Dying felt like falling backwards into blackness then it felt like I was sitting up out of my body. Then I found myself standing facing away from myself. I don't remember if I glanced at the bed or not, but I don't think I felt the need to. 

I remember thinking that everything was beautiful because it was as if someone had turned up the "saturation filter" on life. After enjoying the bright and vivid colors of blue and white in my room, I wondered what my mom was cooking. Quickly, I zoomed down to where she was standing. I saw an orange and white hue around her body. It was bright. I wondered what she was thinking. I heard her say, "Cook food, go watch tv, cook food, go watch tv," but her mouth wasn't moving. I realized this was her intention and/or her inner thoughts. It seemed cool to be able to hear her inner thoughts and so I wondered what my dad was thinking. 

With that thought, I zoomed through the house, across the yard, and into the barn next to where my dad was kneeling down milking a cow. I saw a humanoid shadow figure standing next to him that was startled by my presence and went away. Seeing a humanoid shadow figure with no distinguishing features was a normal occurrence for me, so I didn't think much of that. The 1800’s farm house was severely haunted and I would often feel playful nudges, see my toys be tossed or moved around, and I would see an adult sized human shadow figure watching me sleep most nights. Our dog never wanted to be in my room for some reason. I always slept under my blankets so I couldn’t see the figure watching me, and I had all of my stuffed animals surrounding me as a barrier to keep me safe.

Anyways, I noticed my dad's energy seemed to be nearly invisible or perhaps it was so low that I could barely make out what color his was. I heard his thoughts and they were so sad. Not wanting him to feel sad, I gave him a big hug. It was normal for my dad to be lost in thought and not acknowledge my hugs. So it wasn't out of the ordinary for him to not hug me back. After hugging him I noticed that my arms were glowing white. This didn't strike me as weird at the moment because everyone that I had been observing also had a color and a glow around them. I figured that the white was my color and my glow. Maybe it was just a cool skill I suddenly had now. I didn't think too deeply about it. 

After hugging him I heard his thoughts become more upbeat. I saw him turn his head to the right and say my name out loud as if he were wondering where I was. I was already right behind him so I just kept standing there waiting for him to give me a command or something. But the command never came, and he went back to what he was doing. I figured he was in a better mood now and I could see the light around his body become a brighter orange, blue, and white mix.

I happened to notice my sister was feeding the cows more hay. I didn't care to hear what her thoughts were because we never really got along then. So I wandered slowly this time, outside. I took in and appreciated the view of everything surrounding me as I did so. 

When I made it outside, I was in awe with how extra sparkly the snow was. There were more colors to the snow than I had ever seen before. Yellows, pinks, reds, blues, greens, etc. I wondered, "What makes it so sparkly?" At that point I somehow became "one with the snow." I found myself surrounded in a void of blackness, and all around me were particles of different colored lights popping in and out in different locations. The understanding came to me that, "These are the colors that make the snow. These colors make everything you see." That was a cool fact and all, but I had the intention of wanting to explore more than the snow. So with that thought I found myself "standing" back where I had been over the snow and I turned my attention to the night sky. 

The night sky was brighter than I had ever seen it before. The moon often grabbed my focus as a child and still does today as an adult. It was normal for me to observe the moon and stars and wonder what it would be like to live there (as I had seen a cartoon where Wallace and Gromit went to the moon and ate cheese). With the desire to see the moon, I found myself being pulled towards the moon. I had brought this thought on myself, so therefore it was me who wanted to go there. I was moving so fast it seemed like I was going through a tunnel but everything was just warping around me quickly. 

Suddenly, I found myself in a crater on the moon! I was blown away at how much brighter space was and especially how bright the moon itself was. From Earth, I always assumed space and moon wouldn't be so full of light. I was blown away by the size of the crater I was in. After a few what could've been minutes in our time, I felt the presence of someone to my right side. I turned my attention and focus to my right and saw three large humanoid beings. They didn't have distinguishing features on their faces. They appeared as having large cloaks that went down to where their feet would be. They had arms and faces, but again, no features besides being made of white flowing light. Each of their robes seemed to be part of their "body" and was also white flowing light. They were probably the size of a sky scraper because I was so small in the bottom of the crater, yet there they were sitting on the edge of the crater and their "legs" could reach the bottom! They appeared to have a regular pair of wings, also made of the same energy as their bodies. Being in their presence was like that of being in the presence of an unconditionally loving parent. It also felt like they were excited to see me (again?), but they didn't want to approach me quickly for the knowing that I might flee. 

Because we travel with our thoughts, intentions, and feelings, these beings knew they had to hold my attention and focus to keep me with them so they could help me. I had a feeling they wanted to interact with me. I wondered who they were. Then one of the three stood up and slowly made their way over to me. It had a deep masculine voice and powerful presence. It was still so tall next to me. It somehow either shrunk or maybe I had assumed they were really big. I'll call him a "he" because of the deep masculine sounding voice it used when it spoke or exchanged information with me. He didn't label himself as anything or anyone. He was there to guide me, offer information, support, and saftey.

The way he viewed me and loved me was the way that I view and love perhaps my favorite dog, or my own children. It's unconditonal, as if they could do no wrong, even if they have done something wrong. It's viewing us as though, when we do something bad, it's just because we were misled and or we didn't know any better due to our circumstances. This took me by surprise to learn such a unique way of viewing others. 

"What did you think of your life?" Was the first thing this loving light being asked. I began to complain about everything a 10-year-old could possibly complain about. When I finished, he asked, "What have you learned?" I paused for a while, confused that I didn't realize I was supposed to be learning anything. Finally, I gave him a few answers I could think of off the top of my head. Then he gestured towards an ethereal river that was made of different strands of white and blue energy all compiled together. There were sparkles of other colors within the river but it maintained, at all times, light blue and white light flowing from the right to the left in front of us. 

We both approached the river and I peered into it and realized that it was different situations playing out. I had a feeling that I ought to observe further and that I was meant to judge, learn, and share my knowledge from these different situations with these light beings. It was then that experiences from my childhood popped up in front of me as if they were on a large holographic screen. I began to watch these experiences from third-person view, as if they were someone else's life. I hadn't yet at this point realized these were my experiences playing out before me. As I watched, I felt curious as to why each person was doing what they were doing. With that intention of wanting to understand, I found myself beginning to feel the emotions of each person and the impact of each emotion on each person. Some of the emotions were so strong they could be confused for physical sensations, like that of pain. I also felt the way that I had made animals or bugs feel. (This, later on after my NDE, would lead me to have trouble dealing with bugs because I didn't want to hurt them, even though I didn't want them near me.) 

After viewing these experiences, they returned to the river and were no longer in front and all around me. By the end of the experience, I believe I had finally caught on that it was my life I was reviewing. At one point I was embarrassed by something I had seen me do in the life review and I wanted to hide from the loving light being. I found myself being pulled seemingly downwards or being surrounded by blackness. It was like I was in a void and the loving light being became a point of light in front of me. I heard him ask, "What are you doing? Why are you embarrassed? What have you learned?" Those questions piqued my interest and I found myself wanting to return to them and I was, again, in their presence. I realized that our thoughts and feelings place us in different pockets or layers of our reality that are all our own. But if we desire to be somewhere else and feel we deserve or are welcome there, then that's where we can go. When I was in the void where I had put myself, I thought I was hiding. But in truth, these beings could still see me and reach out and get my attention. 

When asked, "What have you learned?" I had learned quite a few lessons by age 10. The greatest lessons were that we ought to continue to choose to function in an unconditionally loving mindset, even when our environment is not kind towards us and would otherwise turn us bitter. Another lesson I had learned was to remain selfless. Not to the point where I am walked all over or put in potential danger, but to consider others and my impact on them and ways I could improve the environment to help. The last lesson was that my thoughts and intentions carry energy. Energy that impacts the fabric of reality around me, and impacts on people, on the Earth, on my future, etc. Each person has free will to choose what energy they want to exist as, and that energy gets mixed with everyone's energy, and thus the fabric of our reality is woven together. We do not exist separate from one another in our own realities, but rather we're bound together in our human-body experiences. Many people dangerously don't realize how their thoughts, which are energy, are impacting everyone's reality, not just their own perception of reality. As spirits, we can become more distant from one another, but as humans in this experience, we are stuck experiencing the sum of everyone's manifestations. 

We discussed more and somehow got onto the topic of how my dad in another life was my best friend, and my mom was my wife in another life. They even said my brother and a few of my siblings were our children. I had the understanding that all of these other lives were interwoven with my current life. All of the actions in one life impacted the actions I took in another. I guess that could be considered karma. Though I felt that the life review was me experiencing the consequences of my actions as well. So, I would argue that the life review is karma and seeks to help us balance our energy and gain understanding and wisdom. I was curious about these other lives, but I felt that it would be useless to view all of them. I only viewed a couple. It was really interesting to see all of the lives flowing at once. To see all of the experiences, lessons, and wisdom stored here ready for me to access at any given moment if I so desired. 

Finally, he asked me, "What do you want to do?" He could tell I wanted to stay, but I also wanted to return. After learning these things about my mom, dad, and siblings, I didn't want them to miss me or be sad. I wanted to share this experience with them and with this knowledge enjoy the rest of their experience with them. I had the option to wait for them to return in spirit and we'd reunite that way. Another option was that while I waited for them to return in spirit, I could still visit them on Earth. I learned I could also explore the layers of our reality if I wanted. I could do other things as well but my desire to return was strongest. The desire to return to my body was so strong it kept me from being able to do anything else energetically. That wasn't me being held back against my will, it was my own energy/thoughts/intentions holding me back. 

With the intention to return, he began asking me questions of what I would like to do when I return. There was the understanding that my family would be okay if I didn't return, but that they'd also be okay if I did. Another understanding was that I had to have a good reason to return. So it was agreed upon that my reasoning was that I desired the opportunity to share this experience when necessary, feel unconditional love in this lifetime, and share unconditional love. This apparently was a great reason to return. 

It was now that I saw the other two large light beings get up and begin seemingly doing something to the ethereal river. What? I don't know, but they went up to it and began peering in and it was like they were busy thinking. Then they turned their attention to me and the being next to me asked if I wanted to add anything else into my life. This planning and requesting process took a while. I'm not sure how long it could've taken though. There was the sense of time as in the ever-present moment. There wasn't a sense of being rushed. There was an understanding that I could step back into my life at a point where I could rejoin with my body, heal, and begin my experience again. It was almost like time itself was a sort of tool that these beings could wield or work within. 

I remember that there were two distinct events I requested to occur in my life. I wanted them both to happen at once. He told me that it wasn't possible for them to happen at once. One had to occur before the other. Therefore, I had to choose which one happened first. I don't recall what those two events would be, but I recall holding two rocks in my glowing white-and-randomly-yellow-manifested hands. 

It was cool because in spirit I could choose to appear however I wanted. The only thing I couldn't change was the fact that in spirit, we all can pick up on each other's authentic self and know when something is off or someone is trying to manipulate a situation. This was later validated more after I returned to my body and had the experience of meeting a spirit that was pretending to be kind but grew angry with my offer of kindness. Much like when an often-times rude or narcissistic human is pretending to be kind, they can only pretend for so long before they show their true colors. 

During the planning to return process, I learned that, before I was born, I was in spirit co-planning this very life with them! He shared with me that I had chosen my parents to be my parents. That my biological dad was not the dad who was raising me. That information surprised me but I wasn't upset because I loved my non-biological dad and knew from the life review that he saw me as one of his own children and loved me deeply. 

The being went on to explain that I was made of the same energy as himself! I looked inwards and saw that he was correct. 

I told the being that I was worried about returning to my life because I didn't want to die a painful death. He told me that they would do their best to make sure I don't die a painful death but that there were a few choices left up to me to decide when I returned to my body. I didn't like the idea that regardless of all of this planning I couldn't just sit back, relax, and go with the flow of my life. I had to still be an active participant. I wasn't a puppet like I would've preferred.

I exclaimed that I wasn't sure I would make all of the right choices and I could mess up. He said to stay open to contact with him and he would help guide me. He told me that I needed to be open to listening to them; otherwise, I could potentially ignore or miss their messages. I see that this is a true statement because when I came back I could hear him speaking to me as if he were still with me. This went on for years and eventually, I got distracted by life and started to live a very unhealthy lifestyle. As soon as I chose to live a healthier lifestyle (after having my memory jogged by a song on the car radio that I never listened to but happened to listen to that day, because my phone speakers magically weren't working--I now know this must've been them interfering, trying to get me to remember and be healthier), I heard him again and started to find guidance once more. So the way we choose to live our lives dictates how close of a relationship we have with such loving light beings. 

He told me not to fear any sort of death because we are eternal beings, and the human experience is merely a blip in comparison to our eternal conscious experience. So, it's not something to dwell over or worry about, as I have had many deaths as well. He offered that I could see what he called my "other lives/experiences," but I declined even though I was a little curious. I knew I could still look or request this information at any point in time. 

Finally, it was time to return to my body. I understood he could not come back with me to my body, but would always be available to get in touch with. I somehow knew he could send his energy my way whenever necessary. This gave me a sense of comfort. Knowing I'm not alone. 

He gestured to the river once more. I should probably describe further what this river now looked like. It had stones and boulders within it directing the current. Directing the flow of energy. Directing events, experiences, and breaking down different possibilities. There in the stream, I could see potential futures and some futures that were certain. It was shared with me that everything follows a pattern. Things may shift to a new pattern, but they will still follow a set of patterns. From my set of patterns, they can influence certain things throughout the possible future and some of these things can be certain to happen, no matter the set of choices I make that lead to that event. Likewise, some events are more than likely to occur but can be avoided or skipped if a set of different experiences takes place leading me around the desired or undesired event. I then noticed a large boulder at the end of my timeline with energy flowing around it, and then on the far right I saw another large boulder. I realized that these boulders placed at the beginning and end of my timeline represented my birth and my next death. I also noticed that there was a huge boulder in my timeline that represented me returning to my body. This is what the light being was gesturing towards. I knew I was ready to return then. He informed me that to return, all I had to do was desire to return again. 

When I paused and thought about the opportunity to live my life again, I felt my energy grow brighter and I felt joy and excitement. I zoomed straight back to my body, but I found myself abruptly stopping when I was hovering above my body. It was strange because I still didn't identify with the body as being mine. However, I knew from this whole experience that it must be me. I had never really seen myself in the full 3D third-person view before. My reflection in the mirror doesn't even come close to what it's like to see myself this way. It's similar to how we see the world around us now with our eyes. 

There was a knowing that came over me that I had to touch my body anywhere to reenter. As soon as I touched my body it felt like I fell or was pulled downwards into a black, cold pool of water. I opened my eyes and my body felt heavy and cold. I knew I had to go downstairs and warm up near the one functioning furnace we had for the entire house.

Luckily, after I told my dad about this experience, he believed me and he made a point of installing two more furnaces throughout the house and fixing the fourth furnace in the basement.