loss of "other."
4. NDE? 2002
In June, 2002, I suddenly fell ill and was taken by ambulance to intensive care, where I remained for two weeks. I was diagnosed with a bilateral pulmonary embolus (a massive blood clot in both lungs). Every organ in my body was affected.
That first night at the hospital, I found myself telling my family, "I can't do this anymore. I want to die."
I felt as if I were "skating" on a revolving undulating surface, which was much like the surface of a warped phonograph record. As I revolved on the periphery of this surface, I had a very odd feeling which I would characterize as extremely unpleasant, but not painful. I cannot describe the feeling; there are just no words for it.
Then I suddenly was naked and about an inch tall. I was standing in front of a huge blue door, which was slightly ajar. A brilliant yellow-white light was coming from the space beyond the door. At that point, I "knew" that if I stepped into the light I would die. I stood there for a time and then tiptoed past the door.
After this experience, I received messages (channeled) that said a part of me, whom I refer to as "Sharon, too" had died. I was also told that I did enter the light, and this was corroborated by another psychic who independently told me this. I had some memories then, but they could be fantasies. I "remember" being in the room in the light. I "grew" to normal height as I entered. While there, a being (just light) handed me a glass bowl with a white flower floating in it. I looked at the bowl and as I did I had thoughts of my family and dear friends. I handed the bowl back, turned and left the room and the light.
The aftermath of this experience has caused some depression. Where was the "knowing" and the "enlightenment?" What was the purpose of the experience?
I still don't know. But I know this: I have absolutely no fear of death.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 23, 2003 - 09:59 am:
I was playing with a friend of mine. He kicked a 2x4 that had a nail stuck in it. It then bounced backed and hit me in the head.
I was knocked out, but I could see a small white light surrounded by darkness. My life then flashed before my eyes. Even things I never remembered. I kept hearing voices too.
I heard and saw my friend trying to wake me up. I felt like I opened my eyes, but he kept asking me to open them, so I was convinced I was dead.
Then, I felt like I was asleep again. And finally I woke up.
I couldn't remember anything at first. My head itched a little, so I scratched it. I looked at my hand and saw it was full of blood. I had a crack in my head about 3 1/2 inches long.
My mother’s friend then sewed it for me and since then, I could never think or remember very good. It traumatized me a lot.
By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 09:23 am:
Had a reaction to a pill prescribed for headaches. I laid down to sleep and didn’t wake up. My brother was trying to wake me up but, I didn’t not respond. I was up in the corner of my bed room watching him.
He yelled at me and then shook me. I told him to get water, he did and then he stood there. I yelled at him to help me.
"My god she's not breathing!"
I yelled at him to call for help, he did but I could tell that he didn’t want to leave me lying there on the bed. I saw the ambulance crew try to revive me. I could hear what they were saying. I was also not alone, there was a being behind me coaching me as what to say to my brother. I watched as they put me on the stretcher and carried me down the stairs, they were hurrying, and my body was flopping around. I thought that was funny, until I saw my face. I looked peaceful. Now I was afraid. I turned to the being and he pointed for me to look, as I did I saw the ambulance driving away. I saw the doctor put a tub in my mouth. I couldn’t hear any more now but, the being wanted me to watch. I felt a pull, a strong pull from beyond where I was, I didn’t want to go. The being pointed and no words but I could hear it speak, “go now, you are not done”. The pull hurt like being slammed into a wall.
I woke up 3 days latter strapped to the bed. Dr. said I was having night tremors. There is no way to put into words what I was feeling or what I wanted.
I was above my body watching people trying to bring me back. I wasn’t sure just what was happening. The light wasn’t bright more of a glow. I didn’t go to it, it was just there and comfortable, relaxing. I didn’t get scared until I saw my face, I looked dead.
I was pronounced dead at my house, on the way to hospital. I was worked on at hospital. They found a pulse. Inserted a tube.
I keep wondering why I’m still here, and what purpose I have to fill?
By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 09:04 am:
When I went into labor with my second child (I had also had two, 4-month miscarriages), it began very suddenly and violently, with contractions 1 1/2 minutes apart right from the start. When my water broke at home, I knew I was in for trouble. I had already been vomiting all night (a 24-hour bug, I guess), so I felt horrible. Fortunately, we lived only a couple of miles from the hospital, so we were there in no time.
As soon as the nurse checked me, she called the doctor to come to the hospital (it was a Sunday morning). It was comforting to know that my doctor was there - he had delivered all of my siblings and myself, and my first child as well, I trusted him completely.
Within an hour, I was in the delivery room. Things started happening even more rapidly, and there was a lot of commotion and confusion around me. The baby was "sunny side up" and had the cord around her neck! She was also unusually large (9 1/2 lbs.) and I normally weighed around 97 lbs. when not pregnant. I remember my doctor telling me to try not to push any more, and that he was going to have to push the baby back in and turn her because her shoulders were so big. I knew he was also concerned about the cord, although he didn't say that to me. I could just tell by his tone of voice with the nurses. I wanted so much to have a live, healthy baby; I feared this was the last one I would be able to have.
Suddenly there was tremendous pressure and pain, and then I felt as if I were flying backwards through darkness, like I was slipping out through the top of my head. The next thing I remember is hovering up at the ceiling, looking down on the whole scene. The air was warm and stuffy up there and I remembered that heat rises and it was cold outside, so the furnace would be on. I heard one of the nurses shouting, "Doctor, we're losing her!" my doctor snapped, "We're not going to let that happen! You just keep doing what you’re supposed to do!" As I watched, I began to feel a presence beside me. I didn't look to the side, because I didn't need to - I knew it was God. I felt comforted and loved, and looking down on the tense events below, I realized how unimportant one life is in the grand scheme of things. I almost felt sorry for the frantic people working on me - they didn't understand the insignificance of just one life. I could see that the baby was out and she was healthy. That was all that mattered to me.
At that point, I felt a great sadness come over me as I thought of my sweet little two-year-old son at home. I wanted so much to raise my children and be a part of their lives. I had already learned so much about parenting, and I thought that nobody could do as good a job as I could with my children. I said, "God, who's going to raise my babies?" There was a bright flash of light - like I was in the middle of a lightning bolt - and then I don't remember anything until the next day.
I opened my eyes and saw bottles and IVs hanging above my bed. I could feel the IV needles in my right wrist and right ankle. My doctor was sitting by the bed; he and I were the only ones in the room. He patted my hand and said, "There you are! We thought we'd lost you for a moment yesterday!" I answered, "You did lose me! I watched you working on me from the ceiling!" He nodded. "That's possible - it was pretty close there for a while!" My doctor never asked for details, and I told only my husband about the experience at that time. He was supportive, but we never spoke of it again.
It was many years later that I heard something on TV about out-of-body experiences and realized that I wasn't the only person who had one. I'm still careful who I tell about it, because so many people are still very ignorant about issues of the spirit. But I know I felt God's presence, and He let me come back to raise my children.
By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 08:52 am:
On April 21, 1999, I was shopping in k-mart and I at the time was pregnant and also a diabetic. My legs felt a little weak and I thought my blood sugar was low but when I took it, it was normal. So I checked out of the store and started my 5 min. trip home. But I turned around and went back to the store. I just wasn't feeling right and so I parked the car and went into the store and told the greeter I needed an ambulance. She went and told the customer service desk personnel that I needed an ambulance. One was called and then 911 called back and ask what was wrong. I told them to tell them that I was a 48 year old pregnant diabetic and I felt weak, that something was wrong. The greeter got a wheelchair and had me sit down. I leaned my head over on her side and she rubbed my head. I told her that I thought I was going to die. I just had this feeling. She said, “baby you are going to be all right”. The ambulance arrived and I got up and walked to the stretcher and layed down, not having any real distress just felt real tired. The paramedic took all my vital signs and got my medical information and he said everything looked good. They ran an emergency run on me even though everything was good. I was wheeled into the ER and just as I was put on the E.R. stretcher I heard the nurse say, “her heart has stopped”. The E.R. doctor said that my “lead was loose” and the nurse said, “no, her heart has stopped”. The E.R. doctor checked me and said, “this woman is dead”.
Well, my friend had followed us to the hospital and he came in the E.R. room and looked at me and said, “do you want me to call your mom”. I said, “no, I'll be out of here in a little bit”. But he said , when he opened the door he did say that but, I never answered. He said they were already working on me. And he said, “ you was gone”.
This is the best part, I will never forget as long as I live if I live to be a thousand, I just walked through the door and I was in another land. The most wonderful and beautiful place I have ever seen. I remember standing in this street that was cobblestone but it was gold and I looked down at my feet and just looked at my bare feet on this beautiful gold street. I walked over to one of the buildings and it was so astonishingly beautiful. I remember taking my hand and rubbing the wall and admiring the beauty. I just stood there and rubbed it. As I began walking down the street I met people and we just knew everything. We exchanged smiles and I said I was looking for my sister and daughter. I knew they were there, it was just a matter of finding them. I was not scared. I had a peace and understanding of everything. I had no memory of my life here. I just knew who was there and I kept on looking at this city that was in front of me. I was walking into the city. It was gold and just casted off all the light in this world. There was no sun or moon but the sky was so beautiful. There was colors of all kinds. The sky was so beautiful. I would stop every now and then and remain to look at my feet walking on this gold street. I then would go to the walls of the buildings and rub them more, so beautiful. There was trees and water so clear. Everyone knew everyone. It was like I had been there forever. I was so happy and had this peace in me that is nonexplainable. At that time I knew everything. I was at peace. I remember just standing and looking around at this beautiful city so, so beautiful. And when I went around a corner of a building I heard my daughter call me and I was so happy I was going to see her. And then a voice said, “it's not your time yet to be here”.
And then I woke up into this hell of a respirator on me. My mom and sister were standing in the corner of my room. I remember my sister asking the nurse, if I came to would I have brain damage and she said, only time would tell. The nurse called my name and said, “do you know what happened to you”. She said, “when you came into the E.R. your heart stopped you went into v-fib and it took us over 4 1/2 minutes to get you back”. I wrote on the paper towel “no, I had been to this city of gold and I wanted to go back”. She said, “when you came in, you died”. And I wrote, “please let me go back, my sister and daughter was waiting on me”. I wanted to go back. I didn't want to stay here. She told me that if God had been ready for me he wouldn't have let me come back. She said, “we worked really hard on you to get you back”
Well from all the shocks I had received, my baby died. I then had to have 3 bypasses and I wouldn't sign for them. I was so critical they let my mother sign for my surgery.
All my life I had been scared of death, but it is the most wonderful experience I have ever had and that includes giving birth. I yearned to return. Even the surgery never worried me because, I knew what was on the other side. so I was just waiting. But for several months after the episode I had this displaced feeling, like I just didn't belong here anymore. My eyes were sensitive to this light. This didn't seem to be my world anymore and I would just cry to go back. Well I told my doctor and he said that patients he has talked to have this same feeling. He asked me if I ever considered suicide. I told him, “no”. He said that some people want to go back and they do this and have these thoughts. I told him, God can take care for me and what he wants for me will be.
I finally got back in the normal flow of life. But, I still think of this daily and I’ll just cry because I am homesick sometimes. I just figured that my life journey here is not finished and there are people I have to share love with and tell what a wonderful world is forever.
By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 08:05 am:
Oh gosh...it has taken me almost 40yrs to get to be able to actually sit here and write this. I was perfectly healthy. I was only a child of 12. I had no idea such things existed.
I went to bed as usual.
Sometime during the night, I felt myself floating face down up at the ceiling in my bedroom. I felt soooo light, and was immediately feeling the most intense feeling of happiness, that it's hard to find the words to describe. I was aware that my body was spirit like, very white and pure. And my thoughts were still the same. I was overwhelmed by just floating. And I remember just thinking after a few minutes how I wanted to leave my room. It was then I seemed to just go through to the outside of my bedroom. Once I was outside, still facing face down, I remember I sort of floated above this tree that was outside my window. It felt like something was gradually drawing me slowly upward. I looked at the houses near ours, and I could see the lights on. I remember how fascinated I was to be seeing the subdivision, gradually get farther away, while I still continued moving higher and higher. I saw the highway and the cars. And still continued feeling this gentle pull, it felt like I was moving in a northwestern direction. I had never been so high before. Never flew on a plane. So this was the first time for me to look down at these things from so high up. As I got higher and higher, I suddenly thought about what if I would fall. Then everything went black, and a VERY authoritative voice said, “NO, GO BACK”. It was like I had no choice. I was made to go back. I can still hear that voice when I think about it; it was like the voice of God or something. A command, no buts about it.
Then I felt myself literally go back into my body. It seemed like I entered back somewhere through my head. I immediately felt the weight of my body, being soooo very heavy, and I didn't want to be back in it. I remember opening my eyes slightly and seeing my chest rise slowly again with breath. It felt so heavy, and I felt so sad. I just laid there, trying to make sense about what happened to me.
I knew it wasn't a dream. I thought I died. I had such a calm. I knew God for whatever reason showed me what it was like to die, and I no longer was afraid of dying. I really wished I could make everyone not be afraid. But what happened to me was so strange, that I was afraid to tell anyone.
I felt sad that whole day, in fact, a little withdrawn. I remember sitting on my bed and my Dad coming in my room, asking what was wrong and, I began to cry, unable to make sense of it all. I told him what happened. He just held me, and just listened. It was several weeks later he had a priest from our Parish talk to me about it. It was then, I learned other people had similar experiences. To this very day, I don't know why some do and some don't.
All I can truly say, it has made such a difference in my life as far as knowing what it feels like to die. And to share the intense joy one feels at that moment. I can say your thoughts or conscience still continues. That our bodies are a heavy mass of flesh and bone. That our spirits are light as breath, and death is just simply leaving our flesh body.
I guess when a baby is born, and the spirit enters the body, that in dying we just make our exit. Only the intense joy and happiness is so beyond words to describe, it just is.
Thank you for letting me share what happened to me as a child not knowing.
By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 07:38 am:
The first NDE was an attack. I have a faint memory of being chased and attacked. I became injured when I tried to get away through a wooden fence and a piece of wood went into my abdomen.
Then I was somewhere else, like being inside a cloud. I was very young and was singing to Jesus and a man in a long white gown came and took me by the hand. I first asked him about my pet turtle "Harry"(Momma said Harry had gone to live with Jesus and when you go to live with Jesus you don't come back to your home). He said Harry is OK but it was not time for me to come and live with him.
That was the first one the second one was due to a reaction to a drug given to me in the hospital. My heart had stopped and I was just watching the people work on me not to worried about the outcome. It was about two a.m. and I was out of my body for a while long enough to go down to the nurses station and list to gossip. They all turned very pale when my heart started up and I got up and asked them about the people they were gossiping about. LOL.
The third was also an attack. This time I flew away like superman.
The fourth was illness with another reaction to medicine. I have this disorder called Apnea and I would stop breathing at times when I sleep.
I had written a journal I really have too much to write it all here. I just have never had anyone to talk to about this. At least not anyone that would not label me crazy, new age, demon possessed or a witch. I hope you will have someone I will be able to talk too. Thank-You, and Bless you.
By Anonymous on Monday, June 2, 2003 - 07:29 am:
I was drinking very heavy. I am an alcoholic in recovery thanks to what happened.
I had a fight with my girlfriend. She went to bed. I drank and was popping some pills. She came out saw the bottle was gone and phoned the ambulance.
They came and rushed me to the hospital. They pumped my stomach; I was in ICU all hooked up to heart monitor and respirator. I was very awake. I had a very odd feeling sweep through my body; it started at my feet and moved up. I knew I was in trouble. I tried to scream. I saw a woman by my bed. I then hit the pillow. I could here my heart monitor flat line. My breathing stopped.
I started going into a tunnel; I could hear the doctor screaming and a shock rip through my body. I continued down the tunnel. I heard the doctor say, “we are loosing him”. I felt no fear, no pain just serenity like I never knew. The shock was distant and could feel as I started to disconnect from my body. I know I saw my dad who has been dead for many years, he told me I had to go back my work was not done. I saw a bright light and I awoke in the hospital. The nurse said I was dead for 3.5 minutes and they were going to give up on me when my heart started to beat.
So here I am, never fear death again.
By Anonymous on Friday, May 30, 2003 - 12:50 am:
This world we live in is truly a remarkable place: so many mysteries to solve, incredible things to marvel at, and so much to learn. But, all things considered, truthfully, there is nothing more remarkable than the power of the human mind, or for that matter, the very existence of our minds within consciousness itself.
Before I delve into my story, I want to tell you that I am a survivor of the “illusion” we call death. I’m also a very lucky person. I say “Lucky,” not because I’ve escaped death on two occasions, but rather, because I was twice afforded the incredible experience of dying… And as a result, I returned with some very profound, life-changing revelations.
Now, this may sound entirely strange, but there is one thing that you can be practically guaranteed. The most incredible experience you will have in this lifetime is dying! Let me restate that… “THE GREATEST SINGLE EXPERIENCE OF YOUR LIFE — WILL BE YOUR DEATH!” See, now there’s something to look forward to. Right?
Now, please don’t get me wrong. The physical pain of say, a heart attack leading up to death, may not be a lot of fun. But the actual act of dying, the actual act of surrendering to the call to return “Home,” is wonderful. It’s like nothing else you will ever experience — at least in this lifetime.
As I mentioned, I have had the great fortune of experiencing death, not once, but twice — a drowning at the age of 12, and a heart attack while playing hockey at the age of 41.
But, before I begin to tell you the story of how these events changed my life, I should also tell you that as recently as 12 years ago I would not have believed a single word I’m about to say. Had someone else told me what I’m about to share with you, I would have suggested they seek professional help.
Now, in order for you to understand where I’m coming from, I think it’s important that I give you a bit of a background about my life. I was born and raised on a small farm in the Canadian prairies. My parents, along with everyone we knew in a forty-mile radius, were German Catholics. They worked hard all week and they went to church on Sundays.
Our poor mother was obviously a creature of habit. She liked the security of a routine, but getting a handle on the rhythm method of birth control seemed to be her undoing. She had no fewer than 8 baby girls in a row, and then, when she figured out what was happening, she promptly gave birth to three baby boys. I was the tenth of eleven children. (I did mention we were Catholic, right?)
Actually, when we were teenagers my brother and I used to joke about having such a large family. We’d tell people that the reason there were so many kids in the family was because our mother was practically deaf… Apparently every night when they went to bed, Dad would say, “Well, Mom, do you want to go to sleep or what?” And Mom would say, “What…?” So, you can see how that sort of thing could get out of hand.
Growing up in such a big family wasn’t easy. Those were the 50’s. The world was recovering from the great depression and war. It was a time when large families were fairly common. For most people, there wasn’t a lot of money to go around, but with 13 mouths to feed in our house; we seemed just a bit poorer than everyone else.
In the years of hand-me-down clothes, shoes and schoolbooks, we often took life on the chin, sometimes bearing the brunt of cruel, hurtful remarks from schoolmates. But, thankfully, we managed to keep our sense of humor. When you haven’t got much, it helps if you can laugh at everything.
One of the things we didn’t joke about, though, was God. That was serious stuff! Stuff you didn’t question too much if you knew what was good for you. You see; we were raised completely immersed in Catholicism. My brother and I were virtually forced into being alter-boys until our early teens. Even our school was a typical Catholic institution; every grade taught by nuns.
Many of you may remember that back in the 50’s and 60’s, the Dogma of most Christian based religions were pretty rigid. The God that we were taught about seemed an all-too-human, punishing, vengeful being. Heck, the mere mention of God practically scared the ‘be-Jesus’ out of us. And that’s the way they wanted it.
In those early years, the Catholic Church, and I suppose just about every other Christian denomination, preached “Fear of the Lord” as a main plank in their religious dogma. If you did this or that, a merciless and vengeful God could fry your butt in hell for the rest of eternity. I always had trouble with that concept. I was not about to believe that God
— if there actually was a God — could possibly be so mean. I couldn’t understand or accept the apparent injustices of our religion. At the very least, I desperately hoped that these things weren’t true.
Suffice it to say, that by the time I reached my mid-teens, I didn’t put a lot of faith in God, or much of anything else, for that matter. I had become a total realist. If I couldn’t see it, hear it, or touch it, I wouldn’t believe it.
* * *
Beyond one significant event, I think most of my childhood wasn’t much different than that of a lot of other kids growing up in the fifties and sixties.
This unusual incident took place on a warm Saturday in July of 1963, when I was just 12 years old. It was an exciting day for my little brother and me. Our cousins from the city had arrived for a weekend visit, and we had a lot of plans. The occasion was especially important for me. My cousin, Brian, and I were best friends. We were the same age, we liked the same things, and we shared the same fantasies. Unfortunately we weren’t able to spend a lot of time together, so whenever we had a chance to visit we tried to make the best of it. It was bound to be a fun weekend.
About a half mile from our farmhouse was a water reservoir the department of highways had dug beside a graveled road. The purpose of these little ponds was twofold: they provided the road builders with the dirt they needed to build the road, and the remaining hole provided valuable storage for run-off water from the summer rains and melting snow in the spring.
My brother, Dale, and I had always been warned not to go near the dugouts. We couldn’t swim a stroke and had no one to teach us. Our cousins, however, had taken lots of swimming lessons in big swimming pools, and as a result were very good swimmers.
We hadn’t planned on going near the overflowing dugout; we were just crossing a pasture looking for prairie dogs when one of the cousins noticed the pool of water. Tied to a stake at one end of the dugout was a small wooden raft our neighbor’s kids had obviously abandoned. Well, it was just way too tempting to pass up. Before long we were all aboard the raft, bobbing precariously, paddling around in the middle of the twelve-foot-deep pond.
Everything was going great until the older of the cousins discovered that my brother and I couldn’t swim. Realizing that we were actually afraid of water, he thought it would be great fun to violently rock the raft while the rest of us hung on for dear life.
On the wet, slippery planks, I suddenly lost my balance, and the next thing I knew I was toppling backwards into the water. Terrified, I didn’t have the presence of mind to even try to swim. With numbing quickness, shock overcame me; my head slipped below the surface and, before I knew it, I was sinking to the bottom. In my panicked state, it wasn’t long before the last bubbles of air had escaped me, and my lungs quickly filled with water.
I had always imagined that drowning would be a horrible way to die: the mental terror while your lungs desperately screamed for air. But it wasn’t like that at all… In fact, as soon as my lungs filled with water, the struggle ended. There was no more suffocating or fighting for air. Instead, an absolute peace came over me.
With my eyes wide open, I slowly sank towards the bottom. The water grew darker and darker, and soon I was up to my ankles in mud. Perhaps I had pushed with my feet, but ever so slowly I began to float upwards. Within a few moments I was nearing the surface. I could see and feel the warm sunlight radiating into the water. My head briefly broke through, and then in a dream-like state, without fear or panic, I began to sink again.
My senses numbing, I felt no particular discomfort, just the greatest urge to go to sleep. Soon I could feel my feet sinking again into the mud, and then everything seemed to grind to a halt… Time stood still as I hung suspended in the water, my surroundings quickly fading. Finally, too tired and sleepy to be concerned, I simply let go and drifted into the blackness…
The next thing I knew, I snapped back into consciousness, opening my eyes to a most amazing sight. I was being literally bathed in a shimmering kaleidoscope of beautiful warm colors. Swirling and gyrating, they seemed to pass right through my body into the core of my being. It felt as though I was still surrounded by water, but somehow I had gotten into in a beautiful, comfortable bubble. Mysteriously, the colors seemed to be causing a strange but wonderful vibrating sensation throughout my body, each shade carrying its own distinct vibration.
I had never felt more alive and energetic. Fully in awe of the warmth and beauty of my surroundings, I had a profound sense that something important was happening… I had somehow changed. It occurred to me that perhaps I had died. And for some reason, I recalled the story of Tom Sawyer, the part when he was believed to have drowned in the Mississippi and arrived home to witness his own funeral.
Suddenly, I went literally shooting out of the water into the air, and a moment later I found myself hovering over the choir loft in the back of our church.
It felt so incredibly strange. Here I was, floating around in our church, anxiously suspicious; awaiting my own funeral. And then I noticed there wasn’t a soul in the church. If this was my funeral, I thought, where were all the people…? I would have expected to see my mom and dad, my brothers and sisters, and all of the other people who normally went to church. But there was no one there, and I hadn’t a clue what to make of it.
Fascinated, I continued to float over the empty pews marveling at the strangeness of the situation. I was actually flying. And there didn’t seem to be anything holding me up. How could this be? I hadn’t read anything about Tom Sawyer flying. Puzzled, I floated quietly for several moments, deep in thought.
All of a sudden, my entire being was jolted by a terrible convulsion. Spasms erupted through my stomach… The next thing I knew, I was back on the shore of the dugout spewing water from my lungs, desperately gasping for air. My face bouncing in the mud, cousin Brian had his arms locked around my waist, dangling me upside down, draining the water from my body. Sick to my stomach, I vomited for a couple of agonizing minutes.
When I finally began to get my wits about me, I looked up to see the white, horrified faces of my brother and two cousins. Their eyes were like saucers. We were all, to some degree, in a state of shock. And to make matters worse, we also knew we were going to be in big trouble when we got home.
For several minutes we sat quietly beside the dugout, resting and contemplating what had just happened. Chances were we would get a good whipping if anyone found out about it, so we made a pact to never tell another soul. Then, walking as slowly as possible to dry our clothes, we headed home.
Still pumped with fear and adrenaline, Brian wasn’t feeling very well. He told me he thought for sure that I was dead because I’d been under for such a long time. He had spent several terrifying minutes frantically diving and groping around in the murky water. When he finally found me in the mud at the bottom, it took every ounce of energy his 12-year-old body could muster to get me to the surface.
As Brian told me these things, I put my arms around my little brother and hugged him. He had been deeply affected. Unable to speak, tears flowed from his wide eyes, rolling down his freckled cheeks.
As we walked back to the farm, Brian and I began to lag behind the other two. I told him about the strange things that happened while I was in the water. I told him about thinking of Tom Sawyer’s funeral, about floating in mid air in the church, and about my surprise that there were no people in the building. Brian made a simple observation. Of course there wouldn’t be any people in the church. It was four o’clock in the afternoon, and Saturday to boot.
I told him about all the bright colors that surrounded me in the water. But what I was recounting seemed strange even to me. I remember saying “Jeez, I didn’t know you could feel colors.” Brian, however, didn’t say much of anything. Maybe he thought I had water on the brain or something, because I’m sure this couldn’t have sounded very rational.
I told him again about what it was like to fly. He listened quietly, and then as if he hadn’t heard my comments, he asked, “Tom Sawyer? Why would you think of Tom Sawyer?” I assured him that I hadn’t the slightest idea, but reiterated that everything seemed so absolutely real.
“Jesus, Paul,” he scolded, “You scared the hell out of us. I couldn’t find you. I was praying like crazy. It’s a good thing you ain’t dead, cause they’d sure be killing the rest of us when we got home.”
When we finally reached the farm, although exceedingly nervous, we tried to be as cool and nonchalant as possible. As twelve-year-olds, we were probably far too nonchalant. It must have been so terribly obvious that we were hiding something, because it didn’t take any more than about ten minutes and the cat was out of the bag.
I can’t remember who finally spilt the beans, but the result was fairly dramatic. After a lot of yelling, cussing, and recriminations, there were two kids given a very sound strapping on that day, and oddly enough, I was one of them.
It was a strange experience, to say the least. My little brother and cousins had been horrified, our parents extremely upset. I, on the other hand, hadn’t experienced it as a horrible thing at all. And I couldn’t understand why every one was so uptight. I was still alive and feeling just fine.
On thinking back to the event, it occurs to me that at no time in my young life did I ever attach to the experience any kind of a spiritual or religious significance. Even though I had ended up in a church, it didn’t seem to carry any consequence or lasting affect… At least that’s what I thought at the time. Although I could never forget the incident, I just didn’t spend a lot of time thinking about it in the following years. I could not, however, have even begun to imagine the importance this event might hold until much later in life.
Back then, I had been extremely grateful to my cousin, Brian, for saving my life, and I told him so, repeatedly. But not once did I think of thanking God. In retrospect, I’m sure glad that God doesn’t hold any grudges. Well, at least I hope he doesn’t.
* * *
Life, as we all know, is a continuous series of steps and lessons. Normally what we understand about ourselves becomes less of a puzzle as we grow older. But, little did I know, that up to that point in my existence, things were never entirely within my control. So much of my life had been guided and assisted; preparing me, I believe, for the dramatic, life-changing experiences that lay ahead; experiences that would rock my world and challenge even my most basic concepts of reality.
When I finally left home, like a lot of kids in the early 70’s, I drifted around working at odd jobs here and there, until I landed a job as a disc jockey in a Rock & Roll radio station. I would end up spending nearly 10 years in the broadcasting industry, working for various radio and television stations in Canada.
Eventually I got married, started a family, bought a business, and settled down. So, basically I led what most would consider a completely normal life. Normal, that is, until one Sunday morning in November of 1992.
I had been an athlete and hockey player all my life. But, by the age of 41, I was already too slow and old to be playing a young mans’ game, so I contented myself with a position on a local old-timers’ team. It was a lot of fun, and we got a bit of exercise at the same time. We were, however, your typical ‘weekend warriors’ — going from relative inactivity during the week, to all out battles on weekends. It was during one of these robust outings that providence dealt me another unexpected hand.
As I recall it was a fairly warm day for late November. Although my leg muscles felt a bit stiff, everything else seemed pretty normal as I made my way to the arena for our regular Sunday morning scrimmage. Looking forward to a good workout, I laced up my skates and headed out onto the ice with the rest of my team. It wasn’t long before we were fully engaged, racing up and down the ice, firing frozen pucks at our aging goaltenders.
After only a few minutes of play, I was becoming surprisingly tired, when suddenly, in mid stride, it felt like I had hit me in the chest with a sledgehammer! I had no idea what was happening. My legs nearly buckled beneath me. Utterly exhausted, I staggered off the ice.
I couldn’t believe how winded I had become. Even after several minutes on the bench, I still struggled to catch my breath. And, to top it all off, a sharp, deep pain had begun to develop in my left elbow. It was certainly puzzling. I couldn’t remember hurting my elbow and had no idea why it should be so sore. The pain, however, seemed to grow more severe with each passing moment. Extremely nauseous and sweating profusely, I was beginning to think that I had perhaps come down with a bit of food poisoning or a severe flu.
As the minutes dragged, the pain in my elbow became unbearable, my breathing difficult and labored. It was obvious that I was too sick to continue playing, so I decided to go home. Heading to the dressing room, I changed into my street clothes, and in less than five minutes I was ready to leave.
My equipment bag in tow, I finally pushed the door open and, struggling to keep my balance, staggered into the hallway. I was beginning to think that my problems might be more than just food poisoning. Instead of heading home I should be going to the hospital. Fortunately, an alert rink attendant took one look at me, and rushed off to call an ambulance.
With each passing minute my condition seemed to worsen. Before long, I was leaning against the wall, trying desperately to maintain my balance. Just the simple act of breathing was agonizingly painful. No longer able to stand, I dropped to my knees, and slumped to the floor just as a couple of my teammates popped around the corner to see how I was doing. Alarmed, they got busy propping up my head on a towel as the rink attendant returned to announce that an ambulance was on its way.
Soon the rest of the team gathered around me in the hallway. Their hushed tones and concerned looks told me that this probably wasn’t one of my better days. Closing my eyes, I tried to ignore the numbing pain. Slowly I began to drift towards sleep.
The sound of running feet and clattering wheels on the concrete floor jarred me back to awareness. I opened my eyes as two ambulance attendants aided by a couple of my teammates lifted me onto a stretcher. In a moment, we were whizzing through the halls of the arena and out the front doors into the waiting ambulance.
The female EMT quickly strapped an oxygen mask to my face, and the siren wailed as we moved quickly out of the parking lot and onto the street. She asked my name and address, but as I tried to respond, it sounded like I was speaking in an empty barrel, my voice strangely hollow. I fell silent… Aware that the young lady was trying to get my attention, I heard only a distorted hum and wasn’t sure what she was saying. I tried to concentrate on her words, but it appeared to be a useless struggle.
It was then that I became aware of a strange buzzing sensation building in my ears. The sound grew louder and louder, and for the first time I began to experience real fear. I started to panic, but as hard as I fought to maintain control, it seemed to be a losing battle. Soon I was struggling to keep my eyes focused. Everything began to turn hazy and then, with the sound of whooshing air, the world around me began to close in. Within moments I could no longer see nor hear. An eerie gray mist flooded my perception, carrying me deeper and deeper into darkness. Nervously, I waited for whatever would be coming next…
Time seemed to slow… Dimly, I languished, drifting to the edge of consciousness; lost in my fading thoughts. Suddenly, from deep within, came the abrupt sound of a loud, pinging bell. Crashing into my awareness, it jolted me to the core. Then, to my surprise, I started to move…
Slowly, like a feather wafting on a breeze, I lifted off the stretcher and into the air. It was a peculiar feeling. Although somewhat similar to my previous out-of-body experiences, I knew that this time I was definitely not in control. And the pain, so excruciating just a moment before, simply evaporated.
From a deep darkness, my vision slowly began to open up around me. The next thing I knew, I felt myself bumping against the roof of the ambulance. I watched the paramedic below me as she adjusted the oxygen mask on my face and quickly checked the time on her wristwatch.
Having experienced a touch of fear a few moments earlier, I now wondered why I had been so worried. Although I realized this might be the last time I would be leaving my body, I was doing just fine. I knew I was dying, and I began to consider the consequences.
“Jesus,” I thought, “Candace is going to be •••••• off.” I remembered that just a couple of weeks earlier she had been giving me hell for thinking that I could just run off and play hockey without first getting into proper shape. In all the years that we’d been married, she had never brought up that concern. But she had her reasons. Just a few months earlier, a friend of ours had died of a heart attack after an evening of floor hockey. Several weeks later, another friend barely survived a heart attack at the age of 39. “You’re not 20 anymore,” she warned. “You’re 41. Do you want to kill yourself?”
I had, of course, just laughed her off. “What are you talking about?” I argued. “I’ve never been in better shape.” Now I wondered if this would be my contribution to “famous last words.”
The reality of leaving her and the kids behind preyed on my mind, and I felt a touch of sadness. Then suddenly, without the slightest warning, I found myself floating in the living room of my home. Our daughter, Stacey, had spent the night at a friend’s house. Candace and David, however, were scurrying about, getting ready for church service, and I remembered it was Sunday morning.
I loved my family intensely, but I knew that although it would be tough on them for a while, they would survive. Even though they hadn’t had direct experience, they too understood that we don’t really die, we just move on to a different realm. I was confident that they would be just fine and someday we’d be together again. Whispering a sad goodbye, I felt a shift in perception, and a moment later, I was back near my body.
As I floated again inside the ambulance, I began to feel a tug — something pulling at me. Then slowly, as if being drawn by some unknown force, I started to move upwards, eventually pushing right through the roof. The sensation was incredible! I could feel the various layers of materials, the fabric, the insulation, and finally the metal, passing through my body as I slowly emerged into the crisp morning air.
Rising to a height of about 20 feet, I flew alongside the ambulance as it roared through the streets. After a few blocks, however, the tugging became more and more intense. Somehow I knew it was time to go. Then, without the slightest concern or apprehension, I simply let go, relaxed, and surrendered to the pull. In a moment the streets, the houses, and finally, the ambulance faded into a deep gray mist.
A tremendous state of euphoria swept through me. My body may have been dying, but I had never felt better. The mist around me grew steadily thicker, turning to black. Soon I found myself floating in what I could only describe as a deep dark void. Remarkably, I wasn’t afraid… Instead I became increasingly energized with delight and anticipation. Powerful vibrations coursed through my being. And then, like a jet accelerating down a runway, I started to move through the darkness. Before long it felt like I was moving at a tremendous rate of speed. In the distance ahead, I began to see a pinpoint of light, and I could barely contain my excitement. The urgency and yearning to reach the light became totally consuming. It seemed I had waited so long for this moment. I was finally going home, and there was nothing I wanted more…
Oblivious to everything else, I was totally absorbed in my goal when, suddenly, a huge spasm virtually exploded through my awareness, jarring every particle of my being. In the next instant, I was back inside my body.
God, I couldn’t believe the assault on my senses! I was now in the emergency room at the hospital. The incredible pain had returned, flooding through my body in waves. Stunned, I knew only one thing for sure. I didn’t want to be back!
A nurse struggled to get an I.V. needle into a vein in my left wrist while a doctor barked his instructions. Everything around me seemed too bright, too harsh! My jacket and shirt were pulled back, exposing my chest. And I found myself screaming, “No, please, this is a mistake. Let me go. Please let me go,” but the words seemed caught up in my mind; there was no sound.
In a surreal haze, I could see and hear everything around me, but I had lost control of my body. I felt like a rag doll as the doctor pulled off my shirt and flopped me back down onto the table.
While one of the doctors was busy injecting me with drugs, another brought his face down right in front of mine. Slowly, but firmly, he spoke to get my attention. “Paul,” he said, “you’re having a heart attack. You’ve got to relax.”
The words seemed bizarre and incomprehensible. Me, having a heart attack? Ridiculous! And if it was true, how the hell did he expect me to relax?
The relentless pain continued unabated. My chest hurt severely, but it was nothing compared to the pain in my left elbow. If I could have spoken, I would have begged them to cut it off. I would rather have gone through the remainder of my life without my arm than have to endure the unbelievable pain.
I.V. bottles flying, they finally rushed me out of the emergency room and into the intensive care unit. For more than an hour, the doctors worked frantically to clear the blockage from my heart. The pain, although somewhat lessened by the ministrations of morphine, continued to be excruciating. In my numb, horrified state, time dragged agonizingly slow.
The most mind-bending thing about this part of the experience was watching the entire drama unfold before me. It really was intriguing. If I hadn’t been feeling so lousy, I’m sure I would have purely enjoyed watching all the action.
Especially spellbinding, was the mini-drama of the ECG machine as it kept a continuous graphical documentation of my heart rhythm. It would show a steady rhythm of heartbeats, and then, suddenly, it would go crazy. There might be five rapid beats in a row as my heart fibrillated, and then it would stop and miss several beats entirely. Continuing for almost an hour, the crazy random pattern was both scary and surreal. Often when it stopped beating or began missing beats, I wondered if this would be the time when it wouldn’t start up again.
As time wore on, the doctors were becoming increasingly concerned that I would not survive. Eventually they conferred and decided that they had better allow my wife in to see me. As she walked slowly into the room, Candace appeared visibly shaken, but not as badly as I thought she might be. To her credit, not once did she say, “I told you so.” Although she did later confide that she had thought about it.
The situation was becoming critical in more ways than one. If I were to survive, the longer the blood-flow was blocked, the more damage to my heart. Too much permanent damage to my heart muscle wouldn’t leave me with great prospects for a future life.
Finally, after an eternity and an arsenal of drugs, the blockage finally dissolved. I became nauseous for about 30 seconds, and suddenly, like someone had thrown a switch, the pain simply disappeared and I felt instantly better. My heart rhythm returned to normal and so did my physical thought processes. When it was all over, completely exhausted, I fell into a deep, deep sleep.
When I finally awoke, the whole episode felt like a bad dream. I couldn’t believe it had actually happened to me. Several days would pass before the totality of the experience would settle in. My recollection of the pain was all too real, but the memory of the near-death-experience was wonderful.
It seemed like such a peculiar paradox to me; one of the most incredible and wonderful experiences in my entire life had been dying. And for the first time in years, I recalled again my previous encounter with death at the bottom of a murky dugout, when I was just 12 years old. The entire incident flooded back into my mind, releasing with it a myriad of long forgotten childhood memories and emotions. Suddenly, it was all too much to bear. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I began to cry…
Death, I realized, would be a tremendous, glorious event. Rather than something to fear, it was something to look forward to. The physical pain of a heart attack was something I wouldn’t want to repeat, but the actual dying was beautiful.
Strangely enough, although thankful for the spiritual experience, I was also somewhat disappointed. I had read many accounts of other people’s near-death experiences. Some of them had had fabulous encounters with powerful light-beings who guided them through life reviews. This hadn’t happened to me. I hadn’t received the full meal deal, and I felt gypped.
* * *
As is the case with many other near-death experiencers, my encounters seem to have opened within me a psychic doorway to the spirit world. As a result, over the past 10 years I have been blessed with numerous out of body experiences. With the assistance of loving angels and spirit guides, I have been systematically escorted through a series of stunning revelations. From reunions with departed souls to the discovery of soul mates and past lives, my re-education has left me with some incredible insights as to our true identities and purpose in the universe.
Virtually overnight, I have evolved from the mindset of a total skeptic to that of an unwavering believer. — No, let me correct that — I’m not just a believer! I’ve traveled beyond that. I can say, without reservation, that I don’t just believe, I know, without a doubt, that we are so much more than physical bodies. We are part of a much larger body of consciousness. And we can hardly even begin to comprehend the beauty and complexity of our true nature, as incredibly powerful spiritual beings.
* * *
To share some of these profound experiences with others, I have recently completed the first of a series of books. My first offering, The Eyes of an Angel, should be released in the spring of 2004.
You may recall I mentioned that, following my near-death experience, I felt gypped because I hadn’t had the experience of going through a life review. Well, several months following my near-death, while in an out-of-body state, I did in fact meet my own spirit guide, Meldor, who subsequently took me through the complete, astonishing process of a life review.
Following is a brief excerpt from my book, The Eyes of an Angel, which will, hopefully, give you some idea of the lasting power of this remarkable experience.
From Chapter Seven, this is a portion of the dialogue:
A thought had been nagging at me ever since my near-death several months earlier. I had heard about dramatic near-death experiences where people had gone through a review of their lives. I hadn’t made it to that point before being brought back from the other side, and I had wondered what the experience would be like.
Reading my thoughts, Meldor was way ahead of me. “As you are beginning to realize,” he said, “when each incarnated soul returns to its origin, there is no judgment by any other entity. Each soul making the transition is assisted by loving guides in a review of their immediate past life. Very often, perfected higher beings such as the Christ Consciousness, Krishna, Mohammad and other deities — depending on the individual’s beliefs — will be present to offer support and guidance to the returning soul. They do not judge, nor does anyone mete out punishment of any kind. The concept of a judgmental, punishing God is purely dogmatic, a manmade construction. God does not punish. God only loves.”
Completely absorbed in Meldor’s dissertation, I felt the truth of his words resonating in my heart.
“We know,” he continued, “that you have wondered about the experience of a life review, and to further your understanding, we will assist you in this aspect of the higher vibration. Nothing of energy is ever lost. All thoughts, actions and deeds are retained to provide the basis for assessment and reflection. In a moment,” he warned, “you may feel a shift in vibration which is necessary to engage the higher energies that hold the imprint of the life vibration.”
I felt a surge of energy, brief motion, and then suddenly a tremendous montage of images began to play through my mind. Like fanning through the pictures in a photograph album, my life flashed before me. Everything was there. Incidents, events, thoughts long forgotten, good experiences, traumatic and uncomfortable experiences; all whirled by in chronological succession. If at any time I wanted to take a closer look at a particular event, the process would stop and, instantly, like videotape playing in my mind, I would be completely immersed in reliving the occasion. I was on an emotional roller coaster — the highs, the lows, the sadness and grief, along with jubilation and happiness profoundly imprinted my mind.
I could not be sure of the amount of time the processing took. It could have been a minute or an eternity, I didn’t know. I could, however, see why there was no need for someone else to pass judgment on my life. Nothing had escaped. I was the only judge necessary, and I would be the harshest critic.
I knew when I had failed and when I had succeeded, but unexpectedly there was an added twist that I hadn’t been prepared for. Not only could I relive how I had felt during any particular incident, I could also feel the pain or happiness of others whom I had affected through my words and actions. I could feel again the anger I felt as I lashed out at a playmate in the schoolyard, but I could also feel the pain and injury he felt at the humiliation.
The good and the bad all passed before me. To my amazement, I watched the effect that even a small act of kindness could have on others. Something as small as my cheery greeting had lifted someone else’s spirits, and they in turn felt better about themselves and treated others more kindly. I was astonished at how the lives of so many people could be inadvertently affected by my actions, whether positive or negative.
Eventually the chronological calendar of my life brought me inevitably back to the time of my heart attack and near-death experience. I needed to see no more. The images stopped. Immediately, I felt the love and support of Meldor’s embrace. I was emotionally drained, yet at the same time strangely rejuvenated. I had a better understanding of who I was and what I needed to do.
Meldor’s voice finally interrupted my reverie. “It is time now to return to the physical vibration,” he said. “There is much processing that you will need to do, and your energy needs to be restored. We are pleased to have been able to assist you.”
In a snap, I was back in my body. Wide-awake, I turned over in bed and glanced at my nightstand clock. It was just after 5 a.m. More than two hours had passed.
For another hour I lay in bed, reviewing and contemplating the tremendous experience I had just been through. The profound images of my past life were engrained in my consciousness. I would never forget them. The message was so very clear. I knew that it didn’t matter one bit in life who won or who lost, or how rich or successful we became. When we pass from this life, the only thing that will really matter, the only thing of any importance, will be how we treated other souls along the way.
Copyright C 2003 by Paul Elder
By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 28, 2003 - 07:51 pm:
I was depressed and psychotic and trying to kill myself and I swallowed a bunch of pills before going to bed hoping that I wouldn't wake up in the morning.
I went to bed and fell asleep then, I felt utter darkness all around me and I heard a loud voice saying "what have you done?!" I looked down and saw my body lying on the bed with a dark shadow figure bent over me then I woke up and it was about twelve o'clock the next afternoon.
A few months later I had to have surgery for a congenital anomaly. And after the surgery I was visited by an angel who told me that, I had to choose life three times because of what I had done. And that Christ was gathering his people and his angels and that I would get disturbing news from afar in about two years time. And he also told me not to be afraid that everything was going to be all right.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 28, 2003 - 07:45 pm:
After an unsuccessful suicide attempt, I was in a serious car accident.
I hit a very large oak tree that wasn't going anywhere, with my van. It was down a steep embankment and I was not wearing my seatbelt. The impact caused my head to go through the windshield and my chest hit the steering wheel so hard, it completely bent the steering column forward.
At first, I saw a, sort of tunnel filled with light, then I saw what I determined to be an angel floating above me. She was luminescent and sparkly and gave off a feeling of complete warmth and comfort. I was not scared at all. After that, I heard the voice of my deceased father telling me he was okay and I needed to stop crying and grieving over his death, which had been recent. He advised me he would always be with me and my mom and the rest of my family.
When I later woke up in the hospital, I was in ICU. But the only injury I sustained was a broken right ankle and leg from when I tried to apply the brake. My entire head went through the windshield, but I had no fractures at all. They did an echocardiogram to check out my heart, but it was fine, I didn't even have any cracked ribs. It was really amazing to the ER doctor.
It did change my life, though.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 28, 2003 - 02:50 pm:
I was in a car accident in 1983. I broke my neck, back, and many bones and punctured my lung. They did not expect that I would live and so did not arrange my surgery until 2 days later. At that time--I was paralyzed from my waist down.
When they came to take me to surgery--I recall someone saying the 23rd Psalm and closing my eyes. I felt a warm sensation and the feeling of someone wrapping their arms around me. And I absolutely knew that whatever happened (and I knew I might die) that it was going to be OK. I felt an overwhelming feeling that God loves me and that, he wanted the best for me.
The next thing I knew, I woke up in the same bed, with no memory of the operation or the recovery room.
Prior to this, I was really terrified of death, it used to keep me up nights worrying about it. Now, I know it’s not frightening but a very peaceful transition.
At the time of my accident, my life was spinning out of control. I had an emotionally abusive husband, and two children, 3mos and 16mos old. We were barely surviving financially and certainly emotionally.
While I was in the hospital, my husband at the time left me and the kids and took off.
I was in the hospital for 6 months. And after 2 months--when no one thought I would, my feet began to move. It took much therapy and alot of effort but, I now walk with a cane and can get around pretty good.
While recovering--I examined every belief that I had and formed many that I did not know that I had.
I absolutely knew that God was with me and that I could raise my boys and have a good life. I also learned to love myself, something I had not done before.
Because this accident happened, I was able to go back to college for awhile and I remarried to someone who adores me. My sons are grown now. And I am convinced that I am a better person because of having gone through the experience of coming so close to death.
I am now very involved in my church and try to learn more about spirituality.
Two years ago I started back to work part time and found something that I just love to do, work with elderly people. I help them to run errands and to be a companion.
I am a better listener and a more caring person because of what I went through. Also, I have been around when several friends were dying and consider it a privilege to be there at that time. I try to convey my feelings about God’s love to the families and to the person.
Anyway, I really believe that this experience changed the course of my life for the better.
I am not sure if this is a true near death experience but, it was for me!
By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 04:55 pm:
During and after surgery, septic, family told "death was imminent"
I remember being very uncomfortable and knowing I was on a train.
I was convinced it as somewhere near Alaska because the sky was so blue and there were eagles flying and the ocean water was incredibly blue and there were whales. I was with my mom, her brother and my mother-in-law's mother--all have passed away. Being with my mother-in-law's mom was odd because I had only met her 3-4 times and she had passed away only the month before this happened. I kept telling them I wanted to get off the train. I was tired, I couldn't do this any more. They all kept telling me "No--you can't". "No--not this time".
When I was finally conscious and thought about it, I figured maybe the ventilator noise made me think I was on a train. But, it was too real.
My relationship with my mom was always rocky and I remember distinctly feeling the same way, like I just couldn't make her understand. She was calm and kept telling me, "No, not now" every time I asked to get off the train.
I also remember something about American Indians being present, the train being very old. The landscape was just beautiful when I looked out of the window. And, I could also see through the roof of the train, the eagles.
I feel I am much more tolerant of everything and everyone. I am not as stressed as I was before. I am not upset with every little detail of life as before. I am much more accepting of everything as it happens.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 04:41 pm:
This all happened twenty years ago.
At the time I was out of work. But, a friend asked me if I would like to work for him for a couple of days. So, I agreed. I had never done this kind of work before. When we arrived at these terrace houses all the houses in question were being gutted, new windows, re-plastered , new wiring that kind of thing. My job was to go up the scaffolding and grind out the mortar in-between the bricks ready for my friend to come along and repoint the brick work.
I was on third second floor outside on the scaffolding getting back into the room with the grinding machine in my hand, little did I know the electric cable was made up of several lengths of extensions, and these had wrapped round the scaffolding. As I held on to the scaffolding pole with my left hand, the grinding machine in my right hand suddenly I was stuck to this scaffolding pole shaking and screaming then everything was calm.
I am still shaking but, at peace, no pain, just very peaceful. The only way I can describe the feeling is when you are in bed and you are just resting and falling asleep. Events in my life were passing through my mind then darkness not a scary darkness, still at peace. I always feel quite emotional when I get to this part. It's as if I was given a choice to go or to stay. I said in my mind there is too much to do. I remember thinking of my son and wife.
Then, bang I was thrown the full length of the room. At this stage people were running into the room. I went to the doctors and I was suffering from shock and a burn to my finger. The mark is still there.
It was months later when I started to piece things together and believe me, LIFE AFTER DEATH does exist.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 04:29 pm:
My experience was that I was learning to swim in the sound off Long Island. I was with family. I swam out father than I should, the bottom was not to be found .I started to go under the water and panic set in, I went down for the third time.
Shortly after that all of a sudden I was at peace, I felt like I was floating on a cloud or something it was bright and friendly. The next thing I saw was my life it passed by as if I was watching a movie. I kept getting younger and younger. At the point I was seeing my self as a toddler, the next moment I was pulled out of the water by my aunt.
There was in fact another time I was playing in my father’s car at a family reunion. The car was a parked on our driveway. The driveway had a good incline to it. I remember playing with the brake and the next thing the car was going down hill. I got out of the car and the next thing I remember was I was trapped between the car door and a car at the bottom of the driveway. I couldn't breath and the next thing I saw was Christ as If floating in the sky above. I was thinking at the moment, this was it.
I will say this, I have had other experiences with afterlife as many others have had not as the one dying but seeing the one who did. It was a good thing for me, that experience was one I had with someone there with me at the time. In fact the person said to me at the same time the same thing I said, "Did you see that". I do know this life isn't it but I do wonder what’s next.
By Anonymous on Friday, May 23, 2003 - 12:48 pm:
When I was a freshman in college, I volunteered to help with a psychology class project that involved hypnosis, and a "rebirthing."
I was born without a heartbeat due to asphyxiation, because the placenta separated from the uterus and I 'drowned', so to speak, in the womb. This is an emergency condition called Placenta Previa. I was revived, and was in an incubator for a week after the delivery. I had always known that I was a "near miss" as far as being alive goes.
When I was 'rebirthed' through hypnosis, I reexperienced the birth process, including the stopping of my heartbeat, and the feeling of being a biological entity that is ceasing to exist. That is basically what the experience was; a ceasing to exist, the feeling a pre-linguistic creature has when it's life is ebbing away -- the struggle and then the calm. There wasn't any supernatural visitations or images of deities, unfortunately.
This feeling was followed by the voices of the doctors as they worked over me, and my eyes slowly opening to the sight of the hospital towel that swaddled me.
It is interesting to note that I do not remember the words of the doctors, because they were just nonsense sounds to me.
I don't know if it's related to my experience, but I have experiences with ESP.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, May 21, 2003 - 01:29 pm:
November 8th, 1992.
I had been ill for quite a while during my fourth pregnancy. A year in which my brother died from stomach cancer 18 days before my near death experience. I was taken into hospital at 34 weeks due to toxemia.
After another two weeks I was taken down to the labor ward to be induced. Eventually it was decided that I would need an emergency caesarian, all of this I took very calmly, to be honest I didn't even care. I think when people are dying all you want to do is go to sleep.
What I remember of my near nde is when I opened my eyes I was already there (no tunnels). Everything was a neon white, (no landscape), with small crowds of people? communicating with each other. I was very calm and relaxed with no thoughts whatsoever about events that were occurring elsewhere. No thought of anything in fact apart from feeling very peaceful.
Figures were only visible from the waist up but they were in a bright light. One figure approached me and asked politely, 'what are you doing here'. Telepathy. I suddenly wondered what I was doing there. Next thing I knew a nurse woke me up to tell me I had a girl.
Events afterwards –
I had assumed that I had been taken from the operating theatre awake, since I had seen my husband (at the time) talking to a nurse in the corridor, apparently getting himself something to eat, since he had a tray of food in his hands. Not so, my husband had gone to the canteen only after seeing that I had been settled into the hospital room and only after that had gone to the canteen.
Some professor (I think) came to see me the day after and asked if I had had any dreams, I said NO.
The engineers in the hospital kept rushing into my room asking if I had opened the windows at all since the temperature monitor in the basement kept showing that the room was below the required temperature. I didn't know what they were talking about, apart from the fact that I was wired up to various machines, on morphine and couldn't of opened a window even if I had wanted to.
Questions –
I had no tunnel, no floating experience. I just opened my eyes and I was already there. Has anybody else had this?
My brother who had died was not there only people I didn't know.
These people? (I think I recall) had no hair.
By Anonymous on Sunday, May 18, 2003 - 04:40 pm:
I was sleeping on my couch one afternoon. I woke up to find myself rising to the ceiling. I knew my body was still on the couch.
Another time I was sleeping, I rolled over, and pushed myself up with one arm, like you are getting out of bed...as I did this I could see my real body lay there.
Another time I was staying the night with my mother, It was late at night, I was very tired, the spare bed was in the basement. I remember feeling apprehensive about going to sleep. It was like I knew something weird was going to happen. As soon as I was in a deep sleep, I woke up and could see a deformed baby like creature on my chest. I thought it was stealing my breath. I could not move or breath. In my mind, I thought for sure I was dying. Then, I thought the word "Jesus" until I could say it with my mouth. Then I could breath again. In all there have been dozens of these experiences, each one a little different. Some I would say felt very evil. But others left me with a feeling of energy, like I had been re-charged.
For years I have struggled with my religious beliefs, fundamental Christian. Only recently I had become agnostic, maybe atheistic. Felt at peace with myself "feeling unborn again", but I felt weird. Then I accidentally came across the nde of Howard Storm and I believe I have found my calling in life to tell others that there is something spiritual going on. I believe that religion, God and these experiences are all connected. I have been reading every NDE I can find and can't seem to get enough of them, like I'm getting close to some answers for myself.
By Anonymous on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 07:44 pm:
I was out for the evening with my boyfriend and my brother. I had a fatigue based illness, now known to be me.
I was sitting on a bench when suddenly I was floating beside my boyfriend. I could see my brother slapping my face, and trying to wake me up or bring me back. I had an overwhelming experience of peace and was somehow hanging in the air, like smoke! I remember my boyfriend looking on in horror and my brother calling on me to wake up. I remember thinking, that I must wake up as not to upset my brother! For a split second I had a decision to make. I liked where I was and wanted to stay, but because I loved my brother dearly and did not want to cause him heartache I returned to my body.
I was confused and elated at the same time, I had a feeling of knowledge and felt as if I had experienced something special. It felt like a secret knowing, and I have never feared death since.
I have a strange ability to predict death in people. I feel myself staring at people who are to die, it’s a really intense stare always followed by a feeling of wonderment. A few of my friends have passed away, and I always experience this before their death.
Hard to believe I know, but it’s real to me.
By Anonymous on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 07:37 pm:
I was 19 years old, driving my brother’s VW van. As I approached an intersection, I inadvertently stepped on the clutch rather than the break, which caused the van to roll out into on coming traffic. Knowing this I "passed out".
During this period I went to a place which was very loving. All communication was telepathic. There was a complete dialogue between myself and this unknown source. I "saw/understood" my life’s purpose and how easy it was to achieve. I also knew that death was not an unpleasant place but just another realm. I was asked whether I wanted to "go back and continue what I had started" and I emphatically said "of course".
I woke briefly in an ambulance and then in the local trauma unit.
The hospital was approximately 20 minutes away.
I have gained an insight to life/death through this experience. To this day I can only hope that I am accomplishing that which I need to do.
By Anonymous on Friday, May 9, 2003 - 11:46 am:
I don't know what to call this experience, but here it is.
Several days after being released from the hospital with a diagnosis of possible heart or gallbladder attack, I experienced the following episode:
Throughout the day I had back and left arm pain. Late in the evening there was a period of crushing chest pain, racing heart and shortness of breath. After this passed I got ready and went to bed.
Within a few minutes I began to feel as if my body was hollow and was not aware of my extremities. I changed positions in bed several times to get away from this feeling, but every time I settled, the hollow feeling returned. At no time was I above myself looking down and there was no extreme light or dark. The last time the hollow feeling came over me, I knew I was going to die but there was no fear and it was ok. I began to pray for my loved ones and thank God for his Grace upon me. I did not ask not to be taken. I recall thinking it was "unfortunate" that my death would ruin the trip I was on with my family, but I felt no sadness, anxiety, or pain. I was completely at peace. I then fell asleep and to my surprise I awoke in the morning. How could I have been so sure that I would die during the night and wake up as if nothing had happened?
Is there a name for what I experienced? Have others reported similar episodes?
By Anonymous on Friday, May 9, 2003 - 11:41 am:
I was 27 years old, when I had my NDE experience.
I was laid-off from my job, in an abusive relationship, and in general not in a good place. I was also drinking way too much. Anyway, I was out on a date with the abusive boyfriend and was quite drunk and was told that in anger, I jumped out of his car. To make a long story short, I ended up in the hospital (for a month and a half). I got a pretty nasty bump on my head and was unconscious for 3 days.
During the time I was unconscious, I remember being in a place, where it seemed peaceful and I encountered these beings. The beings told me that I had to go back, that I had things to do back on earth. My Father died, when I was 11 years old, and I sensed his presence. It seemed to me that there was a separation between me and where my father was, an abyss?
When I regained consciousness, I was telling everyone about my experience.
This experience has profoundly changed my life, it is like the memory of this experience is never very far from my mind. I was somewhat psychic before the experience, but am much more so now.
Another thing about this experience, perhaps the greatest thing, is that it was something I had been praying for, because I was really lost spiritually. My Dad died when I was eleven and I came face to face with my own mortality-I believe in God, the Trinity, Jesus, but I'm not a Fundamentalist Religious type person.
And, another incredible thing that happened, was that I started running across publications about NDE's shortly after my experience. Ray Moody's book, Life After Life just blew me away. Anyway, this is my story.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 30, 2003 - 07:40 pm:
I had a Hang Gliding Accident the week prior to this incident, in which I had my arm broken and required surgery to plate it. I was released from Hospital the following day, and barely made it home.
The following evening I could not breath easily and was admitted to Hospital where the following day I began to cough up blood and was urgently airlifted to a major regional Hospital. I was not expected to survive the flight. Upon reaching the larger Hospital I was being transferred from the Ambulance gurney to the intensive care bed when I could not breathe. Each breath became more and more painful like a knife stabbing my chest.
Eventually I stopped breathing completely and I heard the medical staff saying that we are losing him and to give me some sort of injection. These voices then became dimmer and in the far background. At the time of my stopping to breathe, it was the most beautiful feeling of painless release that I have ever encountered. All feelings of pain were eliminated from my body - it was the most wonderful feeling of release that I have ever felt. I was then falling backwards and forwards - just as a leaf falls, My body was naked, as I felt each and every small breeze as my body changed directions in this falling motion like a leaf does. Everything was completely black. I eventually came in contact - back first - with what felt like an ice cold highly polished granite or stone floor. I slid very slowly to a halt on my naked back. I felt I was in a room where two girls sat on a lounge in the middle of it. I cannot give any details of them, except that they were about 20 and with long hair and in flowing robes. There were no walls to be seen - everything was black. I felt the question in my mind, do I wish to go or to stay? I immediately thought of my 12-year-old daughter, and the moment that I did this, there was a rushing sound in my ears and the far noise of these doctors became louder.
All pain then returned to my body with a rush, which was terrible. I awakened in bed in the intensive care and I asked how long I was unconscious for. They said that they had nearly lost me and that I was there for about 15 minutes. Even though it felt as if I was away for only a minute or so... It was the most amazing experience I have ever encountered, and I was reluctant at first to tell anyone about it, in case they thought I was a nut or similar.
I have never felt such relief from all the pain that my body is usually in, (I have had many back operations in the past and broken bones) then I have at the moment I stopped breathing - it was such a welcome release, and if this is what death is, then we have nothing at all to worry about. Yes, the pain of not being able to breathe and the knife like feelings that went with it were not great, but once that last breath was taken. It was such a glorious release!
I have never been scared of death since this experience, but when my wife - who was just 20 years old, was dying next to me due to cancer from Chernobyl, I told her of my experience and not to worry. It helped to calm her. But seeing her last agonized breaths from the other side has made me scared of death all over again. I could not see myself gasping for breath you see, but I could see my beautiful Angels last efforts to live. And it scared me terribly about dying all over again.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 29, 2003 - 07:53 pm:
I believe I have had 3 death experiences.
The first, I remember nothing about. Only when I came out of my coma did I learn of it. Unknowingly to me, I had written down my experience. Only what I wrote is all that I know about it. I wrote that I had died and left my body. I could see myself on my hospital bed with all sorts of tubes going into my body. I was introverted. I saw my father and a dog that I had loved dearly when I was a kid. My father told me that it was not yet my time to die that I had to go back. I balked at this because I told him that I was at last at peace with myself and I would like to go on. He told me no, that God had told him to meet me and send me back because he had a plan for me. I looked at my dog and the dog started shoving me back to my body and my father helped the dog push me.
The second time was when I was at the VA hospital. I was still in a coma, but I remember this one. I tried to tell my wife about it, but she was too upset to listen to me. I was lying in the hospital bed and knew I was dying. I asked myself if this was the way people died. I answered myself, yes this is the way. I felt very peaceful and nothing about the world, my debts, my readings, nothing mattered. I could feel myself slipping into this great peacefulness and saying to myself that I wished I had lived a better life then what I had. After I awakened from my coma, which lasted over 5 weeks, did I find out that the doctors had told my wife to prepare herself for my death. They only gave me a 20% chance of surviving. This was not an out of body experience and I never left my body.
The 3rd one came this January. On January 14, 2003, I was given an operation that was called an absolution. They were trying to find out why my heart kept racing. During this operation, they stuck a probe through my heart. I was instantly transported to Heaven. There was no lights, no tunnels, no anything. I was meeting with a person I had known before he died. We were dressed in a type of uniform. He explained to me that we were fighting a fearful enemy that was trying to take over Heaven. He showed me the beings, which was horrible. I do not remember what they looked like, but I still shudder when I think about this. Then I was handed a sword and a shield. I then started to fight this enemy. I have never used a sword in my life, but I knew how to handle this one. I am left handed, and I was using my left hand to fight. I was winning because these beings did not know how to fight a left-handed man. I had killed some of them when I was told to leave the battle. I headed away from the battle and started looking at my surroundings. Heaven is a very beautiful place. Everything shines like pure gold. There was a golden fence around Heaven. I believe, though not told, that this was what kept the beings out of Heaven. They outnumbered everyone there about 5 to 1 and there are billions, I believe, in Heaven. I stopped because a voice was speaking to me. I do not know who this was, but I dropped to my knees and bowed my head. I put the helmet I was wearing on one of my knees, and put the sword away. The voice told me to remember everything that I could. The voice told me that this was not my fault being there, but he was going to have to send me back to earth because he had a job for me to do. He told me that I was one of his soldiers and he had a mission for me. He told me that he would not tell me what it was, but I would know when the time came and I would act. He also said that I was not alone in this, that other soldiers would also be there to help me and me them. He was still talking to me when I heard another voice telling me to wake up. When I came awake the other voice that I think was God ceased. There was a different doctor and a nurse at my side. I saw a crash cart and electric, I guess you would call them, shockers on a table. I kept asking them what went wrong. They both looked at each other like how did I know something happened?
This is my story. There is more to this, but I would have to be contacted to tell all of it and what else God told me. I am not a religious man and the walls of a church would probably shake if I darkened the door of one. I do now know that that there is a God and I honestly believe that I spoke to Him. My life has changed, I am no longer afraid of death nor do I now believe that I will go to what we call hell. I believe that I was fighting little devils that were very dangerous to us. I do know that once I complete my "job?" I would die soon afterwards.
I hope this has helped you in some ways. This is very hard for me to talk about this because it is so wild. Thank you.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, April 29, 2003 - 11:06 am:
I had very little experience with the ocean. The family and I were down at Ocean City Maryland (circa 1960 before JFK was killed) for a family summer thing. We walked along the board walk and I seemed to have a fascination with those little sea horses or lions they have in the shops, and when I saw them in the shops something told me they were significant, I don't know why but they just were. Later in life, I do not ignore such signs, they are always significant (hope that doesn't sound too weird).
Later that afternoon, I decided that jumping the waves near the shore looked like fun and it was. I was not aware of undertow, so I ventured out to enjoy the sensation of being lifted and let down slow, it was really nice. All of a sudden and without any warning, the undertow grabbed me, it was like someone grabbed my feet and pulled me under the water.
Not knowing how to swim, I went into a panic, I was under the water, terrified beyond description, and thrashing around desperately to save my life. I had no idea of what was up or down ... I was so scarred, I knew I was going to die, I really did. Knowing my number was certainly up, I decided to make it quick and just started to breathe in water as fast as I could, so that it would stop. At the instant I decided it was over and I would hasten it, that is when it got weird!
Instantly, no interval what so ever, I was put in a peaceful dark space all alone, I mean it was empty there. Soon in front of me Sea Horses seemed to dance on by, one actually turned and smiled at me and went on. Having totally forgotten about the drowning. I mean I just forgot. I noticed about 50 feet in front of me something thrashing about. There were bubbles and arms and legs just flailing about, it almost seemed funny for a moment. I looked at it rather non-shaluant, after a brief period I realized (in a panic) it was me!
At the moment of realization another wirier stage insued. I was in a funnel, not unlike what I have seen in sci fi movies known as a wormhole in space-time fabric. I was in the entrance and floating inward. All around me little lights were flickering, like blinking lights on a Christmas tree, they almost felt like they were more than lights maybe alive or something. Towards the end there was a "warm light", it was kind of bright, and for some reason I kinda felt like a being or something was there. In the next instant I felt the sure presence of a being. I could not see it, hear it but I really felt it, and I knew it wanted me. It was not detached either, I felt like I was in its embrace or at least it was just all around me. I knew that I was safe there, no doubt about it. Boy did I need that, I tell you.
If I were to describe what it felt like, it felt like pure Love. I mean this little boy, in the most terrifying thing he could imagine, alone and bewildered had a real friend, a person who's only interest was in me being OK. Once I noticed this, the following words were imparted to my consciousness, they were not spoken, but they were definitely sent. "Do you want to go now?" At that point, I felt like I had some control for the first time since it started. Although I felt good there, I was absolutely alone (but that was ok too). I said "I can't die, my mother is a nervous person and this would really really hurt her"
At that exact instant, and no delay at all, I was on the beach. On my knees coughing up water, it was even coming out of my ears. I remembered that we had an umbrella of red and green (I seem to recall) and looked for it. To my astonishment, it was about 100 yards to my left. When I entered the water from where we were, I went straight ahead. In other words I had drifted about 100 yards under water!
My Impression:
At first I knew it was God and that he was even more loving than all the books and teachers had told us. As time went on, a guy I told this to said "that's just how the brain shuts down, that's why everyone says the same things!" That kinda ruined the whole thing, but as time goes on I seem to feel that the being (God) will revisit me to remind me it is not so. I got the impression he might have something lighted up for me, and I don’t know why but it just feels so. I just hope it is not like the last time, that was too much.
I can remember this experience better than what I did last week! I do feel privileged having had it. When I tell it, I tear up. It is overwhelming even to this day some 43 years later. Lastly, I know you don't know me but please be assured that this is absolute truth, I just feel you need to know that. Don't know why today I am doing this, but that too is almost a compulsion for reasons I can not explain.
Wrapping it up. If that was God (for lack of any other explanation) I know now (don't ask why, I just know it), that what we are told, the expectations God may have, punishment, what people say is true and things like Jesus etc. seem like fabrications and way way out of whack! I just feel like this being had no expectations of me, would never judge me BUT wanted me only to know it was there. I am very important to it and that I'm well cared for no mater what and that we'll meet again perhaps under different circumstances!
By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 23, 2003 - 10:14 am:
My experiences were multiple. Only the initial event is recorded in your "time line."
I will divide my remarks into four sections.
Section 1. Childhood NDE's.
At the age of six, I contracted a severe case of rheumatic fever. I had the complications of carditis, heart arrhythmia’s, paroxysmal nocturnal dyspnea, diurnal shortness of breath etc. I was bed-ridden for seven months. At the time, children were seldom hospitalized...and doctors made house calls, so I was at home throughout.
I recall vividly a series of what I later came to think were forms of NDE’s. There were a number of them, but I cannot recall the exact number.
Each was quite similar to the next.
Each experience began with a deep, rhythmic, loud "roaring" sound. Each pulse of the sound was at an interval of about one second. The sound would grow louder and louder and then suddenly I would be "sucked" into a black tunnel. Each time I was in a sitting position and traveling backwards at what seemed to be incredible speed. I saw no light (I WAS "sitting backwards), but felt and heard a cold wind. After what seemed to be a long (interminable to a little kid) time, my "direction" was reversed and I hurtled back into my body (usually my chest) with a thump.
These occurrences were frightening to me. I can still remember distinctly the horrible rhythmic sound. There were a number of these occurrences, and I got to the point that when I heard the sound I would start to cry, because I knew what was coming.
I don't recall ever telling my parents or anyone (until I was an adult) about these experiences. I have told few about them.
Aftermath---I became very aware of my mortality, and from the time I was six until I was college age, seldom a day would pass without my thinking of death.
I had "seen" tiny beings prior to that in my room and conversed with them, although I always ceased if my parents showed up (I was an only child.) Following the experiences, I began to get messages from various sources, including an Ouija board. I had psychic "flashes" where I "knew" certain things. I always seemed to feel other people’s emotions, and to "understand" their distress. These experiences have continued throughout my life. I am a channeler who does readings for a number of people. I do not charge for these. I also do psychic readings in which I simply "know" things or in which I "see" symbols.
2. Kundalini "Explosion" - June 1997
I call this an explosion, rather than an awakening, because I realize in retrospect that the kundaline experience had been ongoing for a number of years.
This awakening was spontaneous. I had not meditated for many months prior to this, and did no yoga. In fact, I had no knowledge of kundalini at this time.
In April 1997, I had severe back and foot pain. I did not consult a doctor at this time (I am a nurse and hate to go to the doctor.) I was concerned, however, that I might be developing crippling arthritis. It was quite difficult to walk.
One night in June 1997, I felt an "electric shock" travel from my tailbone up my spine and erupt in brilliant light in my head. Instantly, the pain in my feet and back was gone.
The effects of this awakening were prolonged and continue to this day to one extent or another. I won't go into a lot of detail, but here are some points.
1. I began to "see" a progression of past lives. These were usually from the duel point of view of the person whose life I was viewing and from my own present perspective.
2. I saw "runes"---some traditional, some unknown, in motion and in 3D and knew how they were to be interpreted.
3. I had physical changes. For example, I had hot rushes up my spine and for two years had a 5-inch wide red itchy "stripe" up my back. I virtually stopped sweating even in extreme heat, whereas before, I would break into drenching sweats when the temperature was in the high 70s. I slept much more than normal. When I was awake, it was difficult for me to stay out of an altered state. My libido increased dramatically.
4. I found that my beliefs were forever altered. A skeptic, I was unable to remain so when I personally experienced many things that I had scoffed at.
5. I found myself psychically "traveling"--more mental projections rather than out of body, although I have had a few of those.
6. I got reams of channeled material, which was quite enlightening to me.
7. My perception of energy movement increased dramatically, and I felt as if I could manipulate it.
8. I went through a period where I seemed to be a conduit for unconditional love. This was somewhat disconcerting to me, as I, personally, felt no emotion, and yet people (strangers) flocked to me, smiled, gave me things, asked advice, and so on.
9. I became a physical empath; i.e., I began to feel other people's physical pain and discomfort. This was uncannily accurate. The ability to do this extended to online and telephone encounters. The situation grew so marked that it caused me to avoid crowds, or even small gatherings. This situation continues to the present day, although it waxes and wanes.
3. The "Void" Experiences.
1997. I fell into an altered state and found myself traveling into a dark Void. Within this Void, there was only me and I was God. There was no "other." The darkness surrounding me was absolute, and yet it was not empty. The Void seemed pregnant with probability as if every event that ever was or ever will be was contained within it.
I found the experience to be completely acceptable while I was in the Void. I had no emotion or fear. Only being and knowing.
Afterwards, however, when I emerged, I was overwhelmed. I cried for three days because there was no other, and I desperately wanted there to be other.
I have had several Void experiences since then, but the first remains strongly with me, and if I focus on it much then I still feel the welling up of grief for the loss of "other."
4. NDE? 2002
In June, 2002, I suddenly fell ill and was taken by ambulance to intensive care, where I remained for two weeks. I was diagnosed with a bilateral pulmonary embolus (a massive blood clot in both lungs). Every organ in my body was affected.
That first night at the hospital, I found myself telling my family, "I can't do this anymore. I want to die."
I felt as if I were "skating" on a revolving undulating surface, which was much like the surface of a warped phonograph record. As I revolved on the periphery of this surface, I had a very odd feeling which I would characterize as extremely unpleasant, but not painful. I cannot describe the feeling; there are just no words for it.
Then I suddenly was naked and about an inch tall. I was standing in front of a huge blue door, which was slightly ajar. A brilliant yellow-white light was coming from the space beyond the door. At that point, I "knew" that if I stepped into the light I would die. I stood there for a time and then tiptoed past the door.
After this experience, I received messages (channeled) that said a part of me, whom I refer to as "Sharon, too" had died. I was also told that I did enter the light, and this was corroborated by another psychic who independently told me this. I had some memories then, but they could be fantasies. I "remember" being in the room in the light. I "grew" to normal height as I entered. While there, a being (just light) handed me a glass bowl with a white flower floating in it. I looked at the bowl and as I did I had thoughts of my family and dear friends. I handed the bowl back, turned and left the room and the light.
The aftermath of this experience has caused some depression. Where was the "knowing" and the "enlightenment?" What was the purpose of the experience?
I still don't know. But I know this: I have absolutely no fear of death.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, April 23, 2003 - 09:59 am:
I was playing with a friend of mine. He kicked a 2x4 that had a nail stuck in it. It then bounced backed and hit me in the head.
I was knocked out, but I could see a small white light surrounded by darkness. My life then flashed before my eyes. Even things I never remembered. I kept hearing voices too.
I heard and saw my friend trying to wake me up. I felt like I opened my eyes, but he kept asking me to open them, so I was convinced I was dead.
Then, I felt like I was asleep again. And finally I woke up.
I couldn't remember anything at first. My head itched a little, so I scratched it. I looked at my hand and saw it was full of blood. I had a crack in my head about 3 1/2 inches long.
My mother’s friend then sewed it for me and since then, I could never think or remember very good. It traumatized me a lot.
By Anonymous on Thursday, April 10, 2003 - 05:05 pm:
My first encounter with angels occurred in 1974. While
undergoing a surgical procedure, the doctor made a mistake,
cut an artery, and I lost too much blood to sustain life. As my
physical body lay dying on the operating table, I rose up and
surveyed the situation.
I noticed that the doctors and nurses were upset, and were
working desperately to save me. In my ethereal body, with my
mental faculties and personality intact, I went nose-to-nose with
each one and told them to relax, that I was okay, but they ignored me.
Frustrated, I moved higher up, away from my body, and began to
fly. Gravity had no effect on me. Flying was natural and effortless,
sort of like swimming underwater, but in an ocean of brilliant white
light.
I heard a kind and gentle voice speak. Without my asking, the
Voice answered all the big questions about life. Then, my smallest concerns were addressed as if they were matters of great importance. When the Voice told me why Aunt Bettie married Uncle Fred, I giggled with joy and contentment. My curiosity had been completely satisfied, and I felt like a child held in the arms of a loving parent after a hard day at school. The Voice in the Light had anticipated and joyfully fulfilled my needs and desires, with good humor, extreme love and enormous tenderness.
The nurse yelled, "We’re losing her," and at the sound of distress I
was propelled upward. The farther up I went, the brighter the Light became. Two cherubs appeared, one on either side of me, and we
slowly drifted to the corner of the ceiling. We communicated through mental telepathy, which is faster and more efficient than mere words.
They told me they were Escort Angels and had come to take me
Home. But before we could go, I had to look at the body I was
leaving behind. She was twenty-five years old and in perfect health, except for the loss of blood and spirit. I determined that the situation was not serious enough, and in less than an instant I reentered my physical body through the navel. I was back on Earth and suffering from Homesickness.
I looked up at the ceiling to see the Escort Angels fly through the wall, and I became emotionally distraught. I was embarrassed because I had forgotten to thank them for coming to get me. Years later, whenever I thought about my lack of good manners, I cringed inside. One day, I heard one of them say, "Why don't you thank us now?" I laughed, relieved that I could right a wrong. I said, "Thank you," and I saw balloons, confetti, and two tiny cherubs dancing in celebration.
By Anonymous on Monday, April 7, 2003 - 02:08 pm:
I was hit by a car while riding a motorcycle. My head went into the windshield, and my leg was nearly ripped off.
I felt no pain. I lied there and was bleeding so much that my heart stopped.
When I woke up in ICU I didn't know what happened. I remember to this day of telling my dad and mom that I wasn't afraid anymore of death.
I haven't ever really told anyone about what happened or how differently I felt after the accident. I was always reluctant to talk about it because it was the greatest thing to ever happen to me and I didn't want to be just blown off by someone telling me I was crazy.
I see certain signs now. I believe there is a spirit inside everyone. I don't believe in any certain religion. I think your spiritual side is something you should try and develop on your own. Not be taught what to believe and not be told what you can do and not do.
I was hit by a car while riding a motorcycle. I should have died. I've even questioned myself that maybe I did die.
As the years pass I still have that same thought that I came out of the experience with. I'm not afraid of death. It is not the end.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 25, 2003 - 09:51 pm:
I was driving down the national highway on a scooter when a buffalo attacked me and threw me off my bike. The attack was so severe that I somersaulted and skidded quite a distance before coming to a stop.
The one thing that I do remember from this and why I consider this to be a NDE for me, is during the split second when I was going through the accident and falling all over the place, my mind was somewhere outside the body. I felt no pain and was very relaxed at that point of time. My whole life flashed before me in those few seconds. I remembered things that happened with me a long time back and I remembered every detail about them. But the most remarkable thing is that I never felt afraid during this, I was very much relaxed. It was almost like as if I was a spectator watching someone else getting involved in an accident. Every mistake that I had done in my life, knowingly and unknowingly flashed before me. Everyone who had come in contact with me, I saw all of there faces and also felt a realizations for all my acts. I also remember seeing a light but not very clearly.
I opened my eyes and saw some villagers trying to help me. I was not sure who they were, and the first thing I asked them was, was I alive or dead. When they told me that I was alive, I again slipped back to unconsciousness but this time I clearly saw the light and also heard "its not your time", then I woke up, taken to a hospital and was treated over there.
It took me a long time to understand what had happened with me, and today even if no one believes me I do believe in life after death and today I am no longer afraid of death, today death is as beautiful as life to me maybe it is more beautiful then life. At least the preview that I had made me feel that way.
My NDE has definitely changed my life, maybe it was someone’s idea of improving me a little bit. Before this incident I was short tempered, always angry, used to fight a lot and never believed in god. But today I can say that I have changed and have changed a lot, how I do not know because I have not tried to. I just changed after the accident, just happened.
Today the questions that I have on my mind are not about life or death. Because today I know that both of them are very much real. I used to think that when a person dies, that person goes into a deep sleep, something like a computer which is turned off. But now I know that death is not a deep sleep, you are very much awake after you die and very much alert. Today death is just like life to me, the only difference being the place, which will change once you die.
I know death is beautiful. I know that in the back of my head and today I am looking forward to the day I will die. I am looking forward to finding the ultimate truth about life and death. And I know it will be beautiful.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 18, 2003 - 08:05 pm:
I had a sinus infection that just wouldn't go away. I went to the Treatment Center in our town to see a doctor and he prescribed an antibiotic. I told him that in the past I had had stomach problems with antibiotics and he assured me that there were no side effects with the medication and that I should take it. I should have followed my own instincts and not taken it, but I did.
After four days of taking it, I woke up in the middle of the night with a fever and chills and felt very, very bad. I went to the bathroom and was passing blood. I went into the living room and lay down on the couch. My husband followed me and lay down on the other couch.
I was resting when I very suddenly left my body. It was very sudden. I mean, I didn't hang around looking at my physical body or anything. Just one minute I was in my body and the next I was in this place that was hard to explain. It was a nothing place with light fog or mist, I guess you could say. I felt fine...calm, not scared at all, just kind of interested in where I was.
Then out of the mist comes the pastor of my church and I was sooooo glad to see him! I was overjoyed to see him. He was a wonderful man and everyone loved him. And I said, "Oh, D____! I'm so glad to see you! How are you?" But he seemed very upset and had a very worried face and began waving his arms around and he was just acting frantic. So I said, "Aren't you glad to see me? I've missed you so much since you died last summer!" And then it hit me and I said, "If you're dead and I'm here with you, then..." And he started nodding his head frantically.
Just as suddenly I slammed back into my body. I came back so hard that I fell off the couch and onto the floor. I had no idea how sick I really was. I was very weak. I crawled over to the other couch where my husband was asleep. I reached up and grabbed his foot and when he woke I just said, "Hospital". When my husband took my temperature it was 105 degrees.
We found out that the antibiotic I had taken had wiped out all the good organisms in my intestines and I got an overgrowth of a germ called clostridia. I'm not sure how you spell it. I was passing a lot of blood and blood tests showed that the infection was in my blood as well. I was very, very ill and I'm sure they feared for my life. There was really nothing they could do for me except keep me hydrated. Finally my personal physician gave me an antifungal medication. It had the effect of sloughing off the infection in my intestines. I think he was very clever to do that. I also used herbal teas to help.
The doctors refused to admit that the infection was caused by the antibiotic, but it was. They didn't want to take responsibility. Their official diagnosis was "psuedomembraenous colitis". It should have read "We almost killed her".
I was very weak for a long, long time after that and I think it was a miracle I survived. I lost a lot of weight and it took a long time to get back to strength again. I had a lot of digestive problems for a few years afterward, but I'm fine now.
I have had other experiences I think were nde's, but I have never been in the light. I have always regretted that...been really sad about that. I was sick a lot as a little child and left my body many times but I never made it to the light. And once I left on purpose during a period of depression. So many times in my life I have just cried and cried and wanted to go Home. I mean my REAL Home.
I would like to tell you about my other experiences? Please let me know if you would like to hear them.
Thank you.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 18, 2003 - 07:54 pm:
I was driving towards home with my two son's in the car when a car struck us from behind as I was making maneuvers to the outer lane to take a right turn a few hundred yards up the road. We were perused by the car and hit a second time. I came through as the emergency services were cutting us out of the car. My son Justin was sitting in the front passenger seat and Allan was sitting in the rear directly behind Justin. Allan was 14 and Justin was 16 at the time. I felt no pain and thought about how straight I was sitting. Everything inside the car looked normal. I looked at Justin and saw he had something in his mouth to open his airways. I could not get a response from him. I tried to move but could not. A man was on his hunkers beside my window and I told him I had to get out, my children were hurt. He told me to stay where I was that they were there to help me. I began to scream for Justin, pleading with him to answer me. There was no sound from Allan and I screamed for him until I heard him cry. I prayed and pleaded with Jesus to give me all my children's pain and leave them alone, I cried out for my babies.
I felt something ripping from me, like a force leaving my body, energy leaving the car, Allan and I screamed for Justin but I knew he was gone.
I remember nothing after that until I was in an ambulance on my way to the hospital. My sons were taken in another ambulance to another hospital. I faded into a place that was tranquil and quiet. There was no light and no sound.
At some stage later in the evening I opened my eyes and my husband was there. All I could see was his face, everything else was blackness and his face. I asked about Allan and then told him that I knew Justin was dead. I asked about Justin's organs, as I knew Justin had a donor card and he said that the hospital Justin had been brought to wanted to know about Justin's eyes. After that I went back to the quiet place and I had a great sense of peace. I felt no discomfort or pain.
The accident happened on the 18th July 1995 at 17.03. On the 25th July I regained consciousness at midday. Many things were happening as I came through. The Angelus was ringing on the radio in the background in the Intensive Care Unit. A few days later I was moved into a main ward. As I began to "come down" I experienced great pain in my heart. Over the coming days my family related to me what had happened in the week.
On the day and right at the time that I came through Justin was being escorted to the cemetery with a police escort making sure nothing crossed his path. He was with the people who loved him. Over the days after the 25th I got a great sense that I had been with Justin for the week I was "unconscious". I remained with him until he was "settled". My senses were very alert and I had vivid dreams. When people came into my room they commented on the great sense of peace there. Some people did not want to leave the peace. I was told that the night I was brought to the hospital I was sedated but they could not get me to rest, I just talked and talked. All the nurses who attended me learnt every thing there was to know about Justin. When they came to my room after I regained consciousness I wondered how they knew all the things they knew about me and I was told I had told them the evening I arrived at the hospital. My daughter and sister who had spent all that first evening with me thought I was aware I was very alert because of how I was talking. I had visions of myself sitting talking to them. I could see and feel myself sitting on the edge of the bed talking to them swinging my legs but I was actually laid flat with a head brace on to protect my head and neck incase these were injured in the crash.
I was on a life support machine during my week in intensive care. I had a smashed pelvis, broken ribs, fractured tibia and fibula on my right leg, broken femur and hip in my left leg and massive bruises. My family was on alert for the first three days as doctors said it was touch and go for me.
I used to have a great fear of death and dying but not anymore. I have had dreams about planes crashing into each other and debris falling from the sky, of the sun falling from the sky, of being chased around a car park by a car with blacked out windows.
Many people were amazed when they witnessed the subtle messages I got even when they were present, like Justin's favourite songs playing on the radio at times when various people were in the room with me or if I was sad. This also happened when I went back to places I used to visit with Justin before he died.
I find it very difficult to put my experiences into words and I am not sure if one would call my experience near death but I believe something amazing happened to me. Today I know I can tell what certain people are thinking, I know things I would not have been so sure of before the accident. I am driven to help others and help them heal and understand that death is nothing to fear. I have been connected with people who are working in the area of spiritual renewal.
I guess perhaps some feedback on thoughts about my experience would be appreciated if nothing else.
By Anonymous on Saturday, March 15, 2003 - 01:28 pm:
I had an operation to remove most of the neck of my womb due to pre-cancerous cells.
It was after the operation. I thought I was sitting up on the trolley. I felt a powerful calmness like I had never felt in my life. I was totally at peace. I saw all these nurses round the trolley fiddling around looking worried and I wondered why they weren't looking at me. I looked down over my left shoulder to where their hands appeared to be fiddling and saw myself apparently asleep. I realized the nurses were trying to help me in some way and I remember thinking "Oh! - That’s me!” I just watched for a few seconds and I saw a man who I later learned was the surgeon come through these doors with some urgency. He asked, "What's the matter?" and someone replied "It's her heart". I was in no pain at all and when I looked down forwards I felt I was joined at the waist as if my spirit was half outside of my body. At the time this was happening I didn't question anything. I wasn't scared or worried. Just calmly interested in what was going on as if my body was actually someone else.
The next thing I recall I was being wheeled down the corridor back to my room and I was in a lot of pain and pleading with the nurse to give me something to get rid of it. I was kicking my legs in agony. Then I drifted in and out of sleep having my pulse monitored regularly.
When my boyfriend visited he woke me up and I told him about this bizarre 'dream' I had experienced. He immediately took the clipboard from the end of my bed and it showed my heart had slowed to around 40 beats a minute. Without thinking, I described the recovery room in detail as one of the nurses was in the room and she couldn't believe how I knew what it looked like as she said I was in a very deep sleep in there. She seemed alarmed by my knowledge.
It wasn't until months later that I recognized this experience as an out of body experience. I wish I could feel that calm all the time!!!
By Anonymous on Saturday, March 15, 2003 - 01:22 pm:
It was at my sisters wedding and I was best man to my brother in law. I had been drinking a bit more than normal but, not major. I had just done my best man speech and went outside for a bit of fresh air (this so far is only on the say so of people telling me of the build up).
I just collapsed on the spot. All I can remember was total blackness and spots of white light coming to me and me going to them. I felt a floating sensation and I realized that I was going really fast. The dots of light were starting to form together and out of the light came out a feature of a face, which was my late fathers, and he said that I was not ready.
Then, I quickly awoke in the back of an ambulance with medics and my wife who was in hysterics. I awoke shouting, “please take me”.
Whilst I was unconscious there was a nurse at the party who later told me and my wife that she thought I was going as my pulse was becoming weaker and weaker. The paramedics said I was very close and they were surprised that when I awoke I was fine and my heart rate etc. went back to normal in quick time.
I have never spoken to anyone about this. I will now show my wife for the first time what I have typed out.
By Anonymous on Saturday, March 15, 2003 - 01:07 pm:
I used to have a lot of migraine headaches (which stopped after this experience). I was at my parent’s house. I had taken some medication for my migraine, and because of this I was staying at my parents. I just lit up a cigarette.... And..... Went out!
I found myself in a place that was devoid of everything except, a doorway of white/gold light. I had a consciousness, no body, and could see all around at once. I moved, thought to go towards the doorway of light, which by the way was as large as the darkness around it (I cant think of another way to describe this) and as I approached this doorway another Light became apparent just before the doorway. It was like a welcome mat of sorts. I had a sense of beginning to pass over the mat, almost into the doorway when, I heard from a great distance away my name “Geeoorrgggeee”. I recognized the name and the moment I did, I was racing at a breath-taking speed through the darkness. It felt almost like I was going backwards, towards and into another space/time and, found myself cracking back into my body through the top of my head. I sat bolt upright, knowing already who and where everyone in the room was, there were 2 paramedics and my parents.
My first response was to tell my mother everything was ok now. I was sooo at peace, it was such a profound peace that I cant describe it except that it was all Loving. I was told that once my father got me breathing again, I was "out" for another 20-30 minutes. The paramedics continued giving me oxygen and at first I didn’t want to go to the hospital, but couldn’t sign my name on the form, so I ended up going for about 15 minutes, until with the help from the oxygen I was clear headed.
The Peace I felt was so profound I wish I could explain it and even share it with others. As well for the next 6 months or so I was getting different revelations at a rate of about one per week. The revelations slowly went away after about 2 years and also I had no fear of death since. And, no more migraine headaches since. Although, now I do have sinus headaches. Oh as well, sometime after I had for about a 3 weeks span, maybe more, a number of instances where I thought my head was going to explode. At times it was so intense I had to drop to the floor with my hands on my head in a vain effort to hold it in, so it wouldn’t explode.
Umm I think that’s about it, there may be more but, that’s all I can remember right now. The Peace I felt, man I wish we all could feel it!!!!
By Anonymous on Saturday, March 15, 2003 - 12:48 pm:
After ignoring burning sensations in my chest for two days, I began to experience pain going down my arms.
I decided to drive myself from work to a nearby hospital. I arrived at the emergency room with about an hour to spare. They had me all hooked up and had given me something for gas and then a nitroglycerin tablet which only increased my chest pain.
I felt my legs going numb and told them something was happening.
I passed out and found myself surrounded by this warm peaceful golden light. I was then welcomed by a group of people dressed in white who I recognized. I felt this incredible amount of LOVE that could best be described as GOD'S LOVE. I would have gladly stayed there for eternity.
I then found myself coming to and greeted by a very pale and nervous technician. He said it was the first time he had used the paddles to bring someone back to life. I remember being upset because I realized I had forgotten the people in white who had welcomed me and leaving all the LOVE behind.
Then reality set in. I had seven IVs' and a nice burn mark on my chest. One week later I had a triple bypass which went well with little anxiety since I no longer feared death.
Afterwards, I could not put the experience out of my mind. I told a few people about it and one of them said I had a NDE and there were some related WEB sites.
Since then, I have had some unique and wonderful experiences. One is a sensitivity to contemporary religious music which before, I was ambivalent to. I feel like a human juke box sometimes and hear a lot of, Michael W. Smith’s music playing in my head, especially when I feel stressed. I also try to read the Bible every day. The "Good News" seems to have taken on a whole new meaning. I'm still trying to make sense of my NDE and discern God's will.
By Anonymous on Monday, March 3, 2003 - 07:14 pm:
When I was a young boy some friends and me were sliding down a muddy bank racing each other, unfortunately the end of bank ran into a back road. On one of these burn ups I overshot the slide straight into the road into the path of an oncoming car. The car was travelling at about 30 to 35 mph, the outcome was as you can imagine not a good day out.
I sustained two broken legs one upper and lower two broken ankles and bad back injury. I forget now the extent of that. Anyway, I remember bits and pieces of the journey to hospital and initially at the hospital. I have no idea of the time scale but at some point during or after my operation I had what I can only describe as a major happening.
I was in total light, absolute light I had no body just my mind . I felt totally at peace. Then, it wasn’t a voice as such but, it was communication in my head that asked me if I wanted to move on from this place I was in to another place same as this but better or if I wanted I could go back. I did not hesitate, I wanted to stay with this place whatever it was wild horses wouldn’t make me go back. For some reason or another that wasn’t the answer they wanted. To cut a long story short, I was shown things about my future, people I would meet people that weren’t even born what I had in store if I went back. So never being one to miss out on anything, I came back.
Over the years I’ve had an inner feeling that I was going to be alright no matter how bad things got or whatever scapes I got myself into they would sort themselves out. I was going to have a good life and up to now that’s been spot on.
I’ll just tell you of one thing that’s happened since the accident that’s proof to me. About 4 years after it I was about 17, me and some of my mates were at a youth disco we were sitting at this table and, there were two rather tasty girls dancing in front of us. One of my mates wanted me to come with him and chat them up but, I declined. For some unknown reason I knew I just knew that one of the girls would be my wife but, now wasn’t the time. Not just a girlfriend but without question destiny said wife. I had seen her before and after many times. We were married 11 years later and have a beautiful 4-year-old girl.
What happened to me is not something I shout about. I’ve only told three people but, it happened. I don’t feel blessed or religious either, it was at the time and to me now a totally natural experience.
By Anonymous on Monday, March 3, 2003 - 06:59 pm:
I was at the local sauna with my wife Marjie, when about three to four minutes into it I began to feel real funny. My left arm became numb, and I kind of knew that if I didn't get out of there immediately that I would pass out.
We had been doing the sauna thing for about a year and I was used to going in. My wife got me out and started applying cold wet towels to my head. I had trouble standing so I sat down in a deck chair. It was at this moment that things really started to go.
I remember trying to keep conscious with all my will, but I was slipping. At that moment according to my wife I let out the last breath of air, what she described as the death rattle.
What I experienced at the same time was, one there was no tunnel, at least of what I remember. I suddenly found myself in a waiting area, it was like a room with no dimensions, but filled with the beautiful light that has no source. I knew immediately that I was in a place that I knew from before. It was like going home. I remember the vibration was at a much higher rate, and it felt, as though for the first time in a long time that I was completely free. I distinctly remember looking at my right hand which was almost like an outline of a hand, but with almost a sparkle type of cast to it. I guess it wasn't a hand in the traditional sense, but something more beautiful. I also remember saying, or more like thinking, "what the hell happened, I must have died." I did not want to leave this place, I wanted to stay even though I had been married only a short while. I did not meet any deceased loved ones, but I felt they were coming to greet me. I cannot put into words the joy that I felt in my brief stay, but I will surely try to paint it.
When I came back, it was painful I felt the gravity, the wet coldness of the tile floor, the slowdown of the vibration, all of the things that this plane has to offer. My experience is as vivid today as it was over nine years ago.
By Anonymous on Monday, March 3, 2003 - 06:51 pm:
Never could describe it, but from 1993 -1996 I created an 18"x24" collage that's about as representative. (That was before I discovered computers; I have now reworked it a bit digitally from the original, though it's relatively the same as before. I don't seem to follow the typical nde pattern which explains the (?) above.
I had a seizure of some sort related to medication & was in intensive care unconscious for a couple days. They released me on the third day, with no dx, & that evening I had this epiphany or whatever.
If anyone's curious I will email it via jpg format, but the telling of it leaves me speechless.
I can only say I emerged with a total understanding of the machinations of the universe and the phrase, "love is the answer, communication is the key."
By Anonymous on Monday, March 3, 2003 - 06:46 pm:
I had a near-death experience in 1985 at the age of 30. I drowned.
I saw the faces of great aunts and uncles that I had known in my youth. My spirit became a giant light. I saw, in my mind the high points of my life (there were only four of them!?!?) I began to leave my body before my physical body had even begun to die. And I argued with some being about my future missions in this life. I was made to come back to help people. To give them hope and to awake in them an awareness of a vaster universe that they already live in. It was an astonishing and unexpected experience for me.
In this death experience, I realized the following things:
. Death is painless. Dying is like going to sleep; only you are still awake and alert.
. We are more alive after death than we are here, on this planet.
. Unnecessary acts of kindness count a lot. Beliefs are far less important than most people think.
. The quality of person that you are in this life directly reflects your quality of life in the next phase of your existence. I wasn't dead long enough to find out a lot about the next phase. Only that there is one.
What changed for me?
. I see people's actual spirit, not their auras, the actual them. If they died right then, I see whatever would be left "floating around".
. I feel people's emotions as though they were inside of me.
. I know that people's thoughts erupt from different parts in their brain and coalesce into central thoughts that they either focus on or express to others. Our minds work with pictures; the variation of internal images is immense. There are many little "yous" inside your brain that make up the big "you" that you talk to people with and think that you are.
. People's thoughts and emotions (especially) are broadcast all over the place. They emanate from their entire bodies.
What do I offer others?
. Encouragement. I can "create" you into a whole person.
. Empowerment. I enhance people's abilities to feel other's emotions, to have reliable intuition, to make things happen with the power of their being.
. Enthusiasm. When you become truly human, life is exciting.
What keeps me going?
What interests me is the quality of a person's inner being. A person's inner being is pre-speech, and is more basic than emotions. It is your source of personal power and is your real self-identity. This part is frustrating to explain and is so very important for people to understand. Sigh.
And how, with an adjustment to a person's inner being, however slight, profound changes happen through time to that person and to the ones around that person. That, above all, is the most amazing thing to me.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 11:08 am:
I have written in detail about this in my book, (Galde Press,2001 available on Amazion) in "Pathways Through Pain, a spiritual journey."
..woke up frorm TMJ surgery. ...Teeth wired, (surgery didn't go well, they couldn't stop the bleeding or get the wires in my jaw joints and jaw bone to "stick". My face was all bandaged except for eyes and nose, and upper part of mouth. I was in terrrible pain, and choking on blood filling my throat and lungs, (before asperated out) I floated outside my body and stopped fighting and hurting.
My pain was so terrible I couldn't believe each breath screamed or that you could be alive feeling so much pain! I then went into a peaceful void, (could see LIGHT and beings in the distance). Suddenly it got a little darker and these snarling nasty growling creatures enclosed around me, trying to prevent me from going to the LIGHT! I got angry and yelled, "I rebuke you and send you to the LIGHT!" (did it three times). (I had never used that statement before in my life!)
The creatures left suddenly upon the third yell of that statement, the beings got closer. I was in the light and they told me to go back! I cried and pleaded not to go back, I didn't want to go back! They said I wasn't finished yet. (Great!)
I "fell" back into my body, immediately in unbelievable pain, and felt somene sucking the blood out of my mouth with a long red tube (through a broken tooth) and after what seemed like a couple of minutes, I stopped gagging, starting breathing, and that was that.
The ryhmes had already started with the first of the (previous) of four cancers within four years, but after this TMJ surgery experience, (it came last) my clairvoyant/psycjic gifts, and speaking in rhyme, went over the top!
Has anyone else developed this ability and gifts like me? I would love to meet them and hear their story.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, February 19, 2003 - 08:34 pm:
It started with green and purple flashes in front of my eyes.
I then experienced that I was sat up outside my body. I was aware that my body was still lying on my bed. There was a beautiful light, small at first but grew as it became closer. I felt a deep sense of peace, my thoughts were still as if nothing was important except this deep feeling of peace and beauty. A voice, that was unrecognizable to me, said, "You've gone too far. You've died." It was a beautiful voice, calm, soft, loving. I wasn't shocked at what the voice had said, I was still extremely peaceful. The voice said again, "You've gone too far you've died" then it said "Breathe, breathe you'll be all right."
I was sat up outside my body but I could feel myself lying down trying to breathe.
The next moment, it was like I sat up and caught myself inside myself. The light that I had been focused on faded outside the window and the darkness that had surrounded the light melted into the shadows of my bedroom.
After taking the overdose, I had no serious illness and did not seek medical help. Physically my eyesight was improved, colours seemed brighter and detail was sharper. Other lights had colours around it like a spectrum, that hadn't been seen before and people sometimes had auras of colour around them as well.
I felt for the first time ever a love and acceptance of myself and others that didn't exist before. I can't explain what ALL ONE is but I know that we are all one.
I felt saddened after the experience because of the lack of respect people show to one another.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, February 19, 2003 - 08:25 pm:
It was the summer of 1967 early afternoon the last day before summer vacation 6 or 8 of us skipped school to go to the river to hang out.
I remember 2 kids jumped into the river and swam across to the lock and dam and the other boys and girls both went into the woods to be alone except one other boy and myself. I said to him looking at the other two boys across the river “I wish I could swim”. I loved the water but I could not swim.
He picked up this blown up car inner tube and handed it to me and said "Throw this in the water" Then jump in when you come up grab it, but throw it above the current a little. I can swim. I will be right here.
So I did, When I got back on the rock we talked a bit then he went off somewhere. I was sitting there thinking how much I liked it. So I went to do it on my own, but I dove in this time which means I went deeper in the water, when I came back up the tube was down out of reach. I went down again I came back up kicking but I could not call out because I had taken in so much water. So I was on my way down again the last thing I saw was a bridge. A high bridge which was to my left. Then I felt the water getting colder and I gave up and blacked out.
When I came to, I thought I was above the bridge. In the sky floating toward this bright light. I was lighter than air. I had no cares in the world. I felt great, I wanted to keep going. I guess out of curiosity I looked down and saw people standing in a circle on the rock and someone in the middle on top of someone. Then I recognized the kid in the middle was as the kid with the tube earlier and I knew it was me underneath.
Then I came to again with him on top of me pumping the water out of me. I remember he still had his shirt on and pack of cigarettes in his pocket was wet. The water was running out of his cigarettes and was burning my eyes from the wet tobacco. Yet to this day I do not know his name but he saved my life that day.
Out of almost 50 years I have never felt as good as I did then floating in the sky, nothing has ever come close to that experience.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 01:53 pm:
Emergency Caesarean after 28 hrs labour. Pelvic opening too small. Inexperienced surgeon , only one that year. Operation started 6.30 pm. Paralyzed but could still hear conversations around me.
Darkness. Then floating sensation, up high looking down on my body and staff, no ceiling. Heard & saw & smelt. seemed normal at the time, not frightened, alarmed, no pain, just curious, fascinated. As though happening to someone else.
Lots of alarms going off by my head, lots of activity, another doctor called in. I ignored what was happening to me, interested in birth. Already prepared and cut, so few minutes I must have been out. Saw surgeon pull baby out, swearing as stuck, enlarge opening, then more swearing as cord around neck, lots of activity, no crying from baby, awful smell, lots of blood, not clear view of baby as staff bending over, only see top of heads. Off to one side, saw and heard Irish accented nurse discussing her engagement party last night, seemed strange amid all this noise (and chaos to me), she took a box out of trouser pocket, opened it showed to another nurse, now realize the ring.
Another nurse discussing film she saw, Top Gun at cinema.
Then all noise drowned out by rushing noise, like wind in bamboo and I 'turned over' and was drawn up, floating but, like blown along, through darkness towards light, wonderful warm safe secure light, diffused light, clear bluish, brighter in center, too bright to look at centre. Felt wonderful, most wonderful feeling ever, safe, warm loved, no more pain, promise of no more pain, worries ever. Wanted so much to go towards light. Then above wind noise heard my baby cry. Looked away from light back to darkness, just for minute looked back to light, wanted to go to light but also wanted to go back to my baby. Another cry. Baby needed me. Drawn back to dark to pain.
Woke up 10 am next morning. staff worried as 'out' for so long. Wonderful sense of peace, secure, cared for, not by staff, as inexperienced, but by 'something'. Also for my baby. Staff concerned for baby, as oxygen starvation, cord had been wrapped round her neck. 50% chance of brain damage. But I knew not, knew she was safe was going to be strong, healthy, special. Baby medivaced back. 3rd. Staff amazed at how calm I was. Husband also, not usual for me. Tried to tell him and staff about amazing experience, no one listened, just drugs, a dream, they were embarrassed. post natal depression! Stopped talking about it.
Found out from my notes that my heart had stopped during the operation and I had been resuscitated. The surgeon had made an enlarging cut as her head was small compared to her shoulders, the cord had been around her neck and there had been 'complications'. Also found out via grapevine that Irish nurse had got engaged the night before. Film Top Gun had been on the night before, no way of knowing as we lived other end of island, different Cinema & spent previous 28 hrs in labour room!
I know that it was real. It has changed my life, more than just having a baby. I feel that we are both 'protected' and that she is special in some way, I was sent back to protect guide her, to be her mother. I feel that I've been given a second chance a new purpose, not sure what yet, to be her mother or healing? Now work with Special Needs children with M.E. which I've had myself for 9 years. Never 'religious’ before experience, not really in a conventional way now, but know that there is a soul, an afterlife and that its wonderful. Not scared of dying, know its wonderful.
Hope this will help others. I wanted to share it with you.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 01:39 pm:
As a scuba instructor I was an experienced diver and able to hold my breath for 3 minutes and swim under water 100 meters or more. Unsatisfied with my life at 24 I willingly drowned myself in a swimming pool where I was giving instructions.
I (my soul or spirit) entered a tunnel of bright greenish light and felt completely serene, welcome, at the right place. The wall of the tunnel existed of a dynamic spiral of greenish light. I had to travel light years and certainly was not in contact with the other side immediately. There was no communication at first.
I must have stayed under water at least 15 minutes before I was taken out. Comrades trained in First Aid tried artificial respiration but failed. A medical doctor concluded clinical death of heart and brain. An ambulance was called for transportation to a hospital.
My comrades refused to accept my death and restarted their efforts to reanimate me. I heard my girl friend strongly call me back but I did not want to re-enter my blue body that I had seen lying down there on the white tiles.
Then I got a message 'from above' to return and do what was in stock for me. I was given very clear instructions how to live my life and never, never do this again.
Spontaneously I began to breath again. In the hospital I was kept in an artificial coma for two weeks to rest my brain and when allowed to regain consciousness I knew exactly what had happened and what I had to do. Physically my so called short memory and my breathing centre were damaged but, I was able to fulfill my military duties and use my talents and build a career.
My personality had changed completely, I had become who I wanted to be. People call me a good person. I am detached, meaning that I can miss anything, money, goods, wife, children, friends, myself. I am not afraid of anything, the least of death. This does not mean that these things do not interest me, I love them and want them and fight to have and to keep them, but if it so happens that they are lost I can live with that, because I know what life is and what death is. The great difference is that after a NDE KNOWING has come in the place of BELIEVING / SUPPOSING /GUESSING. It sound perhaps hypocritical but I feel I am above all religions. I see religions as an attempt to create heaven or a connection with above, the creator and the use of rites to make it easier to achieve that connection. Every religion and science is a restriction of the free mind. It is so simple: open up and the direct connection is there. May be it is not so simple and one has to die first. Well that's worth it!
Even today I can re-enter that tunnel at will and spend some time 'over there'. My wife notices my leaving my body as a uncontrolled shock, somewhat like in a seizure. I can acquire any knowledge and wisdom regarding humanity, society, science as well as individual people and use that in my own life. This knowledge may have to do with things that are about to happen, but I cannot change fate, I can only help people at that moment and after it happened because I am prepared and know the meaning of it. There usually is some 'key' to the use of that knowledge. It is understood that things are being developed and will come thru at the proper time via somebody's mind (invention, inspiration).
A true enrichment is what I learned about former lives and the friends over there I can discuss essential life questions with.
Of practical use is the service to anyone. I can ask questions for them and pass on the answers like a medium.
I feel this NDE was necessary for me and I love it, it made my life rich by unselfishness and whole by giving all of myself.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 04:45 pm:
I was in a RTA a few miles from my home. I blacked on the point of impact.
Light gradually dawned in the darkness and I became aware I was in a boundless, well lit, misty place.
I then became aware of a Buddha-like entity who spoke to me by thought.
It became apparent that I could choose whether or not to 'come back'...
He showed me images of my life- my pregnant girlfriend, my family who would miss me and blame themselves, etc ...
so it seemed there was no choice; I remember jolting back into my body and coughing and struggling for breath.
My neck was broken and I remain paralyzed but, for partial use of my arms; although life as a tetraplegic isn't easy and sometimes the strain on myself and family is intense, the NDE has left me with a real faith that there is a god and that we are more than just these perishable bodies.
Strangely, I feel far happier and more at one with life than I ever did before .
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 01:22 pm:
My bowel was perforated during a routine surgery to remove an ovarian cyst. The doctor wasn't aware he had cut my intestine. Within 24 hours I was rushed back to surgery to fix the leak in my intestines, but it was too late the infection had spread through my body and caused my heart to stop three times during the surgery.
After or during the surgery...
I appeared to my room mate to be unconscious, however I was somewhere else all together. I had met up with my deceased first husband. He had come to greet me. He was smiling and moving towards me. I recognized him right away although he looked somewhat different. I was sure it was him. His welcoming frightened me and I turned to my room mate (who is alive) who quickly assured me that everything was ok. When I turned back to my deceased husband he had gone. Behind where he stood was Jesus. He did not speak, but some how communicated the message "I am". Then he evaporated into the wall behind him leaving perforated marks on the wall that left an outline of Christ. Those perforations then turned to blood and flowed downward towards the floor, then disappeared. I reminded myself to tell my daughters that their father's spirit was not dead. I had seen him and Christ. He only said I am, and nothing else. Christ had not spoken those words through his mouth as we would speak. I heard what he was telling me. As if Christ had known that I had doubted his very existence since my granddaughter had died years ago. He knew I wasn't a believer and he was there to show me he existed. I saw him one other occasion. He manifested himself in the same way, and exited the room when he was finished in the same way. We had a conversation, although regretfully it was not for me to be allowed to remember what we discussed.
Later I found myself in an empty parking lot in the snow. It was very dark and there were several parked cars in the snow. I was watching myself from above looking down at myself as I brushed the snow away from each window looking into the cars. Finally I found a car with someone inside and I had a brief conversation with them. I could not hear what I was saying to the occupants of the car as I was watching myself from above.
A security guard then arrived in a golf cart and asked me if I needed any help. I could hear him. I then realized that I shouldn't be out in this dark parking lot alone. All of a sudden I began to feel frightened. It was dark and snowing heavily although I wasn't cold, I realized it was dangerous for me to be out alone in the dark parking lot. I returned to my body in ICU.
My fever broke. I started to become more conscious. Then I became more and more aware of my surroundings, More and more aware of my pain and the seriousness of my condition.
My nurse had come in and freed my restrained hands. She warned me not to pull my ventilator out of my lungs. I finally understood that the tubing was my lifeline. I cooperated with my nurse. When my room mate arrived and found my hand unrestrained she panicked, then quickly realized I was not going to reach for my tubing. I seemed to be coming out of a two-week stupor.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 01:13 pm:
I was four years old and at a park with some friends and my sister. I fell into a stream. I remember seeing the continuation of the nearby bridge under the water and trying to kick my leg out to reach the bank.
The next thing I know is that I am on the bottom of the stream but instead of there being mud or sand I am in a beautiful garden. I remember being surprised at this. I see a female figure dressed in a long white robe. We are standing near a flower covered arch. Everything is very peaceful. The woman tells me that I am not allowed to go through the arch because if I did I would not be able to return.
The next thing I know is that I am on the bank with someone pressing on my back, there is water coming out of my mouth.
My sister later took me home and only told my parents that I had fallen in the water, I think we got into trouble. It was not until a couple of weeks later that I was out shopping with my mother and the woman who got me out of the stream came over (apparently she went to the same church as us) and asked how I was. She told my mother that she thought I was a 'goner' and had given me CPR. I am not aware of how serious my condition was.
I realize that my experience is not as profound as most of the accounts I have read and unfortunately I do not remember what happened immediately afterwards, in fact I have very few memories of my childhood. I have only told a few people about this and have looked at the IANDS web site many times thinking about recounting my experience but thinking it wasn't a 'good enough' account. However, now that I have written it down I feel very good about having done so.
Many years later, in adulthood, I was watching a film in which a man was struggling in the water, when he finally sank below the surface. I experienced this wonderful feeling of peace, a feeling of letting go and it was marvelous. I felt like I knew this, like a memory.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 01:07 pm:
I don't know how to really describe my experience.
My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer Sept. 26, 2002 and, two weeks later we took her to emergency room because she was having trouble breathing. The last week of her life she spent in ICU where she had to be resuscitated on Nov. 1.
My family decided to sign a DNR form. That Fri. night things started to happen and I could feel the presence of several people in the room. It scared me so bad that I spent the rest of the night standing up against the wall.
Early that morning her oxygen level dropped to almost nothing and we were sure she was gone but, a short time later she sort of came around.
It was at that time that she began telling me and my 17 yr old daughter that she had died. As she began telling us about the light, and the people she had seen I could actually see those people (there were 4, all relatives, but one of them was my dad who had died in 1986 and him and my mother were divorced at the time). I could smell the flowers that they were standing in and it looked like they were almost glowing. I have never felt that feeling and don't know quite how to describe it. I could feel them.
She was very aware throughout that day of the experience and knew somehow that I had felt it too. She amazingly was able to talk and sit up in bed all day Sun. By Monday a.m. doctors moved her to a regular room and made her comfortable, she fell asleep that afternoon and never woke up again. She died Wed. evening.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 01:02 pm:
Through a car accident, I suffered fractures which included a fractured skull and was unconscious for two months.
Within the latter period I had the impression of a long passage. The sides were that of a cave hewn out of rock. At the end was an intense light. However on the right of the round glowing aperture was a boy. He was dressed in a brown tunic. The material was very scuffy and loose. His face was long, pale and sickly. His nose was slightly contorted. When I floated towards him, he put up his right hand. The condition of his hand was very noticeable, his fingers were knotted and appeared arthritic. He then said with a soft voice, 'not yet'. However, I very much wanted to go further into the aperture where the light was 'pulling' me.
Due to his instructions I reversed backwards, not frontward, and felt myself entering back into my body. I then felt myself gaining consciousness seeing watery lightness in the hospital ward.
It took a further few weeks until I was fully aware of my surroundings.
Since then I have many 'out of body' experiences such as Astral Projection.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 12:57 pm:
Before I can explain the circumstances of the event, it may be helpful to give you a brief summary of my personal circumstances. My mother was involved in a "hit and run" incident in Dec 2001 and died from the injuries in April 2002 after being in a coma throughout the duration.
I am a serving Fire Officer and was on duty at the time of the incident. I was laying on my bed at the Fire Station trying to get some sleep but was unsuccessful, but was relaxed. I could feel my body starting to float and struggled initially and managed to look at the time- 0420 on a digital clock.
After my initial struggle I decided to go with it and ended up about a foot away from the ceiling level. To prove to myself I was not dreaming I looked at a light fitting on the ceiling and saw it at a different angle, I was almost level with it.
Next, there was some light coming from the ceiling and two arms held me in a state of suspension. The arms were very warm and held me by my elbows as I held the arms to form a link. It is at this stage when the arms started to pull me through to the light I thought it could of been my mother. I also felt very guilty for thinking it could be my mother, I don’t know why but probably in some way I felt it may have been dis-respectful to her memory. Up until this point I felt relaxed and had no fear.
Next, the body of the person holding me started to appear, I did not see a face but the body appeared to be wearing a sky blue and white top,. almost like a sports top. This is when I was convinced is was not my mother and demanded the being to release me as I did not want to go where it was taking me. Almost immediately the arms turned very cold and let me go. I floated back down on to the bed. At no stage did I see my body on the bed as I was looking upwards throughout the incident. I was so aware of my surroundings during the incident. i.e. looking at the time, the light fitting and even realized my colleague was in the next room and did my best not to disturb him.
That morning I relayed my experience to the rest of the crew who probably think there commander has now gone mad. I am 100% certain this was not a dream, but there could be a scientific explanation. My heart may have stopped for a short while which could of influenced my thought patterns. Who knows?
Probably not the most exciting account you have ever read but one which is very accurate and truthful. The incident happened on the 02/02/03. Should you have any explanations I would be interested to hear them. Also would you have a contact number or web address for Dr Fennick Southampton hospital England who are also studying such cases.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 12:49 pm:
I "woke up" during the final phase of the operation to hear the anesthetist telling the group of surgeons/nurses that "we are losing her". I then heard another voice reply "we need another 20 minutes".
I saw it all in a flash..the whole scenario, but cannot recall from which dimension. I can vividly recall being frightened & then calmed almost in the same second as I found myself "floating" down a tunnel towards the bright light. I was so driven to get to the end of the tunnel, I almost overlooked the people who were also there. I suddenly realized that someone had turned his/her head around to hold my hand & help me towards the light. There were lots of people ahead of me in the "queue", and I was anxious to get to the head of it. I did not recognize anyone in the queue.
All at once, I was at the head & saw a magnificent” persona" . I was full of wonder as though I fully understood the "secret of Life". I was telling myself, remember to tell them all. The persona smiled & almost laughed teasingly at me. I was spun around by "him" before I could turn around & hold the hand of whoever was behind me. I knew that if I did turn around, I would be dead in the sense that we know it. The voice told me that I had nearly made it, but that I wouldn't remember the "knowledge" & that it wasn't my time.
As it transpired, due to my needing an emergency operation, there had been no time to ask me about any other illness/conditions. I was/am asthmatic & I reacted badly to the anesthetic. I even recall one person in the theatre asking for a helicopter to get me to another hospital.
I recall coming to & telling nurses that I was awake during the op. They told me I was silly.
Any anyway....2 days later & on the mend, the consultant came to my bedside with his troupe of interns. He asked me how I felt & told me that he's found my op tricky because my appendix had been inverted. I asked him "why are YOU asking me, it was that lady behind you that operated on me; it would be nice if she asked me? He just looked surprised but said nothing.
I had been asleep when taken into the theatre, such was the emergency.
As final proof for myself that I wasn't going crazy, I saw a man walking along the hall as I was leaving the hospital 10 days later. I stopped him and said "Hello; I recognize your eyes; you were my anesthetist"
I have been confused ever since as to whether I simply woke up too soon ( due to lack of anesthetic) or was nearly dead. I have had further experiences but would rather not submit them now.
By Anonymous on Thursday, April 10, 2003 - 05:05 pm:
My first encounter with angels occurred in 1974. While
undergoing a surgical procedure, the doctor made a mistake,
cut an artery, and I lost too much blood to sustain life. As my
physical body lay dying on the operating table, I rose up and
surveyed the situation.
I noticed that the doctors and nurses were upset, and were
working desperately to save me. In my ethereal body, with my
mental faculties and personality intact, I went nose-to-nose with
each one and told them to relax, that I was okay, but they ignored me.
Frustrated, I moved higher up, away from my body, and began to
fly. Gravity had no effect on me. Flying was natural and effortless,
sort of like swimming underwater, but in an ocean of brilliant white
light.
I heard a kind and gentle voice speak. Without my asking, the
Voice answered all the big questions about life. Then, my smallest concerns were addressed as if they were matters of great importance. When the Voice told me why Aunt Bettie married Uncle Fred, I giggled with joy and contentment. My curiosity had been completely satisfied, and I felt like a child held in the arms of a loving parent after a hard day at school. The Voice in the Light had anticipated and joyfully fulfilled my needs and desires, with good humor, extreme love and enormous tenderness.
The nurse yelled, "We’re losing her," and at the sound of distress I
was propelled upward. The farther up I went, the brighter the Light became. Two cherubs appeared, one on either side of me, and we
slowly drifted to the corner of the ceiling. We communicated through mental telepathy, which is faster and more efficient than mere words.
They told me they were Escort Angels and had come to take me
Home. But before we could go, I had to look at the body I was
leaving behind. She was twenty-five years old and in perfect health, except for the loss of blood and spirit. I determined that the situation was not serious enough, and in less than an instant I reentered my physical body through the navel. I was back on Earth and suffering from Homesickness.
I looked up at the ceiling to see the Escort Angels fly through the wall, and I became emotionally distraught. I was embarrassed because I had forgotten to thank them for coming to get me. Years later, whenever I thought about my lack of good manners, I cringed inside. One day, I heard one of them say, "Why don't you thank us now?" I laughed, relieved that I could right a wrong. I said, "Thank you," and I saw balloons, confetti, and two tiny cherubs dancing in celebration.
By Anonymous on Monday, April 7, 2003 - 02:08 pm:
I was hit by a car while riding a motorcycle. My head went into the windshield, and my leg was nearly ripped off.
I felt no pain. I lied there and was bleeding so much that my heart stopped.
When I woke up in ICU I didn't know what happened. I remember to this day of telling my dad and mom that I wasn't afraid anymore of death.
I haven't ever really told anyone about what happened or how differently I felt after the accident. I was always reluctant to talk about it because it was the greatest thing to ever happen to me and I didn't want to be just blown off by someone telling me I was crazy.
I see certain signs now. I believe there is a spirit inside everyone. I don't believe in any certain religion. I think your spiritual side is something you should try and develop on your own. Not be taught what to believe and not be told what you can do and not do.
I was hit by a car while riding a motorcycle. I should have died. I've even questioned myself that maybe I did die.
As the years pass I still have that same thought that I came out of the experience with. I'm not afraid of death. It is not the end.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 25, 2003 - 09:51 pm:
I was driving down the national highway on a scooter when a buffalo attacked me and threw me off my bike. The attack was so severe that I somersaulted and skidded quite a distance before coming to a stop.
The one thing that I do remember from this and why I consider this to be a NDE for me, is during the split second when I was going through the accident and falling all over the place, my mind was somewhere outside the body. I felt no pain and was very relaxed at that point of time. My whole life flashed before me in those few seconds. I remembered things that happened with me a long time back and I remembered every detail about them. But the most remarkable thing is that I never felt afraid during this, I was very much relaxed. It was almost like as if I was a spectator watching someone else getting involved in an accident. Every mistake that I had done in my life, knowingly and unknowingly flashed before me. Everyone who had come in contact with me, I saw all of there faces and also felt a realizations for all my acts. I also remember seeing a light but not very clearly.
I opened my eyes and saw some villagers trying to help me. I was not sure who they were, and the first thing I asked them was, was I alive or dead. When they told me that I was alive, I again slipped back to unconsciousness but this time I clearly saw the light and also heard "its not your time", then I woke up, taken to a hospital and was treated over there.
It took me a long time to understand what had happened with me, and today even if no one believes me I do believe in life after death and today I am no longer afraid of death, today death is as beautiful as life to me maybe it is more beautiful then life. At least the preview that I had made me feel that way.
My NDE has definitely changed my life, maybe it was someone’s idea of improving me a little bit. Before this incident I was short tempered, always angry, used to fight a lot and never believed in god. But today I can say that I have changed and have changed a lot, how I do not know because I have not tried to. I just changed after the accident, just happened.
Today the questions that I have on my mind are not about life or death. Because today I know that both of them are very much real. I used to think that when a person dies, that person goes into a deep sleep, something like a computer which is turned off. But now I know that death is not a deep sleep, you are very much awake after you die and very much alert. Today death is just like life to me, the only difference being the place, which will change once you die.
I know death is beautiful. I know that in the back of my head and today I am looking forward to the day I will die. I am looking forward to finding the ultimate truth about life and death. And I know it will be beautiful.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 18, 2003 - 08:05 pm:
I had a sinus infection that just wouldn't go away. I went to the Treatment Center in our town to see a doctor and he prescribed an antibiotic. I told him that in the past I had had stomach problems with antibiotics and he assured me that there were no side effects with the medication and that I should take it. I should have followed my own instincts and not taken it, but I did.
After four days of taking it, I woke up in the middle of the night with a fever and chills and felt very, very bad. I went to the bathroom and was passing blood. I went into the living room and lay down on the couch. My husband followed me and lay down on the other couch.
I was resting when I very suddenly left my body. It was very sudden. I mean, I didn't hang around looking at my physical body or anything. Just one minute I was in my body and the next I was in this place that was hard to explain. It was a nothing place with light fog or mist, I guess you could say. I felt fine...calm, not scared at all, just kind of interested in where I was.
Then out of the mist comes the pastor of my church and I was sooooo glad to see him! I was overjoyed to see him. He was a wonderful man and everyone loved him. And I said, "Oh, D____! I'm so glad to see you! How are you?" But he seemed very upset and had a very worried face and began waving his arms around and he was just acting frantic. So I said, "Aren't you glad to see me? I've missed you so much since you died last summer!" And then it hit me and I said, "If you're dead and I'm here with you, then..." And he started nodding his head frantically.
Just as suddenly I slammed back into my body. I came back so hard that I fell off the couch and onto the floor. I had no idea how sick I really was. I was very weak. I crawled over to the other couch where my husband was asleep. I reached up and grabbed his foot and when he woke I just said, "Hospital". When my husband took my temperature it was 105 degrees.
We found out that the antibiotic I had taken had wiped out all the good organisms in my intestines and I got an overgrowth of a germ called clostridia. I'm not sure how you spell it. I was passing a lot of blood and blood tests showed that the infection was in my blood as well. I was very, very ill and I'm sure they feared for my life. There was really nothing they could do for me except keep me hydrated. Finally my personal physician gave me an antifungal medication. It had the effect of sloughing off the infection in my intestines. I think he was very clever to do that. I also used herbal teas to help.
The doctors refused to admit that the infection was caused by the antibiotic, but it was. They didn't want to take responsibility. Their official diagnosis was "psuedomembraenous colitis". It should have read "We almost killed her".
I was very weak for a long, long time after that and I think it was a miracle I survived. I lost a lot of weight and it took a long time to get back to strength again. I had a lot of digestive problems for a few years afterward, but I'm fine now.
I have had other experiences I think were nde's, but I have never been in the light. I have always regretted that...been really sad about that. I was sick a lot as a little child and left my body many times but I never made it to the light. And once I left on purpose during a period of depression. So many times in my life I have just cried and cried and wanted to go Home. I mean my REAL Home.
I would like to tell you about my other experiences? Please let me know if you would like to hear them.
Thank you.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, March 18, 2003 - 07:54 pm:
I was driving towards home with my two son's in the car when a car struck us from behind as I was making maneuvers to the outer lane to take a right turn a few hundred yards up the road. We were perused by the car and hit a second time. I came through as the emergency services were cutting us out of the car. My son Justin was sitting in the front passenger seat and Allan was sitting in the rear directly behind Justin. Allan was 14 and Justin was 16 at the time. I felt no pain and thought about how straight I was sitting. Everything inside the car looked normal. I looked at Justin and saw he had something in his mouth to open his airways. I could not get a response from him. I tried to move but could not. A man was on his hunkers beside my window and I told him I had to get out, my children were hurt. He told me to stay where I was that they were there to help me. I began to scream for Justin, pleading with him to answer me. There was no sound from Allan and I screamed for him until I heard him cry. I prayed and pleaded with Jesus to give me all my children's pain and leave them alone, I cried out for my babies.
I felt something ripping from me, like a force leaving my body, energy leaving the car, Allan and I screamed for Justin but I knew he was gone.
I remember nothing after that until I was in an ambulance on my way to the hospital. My sons were taken in another ambulance to another hospital. I faded into a place that was tranquil and quiet. There was no light and no sound.
At some stage later in the evening I opened my eyes and my husband was there. All I could see was his face, everything else was blackness and his face. I asked about Allan and then told him that I knew Justin was dead. I asked about Justin's organs, as I knew Justin had a donor card and he said that the hospital Justin had been brought to wanted to know about Justin's eyes. After that I went back to the quiet place and I had a great sense of peace. I felt no discomfort or pain.
The accident happened on the 18th July 1995 at 17.03. On the 25th July I regained consciousness at midday. Many things were happening as I came through. The Angelus was ringing on the radio in the background in the Intensive Care Unit. A few days later I was moved into a main ward. As I began to "come down" I experienced great pain in my heart. Over the coming days my family related to me what had happened in the week.
On the day and right at the time that I came through Justin was being escorted to the cemetery with a police escort making sure nothing crossed his path. He was with the people who loved him. Over the days after the 25th I got a great sense that I had been with Justin for the week I was "unconscious". I remained with him until he was "settled". My senses were very alert and I had vivid dreams. When people came into my room they commented on the great sense of peace there. Some people did not want to leave the peace. I was told that the night I was brought to the hospital I was sedated but they could not get me to rest, I just talked and talked. All the nurses who attended me learnt every thing there was to know about Justin. When they came to my room after I regained consciousness I wondered how they knew all the things they knew about me and I was told I had told them the evening I arrived at the hospital. My daughter and sister who had spent all that first evening with me thought I was aware I was very alert because of how I was talking. I had visions of myself sitting talking to them. I could see and feel myself sitting on the edge of the bed talking to them swinging my legs but I was actually laid flat with a head brace on to protect my head and neck incase these were injured in the crash.
I was on a life support machine during my week in intensive care. I had a smashed pelvis, broken ribs, fractured tibia and fibula on my right leg, broken femur and hip in my left leg and massive bruises. My family was on alert for the first three days as doctors said it was touch and go for me.
I used to have a great fear of death and dying but not anymore. I have had dreams about planes crashing into each other and debris falling from the sky, of the sun falling from the sky, of being chased around a car park by a car with blacked out windows.
Many people were amazed when they witnessed the subtle messages I got even when they were present, like Justin's favourite songs playing on the radio at times when various people were in the room with me or if I was sad. This also happened when I went back to places I used to visit with Justin before he died.
I find it very difficult to put my experiences into words and I am not sure if one would call my experience near death but I believe something amazing happened to me. Today I know I can tell what certain people are thinking, I know things I would not have been so sure of before the accident. I am driven to help others and help them heal and understand that death is nothing to fear. I have been connected with people who are working in the area of spiritual renewal.
I guess perhaps some feedback on thoughts about my experience would be appreciated if nothing else.
By Anonymous on Saturday, March 15, 2003 - 01:28 pm:
I had an operation to remove most of the neck of my womb due to pre-cancerous cells.
It was after the operation. I thought I was sitting up on the trolley. I felt a powerful calmness like I had never felt in my life. I was totally at peace. I saw all these nurses round the trolley fiddling around looking worried and I wondered why they weren't looking at me. I looked down over my left shoulder to where their hands appeared to be fiddling and saw myself apparently asleep. I realized the nurses were trying to help me in some way and I remember thinking "Oh! - That’s me!” I just watched for a few seconds and I saw a man who I later learned was the surgeon come through these doors with some urgency. He asked, "What's the matter?" and someone replied "It's her heart". I was in no pain at all and when I looked down forwards I felt I was joined at the waist as if my spirit was half outside of my body. At the time this was happening I didn't question anything. I wasn't scared or worried. Just calmly interested in what was going on as if my body was actually someone else.
The next thing I recall I was being wheeled down the corridor back to my room and I was in a lot of pain and pleading with the nurse to give me something to get rid of it. I was kicking my legs in agony. Then I drifted in and out of sleep having my pulse monitored regularly.
When my boyfriend visited he woke me up and I told him about this bizarre 'dream' I had experienced. He immediately took the clipboard from the end of my bed and it showed my heart had slowed to around 40 beats a minute. Without thinking, I described the recovery room in detail as one of the nurses was in the room and she couldn't believe how I knew what it looked like as she said I was in a very deep sleep in there. She seemed alarmed by my knowledge.
It wasn't until months later that I recognized this experience as an out of body experience. I wish I could feel that calm all the time!!!
By Anonymous on Saturday, March 15, 2003 - 01:22 pm:
It was at my sisters wedding and I was best man to my brother in law. I had been drinking a bit more than normal but, not major. I had just done my best man speech and went outside for a bit of fresh air (this so far is only on the say so of people telling me of the build up).
I just collapsed on the spot. All I can remember was total blackness and spots of white light coming to me and me going to them. I felt a floating sensation and I realized that I was going really fast. The dots of light were starting to form together and out of the light came out a feature of a face, which was my late fathers, and he said that I was not ready.
Then, I quickly awoke in the back of an ambulance with medics and my wife who was in hysterics. I awoke shouting, “please take me”.
Whilst I was unconscious there was a nurse at the party who later told me and my wife that she thought I was going as my pulse was becoming weaker and weaker. The paramedics said I was very close and they were surprised that when I awoke I was fine and my heart rate etc. went back to normal in quick time.
I have never spoken to anyone about this. I will now show my wife for the first time what I have typed out.
By Anonymous on Saturday, March 15, 2003 - 01:07 pm:
I used to have a lot of migraine headaches (which stopped after this experience). I was at my parent’s house. I had taken some medication for my migraine, and because of this I was staying at my parents. I just lit up a cigarette.... And..... Went out!
I found myself in a place that was devoid of everything except, a doorway of white/gold light. I had a consciousness, no body, and could see all around at once. I moved, thought to go towards the doorway of light, which by the way was as large as the darkness around it (I cant think of another way to describe this) and as I approached this doorway another Light became apparent just before the doorway. It was like a welcome mat of sorts. I had a sense of beginning to pass over the mat, almost into the doorway when, I heard from a great distance away my name “Geeoorrgggeee”. I recognized the name and the moment I did, I was racing at a breath-taking speed through the darkness. It felt almost like I was going backwards, towards and into another space/time and, found myself cracking back into my body through the top of my head. I sat bolt upright, knowing already who and where everyone in the room was, there were 2 paramedics and my parents.
My first response was to tell my mother everything was ok now. I was sooo at peace, it was such a profound peace that I cant describe it except that it was all Loving. I was told that once my father got me breathing again, I was "out" for another 20-30 minutes. The paramedics continued giving me oxygen and at first I didn’t want to go to the hospital, but couldn’t sign my name on the form, so I ended up going for about 15 minutes, until with the help from the oxygen I was clear headed.
The Peace I felt was so profound I wish I could explain it and even share it with others. As well for the next 6 months or so I was getting different revelations at a rate of about one per week. The revelations slowly went away after about 2 years and also I had no fear of death since. And, no more migraine headaches since. Although, now I do have sinus headaches. Oh as well, sometime after I had for about a 3 weeks span, maybe more, a number of instances where I thought my head was going to explode. At times it was so intense I had to drop to the floor with my hands on my head in a vain effort to hold it in, so it wouldn’t explode.
Umm I think that’s about it, there may be more but, that’s all I can remember right now. The Peace I felt, man I wish we all could feel it!!!!
By Anonymous on Saturday, March 15, 2003 - 12:48 pm:
After ignoring burning sensations in my chest for two days, I began to experience pain going down my arms.
I decided to drive myself from work to a nearby hospital. I arrived at the emergency room with about an hour to spare. They had me all hooked up and had given me something for gas and then a nitroglycerin tablet which only increased my chest pain.
I felt my legs going numb and told them something was happening.
I passed out and found myself surrounded by this warm peaceful golden light. I was then welcomed by a group of people dressed in white who I recognized. I felt this incredible amount of LOVE that could best be described as GOD'S LOVE. I would have gladly stayed there for eternity.
I then found myself coming to and greeted by a very pale and nervous technician. He said it was the first time he had used the paddles to bring someone back to life. I remember being upset because I realized I had forgotten the people in white who had welcomed me and leaving all the LOVE behind.
Then reality set in. I had seven IVs' and a nice burn mark on my chest. One week later I had a triple bypass which went well with little anxiety since I no longer feared death.
Afterwards, I could not put the experience out of my mind. I told a few people about it and one of them said I had a NDE and there were some related WEB sites.
Since then, I have had some unique and wonderful experiences. One is a sensitivity to contemporary religious music which before, I was ambivalent to. I feel like a human juke box sometimes and hear a lot of, Michael W. Smith’s music playing in my head, especially when I feel stressed. I also try to read the Bible every day. The "Good News" seems to have taken on a whole new meaning. I'm still trying to make sense of my NDE and discern God's will.
By Anonymous on Monday, March 3, 2003 - 07:14 pm:
When I was a young boy some friends and me were sliding down a muddy bank racing each other, unfortunately the end of bank ran into a back road. On one of these burn ups I overshot the slide straight into the road into the path of an oncoming car. The car was travelling at about 30 to 35 mph, the outcome was as you can imagine not a good day out.
I sustained two broken legs one upper and lower two broken ankles and bad back injury. I forget now the extent of that. Anyway, I remember bits and pieces of the journey to hospital and initially at the hospital. I have no idea of the time scale but at some point during or after my operation I had what I can only describe as a major happening.
I was in total light, absolute light I had no body just my mind . I felt totally at peace. Then, it wasn’t a voice as such but, it was communication in my head that asked me if I wanted to move on from this place I was in to another place same as this but better or if I wanted I could go back. I did not hesitate, I wanted to stay with this place whatever it was wild horses wouldn’t make me go back. For some reason or another that wasn’t the answer they wanted. To cut a long story short, I was shown things about my future, people I would meet people that weren’t even born what I had in store if I went back. So never being one to miss out on anything, I came back.
Over the years I’ve had an inner feeling that I was going to be alright no matter how bad things got or whatever scapes I got myself into they would sort themselves out. I was going to have a good life and up to now that’s been spot on.
I’ll just tell you of one thing that’s happened since the accident that’s proof to me. About 4 years after it I was about 17, me and some of my mates were at a youth disco we were sitting at this table and, there were two rather tasty girls dancing in front of us. One of my mates wanted me to come with him and chat them up but, I declined. For some unknown reason I knew I just knew that one of the girls would be my wife but, now wasn’t the time. Not just a girlfriend but without question destiny said wife. I had seen her before and after many times. We were married 11 years later and have a beautiful 4-year-old girl.
What happened to me is not something I shout about. I’ve only told three people but, it happened. I don’t feel blessed or religious either, it was at the time and to me now a totally natural experience.
By Anonymous on Monday, March 3, 2003 - 06:59 pm:
I was at the local sauna with my wife Marjie, when about three to four minutes into it I began to feel real funny. My left arm became numb, and I kind of knew that if I didn't get out of there immediately that I would pass out.
We had been doing the sauna thing for about a year and I was used to going in. My wife got me out and started applying cold wet towels to my head. I had trouble standing so I sat down in a deck chair. It was at this moment that things really started to go.
I remember trying to keep conscious with all my will, but I was slipping. At that moment according to my wife I let out the last breath of air, what she described as the death rattle.
What I experienced at the same time was, one there was no tunnel, at least of what I remember. I suddenly found myself in a waiting area, it was like a room with no dimensions, but filled with the beautiful light that has no source. I knew immediately that I was in a place that I knew from before. It was like going home. I remember the vibration was at a much higher rate, and it felt, as though for the first time in a long time that I was completely free. I distinctly remember looking at my right hand which was almost like an outline of a hand, but with almost a sparkle type of cast to it. I guess it wasn't a hand in the traditional sense, but something more beautiful. I also remember saying, or more like thinking, "what the hell happened, I must have died." I did not want to leave this place, I wanted to stay even though I had been married only a short while. I did not meet any deceased loved ones, but I felt they were coming to greet me. I cannot put into words the joy that I felt in my brief stay, but I will surely try to paint it.
When I came back, it was painful I felt the gravity, the wet coldness of the tile floor, the slowdown of the vibration, all of the things that this plane has to offer. My experience is as vivid today as it was over nine years ago.
By Anonymous on Monday, March 3, 2003 - 06:51 pm:
Never could describe it, but from 1993 -1996 I created an 18"x24" collage that's about as representative. (That was before I discovered computers; I have now reworked it a bit digitally from the original, though it's relatively the same as before. I don't seem to follow the typical nde pattern which explains the (?) above.
I had a seizure of some sort related to medication & was in intensive care unconscious for a couple days. They released me on the third day, with no dx, & that evening I had this epiphany or whatever.
If anyone's curious I will email it via jpg format, but the telling of it leaves me speechless.
I can only say I emerged with a total understanding of the machinations of the universe and the phrase, "love is the answer, communication is the key."
By Anonymous on Monday, March 3, 2003 - 06:46 pm:
I had a near-death experience in 1985 at the age of 30. I drowned.
I saw the faces of great aunts and uncles that I had known in my youth. My spirit became a giant light. I saw, in my mind the high points of my life (there were only four of them!?!?) I began to leave my body before my physical body had even begun to die. And I argued with some being about my future missions in this life. I was made to come back to help people. To give them hope and to awake in them an awareness of a vaster universe that they already live in. It was an astonishing and unexpected experience for me.
In this death experience, I realized the following things:
. Death is painless. Dying is like going to sleep; only you are still awake and alert.
. We are more alive after death than we are here, on this planet.
. Unnecessary acts of kindness count a lot. Beliefs are far less important than most people think.
. The quality of person that you are in this life directly reflects your quality of life in the next phase of your existence. I wasn't dead long enough to find out a lot about the next phase. Only that there is one.
What changed for me?
. I see people's actual spirit, not their auras, the actual them. If they died right then, I see whatever would be left "floating around".
. I feel people's emotions as though they were inside of me.
. I know that people's thoughts erupt from different parts in their brain and coalesce into central thoughts that they either focus on or express to others. Our minds work with pictures; the variation of internal images is immense. There are many little "yous" inside your brain that make up the big "you" that you talk to people with and think that you are.
. People's thoughts and emotions (especially) are broadcast all over the place. They emanate from their entire bodies.
What do I offer others?
. Encouragement. I can "create" you into a whole person.
. Empowerment. I enhance people's abilities to feel other's emotions, to have reliable intuition, to make things happen with the power of their being.
. Enthusiasm. When you become truly human, life is exciting.
What keeps me going?
What interests me is the quality of a person's inner being. A person's inner being is pre-speech, and is more basic than emotions. It is your source of personal power and is your real self-identity. This part is frustrating to explain and is so very important for people to understand. Sigh.
And how, with an adjustment to a person's inner being, however slight, profound changes happen through time to that person and to the ones around that person. That, above all, is the most amazing thing to me.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, February 26, 2003 - 11:08 am:
I have written in detail about this in my book, (Galde Press,2001 available on Amazion) in "Pathways Through Pain, a spiritual journey."
..woke up frorm TMJ surgery. ...Teeth wired, (surgery didn't go well, they couldn't stop the bleeding or get the wires in my jaw joints and jaw bone to "stick". My face was all bandaged except for eyes and nose, and upper part of mouth. I was in terrrible pain, and choking on blood filling my throat and lungs, (before asperated out) I floated outside my body and stopped fighting and hurting.
My pain was so terrible I couldn't believe each breath screamed or that you could be alive feeling so much pain! I then went into a peaceful void, (could see LIGHT and beings in the distance). Suddenly it got a little darker and these snarling nasty growling creatures enclosed around me, trying to prevent me from going to the LIGHT! I got angry and yelled, "I rebuke you and send you to the LIGHT!" (did it three times). (I had never used that statement before in my life!)
The creatures left suddenly upon the third yell of that statement, the beings got closer. I was in the light and they told me to go back! I cried and pleaded not to go back, I didn't want to go back! They said I wasn't finished yet. (Great!)
I "fell" back into my body, immediately in unbelievable pain, and felt somene sucking the blood out of my mouth with a long red tube (through a broken tooth) and after what seemed like a couple of minutes, I stopped gagging, starting breathing, and that was that.
The ryhmes had already started with the first of the (previous) of four cancers within four years, but after this TMJ surgery experience, (it came last) my clairvoyant/psycjic gifts, and speaking in rhyme, went over the top!
Has anyone else developed this ability and gifts like me? I would love to meet them and hear their story.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, February 19, 2003 - 08:34 pm:
It started with green and purple flashes in front of my eyes.
I then experienced that I was sat up outside my body. I was aware that my body was still lying on my bed. There was a beautiful light, small at first but grew as it became closer. I felt a deep sense of peace, my thoughts were still as if nothing was important except this deep feeling of peace and beauty. A voice, that was unrecognizable to me, said, "You've gone too far. You've died." It was a beautiful voice, calm, soft, loving. I wasn't shocked at what the voice had said, I was still extremely peaceful. The voice said again, "You've gone too far you've died" then it said "Breathe, breathe you'll be all right."
I was sat up outside my body but I could feel myself lying down trying to breathe.
The next moment, it was like I sat up and caught myself inside myself. The light that I had been focused on faded outside the window and the darkness that had surrounded the light melted into the shadows of my bedroom.
After taking the overdose, I had no serious illness and did not seek medical help. Physically my eyesight was improved, colours seemed brighter and detail was sharper. Other lights had colours around it like a spectrum, that hadn't been seen before and people sometimes had auras of colour around them as well.
I felt for the first time ever a love and acceptance of myself and others that didn't exist before. I can't explain what ALL ONE is but I know that we are all one.
I felt saddened after the experience because of the lack of respect people show to one another.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, February 19, 2003 - 08:25 pm:
It was the summer of 1967 early afternoon the last day before summer vacation 6 or 8 of us skipped school to go to the river to hang out.
I remember 2 kids jumped into the river and swam across to the lock and dam and the other boys and girls both went into the woods to be alone except one other boy and myself. I said to him looking at the other two boys across the river “I wish I could swim”. I loved the water but I could not swim.
He picked up this blown up car inner tube and handed it to me and said "Throw this in the water" Then jump in when you come up grab it, but throw it above the current a little. I can swim. I will be right here.
So I did, When I got back on the rock we talked a bit then he went off somewhere. I was sitting there thinking how much I liked it. So I went to do it on my own, but I dove in this time which means I went deeper in the water, when I came back up the tube was down out of reach. I went down again I came back up kicking but I could not call out because I had taken in so much water. So I was on my way down again the last thing I saw was a bridge. A high bridge which was to my left. Then I felt the water getting colder and I gave up and blacked out.
When I came to, I thought I was above the bridge. In the sky floating toward this bright light. I was lighter than air. I had no cares in the world. I felt great, I wanted to keep going. I guess out of curiosity I looked down and saw people standing in a circle on the rock and someone in the middle on top of someone. Then I recognized the kid in the middle was as the kid with the tube earlier and I knew it was me underneath.
Then I came to again with him on top of me pumping the water out of me. I remember he still had his shirt on and pack of cigarettes in his pocket was wet. The water was running out of his cigarettes and was burning my eyes from the wet tobacco. Yet to this day I do not know his name but he saved my life that day.
Out of almost 50 years I have never felt as good as I did then floating in the sky, nothing has ever come close to that experience.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 01:53 pm:
Emergency Caesarean after 28 hrs labour. Pelvic opening too small. Inexperienced surgeon , only one that year. Operation started 6.30 pm. Paralyzed but could still hear conversations around me.
Darkness. Then floating sensation, up high looking down on my body and staff, no ceiling. Heard & saw & smelt. seemed normal at the time, not frightened, alarmed, no pain, just curious, fascinated. As though happening to someone else.
Lots of alarms going off by my head, lots of activity, another doctor called in. I ignored what was happening to me, interested in birth. Already prepared and cut, so few minutes I must have been out. Saw surgeon pull baby out, swearing as stuck, enlarge opening, then more swearing as cord around neck, lots of activity, no crying from baby, awful smell, lots of blood, not clear view of baby as staff bending over, only see top of heads. Off to one side, saw and heard Irish accented nurse discussing her engagement party last night, seemed strange amid all this noise (and chaos to me), she took a box out of trouser pocket, opened it showed to another nurse, now realize the ring.
Another nurse discussing film she saw, Top Gun at cinema.
Then all noise drowned out by rushing noise, like wind in bamboo and I 'turned over' and was drawn up, floating but, like blown along, through darkness towards light, wonderful warm safe secure light, diffused light, clear bluish, brighter in center, too bright to look at centre. Felt wonderful, most wonderful feeling ever, safe, warm loved, no more pain, promise of no more pain, worries ever. Wanted so much to go towards light. Then above wind noise heard my baby cry. Looked away from light back to darkness, just for minute looked back to light, wanted to go to light but also wanted to go back to my baby. Another cry. Baby needed me. Drawn back to dark to pain.
Woke up 10 am next morning. staff worried as 'out' for so long. Wonderful sense of peace, secure, cared for, not by staff, as inexperienced, but by 'something'. Also for my baby. Staff concerned for baby, as oxygen starvation, cord had been wrapped round her neck. 50% chance of brain damage. But I knew not, knew she was safe was going to be strong, healthy, special. Baby medivaced back. 3rd. Staff amazed at how calm I was. Husband also, not usual for me. Tried to tell him and staff about amazing experience, no one listened, just drugs, a dream, they were embarrassed. post natal depression! Stopped talking about it.
Found out from my notes that my heart had stopped during the operation and I had been resuscitated. The surgeon had made an enlarging cut as her head was small compared to her shoulders, the cord had been around her neck and there had been 'complications'. Also found out via grapevine that Irish nurse had got engaged the night before. Film Top Gun had been on the night before, no way of knowing as we lived other end of island, different Cinema & spent previous 28 hrs in labour room!
I know that it was real. It has changed my life, more than just having a baby. I feel that we are both 'protected' and that she is special in some way, I was sent back to protect guide her, to be her mother. I feel that I've been given a second chance a new purpose, not sure what yet, to be her mother or healing? Now work with Special Needs children with M.E. which I've had myself for 9 years. Never 'religious’ before experience, not really in a conventional way now, but know that there is a soul, an afterlife and that its wonderful. Not scared of dying, know its wonderful.
Hope this will help others. I wanted to share it with you.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 16, 2003 - 01:39 pm:
As a scuba instructor I was an experienced diver and able to hold my breath for 3 minutes and swim under water 100 meters or more. Unsatisfied with my life at 24 I willingly drowned myself in a swimming pool where I was giving instructions.
I (my soul or spirit) entered a tunnel of bright greenish light and felt completely serene, welcome, at the right place. The wall of the tunnel existed of a dynamic spiral of greenish light. I had to travel light years and certainly was not in contact with the other side immediately. There was no communication at first.
I must have stayed under water at least 15 minutes before I was taken out. Comrades trained in First Aid tried artificial respiration but failed. A medical doctor concluded clinical death of heart and brain. An ambulance was called for transportation to a hospital.
My comrades refused to accept my death and restarted their efforts to reanimate me. I heard my girl friend strongly call me back but I did not want to re-enter my blue body that I had seen lying down there on the white tiles.
Then I got a message 'from above' to return and do what was in stock for me. I was given very clear instructions how to live my life and never, never do this again.
Spontaneously I began to breath again. In the hospital I was kept in an artificial coma for two weeks to rest my brain and when allowed to regain consciousness I knew exactly what had happened and what I had to do. Physically my so called short memory and my breathing centre were damaged but, I was able to fulfill my military duties and use my talents and build a career.
My personality had changed completely, I had become who I wanted to be. People call me a good person. I am detached, meaning that I can miss anything, money, goods, wife, children, friends, myself. I am not afraid of anything, the least of death. This does not mean that these things do not interest me, I love them and want them and fight to have and to keep them, but if it so happens that they are lost I can live with that, because I know what life is and what death is. The great difference is that after a NDE KNOWING has come in the place of BELIEVING / SUPPOSING /GUESSING. It sound perhaps hypocritical but I feel I am above all religions. I see religions as an attempt to create heaven or a connection with above, the creator and the use of rites to make it easier to achieve that connection. Every religion and science is a restriction of the free mind. It is so simple: open up and the direct connection is there. May be it is not so simple and one has to die first. Well that's worth it!
Even today I can re-enter that tunnel at will and spend some time 'over there'. My wife notices my leaving my body as a uncontrolled shock, somewhat like in a seizure. I can acquire any knowledge and wisdom regarding humanity, society, science as well as individual people and use that in my own life. This knowledge may have to do with things that are about to happen, but I cannot change fate, I can only help people at that moment and after it happened because I am prepared and know the meaning of it. There usually is some 'key' to the use of that knowledge. It is understood that things are being developed and will come thru at the proper time via somebody's mind (invention, inspiration).
A true enrichment is what I learned about former lives and the friends over there I can discuss essential life questions with.
Of practical use is the service to anyone. I can ask questions for them and pass on the answers like a medium.
I feel this NDE was necessary for me and I love it, it made my life rich by unselfishness and whole by giving all of myself.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 04:45 pm:
I was in a RTA a few miles from my home. I blacked on the point of impact.
Light gradually dawned in the darkness and I became aware I was in a boundless, well lit, misty place.
I then became aware of a Buddha-like entity who spoke to me by thought.
It became apparent that I could choose whether or not to 'come back'...
He showed me images of my life- my pregnant girlfriend, my family who would miss me and blame themselves, etc ...
so it seemed there was no choice; I remember jolting back into my body and coughing and struggling for breath.
My neck was broken and I remain paralyzed but, for partial use of my arms; although life as a tetraplegic isn't easy and sometimes the strain on myself and family is intense, the NDE has left me with a real faith that there is a god and that we are more than just these perishable bodies.
Strangely, I feel far happier and more at one with life than I ever did before .
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 01:22 pm:
My bowel was perforated during a routine surgery to remove an ovarian cyst. The doctor wasn't aware he had cut my intestine. Within 24 hours I was rushed back to surgery to fix the leak in my intestines, but it was too late the infection had spread through my body and caused my heart to stop three times during the surgery.
After or during the surgery...
I appeared to my room mate to be unconscious, however I was somewhere else all together. I had met up with my deceased first husband. He had come to greet me. He was smiling and moving towards me. I recognized him right away although he looked somewhat different. I was sure it was him. His welcoming frightened me and I turned to my room mate (who is alive) who quickly assured me that everything was ok. When I turned back to my deceased husband he had gone. Behind where he stood was Jesus. He did not speak, but some how communicated the message "I am". Then he evaporated into the wall behind him leaving perforated marks on the wall that left an outline of Christ. Those perforations then turned to blood and flowed downward towards the floor, then disappeared. I reminded myself to tell my daughters that their father's spirit was not dead. I had seen him and Christ. He only said I am, and nothing else. Christ had not spoken those words through his mouth as we would speak. I heard what he was telling me. As if Christ had known that I had doubted his very existence since my granddaughter had died years ago. He knew I wasn't a believer and he was there to show me he existed. I saw him one other occasion. He manifested himself in the same way, and exited the room when he was finished in the same way. We had a conversation, although regretfully it was not for me to be allowed to remember what we discussed.
Later I found myself in an empty parking lot in the snow. It was very dark and there were several parked cars in the snow. I was watching myself from above looking down at myself as I brushed the snow away from each window looking into the cars. Finally I found a car with someone inside and I had a brief conversation with them. I could not hear what I was saying to the occupants of the car as I was watching myself from above.
A security guard then arrived in a golf cart and asked me if I needed any help. I could hear him. I then realized that I shouldn't be out in this dark parking lot alone. All of a sudden I began to feel frightened. It was dark and snowing heavily although I wasn't cold, I realized it was dangerous for me to be out alone in the dark parking lot. I returned to my body in ICU.
My fever broke. I started to become more conscious. Then I became more and more aware of my surroundings, More and more aware of my pain and the seriousness of my condition.
My nurse had come in and freed my restrained hands. She warned me not to pull my ventilator out of my lungs. I finally understood that the tubing was my lifeline. I cooperated with my nurse. When my room mate arrived and found my hand unrestrained she panicked, then quickly realized I was not going to reach for my tubing. I seemed to be coming out of a two-week stupor.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 01:13 pm:
I was four years old and at a park with some friends and my sister. I fell into a stream. I remember seeing the continuation of the nearby bridge under the water and trying to kick my leg out to reach the bank.
The next thing I know is that I am on the bottom of the stream but instead of there being mud or sand I am in a beautiful garden. I remember being surprised at this. I see a female figure dressed in a long white robe. We are standing near a flower covered arch. Everything is very peaceful. The woman tells me that I am not allowed to go through the arch because if I did I would not be able to return.
The next thing I know is that I am on the bank with someone pressing on my back, there is water coming out of my mouth.
My sister later took me home and only told my parents that I had fallen in the water, I think we got into trouble. It was not until a couple of weeks later that I was out shopping with my mother and the woman who got me out of the stream came over (apparently she went to the same church as us) and asked how I was. She told my mother that she thought I was a 'goner' and had given me CPR. I am not aware of how serious my condition was.
I realize that my experience is not as profound as most of the accounts I have read and unfortunately I do not remember what happened immediately afterwards, in fact I have very few memories of my childhood. I have only told a few people about this and have looked at the IANDS web site many times thinking about recounting my experience but thinking it wasn't a 'good enough' account. However, now that I have written it down I feel very good about having done so.
Many years later, in adulthood, I was watching a film in which a man was struggling in the water, when he finally sank below the surface. I experienced this wonderful feeling of peace, a feeling of letting go and it was marvelous. I felt like I knew this, like a memory.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 01:07 pm:
I don't know how to really describe my experience.
My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer Sept. 26, 2002 and, two weeks later we took her to emergency room because she was having trouble breathing. The last week of her life she spent in ICU where she had to be resuscitated on Nov. 1.
My family decided to sign a DNR form. That Fri. night things started to happen and I could feel the presence of several people in the room. It scared me so bad that I spent the rest of the night standing up against the wall.
Early that morning her oxygen level dropped to almost nothing and we were sure she was gone but, a short time later she sort of came around.
It was at that time that she began telling me and my 17 yr old daughter that she had died. As she began telling us about the light, and the people she had seen I could actually see those people (there were 4, all relatives, but one of them was my dad who had died in 1986 and him and my mother were divorced at the time). I could smell the flowers that they were standing in and it looked like they were almost glowing. I have never felt that feeling and don't know quite how to describe it. I could feel them.
She was very aware throughout that day of the experience and knew somehow that I had felt it too. She amazingly was able to talk and sit up in bed all day Sun. By Monday a.m. doctors moved her to a regular room and made her comfortable, she fell asleep that afternoon and never woke up again. She died Wed. evening.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 01:02 pm:
Through a car accident, I suffered fractures which included a fractured skull and was unconscious for two months.
Within the latter period I had the impression of a long passage. The sides were that of a cave hewn out of rock. At the end was an intense light. However on the right of the round glowing aperture was a boy. He was dressed in a brown tunic. The material was very scuffy and loose. His face was long, pale and sickly. His nose was slightly contorted. When I floated towards him, he put up his right hand. The condition of his hand was very noticeable, his fingers were knotted and appeared arthritic. He then said with a soft voice, 'not yet'. However, I very much wanted to go further into the aperture where the light was 'pulling' me.
Due to his instructions I reversed backwards, not frontward, and felt myself entering back into my body. I then felt myself gaining consciousness seeing watery lightness in the hospital ward.
It took a further few weeks until I was fully aware of my surroundings.
Since then I have many 'out of body' experiences such as Astral Projection.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 12:57 pm:
Before I can explain the circumstances of the event, it may be helpful to give you a brief summary of my personal circumstances. My mother was involved in a "hit and run" incident in Dec 2001 and died from the injuries in April 2002 after being in a coma throughout the duration.
I am a serving Fire Officer and was on duty at the time of the incident. I was laying on my bed at the Fire Station trying to get some sleep but was unsuccessful, but was relaxed. I could feel my body starting to float and struggled initially and managed to look at the time- 0420 on a digital clock.
After my initial struggle I decided to go with it and ended up about a foot away from the ceiling level. To prove to myself I was not dreaming I looked at a light fitting on the ceiling and saw it at a different angle, I was almost level with it.
Next, there was some light coming from the ceiling and two arms held me in a state of suspension. The arms were very warm and held me by my elbows as I held the arms to form a link. It is at this stage when the arms started to pull me through to the light I thought it could of been my mother. I also felt very guilty for thinking it could be my mother, I don’t know why but probably in some way I felt it may have been dis-respectful to her memory. Up until this point I felt relaxed and had no fear.
Next, the body of the person holding me started to appear, I did not see a face but the body appeared to be wearing a sky blue and white top,. almost like a sports top. This is when I was convinced is was not my mother and demanded the being to release me as I did not want to go where it was taking me. Almost immediately the arms turned very cold and let me go. I floated back down on to the bed. At no stage did I see my body on the bed as I was looking upwards throughout the incident. I was so aware of my surroundings during the incident. i.e. looking at the time, the light fitting and even realized my colleague was in the next room and did my best not to disturb him.
That morning I relayed my experience to the rest of the crew who probably think there commander has now gone mad. I am 100% certain this was not a dream, but there could be a scientific explanation. My heart may have stopped for a short while which could of influenced my thought patterns. Who knows?
Probably not the most exciting account you have ever read but one which is very accurate and truthful. The incident happened on the 02/02/03. Should you have any explanations I would be interested to hear them. Also would you have a contact number or web address for Dr Fennick Southampton hospital England who are also studying such cases.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 12:49 pm:
I "woke up" during the final phase of the operation to hear the anesthetist telling the group of surgeons/nurses that "we are losing her". I then heard another voice reply "we need another 20 minutes".
I saw it all in a flash..the whole scenario, but cannot recall from which dimension. I can vividly recall being frightened & then calmed almost in the same second as I found myself "floating" down a tunnel towards the bright light. I was so driven to get to the end of the tunnel, I almost overlooked the people who were also there. I suddenly realized that someone had turned his/her head around to hold my hand & help me towards the light. There were lots of people ahead of me in the "queue", and I was anxious to get to the head of it. I did not recognize anyone in the queue.
All at once, I was at the head & saw a magnificent” persona" . I was full of wonder as though I fully understood the "secret of Life". I was telling myself, remember to tell them all. The persona smiled & almost laughed teasingly at me. I was spun around by "him" before I could turn around & hold the hand of whoever was behind me. I knew that if I did turn around, I would be dead in the sense that we know it. The voice told me that I had nearly made it, but that I wouldn't remember the "knowledge" & that it wasn't my time.
As it transpired, due to my needing an emergency operation, there had been no time to ask me about any other illness/conditions. I was/am asthmatic & I reacted badly to the anesthetic. I even recall one person in the theatre asking for a helicopter to get me to another hospital.
I recall coming to & telling nurses that I was awake during the op. They told me I was silly.
Any anyway....2 days later & on the mend, the consultant came to my bedside with his troupe of interns. He asked me how I felt & told me that he's found my op tricky because my appendix had been inverted. I asked him "why are YOU asking me, it was that lady behind you that operated on me; it would be nice if she asked me? He just looked surprised but said nothing.
I had been asleep when taken into the theatre, such was the emergency.
As final proof for myself that I wasn't going crazy, I saw a man walking along the hall as I was leaving the hospital 10 days later. I stopped him and said "Hello; I recognize your eyes; you were my anesthetist"
I have been confused ever since as to whether I simply woke up too soon ( due to lack of anesthetic) or was nearly dead. I have had further experiences but would rather not submit them now.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 12:41 pm:
I was at home, ill with hepatitis. I had been running a very high temperature for about two weeks, feeling very nauseous, off all food, drinking very little, feeling generally very lethargic, and was jaundiced.
I remember waking in the middle of the night. I was aware that the bed linen was saturated (feverish sweats). All the pain, nausea etc had gone. I felt so completely at peace, both with myself, and the world around me. It was a physical presence. The feeling of utter contentment surrounded me...you could reach out and touch it. At the end of my bed was a door ( normally it was a fireplace). The door was open just ajar. Through the gap in the door was the brightest light, but you could look straight at it....it didn't dazzle you. It was very welcoming. I knew I just had to go through the door, I didn't question why there was a door there, or what was beyond it. I just knew I had to go through it. Then I thought of my parents in the next room, and thought I must go and say goodbye to them as I wouldn't be there in the morning, and I didn't want them to worry.
I turned from the door with the light to go through my bedroom door to see my parents when it all went dark. The door with the light, and all the feelings of peace etc just went. I fell back on the bed in pain, and just feeling so ill, and knew I should have just gone to the other door. I would have done anything to get back the feelings of peace again.
For many years I thought I had had the most vivid dream. I still remember it with extraordinary clarity, but had never spoken about it. Then one day there was a program about near death experiences. Everyone was leaving their bodies, and floating up to the ceiling looking down at themselves. Then a woman came on and related her experience. It was so similar to mine. I couldn't believe it.
By Anonymous on Thursday, February 6, 2003 - 06:01 pm:
Introductory note:
I wrote this down around three years ago after a business meeting. The subject came up quite by chance when, I recalled my NDE which happened in 1964. Although I had frequently thought about the incident in the intervening years, I am absolutely positive that nothing has clouded my memory to obscure the facts.
I am sorry if the style appears literary - I had intended to offer it for publication in a magazine, but never bothered. I must stress that nothing in it has been sensationalized to clinch a sale.
------------------------
I was undergoing basic training in the Army. One of the guys there said he could make anyone faint. Now, I had never fainted in my life before although, obviously I had seen others faint, and grew curious. Being young, I felt ready for the experience.
I crouched down, breathing deeply, for 30 seconds. Then I had to take one deep breath and put my thumb in my mouth while the guy hauled me up and hugged me tightly from behind as I slipped effortlessly back to the floor. My eyes opened and I looked up at my fellows staring down at me, smiling.
It was a novelty. Others tried it. Then, after a space of about half an hour, someone came into the room and expressed interest in the exercise but was unsure. I was keen to try it again, and asked the fellow if we could do it again to demonstrate it to the newcomer.
This time it was very different.
My body slipped slowly to the floor, and everything became dark. I turned to my right and saw, alone in the cold gloom, a stranger who stared back at me in surprise. He was tall, perhaps a little older than me, and had not expected me to see him.
"Don't worry, everything's going to be all right," he said as he approached, and stood behind me. I felt as if I were being raised up, and looked down and saw my lifeless form. "They've killed me," I thought. "They've killed me. I've got to have them punished." I wanted to pierce them all with my anger.
"No, you can't do that," replied the stranger, soothingly. "You see, it really doesn't matter now. You'll understand soon enough."
I looked again at the lifeless form. I could now actually see right inside the body - the lungs, the alimentary system, all perfectly designed and fitting cleverly together. Whoever designed the human body was a genius, I thought.
I turned around, and looked up at the stranger. He now assumed a dark, golden countenance; and now I saw that he had wings - huge brown wings, flecked with yellow feathers, that flanked the whole of his form. "But I can't die yet. I'm so young," I thought.
Then I looked down and saw a family of middle-aged people whom I recognized as my mother and her sisters, weeping. "He was a silly fool," said an anonymous voice from somewhere behind me. "He shouldn't have done that. And he never achieved anything in his life.""Oh, I don't know," I said defensively. "He was quite a nice person - and I was just getting to like him.""That's not important now," said the stranger's voice. "We must go."
Suddenly I was being propelled across a vast distance - I dare not look straight ahead, but I remember looking at the wall flashing past me as I sped along some kind of tunnel.
Then, at the other end of this journey, I felt a most beautifully reassuring sense of calm. I looked down at myself in my new form; I had taken on a golden glow. I did not need to walk; I floated. Everything about me was love, goodness and warmth. Suddenly, I felt as if I had been given access to the total knowledge of the universe; I stared at a huge dark wheel, containing stars and other celestial bodies, which slowly revolved. A deep voice spoke slowly, but I could not make out what it was saying.
Then I was at some kind of entrance; a man stood in authority at the gate; he had black, tight curls and his face seemed somehow familiar. "You weren't expected," he said. His lips did not move; our conversation was entirely telepathic."Well, I'm here now," I replied, a little surprised that my lips did not need to move either.
"You can't come in," he said. Then, turning to the stranger who had accompanied me all the way here, he asked, "Why did you bring him here? You know it wasn't the time." "I was just as surprised," my companion answered.
"Now look here, I demand to be admitted." I was quite defiant to the gate-keeper. "I have arrived and I am not going to go away." He said something about asking higher authority, and instructed us to wait.
To my left was a warm golden light. My companion, at my right, pointed ahead and I saw a group of children, absolutely perfect in appearance, totally absorbed in some kind of lesson. Their teacher was further to the left, outside my line of vision. Some of the young people saw me and quickly came over and surrounded me. They were utterly delighted to see me, and I felt overjoyed to meet them.
The gate-keeper returned. "You can't stay. You'll have to go back." "But I can't. I'm dead." "It's not usual, but we can take you back. Say goodbye to these people."
The children - and I - were devastated at this news. I heard at least one of them groan. My companion saw my intense disappointment. "Don't worry," he reassured me. "You'll see them all again, soon enough." The gate-keeper turned to me again. "Now you must promise never to attempt to come here again. This is very important." "Oh, all right," I agreed, half-heartedly. "No, this is serious." He turned to my companion and asked him to fetch two people whom I would know.
Two elderly women came. I recognized them as both my grandmothers; they had died some five or six years previously. My father's mother looked grim; my mother's mother was pleased to see me but, at the gate-keeper's bidding, was quite firm in her tone: I had to promise solemnly not to try to return. I agreed.
Once more, I stood in front of the great dark disk again; as the stars and shapes slowly revolved, a deep voice said slowly: "Your time has not yet come."
Then I felt all the wisdom which I had suddenly gained was being forced out from me; I knew I could not take this knowledge back with me, but was concerned that I might lose what limited intelligence I already had before I "died".
And, once again I was in the long tunnel, feeling the wind against my cheek as I looked away and saw the long wall rushing past me.
I awoke, prostate on the floor. I felt as if I had received an electric shock, and needed to collect my thoughts. Bewildered, I looked around me. I was back. I was 17 again, with a whole life ahead of me. A long life, it seemed, before I was due to return to that wonderful place. How would I have the patience to wait so long. Immediately, a feeling of acute depression enveloped me.
My barracks room companions looked down, laughing at me. "You took half a minute or so to wake up! We thought you'd gone to sleep!"
I got up and walked thoughtfully across to my bed and sat quietly on it for the remainder of that evening, quietly reflecting on the experience; echoing in my mind were the faces and voices of the disappointed young people, the revolving disc and the Voice: "Your time has not yet come."
Twelve years later, my young son and daughter were playing one evening and it was time for me to put them to bed. My son turned and looked at me, smiling; my daughter sighed. In the golden twilight I recognized his look and her sigh immediately. They were two of the young people I had seen in my near-death experience.
Then, 35 years after the experience, I received another reminder. It was 1999, and I was in the middle of a routine business meeting with a young woman in my office in London. Although I had never met her before, it quickly became apparent that she was quite forthright in her approach with people. Suddenly, she turned to me and said, "I know this is quite irregular, but can I ask if you believe in the supernatural?" I replied that I kept an open mind.
"I have some psychic abilities," she continued. "There's a man - a spirit - standing beside you, and he's getting very impatient with me. But he assures me that you'd listen." "Has he got anything to tell me?"
"Yes," she replied. "Your time has not yet come. He says you'd know what it means."
By Anonymous on Wednesday, February 5, 2003 - 10:18 pm:
I was in hospital following a gynecological repair operation. I had discovered that my husband was having an affair.
My son was just 3 months old. It caused me to have a prolapsed. I was desperately unhappy.
I was admitted into hospital when my son was just over a year old for the repair to be done. Seven days after the operation I started to hemorrhage very badly from the operation; blood was dripping on the floor by the bed. Nurses started rushing about and a doctor was called. I heard someone say 'hurry up get a line in' they could not seem to do this. I was told to keep very still, my life was in danger.
I passed out and came to above my body in the operating theatre; they were still trying to get some fluid into me and calling for blood to be brought in. I saw a great light, it totally surrounded me, no tunnel, just the light, shapes merging into people who were calling me saying, “come on”, “come with us”. I stayed for some time and then I seemed to hear my daughter and son calling me and I said I had to go back.
I was then back over my body and they were saying, “has someone called the husband” and someone else said “yes”. I tried to tell them not to bother I did not want him, but I could not make myself heard. I then came to back in the ward and a lovely large black woman was giving me a drink and saying, “you’re alright honey”.
A few days passed and I was very weak. My husband did come to see me and then, went back to his job some distance away.
Almost exactly a week after the first time, it happened again. The hemorrhage and being rushed into the operating theatre. Again, I was above my body and this time did not want to come back at all. I went with the light and so wanted to stay there and talk to the people I was meeting. I was told that I had to either stay or go back and look after my children and husband and find a way to helping people. To listen to what they said, and to be open to any new thoughts and feelings that would be given to me.
Again, I woke up back on the ward with the same black woman looking after me, who again said “your alright honey”. I was told when I asked who she was that there were no black people working there at that time. I have always wished that I could have thanked her properly. It was over a year getting over the whole of this experience.
It is only now many years later that I am beginning to understand what was wanted of me and am beginning to open up and slightly understand that all the horrendous times I have lived through since have brought me greater understanding of the world that we live in.
I hope that this is of some use to you.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 2, 2003 - 09:16 pm:
I was admitted to the Hospital on 07/16/01. This was the same Hospital my father (81) , had died in on 07/10/01. I was in Oregon.
Following his funeral on 07/13/01, I was awoke on Monday morning the 16th by my own moaning. I was experiencing severe abdominal pain and pressure that increased in intensity until, I finally allowed my oldest son and my nephew to take me to emergency. They immediately pumped me full of morphine and poked and prodded until deciding it must be my gallbladder. The ER surgeon finally had me admitted and I was scheduled for an exploratory scope Tuesday morning. I barely remember being taken to my room.
Sometime in the night I remember a nurse waking me up to tell me to shut up "other patients were trying to sleep". I remember clearly thinking “like I have any control over my moaning". I feel sometime in the early hours of Tuesday July 16 2001 (I am awaiting records to verify) I either crashed or my vitals got very bad.
What I remember are like small mini films of certain episodes. I’ve remembered more and more with time and the memories are no longer so emotional. For a long time, I couldn't even talk about some of them without bawling. The most vivid and troubling was when I was being transferred from gurney to table or vice-versa and I chilled worse than words can describe. I chilled so quickly and completely it felt like my very core had turned to ice. My family and friends have liked to blame everything on the morphine and other drugs. I know without a doubt what I remember actually happened.
I did not lead the best life previously, like most people I did not think I was a bad person, but I had used and abused alcohol and drugs for years, so functioning "under the influence" was certainly not new to me. I also have had over 10 surgeries (5 knee surgeries alone) that involved general anesthetics so I was no rookie on the operating table either.
I remember it took several people to straighten me out from the fetal position. While I know without a doubt I was experiencing more pain than I ever had before, I still do not remember the actual feeling (thank God). My next episode involved the air tube. I regained enough consciousness to clamp down on the tube with my teeth for all I was worth as they were trying to take it out. They kept telling me to relax and it would be over much faster, so I did. I then remember thinking, "gosh they were right" then the thought, clear as day, entered my mind that after all the real life trauma shows I’ve watched on TV, now I was the show. I also remember the surgeon, whose name was Sandra, explaining to me how it was going to be a lot worse than they first thought. As it turned out I was full of peritonitis from a perforation they never found. This is why I think I coded sometime in the night. Upon my return to Tacoma I ended up being diagnosed with chrons disease.
While I don't have a lot of the experiences that other nder’s have had. I do still have a very unsettling feeling of darkness, such ungodly bitter cold, like a large void and an utter feeling of hopelessness. I am still a little leery to remember too much more as I was not headed for a good place. As to "why me" I feel absolutely that it was all the positive energy (all of our communities prayers) that were sent out on my behalf that drew attention to my plight.
I remember such a peaceful/serene feeling for the few days following surgery and I just blew it off to the morphine pump and boy were they encouraging me to use it. Well, I can't think of much else right now except for the wonderfully positive effect this has had on my life. Confusing, yes but, God for the fist time in 20 years, IT'S GREAT TO BE ALIVE.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, January 29, 2003 - 02:06 pm:
Since I was a very small child I struggled with what I came to know much later in life as the aftereffects of an NDE. I was an only child, and both my parents were 20 years old when I was born. At 19 I learned that my mother had aborted 2 pregnancies prior to my being born.
As a child I was extremely shy and had great difficulties relating to anyone - even some family members - on any level whatsoever. I always felt very different, out of place, and was confused by the many paradoxes and contradictions of the world around me. I suffered from allergies and asthma and was sick quite often. Up until entering high school I had very few close friends. I didn't look any different than anyone else, I was never bullied or picked on in any way, other children just didn't know how to relate to me nor I to them. Most of the time I preferred the company of adults. This has changed since I've reached adulthood - I am now able to relate much better to children and find it very difficult to connect with other adults.
I did very well in school with little effort. Throughout my school years, including college, I never knew "what I wanted to be" in adulthood. No one profession or occupation ever stood out. Most of my working life has been spent figuring out through trial and error what I DIDN'T want to do for a living. Since I was a small child I have been fascinated with the concept of UFOs/alien beings. I read everything I could find on the subject and was not able to understand why more people weren't concerned about it. I was never really into science fiction of any type - I just wanted actual case studies and facts. I have never had a close encounter, abduction, or anything of that nature happen to me.
On a Wednesday morning in February 1995 I woke up with the most horrible case of nausea I've ever experienced. I didn't have the flu or any other illness, and I was not prone to stomach problems. For the next 3 days I was unable to eat anything due to the nausea. At the time my mother-in-law was living with my wife and I. She had just divorced from my father-in-law after nearly 30 years of marriage. My father-in-law suffered from depression. I was able to connect with him as he, like me, did not seem to fit well in this world. He had difficulty relating to others socially, but he had a brilliant mind.
On the following Saturday, my wife and I returned home from an antique show. My mother-in-law informed us that my father in-law had been found dead in his home. She said that he had committed suicide by running a rubber tube from the exhaust pipe into his car, rolled up the windows, started the car, laid down in the back seat, and died. Although horrified at hearing this, the nausea vanished. Days later we discovered that the autopsy showed he had probably died either Tuesday night or Wednesday morning. Even more ironically, during the time I suffered from the nausea I picked up my wife's copy of "Embraced by the Light". I had no previous interest in the subject of NDEs, and I even made light of the whole thing when my wife bought the book. The whole episode got my attention, and I became increasingly interested in the phenomenon.
In 2001 after enduring a string of personal crises, I read PMH Atwaters "Beyond the Light". I was deeply moved by the personal NDE accounts the book contained and elected to research deeper. I discovered IANDS, and through IANDS I found that the closest group to me was located in Columbus, OH. I called the organizer, Nancy Clark, to inquire about the group. I indicated I myself was not an experiencer but, felt great empathy for those I read about. I attended the next meeting despite my wife's objections. The group is small, but very diverse. It surprised me how many members were not experiencers. For the first time in my life I felt deeply connected as if I truly belonged. The group discussed things openly and open-mindedly I had never had the opportunity to before. After the meeting I sat in my car and openly wept. I had never experienced anything which touched my heart the way the group did.
During the following months I prayed daily for God to reveal to me my mission. In prayer I made it clear to God that I would accept this mission, whatever it was, and do his will. My mother lives near Columbus, so I would visit with her and my step-father on the weekends of the meetings. My mother asked to attend one of the meetings with me. She attended the June meeting with me and was intrigued, but she felt she wouldn't get much out of continuing attending.
Three days after we'd gone to the meeting, my mother called me and asked why I was going to the IANDS meetings in the first place. I told her I never had an NDE but, I could relate and connect with those who had. She wondered if this had anything to do with what happened when I was a baby. I had no idea what she was referring to.
My mother went on to relate how, at 14 months, in January 1967 I had a severe allergic reaction to something, and she had to take me to the hospital. The roads were very icy. She came to a bridge which was closed due to the ice. She had to be escorted across the bridge by local police. Upon arrival at the hospital, I was taken to the emergency room. My father, a state trooper, arrived shortly thereafter. After 15-20 minutes, a doctor came to my parents and advised them there was nothing more that they could do - I was dead. He told them I was dead on arrival and had probably died enroute to the hospital. My father would not accept this. He had the doctor take him to my body. My father then began performing CPR despite the doctor's insistence it would be to no avail. The doctor assisted my father, and moments later I revived. After remaining hospitalized for several days the doctor expressed his astonishment that I had not sustained any brain damage or any other ill effects. I was released without needing further treatment.
I nearly dropped the phone as my mother told me this. She said she just assumed I knew. From that moment so many things in my life suddenly made sense. I now knew who I was and, while I still feel like an outsider in many respects, I have an understanding of why and the feelings of alienation are gone. Words are inadequate to describe what I think and feel, but I am blown away by it all, grateful to God, and I cry every time I think about how all this came about. It is not important to me that I have no memory of the NDE itself, and I honestly don't try too hard to remember.
At the next IANDS meeting I told Nancy Clark what my mother had told me, and she was not surprised. She had been contacted recently by the Cleveland Public Library requesting she give a presentation on NDE's in the near future. She asked me to do it, I accepted, and I gave the presentation. In college I had dropped speech class 3 times before finally completing the course due to my extreme discomfort with speaking in front of groups. Nancy and I decided it would be a great idea for me to establish an NDE group in Northeast Ohio. I am working on that now, and I am convinced that is my mission. I am very thankful to have been touched by the grace of God. I consider my experience to be a gift, and I intend to use it to help others find their way.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 28, 2003 - 09:13 pm:
I have Esophogeal Varices, apparently from alcohol related circosis. I blew out Varices a total of 9 times. All happened within a 2 year period.
I was told I would not survive if I continued to drink, and very possibly if I quit drinking and took many BP related meds. I have a Medical Background. In between the 8th and 9th Bleeds, I decided that I was ready to die, and was no longer afraid to do so.
My wife had told me after my 2nd bleed, that I had a lot of nerve to leave her with a 14 year old boy to raise by herself, and that had not been her understanding of things between us, and "I had another thing coming, if I thought that was fair"
When I bled again, I WAS ready to go, and should have died on the helicopter enroute to the Med Center. I did not.
But after arrival, I could feel life slipping away, and thought, well Now is the time. I was so very cold. And, once I thought I was dying, the lights were getting dimmer and dimmer (I knew what that meant). I felt comfortable, and the pain all went away (the worst back and stomach pain ever). I no longer noticed the cold. Anyway, the voice of my wife went through my head along with some of my life experiences. Once my wifes voice got to the "fair" part, I realized that it was truly unfair of me to go without attempting to stay. With all my strength, I was not happy about it, but ones word is all one has. So, I fought back.
It was the worst 15-20 hours of my life. The Pain. The Cold, (much of that from cold blood infusion, 4 pts at a time) And, the stomach pain after emergency esophageal surgery, was all never-ending. Several times, I considered letting the Dark back in, but could no longer let it come.
I survived the experience, and stopped drinking alcohol at all. There was much depression, and terrible weakness. It was 3 months before I rode the motorcycle I promised myself, if I fought and lived.
So, I'm here, helping raise my son, and enjoying my wifes company. Riding my motorcycle is my only completely "at Peace" time I have. I do enjoy my computer, and when I can get around, I work on computers and sell a few to my previous customers only. (I owed them, but I never promised to live for them)
So, I consider this a Near Death experience, although I never felt that I left my body. It was just dying around me. I do believe that had I not had a change of heart, and put all effort into staying, that I would not have lived, and might not have anyway. A heart rate of over 200 for 8 hours WILL kill you. I did not even have a heart attack. My specialist decided that I did NOT have arteriosclerosis, since I did not have a blockage.
I am not joyous about it, and have disappointment that I have not recovered more energy, since. I am as good as I am going to get. Quads hit a similar wall, when they realize that it isn't gonna get any better. Just something else to deal with.
I have, however, kept my word, and my son is now 19.
Since I have such Peace when riding my motorcycle, it allows me to take life one day at a time.
I hope this helps someone, if nothing else, to determine that I did Not have what y'all call a NDE.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 28, 2003 - 08:51 pm:
Was going 40 miles per hour on a narrow two lane road with no shoulders (5pm Sept 8, 1993), just guard rails. A car in front of me, about 150 feet was hit by on coming car crossing the double yellow. After they collided the oncoming car that was put in a spin headed right for me. I figured, I had slowed to 20 to 25 mph at impact. The spinning car was probably going at least 25 mph when it hit me.
I had thrown my self to the floor of the passenger side, seat belt wrenched me, gave me a baseball sized bruise. Knee hit under dash, neck and lower back hurt. Nine months of physical therapy 3 nights per week, 3 hours each time.
I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Was prescribed painkiller and sent home that night.
I took painkiller and tried to sleep on the couch. I felt so tired. Never in my life did I feel so tired. But, I could not sleep because, everytime I closed my eyes, I saw the car spinning and coming at me. I took another painkiller for the pain was still bad. I was not thinking right and took a glass of wine to help me sleep.
I would say as soon as I finished drinking it, I was at the ceiling looking down at myself. I saw me sleeping and saw all the furniture in the dark family room. I remember just looking and feeling just fine with being up above myself. After what seemed like a minute or so, I somehow got back in my body and woke. I found myself struggling for air like I had held my breath for a very long time. That’s it. Thanks for reading.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 28, 2003 - 08:39 pm:
In 1991, I woke up and experienced severe pain in my side; I was unable to move due to the pain. My father found me in this way, and immediately took me to the emergency room.
Once there, I remember lying on a gurney in the emergency room. All of the doctors had gone to check on other patients. My father was there with me.
The next thing that I knew, I was "floating" above the gurney, looking down at myself and my father. My father started yelling for the doctors, and he was shaking me, trying to get me to come back.
Later he told me that he didn’t know if I had died or just passed out from the pain.
When my dad was shaking me, it immediately brought me back into myself on the gurney. I was kind of mad. I didn’t feel like anything was wrong. While I was "hovering" above myself, I felt none of the severe pain. The minute I went back, I was in intense pain again.
By Anonymous on Saturday, January 25, 2003 - 09:08 pm:
I went to the hospital. I was 6months pregnant. I was not seen before this so, I had no idea what was about to take place. I was in hard labor. The doctors tried to stop it with medicine but it continued. They x-rayed my stomach and said that I was pregnant with twins and that the chord was wrapped around one of the baby’s leg and around the other babies neck. So, it would be safer for me to have a c-section. They put me under. I slowly stopped hurting.
It was so nice, a bright light. I traveled down a tunnel. A bright light was at the end. That’s when I saw my grandmother, she smiled at me and took my hand. That’s when I saw myself on the table.
They were cutting on me but I couldn't feel a thing. As we continued to watch, they pulled a baby out. It was a boy. The doctor gave the baby to the nurse while he continued to try to deliver the other baby. The baby boy cried and, the doctor told the nurse to take the baby up to the next floor. Then he pulled the next baby out and she had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. She was very small, unlike her sibling who looked like he was a very good size baby!
I then watched the doctor clean me and sew me back up. My grandmother said that I must go back. I told her that I did not want to go. But, she said I had a job waiting for me. I went back.
I laid for two weeks. When I woke up, I asked my husband where the babies were and he said I only had a little girl. I told him he was wrong. He said, I just dreamed everything. Then when that hospital got busted for black marketing babies, I still couldn't prove anything but, I know my grandmother and I know the real truth!
By Anonymous on Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 08:12 pm:
I had been drinking heavily for days, with little or no sleep. I felt horrible about myself and had given up hope. I wanted to die.
I had a business, my child and all the material things I wanted at the time. My esophagus was starting to rupture. I had an ulcer and I was so past drunk that no amount of alcohol could make me feel drunk and the thought of the hangover if I quit drinking unnerved me. I was desperate.
After a night of drinking I passed out and woke up an unknown time later in my room on my bed, around morning. I tried to get up but my heart was pounding fiercely and I was passing out. I tried several times to get up thinking that I just needed to drink a beer or some wine to get to feeling better. I was feeling worse than I have ever felt before, like I was having the worst hangover of my life. But, I did not care about getting up to get a drink after a time and I was just lying there.
To my left there came clouds and bright white, orange and golden light. I turned my head and there came a man out of these clouds, with other beings behind him a short distance away. He was wearing an orange and rust colored robe over a cream colored robe. (Like Jesus). I remember thinking that the colors were not what I would have expected. This man had collar length brown hair and a closely trimmed beard and mustache. The most remarkable feature about him was his eyes. The thought of his eyes brings me to tears sometimes. They were very large and very brown and he seemed to speak through them of supreme compassion, patience, indescribable love, joy and a complete acceptance of me just the way I was. I also felt that I had and always had his complete devotion and attention. He simply looked at me and though he did not speak, he asked me, "Do you want to come with us now, or stay and fix your life?" Then he just waited, smiling at me, gazing at me, while I considered the question and my life. There was so much I wanted to do and I thought of my daughter. I was very aware that if I had wanted to go with him it would have been an acceptable choice to him, but the decision was mine. At the moment of my decision to stay and fix my life I was aware that I was never alone and that I would have all the help I needed to get through my life and do what I needed to do. I remember the certainty of that and an overwhelming presence of God and of this man that was looking at me with such total love. It felt like my soul expanded with every second in his presence. When I told him (without words) that I wanted to stay, he smiled, beamed, at me and turned around and walked back into the clouds.
I was able to get up with no heart pounding or hangover, and made phone calls to my mother, who called a woman in AA to talk to me. I called an AA center and talked to a friend of mine who happened to answer the phone. This friend of my mom's and the friend of mine told me how to taper off the alcohol to help me with the withdrawals. I asked my mother to come over and she did. I was 'sober' for about 20 minutes to do all of this and then, I spent the next 5 days in and out of consciousness having very bad withdrawals. But, I remembered the man and the promise that I would have the strength and the help I needed. On the fifth day I went to my first AA meeting, August 28, 1989 and have been sober ever since, remembering that I am not alone and that I chose to be here to 'fix my life'.
By Anonymous on Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 07:59 pm:
I remember, seeing the light from a flashlight in my face, shouting and the sound of my raspy breathing.
It was nighttime. Then I remember dropping my pink bunny doll in a parking lot, I was being carried quickly in my mother's arms.
Next, I was above my body, seated with legs crossed, my arms around my knees watching 'the body' and a doctor and some nurses around the body. I felt something I can only describe as compassion and mild curiosity and pity at the same time. I saw the people working on me, but did not understand what they were doing. I heard someone say, "We've lost her."
And then, my attention turned to where I was. I was in a dark place, on the edge of that place and the room below. I felt deep peace and no fear at all or desire to return to my body. I had the sense of a Great Presence coming towards me, and could see some people in the distance walking slowly towards a bright glow. I knew that I was not to join them. The Presence grew closer and I felt an indescribable love, compassion and joy wash over me.
Then, I knew with no words exchanged that I was being gently sent back to my body, to my life. I accepted this and protested it in the same instant and was immediately aware of entering my body feet first through my head. It hurt physically and spiritually, like I was being squeezed into a space much too small for my spirit and I heard the sound of myself taking a breath like a swimmer breaking the surface of the water.
I remember nothing more about that night except that, I felt a deep compassion for other people afterwards. And, a sense of how big we all are, spiritually. I have always remembered the strength, love and gentleness of God. A certain sense of humor, and the peacefulness of being in His presence.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 07:10 pm:
I had Histoplasmosis and was given an antibiotic that I was allergic to. My children were ages 4 and 6 and I was a full time welder. I felt myself dying from the feet up going numb and fighting to breathe.
An ambulance was called but there was no time my husband took me to Hospital. Your hearing is last to go as I heard the ER resident screaming "she is dying her BP is 40 by palpation, I don't know what to do"
I left my body and I don't know why I was laughing at him he looked like Oliver Hardy. I went in the waiting room and saw my Mom and kids, my poor daughter had stepped on a cactus getting out of the truck and Mom was helping her get the thorns from her foot. Mom was crying and when my daughter asked why she was crying she told her "Oh, I burned the pot roast and papa will be mad at me" I felt so light and free I laughed again.
Suddenly the brightest, most intense tunnel of light pulled me toward it and I heard my Uncle Al Long whistling and I headed up the tunnel. I felt lighter than air, like love was circling all around me and I was a moth being drawn to that loving light. Suddenly a voice I can only describe in my Christian Religion as Jesus told me I had 2 babies to raise and I could not leave them. I felt like a big hand "pushed" me back into my body and I landed with a "thud" and was very angry for a while.
Now it seems to have happened again, it is slowly coming back to me, I had a cardiac catheterization January 3, 2003. I started having reperfusion pain when a stint was installed into a coronary artery. The pain was severe and I heard the tech say I was in an arrhythmia. I was begging for something for pain and then I "blacked" out. Next I remember I saw the tunnel of light but my mother was walking down stairs in the tunnel to me and my father was with her. I am remembering this slowly just as I did in 1980 and I am crying a lot as I just lost mother last year and she told me something and I can't recall yet what it was. But, I felt their love for me.
Is it normal for it to take so long to remember?
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 07:03 pm:
Now, this is before I smoked, cussed or even had indulged in the occasional alcoholic beverage.
I was the all American boy, and never did anything wrong. It was in the summer of 1987. It was hot that night, and I was coming home from a party with some friends. I came home and went upstairs to my room after saying goodnight to my parents. I went to bed with just a pair of shorts on, and slept on top of the covers of my bed. I do not know how long time passed but I started to get cold, so I tried to move to get the covers over top of myself, but my arms would not move. I tried to move but my body would not move either. The way I was laying in bed was in a prone position with my arms to my side. I noticed I could no longer feel my legs with my hands. I started to get nervous.
Then I noticed for the first time I could see the ceiling of my room and it was drawing closer. This started to freak me out so instinctually I turned my head around and saw myself lying on my bed with no covers on being completely still. This in a way was shocking but exciting as well. I turned my head back to the ceiling just as I was passing through it. I thought I would see the attic of my house but instead I was in a very dark, chilly, peaceful place. Once I was in this place I noticed Immediately how peaceful this place was. I try to explain this to people when I tell them this story like "Imagine the most peaceful place you have ever seen, then multiply that place a million times" (now most of those people never talk to me about it now, I guess they think I am making it up or that I am just nuts. Anyhow, there I was in this peaceful place and suddenly I felt a warm soothing heat on my right side. I turned to see a beautiful bright light beckoning me towards it. As I started towards it I realized what was happening. I then told myself "I am not ready Yet!"
As soon as I let the "t" out, I was jolted up from my bed. I let out a cry, and I could not stop crying for 20 minutes afterwards. As soon as I started crying my parents rushed in my room. They tried to console me, but did not understand what I just went through. Especially since I could not talk for 20 minutes.
After that experience I noticed a change in myself. I was no longer afraid of death. Actually I wanted to go back to that place. I never wanted to commit suicide, but I was on a road of self destruction. I started smoking and drinking and more sexual experience. I know one thing that I wanted to do is experience the most out of life as much as possible. I turned into a very sure of the moment kind of person. Which ever way the wind blew I was there from travel, parties, adventure, jobs and women. These experiences lasted until I realized that I was going to be a father in 1998.
I noticed that I had other "gifts" that still are around. Some more predominate now than when I was younger.
I noticed I was more in tune with emotions of other people. I knew what people were feeling before they even spoke a word. I could feel things around me. I notice people around me out of my peripheral vision sometimes. I see some of my relatives in my dreams just before I go into REM sleep. I have just recently and rarely started to hear voices, but are muffled so I really don't understand what they are saying. For the past couple of years I notice when I talk to God that I start to get chills up my spine and on the right hand side of my body that start at the top of head to the soles of my feet.
These things are common to me now.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 06:52 pm:
Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 89, breast cancer in Feb. 93, I had a blood clot and cerebral hemorrhage on Easter Sunday of 93. Overnight I was in intensive care and on dilantin. When I awoke the next morning interns were making their rounds. After they were done talking with me, one stayed behind and told me something very profound, but to this day I don't recall what it was.
When they brought me up to my room I didn't recognize my husband and thought I was still living at my old address. I told him I had seen the angels while floating above a body. I didn't know who it was. I didn't find out about the out of body experience until last night, Jan. 7, 03 when my husband, Tom, told me. After I told him, I ordered a book on NDE. I must have blocked it all out. The medication might have had something to do with it.
I really became completely transformed and shocked while writing a book on my personal journey. After I was out of the hospital and during a doctor visit, I was told I shouldn't be here. I went home that night and had three dreams...each one more powerful.
I believe GOD has been guiding me all my life, I just wasn't aware of it until I started writing. I've been very intuitive and somewhat psychic all my life.
I now read the Bible I haven't read since JH school. The book I wrote involves an archeological excavation of a very important ancient rock shelter, and the 60ft. cross I came upon suddenly one night, while hunting for a shower after the day's dig.
Please take time to read about my three deep dreams. Visit "A Second Chance" at:
http://hometown.aol.com/mqhayes/myhomepage/faith.html
I have had cancer 3 times along with MS and thyroid disease and feel I'm here to help others.
Thank you for reading this!
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 7, 2003 - 08:06 pm:
As a small child I drifted freely between the realm of the spiritual and physical realm. As young as the age of four, I can remember leaving my body when my mother put me to bed. My body would be in bed but, my spirit drifted freely through the house. From room to room I could see my siblings asleep in their beds, I soared down the hall into a darkened kitchen that filled me with fear. Still my spirit went there. I trembled for a moment until I was able to control my flight. Christmas Eve, at the age of 5, I drifted into the living room and observed the lights on the tree for some duration. I saw all the decorations we had prepared for the holiday, the stockings etc.
I told my mother of these experiences. She advised me to place a glass of water at my bedside at night. "This way my spirit could find it's way back to my body." For years I did this alongside my Bible. My mother was not a Christian but very familiar with the spiritual realm. My folks are descendents of the Louisiana voodoo culture. It was often believed that ancestors came with messages, gifts, and warnings. This spiritual activity was nothing unusual to my family. My Grandmother favored me at a young age. She spoke of gifts such as dream telepathy and supernatural powers inherited me through my ancestors.
Through my teenage years, I sought to leave these experiences behind. I was often visited by spirits of unknown origin. Some peaceful, some that left me restless and disturbed. Sometimes feeling almost assaulted sexually. I resided in a two-story home. It was a very large home. A balcony exceeded as an entrance for spirits to access. It was almost like a (Jacobs ladder) I could almost feel their flight onto it. When they entered, their presence was known. The feeling of thickness of "you're not alone."
I grew-up and had babies of my own. My daughter was a sleepwalker and spoke in her sleep of things that had not yet come to pass. In the year 1999 I became I’ll with a pre-existing heart condition. A bizarre tumor had grown in my lung and had been pressing against my heart. For many nights my spirit took flight headed straight for the heavens at tremendous speed. When the realization kicked-in the fear would jerk me back into my body. Soon, I slept in an upright position supported by pillows.
One week before the removal of the tumor, I laid on the sofa exhausted from a hard days work. I drifted off into sleep. During my sleep my spirit left again racing at enormous speed into the blue sky. It took me as high as the clouds. At first, I thought I was dreaming, I soon realized that I was dying. I thought about my young son and I panicked. What would happen to him? I was all he had and the grief would surely destroy him. My heart pumped hard and fast so that my whole body jerked with its beat. I realized that for a moment I had died, but my spirit was not ready to leave my son and it returned to my body.
After the surgery, I lost a Beloved friend from cancer of the liver. I had gone to see him in the hospital shortly before his death. I grieved deeply for him. As I tearfully drifted off into sleep, I asked, “Why didn’t he say goodbye”. My bed shook as if an earthquake had taken place. I was quickly awakened. The smell of his cologne filled my room so strongly. Only he wore that fragrance and I knew it was him. I got up from my bed to make sure no one had sprayed any perfume. The house was still, the children asleep. I spoke my peace and expressed my sadness over his loss. For a moment, I knew he understood and wanted to respond. Slowly his fragrance left the room, as if he just came to say goodbye.
Today, I sleep with a clear glass of water beside my bed.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 7, 2003 - 07:53 pm:
I had been bleeding internally from a surgery and had to have an emergency surgery. After this surgery I was in a coma for about 4 days. I came out of it, had units and platelets of plasma. I was gravely ill in intensive care, no one thought I would I would survive. I questioned it myself.
One day as I was lying in bed, I had difficulty breathing. The alarms went off and I had oxygen on and a doctor was there asking why I couldn't breath. There were a number of nurses in the room. Suddenly, I couldn't breath much at all. Then I felt a rush of freezing cold come over me, then incredible warmth, a feeling I really can't describe. I could see and hear the nurses and the doctor. One nurse was practically on top of me with the thing they pump over my mouth, yelling at me to come back. The doctor was shooting things into my IV. I didn't realize at the time that I had respitory failure then heart failure. All I knew was that I was safe and free from pain, not just physically but, emotionally as well. I only felt one emotion, pure comfort. Totally safe. No fear. I watched as they worked on my body. I knew there were others with me although I saw no one. I liked where I was, I didn't seem to feel the emotions we feel here. And I was still whole. It was me watching them work. All of me. As I said before, it is difficult to explain.
I awoke to a cardiologist opening my neck and placing a wire down into my heart, as he apologized for not having any painkiller because he said there wasn't time to get one.
This is where most people do not believe me although, most of the nurses did at the hospital. Some were afraid to come into my room in ICU. I returned, but I would say not alone. A man whom, I felt no fear, but safety with him there. He never once looked at me but, stood face forward between me and my monitors. And a girl, she was pretty, with long blonde hair in ponytails with pink feety pjs on. She stayed in the corner of my room and kept her eyes on me constantly. Again I felt no fear. When I would begin to have heart trouble, I would look at him and it would go back down.
I made what was considered a miraculous recovery. Once my heart and body were under control, my visitors were gone. I was at deaths door and two weeks later I was almost totally well. If you could have seen how bad off I was.
For me, I feel as if I have return with a re-newed spirit. Even different in some ways. I moved from my home with my children. I stopped talking with and seeing my old friends. Friends since middle school. And I don't miss them. I am able to be far more patient and compassionate to others than ever before. And I absolutely believe there is a God. No one can shake my faith in this.
Here is the part that disturbs me. I feel as though I have returned with answers to questions that I never asked. I am sure now that our sole purpose on earth is to learn to live, love and respect one another. I now follow the path that God has laid out for me. Nothing or anyone can deter me from this.
The hardest thing for me is that I was brought up a Christian. I never doubted always believed in the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. But, now, I no longer believe that Jesus was God or the Son of God. He was a gifted, faithful man, chosen perhaps to spread the work and word of God. But, not God. I am sure as well that my experience was not that of an evil power as you would easily feel and see if you met me. For obvious reasons I do not tell many people about this. Recently, I have found the need to learn about Judaism. This is so strange for me because I have always felt hostility towards Israel due to their policies and violence toward other humans. And today I believe that Judaism is the true religion. The truth that so many of us seek.
My entire life has changed. Where before happiness was so hard to find, it is all I know now. Anything I need comes to me. I feel blessed.
Another thing about this experience is I felt guilty when I returned because when I was there, I didn't miss anyone. Not my children, my Father, no one. I believe these painful emotions no longer exist when we move on. All I felt there was a total comfort, which is something you can never know physically here on earth. I no longer fear death although I do not consider it "death" any longer. It is the next step. My compassion is more for those who are left here. Feeling that of loss and despair.
Anyway. That is my story. Only the few believe me and that is ok with me. Because now I know the truth. I know I have a purpose in life.
Thank you for having a place that I can share this. It is such a huge part of my daily life. And no one can truly understand.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 7, 2003 - 07:39 pm:
Mine happened in 1963, when I was 8 years old. I had become very ill with flu-like symptoms and could not hold down any food or fluids for almost a week. I remember my mother calling the small hometown doctor on the phone with concern in her voice, but he always assured her, without seeing me, that it was just the flu. I will never forget the burning sensation when I vomited only yellow bile, something I believe the doctor was not told. Then, as days passed and I became weaker, my vomiting quieted down. Both of my parents worked and they needed to get back to their jobs, so toward the final days of my sickness I was left alone during the daytime.
On one of those afternoons I was desperate for a drink of water. Somehow I peeled myself away from the couch and steadied myself before taking small steps to the kitchen sink. That glass of water tasted better than nectar, but as I turned back to the living room my vision turned white and I passed out. I woke later on the kitchen floor and I have no idea how long I had been there. That evening I told my mother about the experience and she looked very worried. The next day I suddenly felt better and I even got up to play on the floor. I felt fine, but I was extremely pale, and my father insisted that I be taken to the doctor anyway. I'll never forget the look on the doctor's face when he put me on the examining table. One jab in my gut around the appendix told him all he needed to know. I remember the urgency in his voice as he told my mother to get me to the hospital immediately. My father's job had taken him out of town that morning and could not be contacted for several hours. My mother balked and the doctor insisted again that the situation was serious. He ordered an operation that very afternoon and I was taken to the hospital for admission.
The nurses worked quickly as they took off my clothes and shaved my belly. Mom was in and out of the room as she made phone calls to people who could help her contact my father. The hometown doctor came into the room to see me before the operation, and he introduced me to another doctor who was a surgeon. I didn't know it at the time, but the surgeon had driven 90 miles at high speed to help with the operation. The shaving was done, my mother told me not to worry, but she sounded scared, and I was wheeled into the operating room. Now I was scared and I started to cry. The nurses were a bit stern which made it worse. I detected a funny smell and complained about it. They lied and told me it was the rubber on the wheels of my gurney. They were preparing to put me out with ether. Soon a mask with a screen was put over my face. Then the screen was covered with a towel, and the ether was poured onto the towel. I was told to breathe deeply like I was blowing into a balloon as I coughed and cried. Soon my head swirled around my body like an orbiting planet and everything went black.
It was soon after everything turned black when I realized that I could think and wonder about where I was. The best interpretation my child-like mind could decipher was that I was floating alone in the vast, dark universe. Soon I saw wisps of cloud-like creatures flying about with ease. They began to fly past me as they twirled me around. I became frightened and they seemed to fly closer when they noticed my fear. I remember them taunting and giggling as they spun me around. I became so afraid that I cried out in fear, and I asked for it to end. Something then changed as I noticed that I was floating upward and away from the wisps; again I was alone in the universe as my fear subsided. Soon after I noticed I was floating upward to a large circular, cone-like formation that was dotted with sparkling stars. As I looked upward into it I could see it spinning, and the stars were more concentrated toward the smaller opening at the top. I floated upward as I gained momentum and soon I was at the top of the spiral tube where I hit a sort of barrier like a bubble that has come to rest against something that has trapped it.
I stayed there for a while and felt no need to move about. Then suddenly I felt something tugging on me from the other side of the barrier. I was grabbed by the arm and pulled through the barrier to the other side. I had been pulled through by a young man of about 25 years of age. He was very friendly and seemed surprised to see me. He didn't know who I was so he asked. I couldn't find my voice so I just stood there. Then a few other people came around to look at me. They were older people and very kind. They asked who I was, and I said my first and last name, which made them ask more questions. They said we were related, but they wanted to know who my father was. I again said my name, and I told them I was my father’s name. Then they seemed to gasp because they knew my father. The older people introduced themselves as my father's grandparents, and they were very gracious, very happy to meet me. The two grandmothers hugged me and made sure I understood that I was in a safe place because I was very confused as to what was happening. They introduced me to the young man who pulled me in. He was my father's cousin who died in the Korean War.
As I spent more time in this place I seemed to gain strength, and I realized that it was warm and comfortable. We were all surrounded in a white light that was very pleasant. I also noticed that we all had a bluish glow about us. They showed me some high-backed chairs that they often would sit in. The chairs looked somewhat like thrones to me. They showed me a chair that would someday be my fathers, and then they showed me a chair that they said could be mine if I would sit in it. I sat in it for a moment, but didn't want to get too settled in as I was curious and wanted to look around. Then they showed me generation upon generation of my father's family going back for hundreds of years, and each of the people they showed me was sitting in their chairs. They could be seen going back toward a more intense light like steps of a ladder. The older generation people did not come forward to greet me and I don't remember if they were able to acknowledge me. However, the more recent generations seemed to at least say hello.
At some point during my visit with my father's grandparents told me to wait for a moment because a very special person was coming to greet me. The person they wanted me to meet was an older woman who glowed brighter than the others. She too showed an incredible amount of love and affection for me, but hers was much more intense. This indeed was a very special woman. I was totally enveloped by this woman's love and felt completely at ease; much like an infant who has fallen asleep in the arms of their mother. She told me many things and I understood that the glowing light was the presence of God. She said that she was his messenger who was assigned to review my life. She had the ability to reach inside my mind and pull out the memories and events of my life, which we reviewed together like a flickering movie. She seemed pleased with what she saw until we came upon an event when I had been extremely angry with my older brother. We watched together as I walked behind and hit him over the head with a baseball bat. Steve cried real hard and she explained that hurting another like that was never acceptable. I was totally ashamed as she moved on to the rest of the review.
When the review was over, this special woman brought me back to my father's grandparents and said that it was time for me to make a decision. I could either stay there with them, or I could go back to finish my life. My two great-grandmothers tried to convince me to stay, and they encouraged me to sit in my chair again, which I did. But soon I was up and about again because I felt unsettled. Then the special woman told me that if I decided to stay my mother on earth would be very sad. I told them that I loved my mother and I didn't want her to be sad, so I wanted to return. One of my great-grandmothers protested and said that if I was sent back it could destroy me because life was so hard on earth. The special woman told her that my decision to return must be honored and I was brought back to the place where I had been pulled through. All of the relatives were talking at once and seemed real concerned for me. They instructed me to do my studies in school and to read my books. But at the same time they seemed to be telling me what my future would bring. I remember something said about writing a book, and that I would be married and have a little girl. I also remember some ugly things, like many tanks rolling over sand dunes in a war. All of these things have come true to some degree.
The young man who pulled me through in the first place was the same one who sent me back down. He told me to let myself slide and to relax. The trip back down was not as pleasant and it happened quite quickly. The last sensation I remember was slipping back into my sick body and recalling what it felt like to be here. I immediately asked myself why I came back to such agony. Soon I opened my eyes and found my living grandmother holding my hand. I immediately told her that I was gone for a while, and that I had met her mother who was very nice. She looked absolutely stunned as the other relatives in the room assured me that it was just a dream. I knew they were wrong, but I was too sick to argue.
By Anonymous on Thursday, January 2, 2003 - 08:47 pm:
It was a Friday evening when I died. I was with friends, and we were all partying with drugs and alcohol. All night I was doing speed-balls, (heroin and cocaine), as well as drinking alcohol. It was about 9:00 p.m., and we all went into my bedroom so we could do some more drugs. While in the bedroom, I offered my friends a speed-ball, and they all declined, and instead did some cocaine. My friends expressed some concern regarding the amount of drugs I had injested, and thought that I should lay off the heroin and cocaine. I told them that I was okay, and not to worry about me, I knew what I was doing. So, I ignored their concerns, and did the speed-ball anyway.
As it turned out, that speed-ball turned out to be a lethal dose, causing me to overdose, I was clinically dead. When I crossed over, I had no idea that I was dead, I had no idea that I had lived on Earth, and had a family, there was no transition at all. I experienced the "light" while I was there. The light was not from a bulb, or in one area, it was everywhere. There is nothing on Earth that I have seen that could compare to the "light."
One would have to truly experience it for themselves in order to fully understand. I can tell you that I felt love, peace, strength, and warmth from the light. I sensed that I was surrounded by hundreds of people, but I could not see their faces or bodies, since we were in the spiritual realm. We were all standing side-by-side on what was similar to an escalator, which was constantly moving. All of a sudden the "escalator" stopped, and I was now going to be shown a review of my life, and be judged for my actions.
I remember looking up and seeing, as if it were across the sky, my sister at 6 years old, and myself at 5. In the review, I was very mean and hateful to my sister, and calling her names and making her cry. As I stood in judgment, the "light" telepathically communicated with me and informed me of my hatred. At that point, I felt overwhelmed with guilt, shame embarrassment, and humiliation. My feelings were very intense, I had never felt anything with that intensity before, I just wanted it to end, which it finally did, but it was not over!
The intense guilt and shame I experienced was the worst feeling I had ever known, but it was about to get worse. What I felt next was the worst pain I have ever experienced. Suddenly I realized that I had become my sister, I was "put" inside her so that I could now experience that gut-wrenching pain that she felt due to my actions. I have never felt any pain like the pain I was now experiencing. This was the worst feeling I have ever known, and I was begging for it to stop. I could not handle the pain anymore, and I would do anything to make it end, and suddenly it was over.
The "light" told me that the sins of a haughty spirit was the worst sin of all. At that point, the "escalator" started moving again, and it was moving in an upward motion. The "escalator" stopped again, and I was told that I am not to enter into the kingdom of heaven at this time. Instead, I was being given a second chance, I was being sent back to Earth in the physical realm. I was further told that I had to change my ways by loving instead of hating. The "light" informed me that I would not just be returned to Earth, but that I would bring the pain that I had experienced back with me. I was told that this pain would stay with me until my spirit had shed its earthly skin, that is, I would experience and carry this pain until the day that I would die.
I returned to Earth, and it would be about 3 weeks before I was on my feet again. It has been 5 months since my near death experience, and I remember everything as if it had just happened. And, yes, I did bring the pain back with me, this pain that I brought back was the pain my sister felt when I hurt her so bad. My sister's pain that I now carry, serves as a reminder of the importance of how we treat one another, and that we should love all, and hate none.
As a result of this experience, I am experiencing my spiritual awakening, and I can't wait to go out and heal and love the world.
By Anonymous on Thursday, January 2, 2003 - 08:36 pm:
I was in my parents car with my parents and my little brother. I was sitting on the rear passenger seat. My dad crossed a busy road and I saw the car coming from my side and slapped into the door where I was sitting.
I jumped high in the air and fell down on the road, then my parents car turned on itself and pushed me with it and the wheel stopped at my right ear.
I was in the deep coma, hearing everything around me but could not say a word. The screamings and cries were just unbearable to hear. I was seeing different pictures of my life and they would just pass in my mind. Everything was so heavy and I could not move neither talk. I could hear though every single sound multiplied as if there was a speaker with a echo effect on it.
Then I heard the ambulance arrive. Once inside the ambulance truck, my dad came in and started again to cry, scream and express his faults, his guiltiness about all this. I was feeling at the same time so light reaching the Light. I was in that tunnel getting closer and closer to that Light. It felt so good and light in the Light... And again, the cries of my father were just unbearable. I could not understand why there was so much pain on earth, why human beings were so much in pain because I was just fine and light.
Then I encountered beings of Light whom I called my Angels. It was awesome and they told me: "You're okay. everything is okay. dont worry." And I knew it.
Then I arrived at the Hospital and there, the nurse says loud, there is a serious case and he is dying. Then I heard that I was dead. Then nothing. I guess when they might have put chemicals in me, I quite am not sure.
Then I woke up several days later and the nurse and the surgeons could not believe it. I heard them say: "It's a Miracle!".
I had head/cranial traumas, my left eye was out of its orbit, and my right ear was damaged. My face was quite in a mess. The surgeons even could not understand how they were able to fix especially my eye. They said that it was held by a very fine ligament that could have cut off even during the surgery. But I believe the Angels held it so I did not loose my eyes.
3 to 4 weeks later I was out of the Hospital. The only effects were that I could not take any elevator of any sort because of the gravity pressure.
Years later, I heard a voice saying: Now it is your turn to contribute to other Miracles through Music.
I remember each time my parents and I would be invited somewhere, people would ask me to play the piano. I would prefer to play whatever comes to mind instead of remembering a Classic piece. And people would amazingly feel very well after me playing which I could not really believe. I thought they were being so polite to my parents or it was really true and I was freaked out.
So I kind of refused these results for years.
Now I am a Music Healer. I accepted all my experiences and the learning and teaching and the communication with the Beings of Light.
I moved to the USA in 1999. I have 2 cd's out and am recognized as a new age artist featuring with artists such as Vangelis, Yanni, Kitaro...
I also give weekly Healing Services and many healing have taken place each time.
I express my experience the most often possible so people who had that same experience and did not have the opportunity to talk about it can relate with it and open up to talk about it and heal with it.
I believe that we do not have a NDE for nothing. Everything happens for a reason. And I am more than delighted to help people around me to find what is this reason.
My healing work consists on revealing Soul's Mission with the Angels.
Thank you for reading my story.
Hope it can help.
Remember, we are never alone. We can be so helped when we open our hearts to the angels, to the beings of Light... and Life is so good!
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 26, 2002 - 09:48 pm:
One evening I went to bed as usual. During the night I had an experience. While I was sleeping I became 'mentally' aware that I had left my physical body and that I was dead.
I felt no pain, fear or concern. It felt like a completely natural state of being. I was in a pitch dark soundless void...it felt like I was in outer space...and I kept telling myself to look for the 'light'.
While I was still looking for the light, I became aware of a voice in my mind telling me to go back, it is not my time yet. I could not actually hear the voice, but it was like a thought that had been planted within my mind by someone else and I had no choice but to obey.
The next thing I remember was sitting upright in my bed gasping for breath. Although I am an asthma sufferer, this was a very mild attack and I only needed a quick puff of my medication to feel normal again. I just knew that I had died and was sent back (don’t ask me how), which was strange because at the time of this incident I did not actually believe in the afterlife or a God.
Has it changed me or my life? I cannot really say that it has, except that I now believe we have a 'soul' or something that stays alive and leaves the body...and that it feels like a very natural thing to do when it happens... I often wonder who it was that had sent me back. Was it God and was my NDE a mistake that had been made in another dimension?
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 26, 2002 - 09:44 pm:
At 6 yrs old, my brother, cousins and I went down to the lake for a swim. I could not swim, and so I stayed by the dock where I could hold on to something. My brother learned to swim by someone tossing him in the water and saying "swim or drown". I was on the dock and my brother and cousin each grabbed my hands and feet and tossed me in shouting "swim or drown".
I remember looking up at the surface of the water after awhile, and seeing my hair floating on the top of the water surface, glimmering in the sunlight. I felt no pain, or drowning sensations, only calm. Then there was a warm surrounding light. It became brighter and brighter. There were hundreds of beings -- souls -- around me, and I felt the total complete love and acceptance. Such an overwhelming love, that I could never explain with words. I was part of them, I was loved, and accepted, and wanted, and at home. I felt that they were loved ones who had passed on, but no true recognition of who they were, they just all felt familiar to me. I wanted to go with them and learn all the answers to my questions, but a large being appeared before me. She felt like a female, and I gathered that she was an entity of great authority, because the others still hovered around, but in the background, all around us. She spoke to me without words, and told me "I am sorry my child, but you must go back. It is not your time, and you have many great things that you must do first before you will be allowed to return here." I can remember being angry that I would not be allowed to stay. I remember my will resisting, and wanting to stay. I wanted to stay in this place more than anything. Time and space did not exist. Gently, she placed her hands upon my shoulders and pushed me away. I was so angry and fought it. The place was so peaceful and full of love. I can remember the sensation of falling backwards, like being pushed backwards off a two story building. When my spirit re-entered my body, it was a horrible body slam, that knocked all the wind out of me.
I awoke to the paramedics resuscitating me. I was clinically dead for 6 minutes.
After the experience, I was very aware of the world in a spiritual sense. I sensed things that others did not. I saw visions of things before they happened, and sometimes after they happened. I daydreamed alot, and could never distinguish the daydreams, from the actual visions. The visions stopped when I was 13 after a particularly traumatic vision.
I do not know what my special purpose in life is, only that I have one, and that I must fulfil it. I do not know if I will even be aware of it when it happens.
By Anonymous on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 02:57 pm:
I was involved in a MVA with a train in June of this past year (2002).
My passenger was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident. I remained conscious throughout the entire time of the accident and following it.
My experience was the filling up of the car with white hot light. Alot of heat involved in the light. The passenger was surrounded in it, almost golden. I knew she was dead but felt almost detached like I wasn't involved. My senses seemed so intense and acute I felt pain from them, sight, sound, and smell especially. My nose filled with the scent of newborn baby's neck. (I hope this makes sense). It is a very sweet smell that babies only have for a few weeks following their births. I laid my head down for a moment and closed my eyes, felt warmer. But I felt such a PULLING at me...that I wasn't to just stop.
I could not get out of the car by the door, so I slid out the broken window like a snake and hit the ground. While lying in the ditch, I experienced sights, sounds, and smells acutely again. As before, I almost felt I was looking down upon someone else.
The only grief I felt was regret at leaving my children behind without warning and sadness at what they would have to endure following my death. I saw my cousin who was brought up with my family as a sister to me. She has been deceased since 1994. After I told the Ambulance attendant my children's names and what messages I had for them, I remember a feeling of snapping, almost. Like, a releasing of all will to live and letting go.
My injuries turned out to be fractures of the C7 vertebrae (neck), back, multiple ribs, pneumothorax (collapsed lung), internal bleeding from a tearing of my liver, head lacerations requiring stitches (50).
I was airlifted to nearest trauma center where I had other strange occurrences but am now willing to blame the heavy medication I was on following the accident.
By Anonymous on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 02:49 pm:
In the labor room, I heard one nurse scolding another nurse because I was given two doses of Pitocin, a labor inducing drug. Everything that followed was a blur: the spinal bloc, the actual delivery.
Then I became aware that I was in a private hospital room. As in a dream, I floated to the ceiling. I recall turning to the right and being drawn to a warm, white light. I thought to myself that I felt exhilarated, free of all pain, and I had never felt so wonderful. I did not look down at my body on the stretcher/bed. I traveled at an angle, maybe a 45 degree angle. When I floated through the wall of the room, the immediate area was dark, non descript. Just ahead I saw a narrow tunnel. The warm light was visible at the end of the tunnel. My flying sped up and I was drawn to the light. I was not afraid. The tunnel walls were rough, looked rocky. The tunnel was narrow and become lighter as I approached the light.
Suddenly, I stopped just beneath a rocky ledge, on the left hand side. The mist was swirling and I had difficulty making out the figures in the background. Suddenly, my Uncle and my Grandfather stood several feet away, elevated above me. My Uncle did most of the talking. I say talking, but it was definitely telepathic. In a rush of words, I informed him that I thought I had just given birth to a baby. I wasn't sure that this baby survived the delivery. My Grandfather gestured that the baby was alive. I sighed a breath of relief. Then I told my Grandfather that my husband and I had adopted a baby boy. Told him that he was six months old. My Grandfather made a sound that I couldn't quite understand. Then my Uncle waved his arm and told me that I had to go back to take care of my babies. I hesitated and responded that I wanted to stay with them. “No”, my uncle insisted, “you must go back”. “It's not your time”. I reluctantly agreed and assured him that I had a duty to take care of my family. My Grandfather told me [telepathically], not to forget my Grandmother. He distinctly told me. I told him I would.
At that moment, my body was quickly sucked backward. I saw flashes of colored light in the tunnel; it was beautiful.
Suddenly I felt excruciating pain. Then, at that moment, I knew I was back in my body. I was very groggy, but I opened my eyes. My mother a nurse and, my husband were standing by my bedside. A day or two later, true to my word, I named my daughter in memory of my Grandmother.
By Anonymous on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 02:38 pm:
While driving my truck I was suddenly looking at Satan, I was frightened and tried to turn and look for help or a place to run. I was unable to take my eyes from Satan. I must tell you that Satan looked just like me. Only the difference was at that time there was no recognition of self on my part. I did not know him to be me. I hope this is understandable?
While trying to turn and look for help I had the sensation of a horde of people behind me, only a sensation. This did the trick as far as relieving my fear. Then a question was put to me, "shall there be mercy?" I answered “yes”.
Immediately the scene changes to one of total sensation. I was floating in the ocean of gods love for me. That is to say, I was being permitted to know that he has, does and will always love me. I was permitted, what seemed likes many minutes, to enjoy His love.
The scene changes again, now I am feeling the effect of every selfish act, word or imagination I ever had, not as a form or type of punishment, more that I was experiencing the emotional reaction god had to my selfishness. I never knew what remorse was until that moment. The remorse was transformed into a kind of humility. Not the humility that one might expect of a saint or monk living in a monastery. No longer did I feel as if I were better or worse than anyone else, a leveling of the playing field, if you will.
It is certain to me, had I not said yes to the mercy question, I would be dead now. For the weight of my own selfishness would have crushed me.
The scene changes again, now I am being lifted up cradled or placed on ones hip as a mother or father may do to a young child, then I heard , I see, and I was looking at the earth. There is one earth with a dividing wall or curtain or some kind of veil. The veil made a complete circle around one earth, I understood this earth to be the world of everyday ordinary life. I was able to see some people walking up to and through this wall.
Others would walk up to it but could not or would not pass through. Some never seem to realize there was a wall at all. Outside the wall people were doing basically the same as those inside, living their lives. There seemed to be no distinction or biased on gods behalf. His love was equal for all.
Then I heard someone yelling, trying to get my attention. I looked up from the earth scene, what would be a due north direction, and there I see a line of people, they were talking, laughing, some seemed to be dancing, and at differing intervals the person at the head of the line would slide down into the earth scene.
The scene changes again and I am back driving my truck. For the next three or four days a variety of unusually and completely unseen events took place. Far too many to recount here. In closing I will say that being in his love was the best moment of my life. Feeling his remorse for my selfish actions, has been the worst moment of my life. It was a bittersweet experience. And I would not undo any portion of it.
By Anonymous on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 02:23 pm:
About 3 am Sunday, September 8th, I stepped out of my hospital room and looked toward the end of the hall. My mind told me that if I could run fast enough, I could project myself into the warm, bright light I was seeing there and when I came through on the other side I would be at home with my husband and children. It was a light like none I had seen before, warm, glowing and bright like the sun. I could look right into it though and it invited me to run toward it. I ran as fast as I could and then hit that wall so hard with my head that nurses in other sections on that floor of the hospital heard it.
I staggered momentarily and fell on my back on the floor unable to move. I felt no pain and I saw three hospital employees (nurses, I guess) huddled over me. My life began to pass backwards through all the people I had loved in my life. I felt like I was on a downward spiral ride. I looked at each of the people kneeling next to me over and over again and every once in a while when I would think of a specific person, that person I was looking at would take on that image. As I recognized each face I would say the name of person and they would nod at me in an affirming way. My thoughts continued to reel backwards like a movie. It all started very fast, than slowed down and stopped when it came to Eric. Eric was my childhood boyfriend who was killed in a drunk driving accident when we were juniors in high school. I have believed for many years that Eric has been my "guardian angel." At that point, I shut my eyes and rested my head back on the floor. I heard people working feverishly around me. I realized that I wasn't breathing, but I wasn't struggling. I could hear the sound of my heart beating and it kept getting slower, and slower and slower...then it stopped. I heard someone say, "she's gone..." in a quiet whisper, then I sensed a white sheet being pulled up over my head. There was perfect silence and peacefulness, but I was not scared.
I opened my eyes and lifted my head...it was the only thing I could move. What I saw was a man's face just a few inches in front of mine. He had short brown hair and a light beard. His eyes were looking right into mine like he was trying to convey something to me with his thoughts. We did not speak. He did not touch me. We were alone together in a void of white light, everything else had disappeared. I didn't hear voices, but these thoughts came to my head. I was dying and being reborn all at the same time. I shut my eyes again and felt like I was being submerged under water. The thought I had then was that I only had to hold my breath a little longer. The thoughts in my head told me that I would hear a loud sound, see a bright light, that all I would have to do was breathe and that everything would be okay...but that my head was going to hurt pretty bad. All at once, that's exactly what happened. I exhaled with a gasp, opened my eyes and began to cry. There was major pain in my head and neck, but I could move my arms and legs again. The scene had returned to normal, but there were new hospital staff people around me and they were trying to decide what to do with me next. They eventually put me in a neck brace and on a backboard to take me for some tests and x-rays. Then they wheeled me back into my room to let me sleep.
For weeks I have tried to figure out exactly what happened to me on that floor. I didn't ask any questions to the nurses or ask to see my medical records. I actually believe that for a few moments that I was dead...or that part of me died. For awhile I thought it was Eric who I saw there in front of me, but I had my mind changed when I went to a church retreat a few weeks ago. There was a big picture of Jesus on one side of the cabin. When I looked at it, it was like a sudden flashback that took my breath away. It was the same eyes, the same face, the same expression, and I began to sob. I knew at that moment how Mary Magdalene must have felt when Jesus cast the demons from her. Jesus was at Memorial Hospital the night I was there and he came just for me...to heal me and to save me. Everyone was astonished that I had not seriously injured myself after such an impact. My doctors and nurses seemed dumbfounded that following morning that all that had been wrong with me was totally better. I didn't have a single episode after that and I was ready to go home.
I sit and think a lot. I think about that face I saw and I wonder where I was at that moment and what my true condition was. Mostly what I feel is thankfulness and love. In that moment I had lost all hope, I thought I was alone, separated from everyone on the face of this earth who cared about me. In that moment, there was only one person who could save me...little 'ol me, flat out on my back on the floor of a psyche ward. I sit and pray in quiet company of he who saved me, and weep tears of gratitude and offer words of thankfulness. It is not my body that was rescued, but my soul. My body was brought into this world March. My new spirit birthday is September.
One day, a very long time from now, I will look upon his face again as he welcomes me home for all of eternity. Until that time I will learn all I can about how to be one of his disciples. All that we have here is nothing compared to what awaits us in his Kingdom.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 9, 2003 - 12:41 pm:
I was at home, ill with hepatitis. I had been running a very high temperature for about two weeks, feeling very nauseous, off all food, drinking very little, feeling generally very lethargic, and was jaundiced.
I remember waking in the middle of the night. I was aware that the bed linen was saturated (feverish sweats). All the pain, nausea etc had gone. I felt so completely at peace, both with myself, and the world around me. It was a physical presence. The feeling of utter contentment surrounded me...you could reach out and touch it. At the end of my bed was a door ( normally it was a fireplace). The door was open just ajar. Through the gap in the door was the brightest light, but you could look straight at it....it didn't dazzle you. It was very welcoming. I knew I just had to go through the door, I didn't question why there was a door there, or what was beyond it. I just knew I had to go through it. Then I thought of my parents in the next room, and thought I must go and say goodbye to them as I wouldn't be there in the morning, and I didn't want them to worry.
I turned from the door with the light to go through my bedroom door to see my parents when it all went dark. The door with the light, and all the feelings of peace etc just went. I fell back on the bed in pain, and just feeling so ill, and knew I should have just gone to the other door. I would have done anything to get back the feelings of peace again.
For many years I thought I had had the most vivid dream. I still remember it with extraordinary clarity, but had never spoken about it. Then one day there was a program about near death experiences. Everyone was leaving their bodies, and floating up to the ceiling looking down at themselves. Then a woman came on and related her experience. It was so similar to mine. I couldn't believe it.
By Anonymous on Thursday, February 6, 2003 - 06:01 pm:
Introductory note:
I wrote this down around three years ago after a business meeting. The subject came up quite by chance when, I recalled my NDE which happened in 1964. Although I had frequently thought about the incident in the intervening years, I am absolutely positive that nothing has clouded my memory to obscure the facts.
I am sorry if the style appears literary - I had intended to offer it for publication in a magazine, but never bothered. I must stress that nothing in it has been sensationalized to clinch a sale.
------------------------
I was undergoing basic training in the Army. One of the guys there said he could make anyone faint. Now, I had never fainted in my life before although, obviously I had seen others faint, and grew curious. Being young, I felt ready for the experience.
I crouched down, breathing deeply, for 30 seconds. Then I had to take one deep breath and put my thumb in my mouth while the guy hauled me up and hugged me tightly from behind as I slipped effortlessly back to the floor. My eyes opened and I looked up at my fellows staring down at me, smiling.
It was a novelty. Others tried it. Then, after a space of about half an hour, someone came into the room and expressed interest in the exercise but was unsure. I was keen to try it again, and asked the fellow if we could do it again to demonstrate it to the newcomer.
This time it was very different.
My body slipped slowly to the floor, and everything became dark. I turned to my right and saw, alone in the cold gloom, a stranger who stared back at me in surprise. He was tall, perhaps a little older than me, and had not expected me to see him.
"Don't worry, everything's going to be all right," he said as he approached, and stood behind me. I felt as if I were being raised up, and looked down and saw my lifeless form. "They've killed me," I thought. "They've killed me. I've got to have them punished." I wanted to pierce them all with my anger.
"No, you can't do that," replied the stranger, soothingly. "You see, it really doesn't matter now. You'll understand soon enough."
I looked again at the lifeless form. I could now actually see right inside the body - the lungs, the alimentary system, all perfectly designed and fitting cleverly together. Whoever designed the human body was a genius, I thought.
I turned around, and looked up at the stranger. He now assumed a dark, golden countenance; and now I saw that he had wings - huge brown wings, flecked with yellow feathers, that flanked the whole of his form. "But I can't die yet. I'm so young," I thought.
Then I looked down and saw a family of middle-aged people whom I recognized as my mother and her sisters, weeping. "He was a silly fool," said an anonymous voice from somewhere behind me. "He shouldn't have done that. And he never achieved anything in his life.""Oh, I don't know," I said defensively. "He was quite a nice person - and I was just getting to like him.""That's not important now," said the stranger's voice. "We must go."
Suddenly I was being propelled across a vast distance - I dare not look straight ahead, but I remember looking at the wall flashing past me as I sped along some kind of tunnel.
Then, at the other end of this journey, I felt a most beautifully reassuring sense of calm. I looked down at myself in my new form; I had taken on a golden glow. I did not need to walk; I floated. Everything about me was love, goodness and warmth. Suddenly, I felt as if I had been given access to the total knowledge of the universe; I stared at a huge dark wheel, containing stars and other celestial bodies, which slowly revolved. A deep voice spoke slowly, but I could not make out what it was saying.
Then I was at some kind of entrance; a man stood in authority at the gate; he had black, tight curls and his face seemed somehow familiar. "You weren't expected," he said. His lips did not move; our conversation was entirely telepathic."Well, I'm here now," I replied, a little surprised that my lips did not need to move either.
"You can't come in," he said. Then, turning to the stranger who had accompanied me all the way here, he asked, "Why did you bring him here? You know it wasn't the time." "I was just as surprised," my companion answered.
"Now look here, I demand to be admitted." I was quite defiant to the gate-keeper. "I have arrived and I am not going to go away." He said something about asking higher authority, and instructed us to wait.
To my left was a warm golden light. My companion, at my right, pointed ahead and I saw a group of children, absolutely perfect in appearance, totally absorbed in some kind of lesson. Their teacher was further to the left, outside my line of vision. Some of the young people saw me and quickly came over and surrounded me. They were utterly delighted to see me, and I felt overjoyed to meet them.
The gate-keeper returned. "You can't stay. You'll have to go back." "But I can't. I'm dead." "It's not usual, but we can take you back. Say goodbye to these people."
The children - and I - were devastated at this news. I heard at least one of them groan. My companion saw my intense disappointment. "Don't worry," he reassured me. "You'll see them all again, soon enough." The gate-keeper turned to me again. "Now you must promise never to attempt to come here again. This is very important." "Oh, all right," I agreed, half-heartedly. "No, this is serious." He turned to my companion and asked him to fetch two people whom I would know.
Two elderly women came. I recognized them as both my grandmothers; they had died some five or six years previously. My father's mother looked grim; my mother's mother was pleased to see me but, at the gate-keeper's bidding, was quite firm in her tone: I had to promise solemnly not to try to return. I agreed.
Once more, I stood in front of the great dark disk again; as the stars and shapes slowly revolved, a deep voice said slowly: "Your time has not yet come."
Then I felt all the wisdom which I had suddenly gained was being forced out from me; I knew I could not take this knowledge back with me, but was concerned that I might lose what limited intelligence I already had before I "died".
And, once again I was in the long tunnel, feeling the wind against my cheek as I looked away and saw the long wall rushing past me.
I awoke, prostate on the floor. I felt as if I had received an electric shock, and needed to collect my thoughts. Bewildered, I looked around me. I was back. I was 17 again, with a whole life ahead of me. A long life, it seemed, before I was due to return to that wonderful place. How would I have the patience to wait so long. Immediately, a feeling of acute depression enveloped me.
My barracks room companions looked down, laughing at me. "You took half a minute or so to wake up! We thought you'd gone to sleep!"
I got up and walked thoughtfully across to my bed and sat quietly on it for the remainder of that evening, quietly reflecting on the experience; echoing in my mind were the faces and voices of the disappointed young people, the revolving disc and the Voice: "Your time has not yet come."
Twelve years later, my young son and daughter were playing one evening and it was time for me to put them to bed. My son turned and looked at me, smiling; my daughter sighed. In the golden twilight I recognized his look and her sigh immediately. They were two of the young people I had seen in my near-death experience.
Then, 35 years after the experience, I received another reminder. It was 1999, and I was in the middle of a routine business meeting with a young woman in my office in London. Although I had never met her before, it quickly became apparent that she was quite forthright in her approach with people. Suddenly, she turned to me and said, "I know this is quite irregular, but can I ask if you believe in the supernatural?" I replied that I kept an open mind.
"I have some psychic abilities," she continued. "There's a man - a spirit - standing beside you, and he's getting very impatient with me. But he assures me that you'd listen." "Has he got anything to tell me?"
"Yes," she replied. "Your time has not yet come. He says you'd know what it means."
By Anonymous on Wednesday, February 5, 2003 - 10:18 pm:
I was in hospital following a gynecological repair operation. I had discovered that my husband was having an affair.
My son was just 3 months old. It caused me to have a prolapsed. I was desperately unhappy.
I was admitted into hospital when my son was just over a year old for the repair to be done. Seven days after the operation I started to hemorrhage very badly from the operation; blood was dripping on the floor by the bed. Nurses started rushing about and a doctor was called. I heard someone say 'hurry up get a line in' they could not seem to do this. I was told to keep very still, my life was in danger.
I passed out and came to above my body in the operating theatre; they were still trying to get some fluid into me and calling for blood to be brought in. I saw a great light, it totally surrounded me, no tunnel, just the light, shapes merging into people who were calling me saying, “come on”, “come with us”. I stayed for some time and then I seemed to hear my daughter and son calling me and I said I had to go back.
I was then back over my body and they were saying, “has someone called the husband” and someone else said “yes”. I tried to tell them not to bother I did not want him, but I could not make myself heard. I then came to back in the ward and a lovely large black woman was giving me a drink and saying, “you’re alright honey”.
A few days passed and I was very weak. My husband did come to see me and then, went back to his job some distance away.
Almost exactly a week after the first time, it happened again. The hemorrhage and being rushed into the operating theatre. Again, I was above my body and this time did not want to come back at all. I went with the light and so wanted to stay there and talk to the people I was meeting. I was told that I had to either stay or go back and look after my children and husband and find a way to helping people. To listen to what they said, and to be open to any new thoughts and feelings that would be given to me.
Again, I woke up back on the ward with the same black woman looking after me, who again said “your alright honey”. I was told when I asked who she was that there were no black people working there at that time. I have always wished that I could have thanked her properly. It was over a year getting over the whole of this experience.
It is only now many years later that I am beginning to understand what was wanted of me and am beginning to open up and slightly understand that all the horrendous times I have lived through since have brought me greater understanding of the world that we live in.
I hope that this is of some use to you.
By Anonymous on Sunday, February 2, 2003 - 09:16 pm:
I was admitted to the Hospital on 07/16/01. This was the same Hospital my father (81) , had died in on 07/10/01. I was in Oregon.
Following his funeral on 07/13/01, I was awoke on Monday morning the 16th by my own moaning. I was experiencing severe abdominal pain and pressure that increased in intensity until, I finally allowed my oldest son and my nephew to take me to emergency. They immediately pumped me full of morphine and poked and prodded until deciding it must be my gallbladder. The ER surgeon finally had me admitted and I was scheduled for an exploratory scope Tuesday morning. I barely remember being taken to my room.
Sometime in the night I remember a nurse waking me up to tell me to shut up "other patients were trying to sleep". I remember clearly thinking “like I have any control over my moaning". I feel sometime in the early hours of Tuesday July 16 2001 (I am awaiting records to verify) I either crashed or my vitals got very bad.
What I remember are like small mini films of certain episodes. I’ve remembered more and more with time and the memories are no longer so emotional. For a long time, I couldn't even talk about some of them without bawling. The most vivid and troubling was when I was being transferred from gurney to table or vice-versa and I chilled worse than words can describe. I chilled so quickly and completely it felt like my very core had turned to ice. My family and friends have liked to blame everything on the morphine and other drugs. I know without a doubt what I remember actually happened.
I did not lead the best life previously, like most people I did not think I was a bad person, but I had used and abused alcohol and drugs for years, so functioning "under the influence" was certainly not new to me. I also have had over 10 surgeries (5 knee surgeries alone) that involved general anesthetics so I was no rookie on the operating table either.
I remember it took several people to straighten me out from the fetal position. While I know without a doubt I was experiencing more pain than I ever had before, I still do not remember the actual feeling (thank God). My next episode involved the air tube. I regained enough consciousness to clamp down on the tube with my teeth for all I was worth as they were trying to take it out. They kept telling me to relax and it would be over much faster, so I did. I then remember thinking, "gosh they were right" then the thought, clear as day, entered my mind that after all the real life trauma shows I’ve watched on TV, now I was the show. I also remember the surgeon, whose name was Sandra, explaining to me how it was going to be a lot worse than they first thought. As it turned out I was full of peritonitis from a perforation they never found. This is why I think I coded sometime in the night. Upon my return to Tacoma I ended up being diagnosed with chrons disease.
While I don't have a lot of the experiences that other nder’s have had. I do still have a very unsettling feeling of darkness, such ungodly bitter cold, like a large void and an utter feeling of hopelessness. I am still a little leery to remember too much more as I was not headed for a good place. As to "why me" I feel absolutely that it was all the positive energy (all of our communities prayers) that were sent out on my behalf that drew attention to my plight.
I remember such a peaceful/serene feeling for the few days following surgery and I just blew it off to the morphine pump and boy were they encouraging me to use it. Well, I can't think of much else right now except for the wonderfully positive effect this has had on my life. Confusing, yes but, God for the fist time in 20 years, IT'S GREAT TO BE ALIVE.
By Anonymous on Wednesday, January 29, 2003 - 02:06 pm:
Since I was a very small child I struggled with what I came to know much later in life as the aftereffects of an NDE. I was an only child, and both my parents were 20 years old when I was born. At 19 I learned that my mother had aborted 2 pregnancies prior to my being born.
As a child I was extremely shy and had great difficulties relating to anyone - even some family members - on any level whatsoever. I always felt very different, out of place, and was confused by the many paradoxes and contradictions of the world around me. I suffered from allergies and asthma and was sick quite often. Up until entering high school I had very few close friends. I didn't look any different than anyone else, I was never bullied or picked on in any way, other children just didn't know how to relate to me nor I to them. Most of the time I preferred the company of adults. This has changed since I've reached adulthood - I am now able to relate much better to children and find it very difficult to connect with other adults.
I did very well in school with little effort. Throughout my school years, including college, I never knew "what I wanted to be" in adulthood. No one profession or occupation ever stood out. Most of my working life has been spent figuring out through trial and error what I DIDN'T want to do for a living. Since I was a small child I have been fascinated with the concept of UFOs/alien beings. I read everything I could find on the subject and was not able to understand why more people weren't concerned about it. I was never really into science fiction of any type - I just wanted actual case studies and facts. I have never had a close encounter, abduction, or anything of that nature happen to me.
On a Wednesday morning in February 1995 I woke up with the most horrible case of nausea I've ever experienced. I didn't have the flu or any other illness, and I was not prone to stomach problems. For the next 3 days I was unable to eat anything due to the nausea. At the time my mother-in-law was living with my wife and I. She had just divorced from my father-in-law after nearly 30 years of marriage. My father-in-law suffered from depression. I was able to connect with him as he, like me, did not seem to fit well in this world. He had difficulty relating to others socially, but he had a brilliant mind.
On the following Saturday, my wife and I returned home from an antique show. My mother-in-law informed us that my father in-law had been found dead in his home. She said that he had committed suicide by running a rubber tube from the exhaust pipe into his car, rolled up the windows, started the car, laid down in the back seat, and died. Although horrified at hearing this, the nausea vanished. Days later we discovered that the autopsy showed he had probably died either Tuesday night or Wednesday morning. Even more ironically, during the time I suffered from the nausea I picked up my wife's copy of "Embraced by the Light". I had no previous interest in the subject of NDEs, and I even made light of the whole thing when my wife bought the book. The whole episode got my attention, and I became increasingly interested in the phenomenon.
In 2001 after enduring a string of personal crises, I read PMH Atwaters "Beyond the Light". I was deeply moved by the personal NDE accounts the book contained and elected to research deeper. I discovered IANDS, and through IANDS I found that the closest group to me was located in Columbus, OH. I called the organizer, Nancy Clark, to inquire about the group. I indicated I myself was not an experiencer but, felt great empathy for those I read about. I attended the next meeting despite my wife's objections. The group is small, but very diverse. It surprised me how many members were not experiencers. For the first time in my life I felt deeply connected as if I truly belonged. The group discussed things openly and open-mindedly I had never had the opportunity to before. After the meeting I sat in my car and openly wept. I had never experienced anything which touched my heart the way the group did.
During the following months I prayed daily for God to reveal to me my mission. In prayer I made it clear to God that I would accept this mission, whatever it was, and do his will. My mother lives near Columbus, so I would visit with her and my step-father on the weekends of the meetings. My mother asked to attend one of the meetings with me. She attended the June meeting with me and was intrigued, but she felt she wouldn't get much out of continuing attending.
Three days after we'd gone to the meeting, my mother called me and asked why I was going to the IANDS meetings in the first place. I told her I never had an NDE but, I could relate and connect with those who had. She wondered if this had anything to do with what happened when I was a baby. I had no idea what she was referring to.
My mother went on to relate how, at 14 months, in January 1967 I had a severe allergic reaction to something, and she had to take me to the hospital. The roads were very icy. She came to a bridge which was closed due to the ice. She had to be escorted across the bridge by local police. Upon arrival at the hospital, I was taken to the emergency room. My father, a state trooper, arrived shortly thereafter. After 15-20 minutes, a doctor came to my parents and advised them there was nothing more that they could do - I was dead. He told them I was dead on arrival and had probably died enroute to the hospital. My father would not accept this. He had the doctor take him to my body. My father then began performing CPR despite the doctor's insistence it would be to no avail. The doctor assisted my father, and moments later I revived. After remaining hospitalized for several days the doctor expressed his astonishment that I had not sustained any brain damage or any other ill effects. I was released without needing further treatment.
I nearly dropped the phone as my mother told me this. She said she just assumed I knew. From that moment so many things in my life suddenly made sense. I now knew who I was and, while I still feel like an outsider in many respects, I have an understanding of why and the feelings of alienation are gone. Words are inadequate to describe what I think and feel, but I am blown away by it all, grateful to God, and I cry every time I think about how all this came about. It is not important to me that I have no memory of the NDE itself, and I honestly don't try too hard to remember.
At the next IANDS meeting I told Nancy Clark what my mother had told me, and she was not surprised. She had been contacted recently by the Cleveland Public Library requesting she give a presentation on NDE's in the near future. She asked me to do it, I accepted, and I gave the presentation. In college I had dropped speech class 3 times before finally completing the course due to my extreme discomfort with speaking in front of groups. Nancy and I decided it would be a great idea for me to establish an NDE group in Northeast Ohio. I am working on that now, and I am convinced that is my mission. I am very thankful to have been touched by the grace of God. I consider my experience to be a gift, and I intend to use it to help others find their way.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 28, 2003 - 09:13 pm:
I have Esophogeal Varices, apparently from alcohol related circosis. I blew out Varices a total of 9 times. All happened within a 2 year period.
I was told I would not survive if I continued to drink, and very possibly if I quit drinking and took many BP related meds. I have a Medical Background. In between the 8th and 9th Bleeds, I decided that I was ready to die, and was no longer afraid to do so.
My wife had told me after my 2nd bleed, that I had a lot of nerve to leave her with a 14 year old boy to raise by herself, and that had not been her understanding of things between us, and "I had another thing coming, if I thought that was fair"
When I bled again, I WAS ready to go, and should have died on the helicopter enroute to the Med Center. I did not.
But after arrival, I could feel life slipping away, and thought, well Now is the time. I was so very cold. And, once I thought I was dying, the lights were getting dimmer and dimmer (I knew what that meant). I felt comfortable, and the pain all went away (the worst back and stomach pain ever). I no longer noticed the cold. Anyway, the voice of my wife went through my head along with some of my life experiences. Once my wifes voice got to the "fair" part, I realized that it was truly unfair of me to go without attempting to stay. With all my strength, I was not happy about it, but ones word is all one has. So, I fought back.
It was the worst 15-20 hours of my life. The Pain. The Cold, (much of that from cold blood infusion, 4 pts at a time) And, the stomach pain after emergency esophageal surgery, was all never-ending. Several times, I considered letting the Dark back in, but could no longer let it come.
I survived the experience, and stopped drinking alcohol at all. There was much depression, and terrible weakness. It was 3 months before I rode the motorcycle I promised myself, if I fought and lived.
So, I'm here, helping raise my son, and enjoying my wifes company. Riding my motorcycle is my only completely "at Peace" time I have. I do enjoy my computer, and when I can get around, I work on computers and sell a few to my previous customers only. (I owed them, but I never promised to live for them)
So, I consider this a Near Death experience, although I never felt that I left my body. It was just dying around me. I do believe that had I not had a change of heart, and put all effort into staying, that I would not have lived, and might not have anyway. A heart rate of over 200 for 8 hours WILL kill you. I did not even have a heart attack. My specialist decided that I did NOT have arteriosclerosis, since I did not have a blockage.
I am not joyous about it, and have disappointment that I have not recovered more energy, since. I am as good as I am going to get. Quads hit a similar wall, when they realize that it isn't gonna get any better. Just something else to deal with.
I have, however, kept my word, and my son is now 19.
Since I have such Peace when riding my motorcycle, it allows me to take life one day at a time.
I hope this helps someone, if nothing else, to determine that I did Not have what y'all call a NDE.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 28, 2003 - 08:51 pm:
Was going 40 miles per hour on a narrow two lane road with no shoulders (5pm Sept 8, 1993), just guard rails. A car in front of me, about 150 feet was hit by on coming car crossing the double yellow. After they collided the oncoming car that was put in a spin headed right for me. I figured, I had slowed to 20 to 25 mph at impact. The spinning car was probably going at least 25 mph when it hit me.
I had thrown my self to the floor of the passenger side, seat belt wrenched me, gave me a baseball sized bruise. Knee hit under dash, neck and lower back hurt. Nine months of physical therapy 3 nights per week, 3 hours each time.
I was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Was prescribed painkiller and sent home that night.
I took painkiller and tried to sleep on the couch. I felt so tired. Never in my life did I feel so tired. But, I could not sleep because, everytime I closed my eyes, I saw the car spinning and coming at me. I took another painkiller for the pain was still bad. I was not thinking right and took a glass of wine to help me sleep.
I would say as soon as I finished drinking it, I was at the ceiling looking down at myself. I saw me sleeping and saw all the furniture in the dark family room. I remember just looking and feeling just fine with being up above myself. After what seemed like a minute or so, I somehow got back in my body and woke. I found myself struggling for air like I had held my breath for a very long time. That’s it. Thanks for reading.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 28, 2003 - 08:39 pm:
In 1991, I woke up and experienced severe pain in my side; I was unable to move due to the pain. My father found me in this way, and immediately took me to the emergency room.
Once there, I remember lying on a gurney in the emergency room. All of the doctors had gone to check on other patients. My father was there with me.
The next thing that I knew, I was "floating" above the gurney, looking down at myself and my father. My father started yelling for the doctors, and he was shaking me, trying to get me to come back.
Later he told me that he didn’t know if I had died or just passed out from the pain.
When my dad was shaking me, it immediately brought me back into myself on the gurney. I was kind of mad. I didn’t feel like anything was wrong. While I was "hovering" above myself, I felt none of the severe pain. The minute I went back, I was in intense pain again.
By Anonymous on Saturday, January 25, 2003 - 09:08 pm:
I went to the hospital. I was 6months pregnant. I was not seen before this so, I had no idea what was about to take place. I was in hard labor. The doctors tried to stop it with medicine but it continued. They x-rayed my stomach and said that I was pregnant with twins and that the chord was wrapped around one of the baby’s leg and around the other babies neck. So, it would be safer for me to have a c-section. They put me under. I slowly stopped hurting.
It was so nice, a bright light. I traveled down a tunnel. A bright light was at the end. That’s when I saw my grandmother, she smiled at me and took my hand. That’s when I saw myself on the table.
They were cutting on me but I couldn't feel a thing. As we continued to watch, they pulled a baby out. It was a boy. The doctor gave the baby to the nurse while he continued to try to deliver the other baby. The baby boy cried and, the doctor told the nurse to take the baby up to the next floor. Then he pulled the next baby out and she had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck. She was very small, unlike her sibling who looked like he was a very good size baby!
I then watched the doctor clean me and sew me back up. My grandmother said that I must go back. I told her that I did not want to go. But, she said I had a job waiting for me. I went back.
I laid for two weeks. When I woke up, I asked my husband where the babies were and he said I only had a little girl. I told him he was wrong. He said, I just dreamed everything. Then when that hospital got busted for black marketing babies, I still couldn't prove anything but, I know my grandmother and I know the real truth!
By Anonymous on Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 08:12 pm:
I had been drinking heavily for days, with little or no sleep. I felt horrible about myself and had given up hope. I wanted to die.
I had a business, my child and all the material things I wanted at the time. My esophagus was starting to rupture. I had an ulcer and I was so past drunk that no amount of alcohol could make me feel drunk and the thought of the hangover if I quit drinking unnerved me. I was desperate.
After a night of drinking I passed out and woke up an unknown time later in my room on my bed, around morning. I tried to get up but my heart was pounding fiercely and I was passing out. I tried several times to get up thinking that I just needed to drink a beer or some wine to get to feeling better. I was feeling worse than I have ever felt before, like I was having the worst hangover of my life. But, I did not care about getting up to get a drink after a time and I was just lying there.
To my left there came clouds and bright white, orange and golden light. I turned my head and there came a man out of these clouds, with other beings behind him a short distance away. He was wearing an orange and rust colored robe over a cream colored robe. (Like Jesus). I remember thinking that the colors were not what I would have expected. This man had collar length brown hair and a closely trimmed beard and mustache. The most remarkable feature about him was his eyes. The thought of his eyes brings me to tears sometimes. They were very large and very brown and he seemed to speak through them of supreme compassion, patience, indescribable love, joy and a complete acceptance of me just the way I was. I also felt that I had and always had his complete devotion and attention. He simply looked at me and though he did not speak, he asked me, "Do you want to come with us now, or stay and fix your life?" Then he just waited, smiling at me, gazing at me, while I considered the question and my life. There was so much I wanted to do and I thought of my daughter. I was very aware that if I had wanted to go with him it would have been an acceptable choice to him, but the decision was mine. At the moment of my decision to stay and fix my life I was aware that I was never alone and that I would have all the help I needed to get through my life and do what I needed to do. I remember the certainty of that and an overwhelming presence of God and of this man that was looking at me with such total love. It felt like my soul expanded with every second in his presence. When I told him (without words) that I wanted to stay, he smiled, beamed, at me and turned around and walked back into the clouds.
I was able to get up with no heart pounding or hangover, and made phone calls to my mother, who called a woman in AA to talk to me. I called an AA center and talked to a friend of mine who happened to answer the phone. This friend of my mom's and the friend of mine told me how to taper off the alcohol to help me with the withdrawals. I asked my mother to come over and she did. I was 'sober' for about 20 minutes to do all of this and then, I spent the next 5 days in and out of consciousness having very bad withdrawals. But, I remembered the man and the promise that I would have the strength and the help I needed. On the fifth day I went to my first AA meeting, August 28, 1989 and have been sober ever since, remembering that I am not alone and that I chose to be here to 'fix my life'.
By Anonymous on Sunday, January 19, 2003 - 07:59 pm:
I remember, seeing the light from a flashlight in my face, shouting and the sound of my raspy breathing.
It was nighttime. Then I remember dropping my pink bunny doll in a parking lot, I was being carried quickly in my mother's arms.
Next, I was above my body, seated with legs crossed, my arms around my knees watching 'the body' and a doctor and some nurses around the body. I felt something I can only describe as compassion and mild curiosity and pity at the same time. I saw the people working on me, but did not understand what they were doing. I heard someone say, "We've lost her."
And then, my attention turned to where I was. I was in a dark place, on the edge of that place and the room below. I felt deep peace and no fear at all or desire to return to my body. I had the sense of a Great Presence coming towards me, and could see some people in the distance walking slowly towards a bright glow. I knew that I was not to join them. The Presence grew closer and I felt an indescribable love, compassion and joy wash over me.
Then, I knew with no words exchanged that I was being gently sent back to my body, to my life. I accepted this and protested it in the same instant and was immediately aware of entering my body feet first through my head. It hurt physically and spiritually, like I was being squeezed into a space much too small for my spirit and I heard the sound of myself taking a breath like a swimmer breaking the surface of the water.
I remember nothing more about that night except that, I felt a deep compassion for other people afterwards. And, a sense of how big we all are, spiritually. I have always remembered the strength, love and gentleness of God. A certain sense of humor, and the peacefulness of being in His presence.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 07:10 pm:
I had Histoplasmosis and was given an antibiotic that I was allergic to. My children were ages 4 and 6 and I was a full time welder. I felt myself dying from the feet up going numb and fighting to breathe.
An ambulance was called but there was no time my husband took me to Hospital. Your hearing is last to go as I heard the ER resident screaming "she is dying her BP is 40 by palpation, I don't know what to do"
I left my body and I don't know why I was laughing at him he looked like Oliver Hardy. I went in the waiting room and saw my Mom and kids, my poor daughter had stepped on a cactus getting out of the truck and Mom was helping her get the thorns from her foot. Mom was crying and when my daughter asked why she was crying she told her "Oh, I burned the pot roast and papa will be mad at me" I felt so light and free I laughed again.
Suddenly the brightest, most intense tunnel of light pulled me toward it and I heard my Uncle Al Long whistling and I headed up the tunnel. I felt lighter than air, like love was circling all around me and I was a moth being drawn to that loving light. Suddenly a voice I can only describe in my Christian Religion as Jesus told me I had 2 babies to raise and I could not leave them. I felt like a big hand "pushed" me back into my body and I landed with a "thud" and was very angry for a while.
Now it seems to have happened again, it is slowly coming back to me, I had a cardiac catheterization January 3, 2003. I started having reperfusion pain when a stint was installed into a coronary artery. The pain was severe and I heard the tech say I was in an arrhythmia. I was begging for something for pain and then I "blacked" out. Next I remember I saw the tunnel of light but my mother was walking down stairs in the tunnel to me and my father was with her. I am remembering this slowly just as I did in 1980 and I am crying a lot as I just lost mother last year and she told me something and I can't recall yet what it was. But, I felt their love for me.
Is it normal for it to take so long to remember?
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 07:03 pm:
Now, this is before I smoked, cussed or even had indulged in the occasional alcoholic beverage.
I was the all American boy, and never did anything wrong. It was in the summer of 1987. It was hot that night, and I was coming home from a party with some friends. I came home and went upstairs to my room after saying goodnight to my parents. I went to bed with just a pair of shorts on, and slept on top of the covers of my bed. I do not know how long time passed but I started to get cold, so I tried to move to get the covers over top of myself, but my arms would not move. I tried to move but my body would not move either. The way I was laying in bed was in a prone position with my arms to my side. I noticed I could no longer feel my legs with my hands. I started to get nervous.
Then I noticed for the first time I could see the ceiling of my room and it was drawing closer. This started to freak me out so instinctually I turned my head around and saw myself lying on my bed with no covers on being completely still. This in a way was shocking but exciting as well. I turned my head back to the ceiling just as I was passing through it. I thought I would see the attic of my house but instead I was in a very dark, chilly, peaceful place. Once I was in this place I noticed Immediately how peaceful this place was. I try to explain this to people when I tell them this story like "Imagine the most peaceful place you have ever seen, then multiply that place a million times" (now most of those people never talk to me about it now, I guess they think I am making it up or that I am just nuts. Anyhow, there I was in this peaceful place and suddenly I felt a warm soothing heat on my right side. I turned to see a beautiful bright light beckoning me towards it. As I started towards it I realized what was happening. I then told myself "I am not ready Yet!"
As soon as I let the "t" out, I was jolted up from my bed. I let out a cry, and I could not stop crying for 20 minutes afterwards. As soon as I started crying my parents rushed in my room. They tried to console me, but did not understand what I just went through. Especially since I could not talk for 20 minutes.
After that experience I noticed a change in myself. I was no longer afraid of death. Actually I wanted to go back to that place. I never wanted to commit suicide, but I was on a road of self destruction. I started smoking and drinking and more sexual experience. I know one thing that I wanted to do is experience the most out of life as much as possible. I turned into a very sure of the moment kind of person. Which ever way the wind blew I was there from travel, parties, adventure, jobs and women. These experiences lasted until I realized that I was going to be a father in 1998.
I noticed that I had other "gifts" that still are around. Some more predominate now than when I was younger.
I noticed I was more in tune with emotions of other people. I knew what people were feeling before they even spoke a word. I could feel things around me. I notice people around me out of my peripheral vision sometimes. I see some of my relatives in my dreams just before I go into REM sleep. I have just recently and rarely started to hear voices, but are muffled so I really don't understand what they are saying. For the past couple of years I notice when I talk to God that I start to get chills up my spine and on the right hand side of my body that start at the top of head to the soles of my feet.
These things are common to me now.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 14, 2003 - 06:52 pm:
Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 89, breast cancer in Feb. 93, I had a blood clot and cerebral hemorrhage on Easter Sunday of 93. Overnight I was in intensive care and on dilantin. When I awoke the next morning interns were making their rounds. After they were done talking with me, one stayed behind and told me something very profound, but to this day I don't recall what it was.
When they brought me up to my room I didn't recognize my husband and thought I was still living at my old address. I told him I had seen the angels while floating above a body. I didn't know who it was. I didn't find out about the out of body experience until last night, Jan. 7, 03 when my husband, Tom, told me. After I told him, I ordered a book on NDE. I must have blocked it all out. The medication might have had something to do with it.
I really became completely transformed and shocked while writing a book on my personal journey. After I was out of the hospital and during a doctor visit, I was told I shouldn't be here. I went home that night and had three dreams...each one more powerful.
I believe GOD has been guiding me all my life, I just wasn't aware of it until I started writing. I've been very intuitive and somewhat psychic all my life.
I now read the Bible I haven't read since JH school. The book I wrote involves an archeological excavation of a very important ancient rock shelter, and the 60ft. cross I came upon suddenly one night, while hunting for a shower after the day's dig.
Please take time to read about my three deep dreams. Visit "A Second Chance" at:
http://hometown.aol.com/mqhayes/myhomepage/faith.html
I have had cancer 3 times along with MS and thyroid disease and feel I'm here to help others.
Thank you for reading this!
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 7, 2003 - 08:06 pm:
As a small child I drifted freely between the realm of the spiritual and physical realm. As young as the age of four, I can remember leaving my body when my mother put me to bed. My body would be in bed but, my spirit drifted freely through the house. From room to room I could see my siblings asleep in their beds, I soared down the hall into a darkened kitchen that filled me with fear. Still my spirit went there. I trembled for a moment until I was able to control my flight. Christmas Eve, at the age of 5, I drifted into the living room and observed the lights on the tree for some duration. I saw all the decorations we had prepared for the holiday, the stockings etc.
I told my mother of these experiences. She advised me to place a glass of water at my bedside at night. "This way my spirit could find it's way back to my body." For years I did this alongside my Bible. My mother was not a Christian but very familiar with the spiritual realm. My folks are descendents of the Louisiana voodoo culture. It was often believed that ancestors came with messages, gifts, and warnings. This spiritual activity was nothing unusual to my family. My Grandmother favored me at a young age. She spoke of gifts such as dream telepathy and supernatural powers inherited me through my ancestors.
Through my teenage years, I sought to leave these experiences behind. I was often visited by spirits of unknown origin. Some peaceful, some that left me restless and disturbed. Sometimes feeling almost assaulted sexually. I resided in a two-story home. It was a very large home. A balcony exceeded as an entrance for spirits to access. It was almost like a (Jacobs ladder) I could almost feel their flight onto it. When they entered, their presence was known. The feeling of thickness of "you're not alone."
I grew-up and had babies of my own. My daughter was a sleepwalker and spoke in her sleep of things that had not yet come to pass. In the year 1999 I became I’ll with a pre-existing heart condition. A bizarre tumor had grown in my lung and had been pressing against my heart. For many nights my spirit took flight headed straight for the heavens at tremendous speed. When the realization kicked-in the fear would jerk me back into my body. Soon, I slept in an upright position supported by pillows.
One week before the removal of the tumor, I laid on the sofa exhausted from a hard days work. I drifted off into sleep. During my sleep my spirit left again racing at enormous speed into the blue sky. It took me as high as the clouds. At first, I thought I was dreaming, I soon realized that I was dying. I thought about my young son and I panicked. What would happen to him? I was all he had and the grief would surely destroy him. My heart pumped hard and fast so that my whole body jerked with its beat. I realized that for a moment I had died, but my spirit was not ready to leave my son and it returned to my body.
After the surgery, I lost a Beloved friend from cancer of the liver. I had gone to see him in the hospital shortly before his death. I grieved deeply for him. As I tearfully drifted off into sleep, I asked, “Why didn’t he say goodbye”. My bed shook as if an earthquake had taken place. I was quickly awakened. The smell of his cologne filled my room so strongly. Only he wore that fragrance and I knew it was him. I got up from my bed to make sure no one had sprayed any perfume. The house was still, the children asleep. I spoke my peace and expressed my sadness over his loss. For a moment, I knew he understood and wanted to respond. Slowly his fragrance left the room, as if he just came to say goodbye.
Today, I sleep with a clear glass of water beside my bed.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 7, 2003 - 07:53 pm:
I had been bleeding internally from a surgery and had to have an emergency surgery. After this surgery I was in a coma for about 4 days. I came out of it, had units and platelets of plasma. I was gravely ill in intensive care, no one thought I would I would survive. I questioned it myself.
One day as I was lying in bed, I had difficulty breathing. The alarms went off and I had oxygen on and a doctor was there asking why I couldn't breath. There were a number of nurses in the room. Suddenly, I couldn't breath much at all. Then I felt a rush of freezing cold come over me, then incredible warmth, a feeling I really can't describe. I could see and hear the nurses and the doctor. One nurse was practically on top of me with the thing they pump over my mouth, yelling at me to come back. The doctor was shooting things into my IV. I didn't realize at the time that I had respitory failure then heart failure. All I knew was that I was safe and free from pain, not just physically but, emotionally as well. I only felt one emotion, pure comfort. Totally safe. No fear. I watched as they worked on my body. I knew there were others with me although I saw no one. I liked where I was, I didn't seem to feel the emotions we feel here. And I was still whole. It was me watching them work. All of me. As I said before, it is difficult to explain.
I awoke to a cardiologist opening my neck and placing a wire down into my heart, as he apologized for not having any painkiller because he said there wasn't time to get one.
This is where most people do not believe me although, most of the nurses did at the hospital. Some were afraid to come into my room in ICU. I returned, but I would say not alone. A man whom, I felt no fear, but safety with him there. He never once looked at me but, stood face forward between me and my monitors. And a girl, she was pretty, with long blonde hair in ponytails with pink feety pjs on. She stayed in the corner of my room and kept her eyes on me constantly. Again I felt no fear. When I would begin to have heart trouble, I would look at him and it would go back down.
I made what was considered a miraculous recovery. Once my heart and body were under control, my visitors were gone. I was at deaths door and two weeks later I was almost totally well. If you could have seen how bad off I was.
For me, I feel as if I have return with a re-newed spirit. Even different in some ways. I moved from my home with my children. I stopped talking with and seeing my old friends. Friends since middle school. And I don't miss them. I am able to be far more patient and compassionate to others than ever before. And I absolutely believe there is a God. No one can shake my faith in this.
Here is the part that disturbs me. I feel as though I have returned with answers to questions that I never asked. I am sure now that our sole purpose on earth is to learn to live, love and respect one another. I now follow the path that God has laid out for me. Nothing or anyone can deter me from this.
The hardest thing for me is that I was brought up a Christian. I never doubted always believed in the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. But, now, I no longer believe that Jesus was God or the Son of God. He was a gifted, faithful man, chosen perhaps to spread the work and word of God. But, not God. I am sure as well that my experience was not that of an evil power as you would easily feel and see if you met me. For obvious reasons I do not tell many people about this. Recently, I have found the need to learn about Judaism. This is so strange for me because I have always felt hostility towards Israel due to their policies and violence toward other humans. And today I believe that Judaism is the true religion. The truth that so many of us seek.
My entire life has changed. Where before happiness was so hard to find, it is all I know now. Anything I need comes to me. I feel blessed.
Another thing about this experience is I felt guilty when I returned because when I was there, I didn't miss anyone. Not my children, my Father, no one. I believe these painful emotions no longer exist when we move on. All I felt there was a total comfort, which is something you can never know physically here on earth. I no longer fear death although I do not consider it "death" any longer. It is the next step. My compassion is more for those who are left here. Feeling that of loss and despair.
Anyway. That is my story. Only the few believe me and that is ok with me. Because now I know the truth. I know I have a purpose in life.
Thank you for having a place that I can share this. It is such a huge part of my daily life. And no one can truly understand.
By Anonymous on Tuesday, January 7, 2003 - 07:39 pm:
Mine happened in 1963, when I was 8 years old. I had become very ill with flu-like symptoms and could not hold down any food or fluids for almost a week. I remember my mother calling the small hometown doctor on the phone with concern in her voice, but he always assured her, without seeing me, that it was just the flu. I will never forget the burning sensation when I vomited only yellow bile, something I believe the doctor was not told. Then, as days passed and I became weaker, my vomiting quieted down. Both of my parents worked and they needed to get back to their jobs, so toward the final days of my sickness I was left alone during the daytime.
On one of those afternoons I was desperate for a drink of water. Somehow I peeled myself away from the couch and steadied myself before taking small steps to the kitchen sink. That glass of water tasted better than nectar, but as I turned back to the living room my vision turned white and I passed out. I woke later on the kitchen floor and I have no idea how long I had been there. That evening I told my mother about the experience and she looked very worried. The next day I suddenly felt better and I even got up to play on the floor. I felt fine, but I was extremely pale, and my father insisted that I be taken to the doctor anyway. I'll never forget the look on the doctor's face when he put me on the examining table. One jab in my gut around the appendix told him all he needed to know. I remember the urgency in his voice as he told my mother to get me to the hospital immediately. My father's job had taken him out of town that morning and could not be contacted for several hours. My mother balked and the doctor insisted again that the situation was serious. He ordered an operation that very afternoon and I was taken to the hospital for admission.
The nurses worked quickly as they took off my clothes and shaved my belly. Mom was in and out of the room as she made phone calls to people who could help her contact my father. The hometown doctor came into the room to see me before the operation, and he introduced me to another doctor who was a surgeon. I didn't know it at the time, but the surgeon had driven 90 miles at high speed to help with the operation. The shaving was done, my mother told me not to worry, but she sounded scared, and I was wheeled into the operating room. Now I was scared and I started to cry. The nurses were a bit stern which made it worse. I detected a funny smell and complained about it. They lied and told me it was the rubber on the wheels of my gurney. They were preparing to put me out with ether. Soon a mask with a screen was put over my face. Then the screen was covered with a towel, and the ether was poured onto the towel. I was told to breathe deeply like I was blowing into a balloon as I coughed and cried. Soon my head swirled around my body like an orbiting planet and everything went black.
It was soon after everything turned black when I realized that I could think and wonder about where I was. The best interpretation my child-like mind could decipher was that I was floating alone in the vast, dark universe. Soon I saw wisps of cloud-like creatures flying about with ease. They began to fly past me as they twirled me around. I became frightened and they seemed to fly closer when they noticed my fear. I remember them taunting and giggling as they spun me around. I became so afraid that I cried out in fear, and I asked for it to end. Something then changed as I noticed that I was floating upward and away from the wisps; again I was alone in the universe as my fear subsided. Soon after I noticed I was floating upward to a large circular, cone-like formation that was dotted with sparkling stars. As I looked upward into it I could see it spinning, and the stars were more concentrated toward the smaller opening at the top. I floated upward as I gained momentum and soon I was at the top of the spiral tube where I hit a sort of barrier like a bubble that has come to rest against something that has trapped it.
I stayed there for a while and felt no need to move about. Then suddenly I felt something tugging on me from the other side of the barrier. I was grabbed by the arm and pulled through the barrier to the other side. I had been pulled through by a young man of about 25 years of age. He was very friendly and seemed surprised to see me. He didn't know who I was so he asked. I couldn't find my voice so I just stood there. Then a few other people came around to look at me. They were older people and very kind. They asked who I was, and I said my first and last name, which made them ask more questions. They said we were related, but they wanted to know who my father was. I again said my name, and I told them I was my father’s name. Then they seemed to gasp because they knew my father. The older people introduced themselves as my father's grandparents, and they were very gracious, very happy to meet me. The two grandmothers hugged me and made sure I understood that I was in a safe place because I was very confused as to what was happening. They introduced me to the young man who pulled me in. He was my father's cousin who died in the Korean War.
As I spent more time in this place I seemed to gain strength, and I realized that it was warm and comfortable. We were all surrounded in a white light that was very pleasant. I also noticed that we all had a bluish glow about us. They showed me some high-backed chairs that they often would sit in. The chairs looked somewhat like thrones to me. They showed me a chair that would someday be my fathers, and then they showed me a chair that they said could be mine if I would sit in it. I sat in it for a moment, but didn't want to get too settled in as I was curious and wanted to look around. Then they showed me generation upon generation of my father's family going back for hundreds of years, and each of the people they showed me was sitting in their chairs. They could be seen going back toward a more intense light like steps of a ladder. The older generation people did not come forward to greet me and I don't remember if they were able to acknowledge me. However, the more recent generations seemed to at least say hello.
At some point during my visit with my father's grandparents told me to wait for a moment because a very special person was coming to greet me. The person they wanted me to meet was an older woman who glowed brighter than the others. She too showed an incredible amount of love and affection for me, but hers was much more intense. This indeed was a very special woman. I was totally enveloped by this woman's love and felt completely at ease; much like an infant who has fallen asleep in the arms of their mother. She told me many things and I understood that the glowing light was the presence of God. She said that she was his messenger who was assigned to review my life. She had the ability to reach inside my mind and pull out the memories and events of my life, which we reviewed together like a flickering movie. She seemed pleased with what she saw until we came upon an event when I had been extremely angry with my older brother. We watched together as I walked behind and hit him over the head with a baseball bat. Steve cried real hard and she explained that hurting another like that was never acceptable. I was totally ashamed as she moved on to the rest of the review.
When the review was over, this special woman brought me back to my father's grandparents and said that it was time for me to make a decision. I could either stay there with them, or I could go back to finish my life. My two great-grandmothers tried to convince me to stay, and they encouraged me to sit in my chair again, which I did. But soon I was up and about again because I felt unsettled. Then the special woman told me that if I decided to stay my mother on earth would be very sad. I told them that I loved my mother and I didn't want her to be sad, so I wanted to return. One of my great-grandmothers protested and said that if I was sent back it could destroy me because life was so hard on earth. The special woman told her that my decision to return must be honored and I was brought back to the place where I had been pulled through. All of the relatives were talking at once and seemed real concerned for me. They instructed me to do my studies in school and to read my books. But at the same time they seemed to be telling me what my future would bring. I remember something said about writing a book, and that I would be married and have a little girl. I also remember some ugly things, like many tanks rolling over sand dunes in a war. All of these things have come true to some degree.
The young man who pulled me through in the first place was the same one who sent me back down. He told me to let myself slide and to relax. The trip back down was not as pleasant and it happened quite quickly. The last sensation I remember was slipping back into my sick body and recalling what it felt like to be here. I immediately asked myself why I came back to such agony. Soon I opened my eyes and found my living grandmother holding my hand. I immediately told her that I was gone for a while, and that I had met her mother who was very nice. She looked absolutely stunned as the other relatives in the room assured me that it was just a dream. I knew they were wrong, but I was too sick to argue.
By Anonymous on Thursday, January 2, 2003 - 08:47 pm:
It was a Friday evening when I died. I was with friends, and we were all partying with drugs and alcohol. All night I was doing speed-balls, (heroin and cocaine), as well as drinking alcohol. It was about 9:00 p.m., and we all went into my bedroom so we could do some more drugs. While in the bedroom, I offered my friends a speed-ball, and they all declined, and instead did some cocaine. My friends expressed some concern regarding the amount of drugs I had injested, and thought that I should lay off the heroin and cocaine. I told them that I was okay, and not to worry about me, I knew what I was doing. So, I ignored their concerns, and did the speed-ball anyway.
As it turned out, that speed-ball turned out to be a lethal dose, causing me to overdose, I was clinically dead. When I crossed over, I had no idea that I was dead, I had no idea that I had lived on Earth, and had a family, there was no transition at all. I experienced the "light" while I was there. The light was not from a bulb, or in one area, it was everywhere. There is nothing on Earth that I have seen that could compare to the "light."
One would have to truly experience it for themselves in order to fully understand. I can tell you that I felt love, peace, strength, and warmth from the light. I sensed that I was surrounded by hundreds of people, but I could not see their faces or bodies, since we were in the spiritual realm. We were all standing side-by-side on what was similar to an escalator, which was constantly moving. All of a sudden the "escalator" stopped, and I was now going to be shown a review of my life, and be judged for my actions.
I remember looking up and seeing, as if it were across the sky, my sister at 6 years old, and myself at 5. In the review, I was very mean and hateful to my sister, and calling her names and making her cry. As I stood in judgment, the "light" telepathically communicated with me and informed me of my hatred. At that point, I felt overwhelmed with guilt, shame embarrassment, and humiliation. My feelings were very intense, I had never felt anything with that intensity before, I just wanted it to end, which it finally did, but it was not over!
The intense guilt and shame I experienced was the worst feeling I had ever known, but it was about to get worse. What I felt next was the worst pain I have ever experienced. Suddenly I realized that I had become my sister, I was "put" inside her so that I could now experience that gut-wrenching pain that she felt due to my actions. I have never felt any pain like the pain I was now experiencing. This was the worst feeling I have ever known, and I was begging for it to stop. I could not handle the pain anymore, and I would do anything to make it end, and suddenly it was over.
The "light" told me that the sins of a haughty spirit was the worst sin of all. At that point, the "escalator" started moving again, and it was moving in an upward motion. The "escalator" stopped again, and I was told that I am not to enter into the kingdom of heaven at this time. Instead, I was being given a second chance, I was being sent back to Earth in the physical realm. I was further told that I had to change my ways by loving instead of hating. The "light" informed me that I would not just be returned to Earth, but that I would bring the pain that I had experienced back with me. I was told that this pain would stay with me until my spirit had shed its earthly skin, that is, I would experience and carry this pain until the day that I would die.
I returned to Earth, and it would be about 3 weeks before I was on my feet again. It has been 5 months since my near death experience, and I remember everything as if it had just happened. And, yes, I did bring the pain back with me, this pain that I brought back was the pain my sister felt when I hurt her so bad. My sister's pain that I now carry, serves as a reminder of the importance of how we treat one another, and that we should love all, and hate none.
As a result of this experience, I am experiencing my spiritual awakening, and I can't wait to go out and heal and love the world.
By Anonymous on Thursday, January 2, 2003 - 08:36 pm:
I was in my parents car with my parents and my little brother. I was sitting on the rear passenger seat. My dad crossed a busy road and I saw the car coming from my side and slapped into the door where I was sitting.
I jumped high in the air and fell down on the road, then my parents car turned on itself and pushed me with it and the wheel stopped at my right ear.
I was in the deep coma, hearing everything around me but could not say a word. The screamings and cries were just unbearable to hear. I was seeing different pictures of my life and they would just pass in my mind. Everything was so heavy and I could not move neither talk. I could hear though every single sound multiplied as if there was a speaker with a echo effect on it.
Then I heard the ambulance arrive. Once inside the ambulance truck, my dad came in and started again to cry, scream and express his faults, his guiltiness about all this. I was feeling at the same time so light reaching the Light. I was in that tunnel getting closer and closer to that Light. It felt so good and light in the Light... And again, the cries of my father were just unbearable. I could not understand why there was so much pain on earth, why human beings were so much in pain because I was just fine and light.
Then I encountered beings of Light whom I called my Angels. It was awesome and they told me: "You're okay. everything is okay. dont worry." And I knew it.
Then I arrived at the Hospital and there, the nurse says loud, there is a serious case and he is dying. Then I heard that I was dead. Then nothing. I guess when they might have put chemicals in me, I quite am not sure.
Then I woke up several days later and the nurse and the surgeons could not believe it. I heard them say: "It's a Miracle!".
I had head/cranial traumas, my left eye was out of its orbit, and my right ear was damaged. My face was quite in a mess. The surgeons even could not understand how they were able to fix especially my eye. They said that it was held by a very fine ligament that could have cut off even during the surgery. But I believe the Angels held it so I did not loose my eyes.
3 to 4 weeks later I was out of the Hospital. The only effects were that I could not take any elevator of any sort because of the gravity pressure.
Years later, I heard a voice saying: Now it is your turn to contribute to other Miracles through Music.
I remember each time my parents and I would be invited somewhere, people would ask me to play the piano. I would prefer to play whatever comes to mind instead of remembering a Classic piece. And people would amazingly feel very well after me playing which I could not really believe. I thought they were being so polite to my parents or it was really true and I was freaked out.
So I kind of refused these results for years.
Now I am a Music Healer. I accepted all my experiences and the learning and teaching and the communication with the Beings of Light.
I moved to the USA in 1999. I have 2 cd's out and am recognized as a new age artist featuring with artists such as Vangelis, Yanni, Kitaro...
I also give weekly Healing Services and many healing have taken place each time.
I express my experience the most often possible so people who had that same experience and did not have the opportunity to talk about it can relate with it and open up to talk about it and heal with it.
I believe that we do not have a NDE for nothing. Everything happens for a reason. And I am more than delighted to help people around me to find what is this reason.
My healing work consists on revealing Soul's Mission with the Angels.
Thank you for reading my story.
Hope it can help.
Remember, we are never alone. We can be so helped when we open our hearts to the angels, to the beings of Light... and Life is so good!
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 26, 2002 - 09:48 pm:
One evening I went to bed as usual. During the night I had an experience. While I was sleeping I became 'mentally' aware that I had left my physical body and that I was dead.
I felt no pain, fear or concern. It felt like a completely natural state of being. I was in a pitch dark soundless void...it felt like I was in outer space...and I kept telling myself to look for the 'light'.
While I was still looking for the light, I became aware of a voice in my mind telling me to go back, it is not my time yet. I could not actually hear the voice, but it was like a thought that had been planted within my mind by someone else and I had no choice but to obey.
The next thing I remember was sitting upright in my bed gasping for breath. Although I am an asthma sufferer, this was a very mild attack and I only needed a quick puff of my medication to feel normal again. I just knew that I had died and was sent back (don’t ask me how), which was strange because at the time of this incident I did not actually believe in the afterlife or a God.
Has it changed me or my life? I cannot really say that it has, except that I now believe we have a 'soul' or something that stays alive and leaves the body...and that it feels like a very natural thing to do when it happens... I often wonder who it was that had sent me back. Was it God and was my NDE a mistake that had been made in another dimension?
By Anonymous on Thursday, December 26, 2002 - 09:44 pm:
At 6 yrs old, my brother, cousins and I went down to the lake for a swim. I could not swim, and so I stayed by the dock where I could hold on to something. My brother learned to swim by someone tossing him in the water and saying "swim or drown". I was on the dock and my brother and cousin each grabbed my hands and feet and tossed me in shouting "swim or drown".
I remember looking up at the surface of the water after awhile, and seeing my hair floating on the top of the water surface, glimmering in the sunlight. I felt no pain, or drowning sensations, only calm. Then there was a warm surrounding light. It became brighter and brighter. There were hundreds of beings -- souls -- around me, and I felt the total complete love and acceptance. Such an overwhelming love, that I could never explain with words. I was part of them, I was loved, and accepted, and wanted, and at home. I felt that they were loved ones who had passed on, but no true recognition of who they were, they just all felt familiar to me. I wanted to go with them and learn all the answers to my questions, but a large being appeared before me. She felt like a female, and I gathered that she was an entity of great authority, because the others still hovered around, but in the background, all around us. She spoke to me without words, and told me "I am sorry my child, but you must go back. It is not your time, and you have many great things that you must do first before you will be allowed to return here." I can remember being angry that I would not be allowed to stay. I remember my will resisting, and wanting to stay. I wanted to stay in this place more than anything. Time and space did not exist. Gently, she placed her hands upon my shoulders and pushed me away. I was so angry and fought it. The place was so peaceful and full of love. I can remember the sensation of falling backwards, like being pushed backwards off a two story building. When my spirit re-entered my body, it was a horrible body slam, that knocked all the wind out of me.
I awoke to the paramedics resuscitating me. I was clinically dead for 6 minutes.
After the experience, I was very aware of the world in a spiritual sense. I sensed things that others did not. I saw visions of things before they happened, and sometimes after they happened. I daydreamed alot, and could never distinguish the daydreams, from the actual visions. The visions stopped when I was 13 after a particularly traumatic vision.
I do not know what my special purpose in life is, only that I have one, and that I must fulfil it. I do not know if I will even be aware of it when it happens.
By Anonymous on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 02:57 pm:
I was involved in a MVA with a train in June of this past year (2002).
My passenger was pronounced dead at the scene of the accident. I remained conscious throughout the entire time of the accident and following it.
My experience was the filling up of the car with white hot light. Alot of heat involved in the light. The passenger was surrounded in it, almost golden. I knew she was dead but felt almost detached like I wasn't involved. My senses seemed so intense and acute I felt pain from them, sight, sound, and smell especially. My nose filled with the scent of newborn baby's neck. (I hope this makes sense). It is a very sweet smell that babies only have for a few weeks following their births. I laid my head down for a moment and closed my eyes, felt warmer. But I felt such a PULLING at me...that I wasn't to just stop.
I could not get out of the car by the door, so I slid out the broken window like a snake and hit the ground. While lying in the ditch, I experienced sights, sounds, and smells acutely again. As before, I almost felt I was looking down upon someone else.
The only grief I felt was regret at leaving my children behind without warning and sadness at what they would have to endure following my death. I saw my cousin who was brought up with my family as a sister to me. She has been deceased since 1994. After I told the Ambulance attendant my children's names and what messages I had for them, I remember a feeling of snapping, almost. Like, a releasing of all will to live and letting go.
My injuries turned out to be fractures of the C7 vertebrae (neck), back, multiple ribs, pneumothorax (collapsed lung), internal bleeding from a tearing of my liver, head lacerations requiring stitches (50).
I was airlifted to nearest trauma center where I had other strange occurrences but am now willing to blame the heavy medication I was on following the accident.
By Anonymous on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 02:49 pm:
In the labor room, I heard one nurse scolding another nurse because I was given two doses of Pitocin, a labor inducing drug. Everything that followed was a blur: the spinal bloc, the actual delivery.
Then I became aware that I was in a private hospital room. As in a dream, I floated to the ceiling. I recall turning to the right and being drawn to a warm, white light. I thought to myself that I felt exhilarated, free of all pain, and I had never felt so wonderful. I did not look down at my body on the stretcher/bed. I traveled at an angle, maybe a 45 degree angle. When I floated through the wall of the room, the immediate area was dark, non descript. Just ahead I saw a narrow tunnel. The warm light was visible at the end of the tunnel. My flying sped up and I was drawn to the light. I was not afraid. The tunnel walls were rough, looked rocky. The tunnel was narrow and become lighter as I approached the light.
Suddenly, I stopped just beneath a rocky ledge, on the left hand side. The mist was swirling and I had difficulty making out the figures in the background. Suddenly, my Uncle and my Grandfather stood several feet away, elevated above me. My Uncle did most of the talking. I say talking, but it was definitely telepathic. In a rush of words, I informed him that I thought I had just given birth to a baby. I wasn't sure that this baby survived the delivery. My Grandfather gestured that the baby was alive. I sighed a breath of relief. Then I told my Grandfather that my husband and I had adopted a baby boy. Told him that he was six months old. My Grandfather made a sound that I couldn't quite understand. Then my Uncle waved his arm and told me that I had to go back to take care of my babies. I hesitated and responded that I wanted to stay with them. “No”, my uncle insisted, “you must go back”. “It's not your time”. I reluctantly agreed and assured him that I had a duty to take care of my family. My Grandfather told me [telepathically], not to forget my Grandmother. He distinctly told me. I told him I would.
At that moment, my body was quickly sucked backward. I saw flashes of colored light in the tunnel; it was beautiful.
Suddenly I felt excruciating pain. Then, at that moment, I knew I was back in my body. I was very groggy, but I opened my eyes. My mother a nurse and, my husband were standing by my bedside. A day or two later, true to my word, I named my daughter in memory of my Grandmother.
By Anonymous on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 02:38 pm:
While driving my truck I was suddenly looking at Satan, I was frightened and tried to turn and look for help or a place to run. I was unable to take my eyes from Satan. I must tell you that Satan looked just like me. Only the difference was at that time there was no recognition of self on my part. I did not know him to be me. I hope this is understandable?
While trying to turn and look for help I had the sensation of a horde of people behind me, only a sensation. This did the trick as far as relieving my fear. Then a question was put to me, "shall there be mercy?" I answered “yes”.
Immediately the scene changes to one of total sensation. I was floating in the ocean of gods love for me. That is to say, I was being permitted to know that he has, does and will always love me. I was permitted, what seemed likes many minutes, to enjoy His love.
The scene changes again, now I am feeling the effect of every selfish act, word or imagination I ever had, not as a form or type of punishment, more that I was experiencing the emotional reaction god had to my selfishness. I never knew what remorse was until that moment. The remorse was transformed into a kind of humility. Not the humility that one might expect of a saint or monk living in a monastery. No longer did I feel as if I were better or worse than anyone else, a leveling of the playing field, if you will.
It is certain to me, had I not said yes to the mercy question, I would be dead now. For the weight of my own selfishness would have crushed me.
The scene changes again, now I am being lifted up cradled or placed on ones hip as a mother or father may do to a young child, then I heard , I see, and I was looking at the earth. There is one earth with a dividing wall or curtain or some kind of veil. The veil made a complete circle around one earth, I understood this earth to be the world of everyday ordinary life. I was able to see some people walking up to and through this wall.
Others would walk up to it but could not or would not pass through. Some never seem to realize there was a wall at all. Outside the wall people were doing basically the same as those inside, living their lives. There seemed to be no distinction or biased on gods behalf. His love was equal for all.
Then I heard someone yelling, trying to get my attention. I looked up from the earth scene, what would be a due north direction, and there I see a line of people, they were talking, laughing, some seemed to be dancing, and at differing intervals the person at the head of the line would slide down into the earth scene.
The scene changes again and I am back driving my truck. For the next three or four days a variety of unusually and completely unseen events took place. Far too many to recount here. In closing I will say that being in his love was the best moment of my life. Feeling his remorse for my selfish actions, has been the worst moment of my life. It was a bittersweet experience. And I would not undo any portion of it.
By Anonymous on Sunday, December 22, 2002 - 02:23 pm:
About 3 am Sunday, September 8th, I stepped out of my hospital room and looked toward the end of the hall. My mind told me that if I could run fast enough, I could project myself into the warm, bright light I was seeing there and when I came through on the other side I would be at home with my husband and children. It was a light like none I had seen before, warm, glowing and bright like the sun. I could look right into it though and it invited me to run toward it. I ran as fast as I could and then hit that wall so hard with my head that nurses in other sections on that floor of the hospital heard it.
I staggered momentarily and fell on my back on the floor unable to move. I felt no pain and I saw three hospital employees (nurses, I guess) huddled over me. My life began to pass backwards through all the people I had loved in my life. I felt like I was on a downward spiral ride. I looked at each of the people kneeling next to me over and over again and every once in a while when I would think of a specific person, that person I was looking at would take on that image. As I recognized each face I would say the name of person and they would nod at me in an affirming way. My thoughts continued to reel backwards like a movie. It all started very fast, than slowed down and stopped when it came to Eric. Eric was my childhood boyfriend who was killed in a drunk driving accident when we were juniors in high school. I have believed for many years that Eric has been my "guardian angel." At that point, I shut my eyes and rested my head back on the floor. I heard people working feverishly around me. I realized that I wasn't breathing, but I wasn't struggling. I could hear the sound of my heart beating and it kept getting slower, and slower and slower...then it stopped. I heard someone say, "she's gone..." in a quiet whisper, then I sensed a white sheet being pulled up over my head. There was perfect silence and peacefulness, but I was not scared.
I opened my eyes and lifted my head...it was the only thing I could move. What I saw was a man's face just a few inches in front of mine. He had short brown hair and a light beard. His eyes were looking right into mine like he was trying to convey something to me with his thoughts. We did not speak. He did not touch me. We were alone together in a void of white light, everything else had disappeared. I didn't hear voices, but these thoughts came to my head. I was dying and being reborn all at the same time. I shut my eyes again and felt like I was being submerged under water. The thought I had then was that I only had to hold my breath a little longer. The thoughts in my head told me that I would hear a loud sound, see a bright light, that all I would have to do was breathe and that everything would be okay...but that my head was going to hurt pretty bad. All at once, that's exactly what happened. I exhaled with a gasp, opened my eyes and began to cry. There was major pain in my head and neck, but I could move my arms and legs again. The scene had returned to normal, but there were new hospital staff people around me and they were trying to decide what to do with me next. They eventually put me in a neck brace and on a backboard to take me for some tests and x-rays. Then they wheeled me back into my room to let me sleep.
For weeks I have tried to figure out exactly what happened to me on that floor. I didn't ask any questions to the nurses or ask to see my medical records. I actually believe that for a few moments that I was dead...or that part of me died. For awhile I thought it was Eric who I saw there in front of me, but I had my mind changed when I went to a church retreat a few weeks ago. There was a big picture of Jesus on one side of the cabin. When I looked at it, it was like a sudden flashback that took my breath away. It was the same eyes, the same face, the same expression, and I began to sob. I knew at that moment how Mary Magdalene must have felt when Jesus cast the demons from her. Jesus was at Memorial Hospital the night I was there and he came just for me...to heal me and to save me. Everyone was astonished that I had not seriously injured myself after such an impact. My doctors and nurses seemed dumbfounded that following morning that all that had been wrong with me was totally better. I didn't have a single episode after that and I was ready to go home.
I sit and think a lot. I think about that face I saw and I wonder where I was at that moment and what my true condition was. Mostly what I feel is thankfulness and love. In that moment I had lost all hope, I thought I was alone, separated from everyone on the face of this earth who cared about me. In that moment, there was only one person who could save me...little 'ol me, flat out on my back on the floor of a psyche ward. I sit and pray in quiet company of he who saved me, and weep tears of gratitude and offer words of thankfulness. It is not my body that was rescued, but my soul. My body was brought into this world March. My new spirit birthday is September.
One day, a very long time from now, I will look upon his face again as he welcomes me home for all of eternity. Until that time I will learn all I can about how to be one of his disciples. All that we have here is nothing compared to what awaits us in his Kingdom.
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